Marrying someone who has a child your age?

By Link
United States
April 17, 2010 3:53am CST
I know that sounds weird at first glance, but I am 22 and my boyfriend is 48. We've talked about marriage and everything, and he has a son who is like a little less than a year younger than me, so we are practically the same age. It is easy now because his son doesn't talk to him (for other reasons) so I haven't had any interaction with him and I don't know how he would feel about his father marrying someone his age. What do you think about that?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@bdugas (3581)
• United States
18 Apr 10
My question to you is same as I ask my grand daughter that was 14 and wanted to go out with a 25 year old, which by the way is against the law here. But I ask her what does a person that much older than her have in common. Was he going to the sock hops with her. What do you have in common with a man 26 years older than you. I am not saying that this is wrong, or you should not date or marry him. But there can't be too many things that the 2 of you find interesting. I mean he has been through the 20's year thing and on through the 30's and so on. I believe most children would not like the idea of such a marriage. To have a step mother or father the same age as me, they can't really give you advice as they are same as you, haven't lived the years to know what to say. Some men get off on walking around with a young girl on their arm it shows others that they still got it, if you know what I mean. An ego thing with men. Do you like older men? How long have you known this person? Sorry for the quetions but I have a daughter that is 41 and she goes with a guy and has for years that is same age as me. Maybe a year younger. But still that is 22 years and he don't like the music she likes, he don't like to go to the places she likes to go. he don't like the clothes she wears, because of the age difference. He is so good to her kids though. But what do they really have in common,not much. He is not there much because of his job, and I actually believe that if he had to spend every day in the same house with her it would not last. His age difference is what causes the problems he thinks like a 63 year old, she thinks like a 40's person. All I would say is think about it and make sure this is what you want to get into before jumping to anything past b/f. Also he is very jealous, he thinks that she is always out looking for some one that is yournger will attract her attention. It is a decission you will have to make. As for the son, he probably don't care who he is with if they don't talk.
• United States
18 Apr 10
If you two are in love and share similar interest that is what really matters as long as you both are willing to commit to one another. As for the son and being a step mom. He's 22 years old, if he needs his mom let him go see her. You and your boyfriend have a right to find happiness and if that's with each other great. Life is too short and true happiness is sometimes hard to come by. Go for it and the heck with what people think.
• United States
18 Apr 10
Oops. This was supposed to go under the main discussion. Sorry, I'm new.
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
19 Apr 10
Well I can't say how your boyfriend is but when I was 20 which was thirty-three years ago I met a man who I thought was 26 years of age. He ended up being really 34 years of age. Which was only 14 year difference. After eleven years and two kids I left him because he was not being a good man. He hardly held a job and he was running around on me behind my back. Like I said I know not all men are this way but the age of his son has nothing to do with your relationship with his father. Its all about you two. How connected you both are and remember he will be old one day and you will still be a young women are you going to be able to deal with all that. My ex will be 68 at the end of the year and we are still friends living far away from each other. However he is very sick with emphysema. You wouldn't be the first one to marry someone with kids around the spouse's age. I just want you to be carful and go into this with your eyes wide open and think about everything from A to Z. The son has should not play a part in your fears at all. Good luck to you and I hope your relationship turns out 100% better then mine did.
• Philippines
18 Apr 10
Honestly, if I am his son, I would get angry to my father. Investigate about the girl. But sooner or later, I would understand. If I am his son, at first it would be hard to accept but if it really make my father happy....why would I hinder it.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
18 Apr 10
I don't really want to interfere or question the reason why you fell in love with a man who is already old and aged 48 years old. This man has a son like your age and he doesn't know yet about you. I can see no problem yet because he has not been around with you and your man. But let's hope if he knows he will understand the situation and not cause any trouble at all. You choose this man older than you and you knew beforehand that he has a son your age. Maybe you want to meet this son and getting to know him first so that no further conflict will arise and everything will be in proper place.
• Philippines
18 Apr 10
Hmmm. Well, it's quite weird if I must say, though if you say that the son really has no communication with his dad or with you, then I don't think you'll have any problems with it. Hehehe. My boyfriend also has a kid, although the son is 17 years younger than me.. And I always think about what if when he's older, would it be weird or something. Hehehe.
@zim1fW (286)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
I find the situation interesting. I'm sure he will have no problem dealing with his son. But can you properly act as a stepmother to a male about your age. Can you cope with the lack of credibility by virtue of your age in the eyes of his son and your prospective stepson?
@markleob (1904)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
that is just okay as long as you love each other.. age doesnt matter... there is nothing wrong about it...
@eileenleyva (11022)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
Hi BambooPanda, I am not a believer of May-December affairs. Psychology says that people who engage in such relationships are usually craving for a father's or mother's love instead of a real husband or wife. Assess your feelings. And think that in ten years, when you are physically active, he may not be on the same wavelength. The son is probably angry. Would you mother him?
17 Apr 10
Personally I think the age gap is a bit of an issue, but that's just my personal stance and is not meant in any way to offend or judge you or anyone else who enters into a similar relationship. At the end of the day, if your relationship works then don't let outside influences come between you. If you want to get married do it. It is a shame that the family unit is not communicating at the moment, but perhaps that will change.
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
well as they say there is no age limit when it comes to love..but of course on my side i would feel awkward, embarrass if i see my father marrying less than his age. i mean that is only for conservative people. heheheh... anyway, in a long run, we will accept the truth that his father will marry someone as his age.
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
i am actually startled but if you truly love each other then nothing in this world can stop you. love knows no boundaries but i think that in order for your relationship to work you must also have a good relationship with his son.
@mjanakha (479)
• United Arab Emirates
17 Apr 10
LOve has no limitations, But marriage is far away from a love between a man and woman. Its a relationship which is tied up with love and considerations between father and son, mother and son, brothers, sisters, grand father, grand mother, uncle, aunt....So without your boy friends son's permission marriage wont be so nice
@jeeyah (1092)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
I've always been the one to believe that love knows no limitations. Age is never the problem. As long as your levels of maturity are almost the same or complement each other, then you will be fine. When it comes to your boyfriend's son, I guess we have no way of finding out how he would feel about your decision to marry. It all depends on his way of thinking and philosophy. Since he's about your age, maybe you can find a right way to explain to him the situation once you get the chance to interact with him. Maybe you can even be friends, lol. Anyway.. The only thing I could advise you is to just follow your heart, and don't let any other person affect your decision, even if the person is your boyfriend's son. Hopefully, his son learns to accept you and the situation once he finds out, but if he doesn't, then you should just learn to cope with it. As long as you and your boyfriend love each other, you'll be okay.
@kar295rocks (2119)
• India
17 Apr 10
I am moved about how a 48 year old can marry a 22 year old - I think you should have loved his son. Jokes Apart - Love has no bounds and I do not want to discourage you of your love. I think the boy would develop a hatred towards you at the first place - it is like the father's daughter becoming his wife!