What do you do when you get mad at your lover?

Fighting lovers - Fighting with lover
@jeeyah (1092)
Philippines
April 14, 2010 12:50pm CST
Whenever you feel angry, annoyed, or irritated towards your partner, how do you deal with it? Because I have this bit of a temper issue (especially when I'm PMS-ing), and sometimes I can't control it. I explode and release all the negative vibes to my partner unintentionally. I just find it hard to control it sometimes. I don't know what to do. Counting from 1-10 doesn't really help me, even if it's 1-100. It'll make me think more about the problem and it'll make me even angrier. So how do you deal with anger towards your lover? Any advice on what I can do about it?
2 people like this
21 responses
• Netherlands
14 Apr 10
I bottle up my anger inside but still try to maintain a normal tone if it's necessary to speak. Most of the cases I just keep quiet and start working on something or reading. I try to turn the whole situation into a joke and I often succeed. However, if the reason is overwhelming I consider breaking up and moving on as an option. So far I have not decided to do that, as we get along just fine.
• United States
15 Apr 10
I try to stay away from him. It may sound funny, but there are days I will just not ignore him, but try my best to stay away from him. When I get annoyed I will say things that are not right. I have told him when I get this way just stay away. It only last for a day.
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
I sometimes try to turn the whole situation into a joke, but sometimes my partner just doesn't get it or like nothing happens. And then I get more irritated. :/
@cloud31 (5811)
14 Apr 10
Hi, I don't have much experienced about how to deal with madness during a fight to the one whom I cared for but I can merely state my own way and method and Its varies to individual how to deal with their own madness..I usually keep myself quiet,in a way that I have to calm down and the heat will subside,when I opened up something and he keeps reasoning out that makes me more irritable so I just keep quiet,but since I cannot hold for long not to tell what's on my mind ,I'm very strict to tell him, that's enough I don't want to get further with arguments,and if he keeps bothering me about the same matter, I will end up leaving him in the midst of conversation and keep myself opt to silence without any words for a couple of hours and let him realized what makes me so mad. Good day!
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
Wow, I admire you! I think I've done the becoming quiet part, but it just backfired. The more I repressed my feelings, the more it exploded later on. :/ But maybe I can work on it a bit more. Thanks for sharing!
@cloud31 (5811)
14 Apr 10
You're welcome jeeyah!! Good luck!
• United States
15 Apr 10
When you get so angry you start hurting people, either physically or emotionally, that's when you step back and take five minutes. Step outside for a few minutes and concentrate on just breathing. Put everything in perspective. Will the issues that caused this argument matter a year or so from now? If not, sit down with your partner and acknowledge that you're both angry but you want to resolve it. Be willing to compromise. Now if it's a major issue, do the same thing but let him know that you are not going to back down on your principles. And meditation when you're not angry or frustrated goes a long way in helping you calm down when you are angry.
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
"Will the issues that caused this argument matter a year or so from now?" - That's something I should ask myself whenever I get angry, but sometimes the anger just overwhelms me and clouds my mind so I can think straight. :/ But I guess I should just do what you said and spend a few minutes breathing. Thanks!
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
Same thing with you. Sometimes I really need to express or let out my anger. I am just thankful that my partner is understanding sometimes. :)
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
Yes, it's really nice if your partner is understanding. And it can even make you lessen your anger. It's just really unfortunate if I get angry when she's in a bad mood, too. Our moods clash and we both get irritated.
@syankee525 (6298)
• United States
15 Apr 10
i dont get mad, i might get upset with her. i first make sure i am calm enough to talk with her without yelling. but belive it or not, we only fight about other people and how to handle things. because we are so different and how we would handle different things is so different. she is more of the kind to keep trying to get along with people mostly family where i am more like oh well screw them i dont need them
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
I know what you mean! One of the things we also usually fight about is "how to handle things." We differ in our opinions sometimes, and prefer to do things differently, so yea.
@pandaeyes (2068)
15 Apr 10
I used to have really bad PMS and then I read that caffeine can make it worse so I cut down on my cups of tea and coffee drastically and it really does help. Of course I still do argue sometimes and I find that going for a walk or doing some exercise helps to get rid of pent up feelings. Then when I have had a good think, I will speak with my husband and we usually manage to work things out.
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
I never thought of exercising as a way to let the negative feeling subside, so I guess I should try that the next time I get angry or feel like exploding. Thanks!
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
getting mad is normal, but making it a habit is definitely not okay.... I understand that you cannot conrtol your anger, some people are really built that way, and unfortunately, your one of them... but that's okay JEeyah... just make sure that every fight will be resolved at the end of the day. make sure that before you guys part ways, you guys were able to address the issue ( you've mentioned in one of your responses that you fight over small things right?!) sooo there, it wouldn't be so hard for you guys to make it all up and resolve it! :) remember to much fighting in a relationship is never a GOOD things and It's not normal.... If you want to make it last, make some effort! make your relationship a health one.. ^_^* GODBLESS jeeyah!!
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
Well, I guess one factor is that we're in a long distance relationship. Lol. WE've been together for 2 years and we always fight. But it never goes on for more than a day. We don't let our anger or our fights last for more than a day. Thanks so much! :)
• Australia
15 Apr 10
I am in the"cold war"with my girlfriend. I think it is best way to calm down,and I can think about some happy experience ,which is help me to encourage to say sorry firstly.As for me,when I argue with my girlfriend ,I will choose no saying and then leaving.
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
Thank you for that! Actually, we're kind of in the "cold war" right now, too. I guess I'll try that thing about thinking happy experiences. Thank you!
• United States
15 Apr 10
Well...I Deal With The Same Thing! I Have A Major Temper Problem! The Only Thing I Really Do Is Just Try To Think About Sumthing And Take A Long Walk Around My Neighborhood Because I Try Not To Mess Up A Good Relationship! But Then Again If You Have A Temper Problem And You Explained That To Your Partner And You Get Mad And Take It Out On Him And He Leaves You He Really Didnt Wanna Be With You In The First Place If He Cant Deal With You Thru All Of Your Problems!
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
Well, that thing you said come across my mind sometimes, but I think that maybe I should consider my partner's problems too. Sometimes when I get mad I just forget that my partner has things to worry about, too. I become selfish sometimes and that's the problem.
• United States
14 Apr 10
well whenever im mad its usually over nothing too big. i think sometimes in a realtionship you just get sick of eachother lol but i just think about it and if its really worth the fight...which it never really is. so the fights with my boyfriend never last more than and hour. probably also because we just have a hard time being mad at each other..especially him haha
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
I know what you mean! We get mad and fight over the things that shouldn't even matter. Sometimes we make up after a few minutes, but sometimes it gets worse, that we're cold to each other and we don't even know what we're fighting about anymore. :/ Maybe it's true what you said, that sometimes you just get sick of each other. Haha lol
• India
14 Apr 10
I'm normally very bad at anger management.Still ,I try to sometimes run away from the place where the incident has taken place.I cry silently in my room and after sometime I try to forget the reason that pissed me off.I try concentrating on other things and talk to my friends.
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
14 Apr 10
I do that sometimes. Well, actually, once I've done the worst or said the worst things, that's when I bring myself to a halt. :|
@juryse (753)
• Philippines
30 Jul 10
I would usually ignore him. I'm good at that and it annoys him. I'll talk when I'm ready and not when he wants to.
• India
30 Jul 10
When I am mad I act very differently and shout at him.I don't like him near to me because of my temper.Now a day I am trying to control my temper and some time it crates a serious problem between us.
@markleob (1904)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
i just dont talk for a couple of minutes... afterall, she could then notice that she has done something that does not win my side... we will then fix it.... we dont have big issues anyway... we settle it up when it is not that big..
@thiamsun (22)
• Indonesia
15 Apr 10
I think take a relax time, don't hard to force this
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
for me what i do is i take a deep breath. then ill ask myself if what good it will make if i confront her and show my anger.i will think how she will feel.by doing that mostly my madness cools down
@annierose (17243)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
hi jeeyah, When I am angry with my partner, I just do not talk with him. That makes him alarmed and very anxious to ask me what is wrong. Well, I do not shout or give him hurting words. It is because when I do, I also feel hurt afterwards. Not talking for one day with him because I am angry is the longest day for me. I cannot make it for 2 days or more without talking with him. It is like carrying a heavy burden. Well, I suggest you do it in a prayer. Pray with your whole heart that may God make you a patient and calm person. That one works for me and I know it will works for you too.
@abirsinha (114)
• India
15 Apr 10
I am very cool guy and I like to laugh away the matter most of the times or don't let my girlfriend know how much I am angry. But when it becomes intolerable I usually go to a secluded spot, put my mobile silent or switch it off and try to stay all by myself.. A little time alone helps me forget my anger and I revert back to my laughing self again and start talking to my girlfriend again.. This is my way of Anger Management...
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
For me I will fight in a words until they are angry in me and when times go wrong i stop and gone with her after the things calm I go back.
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
I always composed myself when I'm angry. I keep quiet, shut my mouth up. I don't want to loose my temper, because it scares me to do something that I might regret in my whole life. I keep myself inside my room, or hide in the bathroom until my anger subsided then I'll go out and tell my partner what I don't like, why I got angry and we always settle things out.