When your partner is not happy

@jterrock (277)
United States
April 19, 2010 3:26pm CST
So, I need some advice. I have been with my girlfriend now for about 1 1/2 years now. We live together. We do everything together. I love her very much! She has told me a couple times now that she is just not happy. Not necessarily with us, but in general. She misses laughing, being goofy, and just having fun. She says it isn't necessarily me, it is parts of her life that she is not happy about. So, it makes me really confused on what I should do? If I ask her if she wants some space, she says, "What do you mean by space?" So, I am just baffled on what to do here. I know she needs someone to talk to, and I will always be there for her, but what am I suppose to do? The thought of losing her tears me up inside. But, I also know that if she is not happy with me anymore, I can't make her stay. I would just want her to be happy. Any advice?
8 responses
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Did you ask her why she is feeling such? because at times also feel that way and I would let my partner know about it. What my partner does is he lets me identify specifically what causes me to feel that way and he always gives my suggestions. Like for instance, I told him that I miss hanging out with my friends, he told me that we could go out and spend time with my friends. I believe its just a matter of good communication so that you can slowly unleash what really is bothering her. Good day.
@jterrock (277)
• United States
22 Apr 10
Yes, I did ask her and talked to her about it all. It is mainly money that we fight over. Money is always the culprit it seems like. We are doing better and she is feeling better. Thank you!
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
Yes, nowadays, I think the main reason why a couple gets to argue is because of financial matters. We also encountered the same scenario but my partner was able to let me understand that money cannot buy happiness.
@yresh12 (3222)
• Philippines
19 Apr 10
Hi Jterrock!!! I think you should give her time and space to miss you and all. You have been together and living together for awhile. You know everything and anything that could make you happy and upset. It's just the openness with the two of you has been a common thing which lacks excitement. You can just try to go out. Surprise her. Ask what she wants... She just needs more excitement. Tell her to go out with her friends or something.Work on the surprise thing. Cut the commonality and cut the routine. Do something and experiment.
@jterrock (277)
• United States
19 Apr 10
I agree with you yresh12. I had asked her if she needed space, but she just got a little bit defensive. More excitement might be good. It would make things interesting. Thank you!
@yresh12 (3222)
• Philippines
19 Apr 10
If she wants to really leave you she would have said yes. Just go for it maybe it will go out fine!! Good luck!
@irene_27 (545)
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
Maybe you should give her some time away/alone to think things over. It might be possible that your living in together for more than a year has made her need space. Try to let her have fun with her own family or friends... maybe that is what she's been missing. I believe in the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. For all you know, she just needs a temporary breathe of fresh air outside your relationship.
@jterrock (277)
• United States
20 Apr 10
I agree! I had mentioned this to her. She says that she doesn't want to just leave me at home while she is out with friends. She says that that wouldn't be fair to me. I could probably use some time alone also! Being together all the time isn't good for a relationship I don't think. Everyone needs their alone time. But, yes, I agree with you irene_27! Thanks for the response!
@Ynodhady (95)
• Indonesia
20 Apr 10
maybe your girlfriends have some problem she can't tell you , with other word is the depest secret of her. i have also a girlfriend as yours. as of i am being overwhelmed to overcome her. i am always patience to face her. sometime she feel happy , having fun,but sometime she make me confused because i really love her. finally we can just endure of our relationship for a half and a year. the first of her reason is her parent says "no" to our relation or doesn't agree. ok i accepted her decision to break up this relation. after we break, i found her had got a relation with the other boy before the date of we break up.. break my feeling to hear that news. for you .. don't over hope to girls
@jterrock (277)
• United States
20 Apr 10
Cheating is a huge no no with the both of us. So, I know she isn't cheating. We have total trust in one another, so we would never that. With time, I think she will come around. I think it will just take time. I know that I would never just want to give up. I would want to try my hardest first before moving on. Thank you Ynodhady!
@piya84 (2591)
• India
20 Apr 10
I might be wrong here but i guess attraction between you and her is fading away.May be you need to work on yourself or may be you guys are just no soul mate and made for each other.Just give her space and let her decided what to do.Let her figure out her feeling for you and accept her decision.There is no point in carrying such a thing ahead.
@jterrock (277)
• United States
20 Apr 10
The attraction hasn't went away. We are still in love with one another, it is just that there is some underlying reason why she has not been happy, and she can't pinpoint it. She said that she is very irritable lately and doesn't know why. She might be depressed also. Thanks for the response!
@elleb0418 (1107)
• Philippines
19 Apr 10
Hello!!! Sad but sometimes it really do happen.But in my own opinion I always stick to the saying " STAY if you are happy,LEAVE if you're not".There are circumstances that in a relationship the falls out of love. Did you ask her the very reason why?If not you should ask her,she need to be true to you.It's really hard to lost someone whom do you considered as yourlife,but sometimes we must wake up to the reality that,the one we love doesn't love us anymore. I do hope that everything will gonna be fine to you.Godbless!!!
@jterrock (277)
• United States
20 Apr 10
We have talked about things in the past, and money is a big issue. We rarely have enough money to go and do fun things and it can be stressful! I think some days it just really gets to her! Thank you for your response!
• United States
19 Apr 10
Maybe you guys could try to work out together or something like that? It'll boost endorphins and make her happier so maybe she won't ruminate on what parts of her life aren't the best right now. Usually helps me and my relationship, good luck.
@jterrock (277)
• United States
19 Apr 10
That is also a good idea! Ya know, I have mentioned going for a walk after work with her and my dog, but every time I ask her she always has an excuse on why she doesn't want to go. So, I just stopped asking. Maybe I will just leave and go for a ride, make her miss me some. Maybe that would help.
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
19 Apr 10
As you are two together you should try to talk to her all the time.If she is not happy there should be any problem.If not just try to change something in your relation new things usually help people smile and have fun.
@jterrock (277)
• United States
19 Apr 10
Yes, communication is the number one thing you should always be doing in a relationship! If you can't talk, then there isn't any point in trying! Thank you for the respons!!!