Is it more difficult to make friends now than when you were younger?

@zralte (4186)
India
April 28, 2010 1:00am CST
I have find it quite difficult to make new friends these days. It is hard in my situation. Living in a different place, completely different culture, and also a business and children which demands my time 24/7. In schools and colleges, it was easy. You make friends in a matter of days. Come to think of it, all my friends are the friends I made back in school or college. I guess if you are keeping a job, you might be able to make friends with your co-workers. What do you do to make friends? Do you find it difficult to find someone you just click with?
7 people like this
40 responses
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
30 Apr 10
It is harder for me to make friends now than when I was a teenager. I use to be very niave, very trusting, and now that the rreality of life has hit me I dont trust people like I did.Plus it is more to a friendship when you get older. I am quiet,kinda shy now.So I do not talk to people like I ude to either,
1 person likes this
@zralte (4186)
• India
5 May 10
I think it's also because adult have more responsibility and can't take the time out just to talk to people. It's kind of hard when you have your children buzzing around you.
• United States
29 Apr 10
Yeah It gets difficult to make friends once you get out of school or college. Especially depending on your job. I only work with 3 people all day every day so we are "work" friends but other than that we don't really associate. Ever since I got out of college, though, I don't really have that much interaction with people to make new friends. With work and the kids time to meet new people is at the bottom of the list for things to do.
1 person likes this
@zralte (4186)
• India
29 Apr 10
Oh...Are you a newbie? Am I the lucky first discussion you responded to? Welcome to mylot. True true....we all have more important things to do than try to figure out if the next person is interested in the same thing as you do.
@airakumar (1555)
• India
30 Apr 10
I strongly believe that now a days it is very difficult to make friends as there are so many mischief, anger and hatred in the world. True friends are rare and difficult to get. But if you are confident and wants to make friends then it is not impossible. Everything is possible. Some people find it difficult to make friends. Perhaps they are shy, or feel they lack the social skills to start a conversation. Well! I guess it is difficult for those people who have some sort of just-not-needed attitude or those who follow the principle of "Once bitten twice shy" Thanks.
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
29 Apr 10
I have never thought about it before, but it probably was easier when I was younger. I am kind of shy so it was never easy. All the friends I have I made at school or at a job I had when I was young. I have a few other friends that I met through a friend at work. I think it might be easier when you are younger because your more flexible, and you seem to have more in common with more people.
1 person likes this
@thanks1961 (7046)
• India
29 Apr 10
Even I support with your opinion. In those days .... school and colleges, a memorable one. Now everything is around. New friends, new surroundings and all. But when we compare with those school friends, the sweetness is more and gives some inner pleasure even we think of those days. In my case, no one believe, even after nearly 22 years, about 6 months back I went to my native place and searched for my old school friends by home by home. I could not meet many of them. But I got a different experience that the people at the homes were appreciated the strength of good friendship and it has more power than any relationship. As you said, office and train, travel together friends are all momentary and the intensity will not last long. Always childhood friendship have a smell of jasmine. Best regards, Thank-s
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10902)
29 Apr 10
I can make friends fairly easily and always have been able to do that, but these days, I tend to to be out and about as much as I used to. I like to go to the occasional reunion and see friends that I have not seen for many years, but I am not really the sort of person who wants to be going out constantly and chatting to my friends. I guess you could say that I am getting lazier as I grow older. _Derek
1 person likes this
@yugasini (12839)
• Anantapur, India
2 May 10
hi zralte, In finding friends i have searched several sites for several days ,but i could not get a single friend,but when i join in mylot,mylot has presented me several friends,now i am having more than 300 friends,here it is not difficulty to get the friends,now i am happy with my lot friends and mylot,have a nice day
@zralte (4186)
• India
3 May 10
Yeah, mylot is great. I am loving it here. But what I mean is physical friends, not virtual friends.
@yugasini (12839)
• Anantapur, India
4 May 10
hi zralte, thanks for the response,we can turn virtual friends to physical friends,try you will succeed that is my promise,where are you living,if you are from Inida,i will meet you or you can meet me any day any where,but i think you may not from India,try there you will succeed,have a nice day
@zralte (4186)
• India
4 May 10
Yeah I am in India. Which part of India are you from? I am from Mizoram, but I am living in Jaipur, Rajasthan. If you are from Jaipur, then may be we can meet up.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
4 Dec 10
I actually don't think that it is more difficult for me to make friends being a stay at home mother than it was when I was younger. The thing that I have noticed, however, is that I make my friends in a different way now than I did when I was younger. Now, I find that most of the friends that I make are the parents of the children that my children are drawn to. However, I also find that there are a lot of things that we as the parents of these children have in common. I really like having friends that I know I can take my children with to visit.
@zralte (4186)
• India
22 Jan 11
That is so true, about being drawn to the parents of the children that my children are friends with. It is different in my situation. I cannot make friends easily here as the culture is completely different. I don't fit in easily - being different religion and cultures, views,etc. I find that I don't share the same interest with them. As you can imagine, there is not much to talk about when you've got nothing in common, so very hard to be friends.
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
4 May 10
It is actually the other way around for me. I had a really hard time making friends when I was younger. I did not have the self confidence then that I have now. I found it harder to meet/talk to people, especially girls. However, I am totally different now. I have more confidence in myself now, and I have no problem meeting people. I can strike up a conversation with someone most anywhere. My wife gets mad at me sometimes, because I will start talking to someone I randomly meet in a store or somewhere like that. Talking to people is easy for me now. I don't have a problem meeting women now either, even though I am married, and I am not interested in meeting someone for a relationship. I can still talk to women, and even flirt with them with no problem when I want to. I wish I had been able to meet and talk to people this easily when I was younger...
@zralte (4186)
• India
5 May 10
Ohhh...Good for you. My husband is exactly like that. He can talk to anyone. I am not sure what he's like when he was younger,though. I can talk to people, I have no problem. But after the initial talk and you find that you have nothing in common with them, it's kind of hard keeping the conversation going.
@RachelleNH (1408)
• United States
29 Apr 10
I totally agree and am in this same position. I'm now 32 and still had some friends from HS left but now they've moved away and we've kinda drifted apart. I own a small cleaning biz so I don't get much people contact and I'm a full time single mom-I never get a night out..Except online-I don't do any activities where I'd be put into the position of meeting someone in person-but I've started to consider it. It gets lonely when you've got no one to share a laugh or the joys and struggles of everyday life.
@zralte (4186)
• India
29 Apr 10
Nothing beats the warmth that another person can bring. Let's face it, internet is great, but you can't just spontaneously laugh with 'your friend from the internet'.
• Pamplona, Spain
28 Apr 10
Hiya zralte, It´s easy to get on with other People but to become proper friends now is more difficult people mistrust more than before. Well not all people but some do. All depends on who you get surrounded by who you meet up with. I have "friends" to say hello to and just chat but they are not proper friends although it does´nt really matter to me either. I had a few proper friends and we have had to go different ways in life just things that happen. School friends can be hard to get them to chat with you as you might not have seen them in ages and they probably don´t what to say. I have plenty to say but they usually don´t say very much but I understand that too.
@zralte (4186)
• India
29 Apr 10
True, when you are apart for sometimes, the thing that you know and experience could be quite different. So there's not much common topic that could be discussed. I haven't spoken to most of my childhood friends in ages just because of that. The friends that I keep in touch with are mostly from colleges with whom I had more things to talk about as we share common interest, and well, we shared embarrassments during college days.
@Aeropm (3)
• China
28 Apr 10
I'm a college student now, but i find that it is much more difficult for me to make friends with other fellow students, at least in my college. Actually, my high school and middle school buddies have the same problems with me. we all find that people nowadays are becoming hard to communicate and cooperate, even in the campus,the students are becoming more and more practical,they choose friends according to that whether that person is helpful to themselves or not. Maybe i and my friends all have such a kind of practical idea. The outer-school society is in the same way to some degree. people are facing the fiercing competition,what they want is success, being successful is more important than having good friends. They are pursuing success by making ‘friends“ who can help them in some certain occasions. so, all in all,why people find it difficult to make friends is because our motives of making friends are not pure any more.
@zralte (4186)
• India
28 Apr 10
I guess time has changed. I do believe that youngster these days spend too much of their time on their mobile phone, laptop, PDA,etc. Maybe that's why they don't have time to make new friends. Shame though, I had fun making new friends in college.
@mylila (107)
• Malaysia
28 Apr 10
Yes, when I was younger I actually didn't mind who I wanted to befriend with. As long as I belong to cliques or groups to hang out together. But now as I'm getting older, it's so hard to find loyal, understanding good friends. All my life, I've been searching for true friends but there is none actually. I do have friends from work, college, school, old neighbours but they can't be considered as best friends. We only talk about the relevant things. Truthfully, I haven't found anyone who really likes what I like. It's all about chemistry of friendship, I guess.
@zralte (4186)
• India
28 Apr 10
Yes, you need someone who enjoys the same thing as you. Not necessarily doing the same thing. More like same interest and such. I just don't have time to go around looking for one. Right now,all the people I meet are looking at me in a strange way as I am different than them. Not that they treat me badly, but I sometimes feel like an animal in a zoo, rather than their equal.
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
I find it very easy for me to make friends now than when I was still younger. When I was still a bit young, I was so afraid to meet people, I lacked self-confidence and had a very low self-esteem, but now that I am mature enough to handle complexities, my confidence boosted that I am more comfortable in meeting people and making friends with them. Emotional maturity counts a lot in growing up and faced life's reality.
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
28 Apr 10
then you got you personality growing. that is good.
• Canada
2 May 10
I actually think it is easier as an adult to make friends because people are usually more mature and a lot of the problems of youth are gone.
• Honduras
29 Apr 10
Well, when you come and think about it... it does get a bit tougher to befriend people when you are older. By this time you've had maybe some experiences with people who pretended to be your friends... and proved otherwise. This makes us all grow up a bit more and be more picky about who we befriend. Your major problem though, is that you live in a totally different place. It is tougher, but not impossible. So just get out there and try to make the best you can out of your situation! :)
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
29 Apr 10
actually, I never had an easy time making friends, but since I've been an adult since I got into science fiction fandom and there I found friends with the same interests as I have
@lindsiko (358)
• United States
29 Apr 10
I think it does get harder to make friends the older you get. My best friends are from high school and college. I think once you get married or start to work full time, it becomes harder to socialize outside of those two activities.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Apr 10
I find it easier to make Friends now then when I was younger, I was very shy and with drawn when I was younger actually till I was 35 I am still very shy but I do make Friends now
@hmkoct5 (2067)
• United States
29 Apr 10
Yes, it seems much harder to make friends now that I am older. It is especially hard because I don't work. It is very difficult to meet people when you stay home all day. When I did work, the people around me were not the kind of people I would enjoy being friends with. They were drinkers and partyers, and that is not who I am. I am also a stepmom with no biological children of my own, so most biological moms see me as a threat. I do feel very lonely sometimes. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband and a great family.