A sense of community...

@dawnald (84132)
Shingle Springs, California
April 16, 2010 1:13pm CST
I got into a conversation around my friend's discussion: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2281544.aspx?p=1 And we ended up agreeing that what many of us in this world are missing is a sense of community. Remember the days when, even if you didn't live in a small town, you knew all your neighbors, all the kids played together, everybody watched out for everybody else? Well I certainly can't say I have that now. I moved from Los Angeles to Sacramento. I go from home, drop the kids off, go to work, go home again, etc. If it weren't for my volunteer work on the weekend, I would say that that and my online activities is my whole life. How does an introvert with a (soon to be ex) husband who doesn't make friends find herself a sense of community? Well I suppose I need to get off my duff and get involved in other things that are closer to home, get the kids outside doing things, etc. I don't know. Do you live in the kind of community where everybody looks out for one another? If not, do you miss it? How do you think we can get this kind of society back?
9 people like this
17 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Apr 10
I live in a cove & i do know all my neighbors & they are all good ones but i know what u mean. Living in a small town has alot of advantages u don't get living in a city. We don't visit all that much but they will be here if i need them. I'm the only singlewoman in the cove & u will find this out it's harder to have friends that are couples. I wish there was another single lady close by so we could run in & out. Everybody that lives here are very nice & are very welcoming to me but it's just not the same when u are single. I don't get out much anyway due to my bad health & they all have problems of their own to. I laughed & told one of my neighbors the other day that the oldest man that lives here who is a widower doea better than any of us. He has a girlfriend & is a going jess, lol. happy weekend, Dawn.
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
Cove? You have a good weekend too!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
16 Apr 10
tHE NAME OF MY STREET IS PINE COVE. iT'S WHAT ALOT OF PEOPLE LIKE TO CALL A CUL DE SAC.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
Aha! I grew up on a cul de sac...
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
16 Apr 10
Hi, dawnald. Yes, this is very true in some communities. So far where I live at, I have seen the neighbors that have seen where my daughter went when she was missing from our apartment. I was so nervous and the woman told me where my daughter went.. These people around here watch each other. And I kind of get annoyed with it. But then I think to myself that these people are just looking out for us. I know that in other places people may not do this. If they are not, they should. Because they never will know when something bad will happen to their children. It is good to be watchful, but not so nosy. I hope that wherever you may live it can get better. But some people just want to tend to their own business rather than tending to someone else's. It is a shame but there are others that are willing to look out for you and your children.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
Somewhere on this planet there must be a happy medium!
2 people like this
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
16 Apr 10
Yes. It is okay for now. But dawnald, to tell you the truth from woman to woman.. I don't put anything past anyone these days. You, sometimes will get someone the way that they are. And then some people will do things for you. We all should should try to look out for each other. We just never know when we may find ourselves in a bad predicament.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
True...
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28845)
• United States
16 Apr 10
I live in a rather small town and I love it. You can't really go anywhere around here without running into someone you know, or have seen around before, or who knows your kids somehow. It's great for someone like me who is rather shy and not at all outgoing. I'm one of those types who has a lot of acquantances but not a lot of friends, and I guess I've always been like that. There are people I see often and can strike up a conversation with, but I'll never go so far as to plan an outing with them or ask for their number or anything like that. The only time I ever really make friends is when I meet someone who actually is outgoing.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
I do much better with people who are outgoing also. Put me in a room with another introvert I don't know and hear the silence! :-)
@vandana7 (57187)
• India
16 Apr 10
Hi Dawn, it is like what I have doesnt seem very attractive to me, and what you have doesnt seem very appealing to you. :) Out here, we do have a community sense. Almost always, I am hearing people back biting, or passing catty remarks. Then some not obeying some rules, and others spending hours in creating enemies. And yet others being jealous. I am getting very close to getting a phobia about people. :) I feel much better with my washerwoman, my watchman's family, or my maid. They dont spend time criticizing, and are concerned about me (at least it seems to be so). Part of my annoyance with this back biting thing is also because it is constantly being poured in my ears like some mosquito's humming. :) Who else, my father? :) He is the secretary of the building. So he has comments against somebody parking their vehicles wrongly, or somebody using too much water, or somebody using the watchman's services for personal work, or simply the watchman not conveying messages properly. :) I feel like picking some cotton and stuffing my ears. :) So at the end of so many lines all I want to say is, I'd like to be a loner. :)
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
There's community and there's community, I guess. I wouldn't want people constantly in my face and in my business and feeling as if they have the right to criticize me and everything I do either.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60052)
• United States
16 Apr 10
IF I had kids, I would probably not be sitting on my behind in front of the computer - I would have them out doing thing. Oh, maybe not with an activity every day like some people, but at least playing outside (I would hope to live in a neighborhood with kids about the same age and no crazy lady screaming at them.) I would be looking for cheap or free things to do with them on the weekends, museums, parks, library. Maybe part of why I didn't get married or have kids... Have I mentioned lately I'm lazy?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
My kids mostly b*tch when we want to take them out, they'd rather stay home. What the heck's up with that? I would have loved to go to the zoo or gold panning or whatever when I was their age!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60052)
• United States
16 Apr 10
sending a kid to their room doesn't have the same impact any more does it? They have their stereo, computer, TV and often, phone - what kind of punishment is that? if they didn't have all that stuff they'd be happy to get out like we were when we were kids You wanna hear b!tching - trying taking their "stuff" away from them.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
true
1 person likes this
• Australia
16 Apr 10
I'm not sure the size of the town makes much difference, because even a major city consists of numerous smaller communities. Over here in Oz many of the smaller towns are rather cliquey and it is hard for someone who hasn't lived there all their life to break into the community. On the other side, those who live in rural areas of larger towns are the most friendly people and they have a great community spirit. Farmers are well known for their helpfulness towards all others in the district. I think that in cities community spirit is shared mainly within groups - hobby/craft groups, activity groups, club groups, Church groups, sports groups, parent groups, etc etc. How do you think we can get this kind of society back? Only by BEING the kind of person we want in our community. For some of us, who are introverts and wait for others to make the first move, this is difficult. The only other option is to join a group with like interests and participate.
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
Wait for others to make the first move? who me?
• Australia
16 Apr 10
Well, always me.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
Ja me too, or almost always...
@BarBaraPrz (17342)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
16 Apr 10
Hold doors for people, smile when passing people on the sidewalk...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
Yeah not quite what I'm talking about.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (17342)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
16 Apr 10
But it is... when you start doing these things, you start noticing other people doing so also, and then there's a friendly feeling in the neighborhood. You don't actually have to go out and befriend everyone in your neighborhood to have it feel friendly.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Apr 10
I do those things already, but it never goes farther than that...
• United States
17 Apr 10
shutting off the media,for the most part.i've noticed about the only time any of my neighbors talk to each other anymore is during blackouts,mainly to ask if anyone knows why the power's off. we only have 2 neighbors we know anymore,1 is related,the other's been there 30 years.all the new neighbors wouldn't p*ss on you if you were on fire.we've tried to be friendly to them,but they're not interested. it is sad it's like that nowadays tho.people are just too self contained. although on the plus side(if there is one),we don't have busy bodies as much either.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Apr 10
During a blackout, hmmmm, evil Dawn has an idea...
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Apr 10
heh..it's amazing tho,i'll tell ya.
• United States
17 Apr 10
I am still living in the town , now city, I grew up in. It has grown in the past 20-30 tears. When I was a child, My mom knew my friends and their parents. My mom was the one who looked after all of us because she was the one who worked at home. Now, I don't really know my neighbors. I feel connected to my friends online More than anyone offline.It is hard to make friends so I try to hold on to the ones I have.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Apr 10
I knew my neighbors at least somewhat down in LA, up here really not at all even though it's a smaller town...
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 10
Suggestion. sit down and figure out what You like to do for fun and then get out there and do it. And if it is something online , so be it. There are many good people to connect with here on My lot and other places. Just have fun , Do what You Like to do and then look around. The people who are doing the same thing can be ans should be your friend pool. the ice is already broken, you both like the activity you are doing.
@hexeduser22 (5856)
• Philippines
13 May 10
That is somehow one my dreams...to live in a peaceful community where everyone looks out for each other but I really don't want many visitors in a day because I want to give my time to my family most of the time... I don't have that sense of community in my present neighborhood. I usually don't go outside the house except when I need to buy something and go somewhere else
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 May 10
I hope you get your dream!
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
20 Apr 10
When I decided to stay at home with my daughter instead of going back to work I was excited about my decision but feared becoming isolated. The opposite occurred, I made many friends through mother’s groups, playgroups, school etc and, although we don’t live in the country we know quite a few people from our community. I am rather introverted yet I made friends easily thanks to my daughter. Perhaps this goes to show that the trick is having an interest or something in common with other people in the area. Our community takes care of one another. We live in a rather large suburb and one can't help getting to know others around the place.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Apr 10
That didn't work for me, but then I didn't interact with the other parents enough. And when we were in groups, I just ended up listening to the others talk. I do much better one on one.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Apr 10
I don't really know all that many people in the community where I live, which is sad really, especially since I have lived here for many years. I mean, I know the parents and children from my oldest daughter's school, but I don't really know many of my neighbors or many other people in the area. I guess in a way it is good, because there are some people that I see from time to time, and all they want to do is gossip about this person and that person. I don't really care about all that, so it is much easier to say that I don't know these people when they start all the gossip. Besides, the less people I know the less they will be gossiping about me, too. I do know most of the neighbors where my parents live, on the other hand. That is probably just as sad if not sadder than the fact that I don't many of my own neighbors, especially since my parents live a long way from where I live and they have only been living there for a few years. Where my parents live, though, people do not really gossip about each other. They do let the neighbors know if someone is sick and needs help or something like that, but I think that is more of the community spirit than gossip. When we had the tornado last year, several people from town came to help with the clean-up, even though they were not directly affected by the tornado themselves.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 10
How lucky that your parents live in such a place!
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
18 Apr 10
Hi Dawn I agree there is no such thing any more today When I was living with my Gran I was the only Child there and all the Neighbours used to look out for me when I used to play out on the big Field opposite, they used to call me in and give me Biscuits and things like that I always remember when I was growing up every one used to help one another, look out for each other I don't even know when all that disappeared to be honest, because now you can fall or something like that and no one cares It is certainly totally different now from them
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Apr 10
it probably exists in some small towns and so on, but it does appear to be a disappearing thing...
• Boston, Massachusetts
17 Apr 10
Hi Dawn, in our own simple wa dawn we are...we are in the process of building a "virtual community" here in mylot. imagine, how we are getting support from each other when we feel down some people out here always ready to lend ears, thoughts, tips, caring deeds that appease us form our processes. that's why i truly like it here. i can feel the sense of community here. Back to the real community in our own respective areas...there's so much effort that people needs to invest. with this busy world, there's not even an hour for each to spend to do some volunteer and community work whether in the church or in the local. i admire those who really devoted their time for such works. me? i spend the weekends with my family and kids because my weekdays are for work and only in the evening from work that i bond with my kids. however, i tried to make the most of my time in the office not only for work but establishing a great interpersonal relationship with my co-workers. for me, that's really something to be proud of. we have a supportive and caring environment at work with my co-workers bosses not included LOL.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Apr 10
My weekdays are for work too, not enough time for everything else...
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@jillhill (37354)
• United States
17 Apr 10
You are right. When I was growing up all the neighbors got together on sat. night....folks played cards and us kids played games and at 10 we'd have a lunch then everyone would go home. I live in a smaller community and we do have a bit of a small town feel.....I used to just go to work..come home and be on the computer but now have joined a club etc and I find I have much more of a social life...and friends...hope you will get yourself into the community like you want....find something for yourself to get involved in....remember don't just live your life for the kids once the seperation takes place.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Apr 10
heck no I plan on having a life lol
17 Apr 10
Hi dawn, Where I am, my neibours all know me and we do look out for each other's properties when one is away, we all know each other, this is a small town most people know each other as people attend to not move away, I have been here for over 25 years and even in the stores people knows me, but when I lived in London, even your next door neigbour don't know you, I hated it there, this world is not the same as it used to be. Tamara
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Apr 10
I bet most big cities are like that!
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
17 Apr 10
I think you are right on that, How to recover those values? Well I think it does take one moving up and integrating with today's changing times and reuniting society.