my son doesn't want to share his toys!!!

Philippines
April 20, 2010 6:45pm CST
He is 10 years old and I only noticed recently that he often argues with his little sister who is only 3 years old because he does not want to share his toys with her. Odd because he is willing to share those toys with his other playmates when they come in our house to play with him. His standard spiel why he doesn't want to share them is because- "She is going to destroy/wreck them!!!" Is this natural for 10 year old boys???
8 responses
@cbjones (1157)
• United States
21 Apr 10
I had a severe lack of trust when it came to sharing toys with my siblings growing up. I still don't trust my brother as far as i can throw him(which isn't very far, but he's a little on the tubby side right now.) I say it's perfectly normal.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
So you mean this may go on for quite some time? :( I really fear that because it's giving me a hard time breaking them up and of course the little one cries out loudly whenever this happens.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
21 Apr 10
I would try having a friend for her to play with when he is having his friends over to play with. Crying is not a bad thing , they eventually will figure out that does not work if you can steer her in a different direction. She respond off of your response on the matter. I would redirect her attention to something else.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
That's what I try to do as remedy actually just to prevent them from hating each other. lol But I was kind'a hoping things will return to how they used to be when she was younger and my son seemed to love playing with her and they shared all the toys together. :)
@Jotomy (6351)
• India
21 Apr 10
Hi, most of the kids are like that. Even my son is also the same, he donot want share his toys with anyone. But i can say they will slowly change their attitude as they grow up. They may turn so generous also. Let wait and see, but also should be telling him and guide him in a sweet manner.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Oh I'm so glad to hear that from you. :) Actually except from this thing, I don't really have much worries about his attitude since he is also quite a good kid. My officemates tell me he is very disciplined especially when I bring him along on gatherings or at the office. It bothers me only that he is acting this way towards his little sister when I was expecting him to be the first to take care of her when she needs help. Maybe this is just part of their kid's adjustments in life. :) Thanks for the encouragement Jotomy. God bless you and your kid too.
@Jotomy (6351)
• India
21 Apr 10
thank you
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
I guess it's normal. When my brother was younger, he also used to be like that with our cousins the same age as him. Whenever they visit, my brother and my cousin would have separate toys but they'd play with each other.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
They have separate toys actually because they are of different gender. I just don't understand also why my little girl also wants to play with the toy soldiers and boy stuff. The more he doesn't want to lend her, the more she insists!
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Because kids are like that. The more you forbid them of something, the more they're gonna get interested on that something. :)
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
21 Apr 10
Yes it is normal. These are his belongings and he is in charge of who plays with them and should be respected just as your daughter toys are her and he should respect that. If his toy gets broken , are you going to go out and replace it right away or not? Let me put it this way. You own a car , a house, or something that means something means a lot to you that may have been a gift or something (as toys are to children) and someone wrecks it , destroys it ( even if family or friends) would you not wanted it replaced? When he shares with friends he believes that they will take care of it where as a three year old will not or cannot be expected to be careful. Another reason is he is not her babysitter and if he playing with his friends, she is just getting in the way and that may bother him. They are basically considered as only children because their age difference is so far apart. He cannot be on her level and her on his. It is hard, I know I have been there. Boy have I been there, lol. Children need their space and to know their stuff is safe. It is all they got and they will treasure it. He will be dating when she is in school. it is a hard age gap. I would ask him exactly what the issue is and how can we handle it, change it to make easier for him to include her on some of the activities? Let him speak without interrupting, acknowledge his feelings and go from there.See what he comes up with as a possible solution. It works out better when they come up with a solution because you acknowledge that they are old enough to do and you are giving them credit for it, Remember he was the center of attention for a long time and now he has to share you guys and sharing his toys are not on his agenda just as she was not on it. I am sure he loves her and everything. Its a his space thing. In another year or so his feelings will change again,lol. Its a roller coaster ride that i have wanted many times to get off. They eventually come to a happy medium. Good Luck.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Thanks for sharing that really. I didn't have the chance to experience this because my sister is only 2 years younger than me and of course, since we were both girls, we used to share dolls and everything. Maybe I should talk to him heart-to-heart. I really have this tendency sometimes to scold him because I always say he is older and should be more considerate. :( Now I'm understanding him better... Thanks!!!
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
21 Apr 10
Yeah i know, we all do, at times, we have tendency to forget that they need/want us too, because we assume they can do things for themselves and we tell ourselves they are self -sufficient. I have heard it countless of time that i must love the baby more because i spend more time with her. They need attention too. actions always speak louder than words and it does not cost anything but you listening to them and being with them. It is more of a gift than any toy will bring. Our mini dates meant the world to them on a one on one basis. hard on me though It will be hard at first but it will get better, he needs your attention as well, sometimes negative attention is better than not attention to them when they are vying for affection. They grow up so fast and you wonder where the years went to. anyway take , it will be fine.
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
i guess so...even though am a she i was like this when i was his age. hard to put a reason to but i think talking to your child about this in a nice way while letting him know what his sister might be feeling would help.
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Guess I'll do another talking to him yes and one that is more intimate. He actually is sweet with her except when she starts messing with his toys... Thanks for your comment. :)
@litvillegas (1275)
• Philippines
27 Jul 12
Hi thersdae_me I think that's normal for kids. I used to have that kind of attitude when I was young also. We used to fight with my younger brother with simple things. But when we reached the age of 15-17 things had changed even our attitude towards each other. We love each other and understand each other. I have a close relationship with my brother. We're not fighting anymore.
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
17 May 10
I think that it is normal. He doesn't want his younger sister to break his toys, it might also be that he thinks of them as "boy toys" as sometimes that is the case.
@eshaan (6193)
• India
22 Apr 10
there are diferent kind of nature in children too ...like we see in adult people...some want to share and they care not much about their toy's life..while others are too possessive about their belongings...same is with your son...my daughter and son are only 4 years apart and they play joyfully with each other...