He Wants to Have His Cake and Eat It Too!!!!

@thomad13 (212)
United States
April 26, 2010 9:37pm CST
I have a co-worker with a dilema. She is in a "relationship" with a guy who she had a child with in highschool. He decided they're young so he does not want them to be "official" because they're young and does not know what he wants. Now she's blinded by her love for him and is willing to wait for him. But her heart breaks every time she sees a new female friend on facebook or word of him out with another female. He claims all of these women are only friends and nothing more. He ignores a majority of her calls and texts. Until one day an old male friend of hers starts to give her time and attention. Now her childs father comes running back with "I love you and want you......blah blah blah". She tried to resist him for all of a week. And now he's back to his old ways since she got rid of the new gut. What do you tell someone who obviously don't see what someone from the outside notices. Has anyone ever had a similar situation.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@nanayangel (7862)
• Philippines
27 Apr 10
Hi there Thomad! Sorry to hear about your friend's situation. Thankfully, I haven't been into that kind of a relationship. I think that time will come that your friend will realize that she's being treated as a door mat. I don't know how close you are to her but if you're in a kind of friendship where you can freely communicate with each other and that you can give unsolicited advice and the other party won't take offense, then you should tell her what you think about the whole situation. If not, well, you can only hope that she will soon realize that she deserves better.
@thomad13 (212)
• United States
27 Apr 10
I completely understand. We've talked about it because she's open with me and other coworkers about their situation. The others tend to hassle her and really push how bad he is treating her but I can tell she closes off because of the way they voice they're opinions. I've talked to her personally and let her know that she deserves better and maybe she needs to step away for him to see what he's missing. She's been with him for 5 years and says he's the one she wants to marry and she doesn't want multiple baby's fathers. She says she's willing to waut for him. I've told her thats her decision, but maybe she shouldn't continue to tell him that because that just gives him leadway to do what he wants and know that she will still be there to come back to.
• United States
27 Apr 10
I myself have been in that same exact situation. It is so incredibly hard to watch someone you love go through all the pain they inflict on themselves by putting up with the scum they surround themselves by. Its also painful to the family and friends that love and care for them. Unfortunately in my dealings with these situations that person only moves on when they are good and willing to. They all want the opinions of their friends and to be told how crazy, stupid, and patient they are with the ones that do them wrong but dont want to bite the bullet just yet. My friend is pregnant with her ex boyfriends baby after they were together for 6 long years. He know wants nothing to do with her and the baby and continues to go out and date other people. He doesnt have a steady income so is parents have offered to pay his part of the raising of the child in return for his freedom from any responsibility and my friend. She is due any day now and has had meny problems and been on bed rest for the last 12 weeks. He has not shown up at the hospital at all, he will not return phone calls about her or the baby, and is constantly changing his fb status to flirt with other girls. My poor friend is tortured by his actions and all of her family that once adored him now loathes him. Unfortunately his is still the love of her life and until she finds someone else to emaotionaly take jis place, she will continue to cry 12 times a day. My advice is to be patient with your friend. Tell her how you feel when she asks and hold nothing back. She needs to hear how crazy that whole situation is and how she deserves much, much better. But, dont lose patience with her and end up pushing her away by trying to push him away. One day she will realize but until then just be there as a shoulder to cry on. Good luck!
@thomad13 (212)
• United States
28 Apr 10
I'm sorry to hear about yur friends situation. She needs to realize now that its that chidl that must come first. And if she can't have him in her life its only for the best because it could greatly affect the babies environment. Children will feel their mother's pain. Thank you for the advice and good luck to her.
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
27 Apr 10
Oh I've seen this wayyyy too many times before with my friends and coworkers as well. In fact I know a girl from work who is going through somewhat the same thing as your friend is going through right now. Her husband of seven years is out and about adding girls on his facebook and these girls look like strippers and she's constantly checking his account and seems quite upset about it which I don't blame her for. She told him a couple of months ago that she was sick of the way he wasn't helping out at home with their three children. She couldn't and still can't leave him home alone with the kids or he will end up punching the walls and making huge holes in them due to frustration from the kids. He sure can make babies but can't take care of them!! It's fine for him to go out with friends but she can't even escape her hecktic home life to go for a cup of coffee with friends. It's pathetic and frustrating to listen to over and over again. I've tried to tell her that she either needs to go seek counselling from a marriage counseller or get rid of him. She makes more money than him so he's the one that needs her around more than she needs his useless presence. So what I suggest is just stay out of it because when you think you're helping it will turn around and either you will be blaimed by him for trying to break them up and then she will be cut off from communicating with you or tell her you just don't want to hear about it anymore. It's tough love but you have to do it. Cover your own butt. Have a nice day
@thomad13 (212)
• United States
28 Apr 10
Thanks for the advice. Its sad that men or should I say boys can't control their emotions when it comes to caring for children. Good luck with your friend too. Hopefully oneday she'll see she's worth way more then whats she's getting. And my own personal opinion is nothing good can come from a married man that has a facebook account.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7561)
• United States
28 Apr 10
I've been on both sides of the fence. lol. She's not going to listen to anyone. Lets hope she gets sick of his crap and tells him to shove off.