How can we control jealousy ?

@alinka (184)
Greece
April 23, 2010 12:13pm CST
How fast jealousy can make us loose control?How can love transform into thoughts of revenge and hate?What can we do when we found out that the partner is cheating?Unfortunately there is no classic solution for this.It remains two things for us to do; eighter to save the relationship or rescue your wounded ego.People also get jealous because of insufficient confidence in their partner.It's a very common trend and ,within certain limits,naturally.What matters is the reaction that we have in the situation of being cheated.If we allow ourself to be consumed by this jealousy and, because of it,our reaction would lead us to destroy the relationship,then this feeling took possession of us.We can't eliminate jealousy but we can control it. Is necessary to be strong and to have trust in ourselfs.Otherwise,the insecurity we would live with will overtake us.It is better for us to accept the possibility that we could loose the one we love in favor of another,but that shouldn't capture all our thoughts. Although you love your partner very much, she/he is not the only person that you could love.If you will try to not limit the whole universe around that single person,it will help you feel more sure of yourself,more confident in your relationship.
1 person likes this
12 responses
• United States
23 Apr 10
My husband and I have been together for 20 years....and we still have eyes for only each other. I think it has to do with how comfortable you are with yourself....my husbands friends don't understand why my husband doesn't catch heck for looking at other women....I actually point them out to him...LOL....and its okay if I find another man good looking....we know where we will be when the lights go out
@alinka (184)
• Greece
23 Apr 10
That's great!It means you are confident on yourself and have alot of trust in your relationship..LOL.agree with you...In my relationship is the same: we both know who we are even with the lights off.
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
@workingmom50: that's a nice way to put it... "we know where we will be when the lights go out..." =)
@JoyfulOne (6243)
• United States
23 Apr 10
I think jealousy is one of the most destructive emotions, both to the jealous person, and to the person the jealousy is aimed at. The jealous person lets their emotions take over and eat them up. I think too that insecurity breeds jealousy, because they are not so sure they can keep that persons love. I was married to a jealous man for 20 years, his constant jealousy is what finally ruined an otherwise good relationship. I was never jealous of women talking to him, but if some fellow even said hello to me, he believed something was up. (There was never any reason, everybody and their brother knew I wasn't a cheating type person!) If somebody was cheated on, well, then I could see where somebody would get jealous, that's probably a normal reaction. Jealousy for no reason, or imagined reasons, is just showing their insecurity and their wish to control. Constant jealousy is destructive, and eventually it will ruin the good foundations that their love was based upon.
@alinka (184)
• Greece
23 Apr 10
we all agree that jealousy is a poisonous feeling and once out of control it can bring you into some embarassing situations,that a while ago you wouldn't even imagened yourself in.THX for posting.Happy mylotting!
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
Maybe what I can share is to overcome jealousy is to trust your partner at all times. Don't give him a hint or a reason to turn away from you and switch to another woman. In your own ways, do the best you can to make him feel special and that he is the "only" one. It's hard at first but slowly you will learn to overcome it. If you don't control being jealous, it might be a reason for losing the relationship instead of saving it. Nurture you confidence and ability to trust but not jealousy. Good day!
@piya84 (2591)
• India
24 Apr 10
Jealousy is a result of lack of trust between two people.So build trust with your partner.When you know you carry heart of other person these things automatically will go down. If you are getting jealous on other people i mean on their looks,their success,take it positively and make it your strength.See what they are doing to achieve it.You too try to improve yourself in same way.I hope this helps you..
@Genericbe (1379)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
hi alinka, I agree with your parted thoughts about jealousy. It is true that when this happen in one's life it is fast to loose control. Sometimes, it led to bad breakups for such reasons that can be considered not a big deal but due to unwanted circumstances it do happens. The depth of jealousy in a person depends on the situation he has, where he feels disturbed and rejected for emotional setbacks he cannot understand or accept things freely unless it was explained well and given a proper resolutions in fixing again a relationship and not letting other factors contribute mess. Even kids to have the feeling of jealousy from other people that they think they feel rejected or loss of attention. But, when they are able to understand things and the person aware manage to handle the said problem. Then, I can say jealousy can be controlled by minimizing it unless totally lost for the feeling of love and security was replaced on such condition. However, in any couple experiencing this factor of jealousy, seems to have a mutual working relationship in keeping their love alive. Being honest to each other and good communication that able to understand both sides view about the factor that cause them unwanted problems. Security of love and affection, acts and respect can control jealousy. Lastly, being able to understand fully the true thoughts by explaining and preventing instances that will lead to a possible problem is one of the best control for jealousy. I believe that if both partners do give emotional security for both, will not entertain jealousy at all even other people around them try to bring mess in their relationship. As long both partners are eager enough in working for their relationship. No one can break them apart unless the couple had decided to make big decisions they will regret in the end. Happy mylotting..
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
For me I would prefer to not jealous because my face would not became old it much you because your husband would not be pretty at you.
@calfbull (14)
24 Apr 10
We all know that how harmful jealousy is to our life. jiealousy means too much concerns about something,even going to the extreme.we should learn to keep it under control.it is very good to be in a good mood.
@zim1fW (286)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
Jealousy is a helpless attempt for control of other people. And that's basically where your difficulty lies. Control tends to suffocate people, badly enough they want to get out of your way. Contrary to what you believe, jealousy can be eliminated completely. It just requires a change of your mind. First, learn to love in such a way that you can let the person you love free if doing so would make that person happier. Love is about making others happy, right? Even if it will not be you who can do that. Accepting this fact can free you from jealousy for good. Now, with regards to cheating, you cannot force a man not to cheat by simply being jealous or demanding from him not to cheat. First, you must make sure that you will never cheat at him. Second, ask him if he is happy with your relationship. Cheating is an indication that he got serious problem in his relationship with you. Third, if he says he is happy with you, ask him to convince you why he cheats on you. if he is not happy with or simply lies it out to rationalize that, it will be time to let him go. Life is bad enough with a loyal partner or spouse; it would be doubly harder if he cheats on you.
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
Though a lot may say that jealousy is normal -- a lot would also say that jealousy is really destructive. Not just in a relationship but also to one's self. But then again, if the other person don't give you reasons to be jealous then I don't see any reason why we all should be. If we do catch our partners cheating on us, then that is a solid and concrete reason to feel that way. But as long as the other party is harmless and is not doing anything to violate our love, then I guess we should learn to believe in ourselves. Trust that there is something wonderful in you that wouldn't make your better half want to ever look at another human being again..
• Philippines
23 Apr 10
You are definitely right. You have to have confidence in your partner and also to yourself. If you don't then the relationship will go nowhere but down the toilet.
• Bulgaria
23 Apr 10
it's a wild spread misbelief that jealousy is a sign of great love but it's not it is a way to manipulate your partner by making him/her feel guilty the best love relationships are between two people who are able to give each other freedom to have their own lives and cheating appears exactly when there is a certain discomfort in the relations it is the hardest thing to admit that you made mistakes, but it is the right way of course change of the cheating partner gives a temporary solution, but it is until one make the same mistakes again
@srjac0902 (1170)
• Italy
23 Apr 10
At times though you live under the principles of goodness yet the jealousy haunts you and at that time unless you have intentionally programmed, you will not overcome it. In reality by cultivating jealousy you destroy yourself. Any wild attempt to establish one's supremacy or an attitude like "I am better than you" or to question "Who are you?" all these rude gestures will not put down the other but these expression transmit your aggressive behavior.Whatever we do to ourselves, to our dear ones and all our neighbor, temporarily we may give relief to the other but in essence actually we do to ourselves. By doing good to the others or to ourselves, we accumulate merit, peace of mind and tranquility and merit Eternal Life in Heaven. So when One gets jealous, it is better to withdraw oneself far away, they gust continue to do good to the other until it hurts you.When you feel something negative do just the positive, learn to praise and appreciate without hypocracy, dialog and offer friendship, This is the greatness of being human