can anyone not changed? what makes someone like him changed? what say you?

@tomitomi (5441)
Singapore
April 15, 2010 7:24am CST
when he borrows money for whatever reasons he has and whatever promises he makes he's not going to repay it. i know it because this has been countless times. he smokes a lot and he drinks a lot. and so far nothing is gonna stop him. i'm talking about a colleague. for many years i've been trying real hard to understand him. i've tried real hard to help him, hoping that he would change but he never did. it's been ten long years. i've had so much patience, so much empathy, because he was my childhood friend. but i have drawn the line now. and if you ask me i'm not bothered whether he would change. and i don't even wanna listen to his empty promises again. we are not on talking terms now. the way i see it, i've done my best. i've nothing to loose. can anyone not changed? what makes someone like him changed for the better? can anyone not changed? what makes someone like him changed for the better? what say you?
2 people like this
8 responses
@Tgray61 (29)
• United States
16 Apr 10
people will take advantage of you if you allow them. stop allowing yourself to be available for people who do not value you. something people do not change because they are stuck in their ways...it is not your responsibility to babysit no ones ego. i was always taught that something who have to let and people and move on (cut-them out your life) if they hurt you, don't value you, and do not appreciate you. you cannot take everyone on your life journey...someone people were only meant to be in your life for a season, reason, or maybe a lifetime. you desire better friend who grows with maturity, respect, and values friendships.
1 person likes this
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Dear Tgray Your are right too. Appreciate and value what you said. Thank you so much for sharing. Have a nice day! :)
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
I think you already did you part actually your best part and theres nothing more you can do about it. Someone whose unwilling to change is something that you just cant cure anymore. As a friend you already did what you can now its up to him to help himself and pick himself for the mess that hes in right now, as for you good job my friend and keep up the good work. Only God and determination can change a person, without those two someone wont be able to change no matter what. Thanks for reading
1 person likes this
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Thank you so much setsuna. It's been great reading your thought. Great to have it shared here. Have a nice day my friend and take care! :)
@mackiejp (376)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
The only constant thing in this world is CHANGE tom, perhaps in time he will change, all we can do now is to hope that if he will change it would be for the better and also hope to make it happen too soon.If things you did for him not all enough to change him then let him be on his own and again you pray & hope that as you distance yourself from him, he will then realize your worth as his friend and it will be his time make things up to bring that friendship alive again.
1 person likes this
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Thank you so much mack. You see both sides of the coin and there's a positive connotation in your thought. That's a great share too. Have a nice day and take care! :)
@myzire72 (1157)
• Singapore
15 Apr 10
The sad truth is, nobody can make anyone change, unless that person willingly wants to make the change himself. He has to convince himself to change, either by circumstances or soul-searching. Don't worry about your friend. He will change, it's just a matter of time.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Hi myzire There is truth in what you said. Thought what I did would make him change. Glad I've drawn the line now. Thank you so much for sharing. Have a nice day! :)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
How can you help him change if your not talking to him. If you really want to help him do not lend him anything but talk to him and do not reject him. There are people like that who do not want to be told what to do hence they never change.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
18 Aug 10
A lot had been said, talked, shared; too much help, patience and empathy from me for the past ten years. I believe I have more to give for the next ten years and the next ten. It all boils down to him now to ponder, to reflect, to believe, to act. It's a choice he has to make. It's him who makes or breaks. No one does better than himself. I've realized that, first and foremost, above all else, the least it takes him is to decide that he wants to change for the better. You can only help someone who wants to change. Thanks for dropping by dudsdoojaxi.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
If you're hoping or waiting for a person to change, it will never happen. There's what we call an innate thing where regardless what we do, it will not cause him to change. 10years is a long time for a person to be patiently waiting for a friend to change, but it's not a long time before that friend could truly change his/her ways. I'd probably go on waiting IF he is showing some signs of change and wanting to change. However, I know that expecting someone to change would only lead me to frustration. As for lending him money, I would have probably stopped after the incident occurred for about thrice or four times, five times for me is already a 'habit'. I wouldn't want him to form the habit of borrowing from me without repaying me. But, as time pass by, people do strive to change. A few years back a friend of mine went into depression. He just stopped doing something for the future. Stopped working, stopped doing anything except play computer games at home. He was lucky because his wife was 'patient and understanding' and they were being supported by the parents. After three years, he snapped out of his depression and started working again double time. When I asked what made him want to go back to work, he simply said he felt he's old. Remember that on the first year of his depression, everyone was trying to remind him that time is passing by quickly. Everyone was telling him to move but he never did. When everyone stopped talking to him about it, he just snapped out of it. Therefore, I think it does not do good for a man to be constantly reminded of what he should do. He's mature and old enough to decide that for himself.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Hi laydee I've been reading your experience here with awe. It's really amazing how the human mind works, isn't it? Sometimes, when we expect things to happen they don't. And when we don't they do. Pretty intriguing as well. You are right, he should be pretty left alone to decide for himself. Glad I've drawn the line with nothing much to lose. It's been great sharing your thought. Appreciated. Thanks so much and have a nice day! :)
@rumshie (186)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
just tell him your opinion. :) if he's a real friend then he'll understand you and maybe he'll try to change. :)
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Hi rumshie You may be right. I just can't afford to wait any longer. Thanks for the thought. Have a nice day! :)
• Philippines
15 Apr 10
Well show him that you're mad. maybe you've been to kind.
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Apr 10
Yes Saranggola. I've been too kind to him. Thought that would change him. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day! :)