What if your Husband Cheated

United States
April 12, 2010 7:47pm CST
I was talking to a young lady who told me that her husband told her that he cheated and asked her forgiveness. She was not sure what she should do, should she stay and believe he would never do it again, or believe the old saying Once a Cheat always a cheat, what do you think of this?
1 person likes this
9 responses
• Philippines
13 Apr 10
Hi pastorkayte, I really don't agree to the fact that cheating is not intentional because I have always believed in self control and loyalty. Yes and i agree that once you cheated, there will always be a possibility that it can be repeated. Yes at first we can go ahead, forgive then forget but it will already stick in your mind that he can always do the same thing and simply ask for forgiveness. I just think that it is very disappointing that your partner gets tempted just like that, in a snap and forgets his loyalty to his partner. Everything that we do whether we are drunk or not, our subconscious mind is still active and there's always an option to say no and turn away from temptation if you really really love your partner and you're scared of losing her.
• United States
15 Apr 10
I agree.
• United States
16 Apr 10
I definitely agree with you mavieserrano! Its hard to forgive someone that you love and put all your effort into that relationship, for that person to throw it all away for one big mistake whether they meant for it to happen or not. Even if you were to forgive that person, that trust you once had is out the window and the relationship will never be the same. You will always have that in the back of your mind and wondering if they are telling you the truth that it happened only that one time. Don't get me wrong, people do change their ways, and not everyone will cheat again but the fact is... you are married, you made vows to that person for better or worse, in sickness and in health etc.. A lot of men who goes to clubs without their wives or significant other will actually take their wedding or engagement ring off just to see if the "hot" girls will notice them. I guess it helps their self esteem that they are still good enough to get the hot girl even though they have someone to go home to. I am totally against the whole cheating thing so unlike most people if you cheat on me, you not only better have the guts to admit it but also expect that I wouldn't take them back. The man that I am with now would be hard to just throw my hands up and say, "I'm done". I would consider trying to make things work but I probably wouldn't sleep with him right away. That may sound weird but in my opinion, I feel that if you sleep with the person that just cheated on you, they will think that you are starting to forgive them. That trust is gone, so he would have to show and prove to me that he is serious about making this work again. Especially when there are kids involved. That will not only ruin a marriage but the children would be heartbroken. So its best to just stay with those you married, appreciate them for being loyal, and trust that they will be faithful. If they are cheating though, in time, it will eat them inside.. the truth does eventually come out!!
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
Yes I truly agree with you angeleyes. At first, fine, you will have the heart to forgive, but if in the event that it gets repeated all over again, then that will be another story. If that was done to me, I would feel that I am not being respected after all. I mean, cut me some slack. if I don;t deserve to be respected as a partner, then maybe I would still deserve to be respected as a person/individual also. I can forgive, but the trust will not be there anymore and eventually it will lead to the destruction of the relationship. Yes and it will really realy hurt especially when there are kids involved. If cheating gets repeated all over again, I would bring my kids with me and definitely leave the man. He does not deserve to have a home with a family.
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
14 Apr 10
Hi pastorkayte, I think that this confession should serve as a wake up call for this woman. I always believe that it takes two to tango. Has she driven him away by her actions? There might be million reasons why men/women cheat. Some cheat no matter how loving and understanding you are. But I do believe that when a partner cheats, the other might have part of the blame too. Did she give him enough attention? Has she turned him down sexually? Is she still taking care of her physical appearance?
@hvedra (1623)
13 Apr 10
I think it really depends on the couple and the circumstances. If he confessed freely it might show that he is sincere. I know it was probably a shock but much better than finding out any other way and knowing he had continued to lie. If she thinks he can behave himself from now on then she should give him a chance, if she feels her trust in him has been totally destroyed then it would be best to end the relationship.
• United States
15 Apr 10
Very insightful thank you.
@HelloMickey (1663)
• Hong Kong
13 Apr 10
For me, as I don't ever think my hubby would cheat me, I would be quite shocked to know if he does indeed cheat me. I would first consider why/when/how my hubby would cheat on me and decide what I should do.
• United States
15 Apr 10
I agree with you. This is certainly a cause for pause as I call it, I would need to consider all the pros and cons.
• United States
13 Apr 10
It is a hard decision by the woman in this case... does she feel taht the benefits of being with this person she cares for outweigh the costs. Its said that many women marry men 'knowing' they will change them... men do not change that easily or reliably. Most cheaters remain untrustworthy no matter how good or caring the original partner is.
• United States
15 Apr 10
That would certainly be true in some cases but in others, the woman has no idea that this will happen and probably is as shocked that he would do something like this to her. So it has nothing to do in some cases with cheating when this is not a habitual habit to need to change the man.
@replyashu (747)
• India
13 Apr 10
see asking for sorry and realising a mistake in itself is a great thing most of them do not do this also so he should be forgiven enjoy TATA
• United States
14 Apr 10
I also agree with you, she should at least seek counseling to see if she can work it out and rebuild the relationship, she should at least try to fix it.
@dark_joev (3043)
• United States
13 Apr 10
Really she should leave him or give him one more shot. If he does it again she NEEDS to leave him. Because if he was truly sorry then guess what he wouldn't do it again. Then again if HE WAS IN LOVE he wouldn't of done it in the first place. It is that simple if he really loved her he wouldn't cheat on her. So he doesn't love her you can know that much because if you really truly loved someone you wouldn't cheat on them.
• United States
14 Apr 10
I have to agree with you, though I disagree with divorce until you at least try to fix it, I also know that divorce is warranted in cases of adultry, so I would at least try to fix the situation. However, the marriage probably would never be the same because the most sacred of trusts was broken when he became one with another woman, something reserved for his wife.
@Rhazelle (356)
• Canada
14 Apr 10
I think that one can truly be sorry for cheating. However I would check out the circumstances. If she came back because the other guy dumped her then I wouldn't trust her not to do it again.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
13 Apr 10
Nope, if a husband or wife cheats once there will be a second time. It is like a game. See how far you can take it, without getting caught. TATA.