is giving up is the best thing to do...?

@fianne (1059)
United States
April 27, 2010 5:50pm CST
my boyfriend's family doesn't want me and my son to be known in their family so they told me and my boyfriend that no one should know even the closest friends. i agreed to them that no one will know in their family about us, but i said, time will come that i will ask for them to let people know about us especially when the kid is growing... one time, we visited them in their place and suddenly, my bf's aunt came and asked who we were and why am i nursing the baby, they answered we were just beggars and let us in so they can feed us. my goodness, that was the most painful thing i ever heard of in my life... now, my son is 3yrs old. i asked my boyfriend to get married so no one can call my son a b*st*rd and i want people to know that we are a family, that we don't need to hide anymore. but to my dismay, he disagreed! i said, ok, can you just let your friends know you have a kid...? he got angry with me and said why is it that important? and said nasty things about me and said i don't understand him. it's been a year we have been like this, i am now giving up on it... is it the right thing to do? i don't want to hide anymore and it hurts to hide my son more. is it too much to ask that i want him to be proud of us even just to his friends?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@ddnj2006 (652)
• Philippines
9 Oct 10
I can understand... Coz if you love someone, you can accept and give up things that you wished and things that you want.. The guy is so lucky having you.. But then, Fianne, all I could advise is, first love yourself.. And then love your son.. and then after that, decide on things you have now... all you need is to choose. Being painful is natural to someone in love.. But, from how long you can endure, it is something that only you can know better... Coz things that are good for the future are sometimes things that are not in favor of someone who's deeply inlove...
@ada8may21 (2419)
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
I feel bad upon reading your post. I firmly believe that you need to give up him and leave him alone. How can you depend your life and your future to the man who even dont know how to protect and stand for his own family. Its time to wake up and get up on your own feet. If you worry for finances God will provide you, but I really believe that you need to leave him as soon as possible. Its not easy to be rejected, how much more you are rejected and denied in front of you. I hope you will find your way out for this miserable situation. It would be unfair for you and for your own son if they keep on doing that.
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
That hurts alot. I'm very dissapointed with your partner, he is so numb and rude. How could he let his family be treated like that? He doesn't deserve you and your baby. You better give up on him. Make him realize what will he lost when you're gone...
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
Does your boyfriend love you? because he does then things will not be as you've mentioned. I know love should not be like that. Love is selfless. Your boyfriend should face any endeavor he has to take for you and your child. He must be proud of you and the kid. Your son is not a b*st*rd especially if he was born from love. To the family, I guess there's nothing they can do now that the child was born and on his third year old. If they may get mad it'll be for sometimes, of course, knowing that their son is single then one day he has a family already. But I guess once they saw and know the child, they'll start to soften their feelings. The child is part of their clan and bloodline whatever matter. If your boyfriend is such a coward, I guess, do by yourself what you should do a long time ago. Reveal yourself to the family without your boyfriend's consent. Let's see what will happen. If they disagree with you then at least you've done your part and you saw the family's reaction towards both of you. If they agree then show your boyfriend how wrong he was. Don't mind your boyfriend's reaction afterward. It's his fault not yours. If the family didn't accept you and the child after some time of letting them cool down then It'll be the time to start on your own, especially if your boyfriend hated you after you reveal yourself to the family. Your boyfriend sucks if he's that kind. You don't need such a coward. Your child will realize and accept that someday. Your child would be proud of your great courage. This is the test of how great mother you are and how much will you suffer for the child's normal life.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
I think giving up is the best thing you can do with your present situation nowadays. If the father of your son don't want to acknowledge both you and your son then is a very irresponsible guy. he is not fit to be a good father and a good husband. I think he is afraid of the responsibility and it's really horrible. You have proven enough that he wont change and he will never be. So...just go away because there might be another kid to raise if you will stay with him for long. While you still have the courage to let go...give up on him. he is not worth it.
• China
28 Apr 10
your boyfriend and his family do the things for you is not right.everyone has his own respond,especially man.but what did he do and what did his family do.still living with him is not the best choose.hide this thing means he don not want to admit you and your son and afraid to let everyone know that things.maybe you can choose another one who can love you.truely love you.
@thomad13 (212)
• United States
28 Apr 10
This is really sad. Is this a cultural norm for you? It just sounds crazy especially the part of them calling you a begger for them to feed. And its not right for him to disown his child. A real man would not do that. He really does not have any concern for you and your child. Take him to court and put him on child support. Thenit will be public records that he has a child and he can't hide his skeletons anymore. this isn't love and respect sweetie and thats what you deserve to have.
• China
28 Apr 10
Hi, fianne. I'm sorry to hear that. But your bf is such an a**h**e, he is never worth your love, your time. It's unfair, totally unacceptable for me. I think you must do something about it, either his family and friends accept the truth or you accept the truth, what I mean is to get rid of him and start over again, live a happy life, for the sake of your son. Wish you all the best! Keep well!
@Kisha14 (117)
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
Oh that is very very annoying situation you have there.If he really loves you he must fight for it even though it is against his family.If he is he proud that you have a son he will let the others know not just like that he hides what you got and what you love.
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
If he had been stalling that long, you should leave him already. He's not worth it for you. Your relationship will not go anywhere with him.
@mackiejp (376)
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
Your boyfriend is S_U_I_!, how on earth can understand a man misbehaving that way trying to hide the child from his own flesh & blood, if he feels like he don't deserved to such obligation of having a kid now then he is not deserving too being the father of your kid and if it is all for the benefit of your son then I recommend that giving up is the best thing for you to do.He isn't worth the pain that you & your kid both suffered now. Your kid need a father who is proud of him and don't deserved a father who is coward and irresponsible.
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
How rich are your boyfriend's family? They are so rude and aristocrats! Why is it that they look down on the poor people? Your boyfriend has no guts to stand by you. He's a man without balls! I suggest you give up and leave him and require him to support his child financially. You don't want to suffer yourself, do you? If he doesn't want you and your child for his family, then go. You have to leave some pride in you. And when time comes that your child look for his father, tell him the truth. I just hope that you will find someone to love in the future who will accept you as you are and will love you child as well.
• Philippines
27 Apr 10
A man who cannot fight for love is a fake. Seriously if he is serious he will not let his family interfere with his relationship. Giving up is a right thing to do but remember to stand up after that and show the world that you can go on and still be happy.
• United States
27 Apr 10
This guy does not deserve you or the beautiful child you guys made together. Denying you is awful but denying his own son to people is the most outlandish thing ever! His family needs to take a step back and mind their own business. Its time they stand up and announce that your little boy is their grandson. The one thats going to get hurt the worst in your situation is your son for hes going to grow up resenting his father and his fathers family for treating him like an outcast. I would give your b/f an ultimatum..either be proud of the child you guys have made together and publicize your relationship and growing family or pack his stuff and leave. Either way your life will be happier without having to hide behind walls anymore! Good luck and i wish you the best!!
• United States
27 Apr 10
wow what a bad person it is his fault you are in the situation he knocked you up and he doesn't have the guts to speak up and say good things about you and his kid what kind of man is that i call him a p*s*y cause that kid is also his not only yours. and his parents can go kill them selfs it is a horrible thing to do i know for a fact if i meet them i would punch them in the face because you do not treat someone with such disrespect after all you guys have been through i say leave that man he doesn't deserve you and your kid doesn't deserve such a father. Hopefully the future is better my friend good luck remember to stay strong