How to soothe the aching heart????

@mr_pearl (5037)
India
April 28, 2010 8:46am CST
Hello MyLotters... Hitherto, I have always hesitated to post about my personal life here. However, I know I can expect the best of the advices here on myLot, from all of the friends. I feel free to talk about my relationship now. My girl friend is from America and I am an Indian. It has been more than one and half years since we have seen each other. We are in touch through e-mail, phone etc. And yet, one can't imagine how terribly I miss her and what it feels to read her love-letters which are full of anxiety. She misses me too! We have planned to marry before 2010 is over. And we have to! The distance between us, no personal meeting etc has started telling upon me and my health. I wonder how much more time its going to take, for I can't stand it anymore... yet, it will be another few months, before I get to her and marry her.. I have always been patient, but this is too much for me.. What would you do, had your love been 7 oceans apart (as they say in Indian)? My heart aches everyday and the longing to see her again, to be with her again has become really strong. Want to make my family with her... And want to make her the happiest woman... :) Have you experienced this? Have you ever been away from your love of life for many many months? What did you do then? How did you soothe your aching heart? Please share.... Thank you!
1 person likes this
14 responses
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
28 Apr 10
wow..i am really please for you. That is a great news.Well, i have separated from my husband ( when i was dating him)for about one month. And i know how long it feels. I always call him when weekend---for hours--maybe people who had seen me call me crazy. but I know that only caused my missed become hug, so i decided to hang out with my friends and make my self busy with works. But sometimes it won't help much. then i write a diary about him, poetry, romantic words or something like that. Then when we met, i let him see my diary
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
28 Apr 10
Hi Ifa... Thanks for sharing! And thanks for your hearty compliments too. You have been fortunate that you had to part with your guy only for a month... I feel terrible as I have been away from my girl for more than one and half years. Feel so lonely sometimes! The way you kept yourself busy was good and I do that too.. I agree that it isn't always possible to remain busy without remembering my love. At such times, I write to her, I send text messages to her. She is pretty understanding and cheers me up whenever she calls me... Boy, I wish this long waiting period would be over very soon. I am dying to be with her... Guess, this is what they call LOVE!!! Have a nice time, Miss!!
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
28 Apr 10
sweet love I hope you will have an eternal love. don't worry, the times feel so quick if you never looked to it
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Thanks a lot Ifa for the support and warm words... May God bless you always... Have a wonderful time!!!
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
29 Apr 10
hi mr_ pearl, I understand what you are feeling at this moment in time, where your heart aches because you are longing for the one you truly love despite of all the barriers set infront of you and your environment. It is a feeling of killing your time while missing her and every time days passes by, the feeling of emptiness may be filled in your heart.. But, despite of this condition you got, the love both of you shared, no matter how many distances are, the relationship still exists, becomes stronger, and make your individual lives remember the importance of the person and faith that in the end, you will find ways to be in each other arms.. This trials in your life, is a test of time, patience and understanding. A challenge for both of you to face, a guide for how are you going to deal every decisions both of you will make, a chance for both of you to fix other problems and give solutions on things in life like your family on how to accept the person you love. A good foundation of relationship that even distance cannot separate, is a spirit that you are unified, a security of love and affection that even no personal meeting at all, the calls, emails are the bridges to impart the continuous bonding, hopes, plans that will benefit both of you. This, is the time, though how crucial it is, to be strong enough and be secured that you are appreciated and being loved. That, thinking always all your plans in the future, getting married and having your own family, will happen as long love will find it's way.. In this simple ways, thinking all the good things to come your way, and the assurance that she do really love you..this will cure your aching heart..Because, you are inspired and her love will see you through, with that attachment, whatever you feel right now, she also feels.. If you want, you can make many mails to her, imparting your deep thoughts, letting her know everything so that you will feel relieved and be always inspired in life and your plans.. In fact, you are much blessed for other people do suffer heartaches caused by their loved one, which cannot be healed instantly and harder to recover from pains.. So, let this trials in your life have her as your inspiration to overcome any unwanted circumstances toward achieving your goal. HAppy mylotting..
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Hello my friend. Thanks a lot for your wonderful reply... Are you a counselor? or a psychologist? You have left me speechless... You have explained what is going on in my innermost mind... And you have done it wonderfully.. I don't know what to reply, but to say thanks.. Yes, thanks a million times!! I'll follow your advice word to word... Have a great time...
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
28 Apr 10
Only once and that was eons ago. One gets smart after a while ! If you feel this strongly go get her in any way you can. Life is just too short to be unhappy. quita88
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Hi Quita... Thanks for the advice and your best suggestion.. 'Life is too short to be unhappy..' Wonderful!!! I would have been with her long time back... Only my financial situation has held me back... I am going to require a lot of money to fly to USA from here... And I think, it'll be another few months before I collect that amount. It'll be before the end of 2010, in any case... And yet, those few months seem like some years... Miss her so much... This is love, I guess... :) Thanks again for your support, my friend... Have a great time!!
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
29 Apr 10
You are in a pickle aren't you? If the love you feel is true love it will sustain this waiting period and it could also make the love you both have for each other stronger. Keep in mind a good life takes two and your other half is more than likely as lonesome as you are. Just put up a calendar and the days will melt away. quita
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
1 May 10
Hi Quita... Thanks for these lovely words, seems as if I needed such a support for a long time. I spoke to her today morning, and as we both have OFF we spoke for more than an hour. Yes, she is also as lonely as I am... Moreover, her health isn't well.. I wish I had been there, as there is no one to look after her. Thankfully, she can take care of herself, she said; and yet, I don't feel assured... I should be with her asap... Yes, I'll sustain this waiting period.. I can sustain all kinds of pain and troubles for my lovely Queen... You know what, I long to make her the happiest lady on the earth. Hope the Almighty will give me enough strength... Thanks a lot, my friend...
@dksemke (66)
• United States
29 Apr 10
It is hard to be away from someone you love and there is no "cure" for that. But letters are such a slow way to communicate. Do you both have computers and internet service? You can make long distance phone calls thru the net at no additional charge, if you purchase the equipment. You can even get a mini camera set up to view each other on your monitor while talking. It might be worth the small investment to be able to look at each other and communicate in real time. One work of caution about long distance romance. After a while, you long for that feeling of love and sometimes your imagination creates an almost magical relationship between two people that have not shared their real lives for a long time. Things and people change over time and you are both clinging to what you had almost 2 years ago. All I am suggesting is that when you can once again be together - don't rush to the next step in your relationship. You are really starting over after so much time, so take it slow and give yourselves time to get to know each other again.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Hi Friend... Thanks for this helpful advice... Yes, we are in touch through phone calls- the long distance ones, not through net yet... And also through e-mails.. Occasionally, she sends me her recent pic and I do the same... I don't know if we have changed... I have not changed, I can say.. .I still love her the same way and she also sounds the similar way... But still, your advice is worth a lot of consideration... I have not got net at home yet... I come to cyber cafe... :) Thanks a lot for sharing.. .Have a great time!!
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
29 Apr 10
One way is to ask God to show you the way to submit however to his will in your own and in your lady's life. But ask him and TRUST him with patience not anxiety to clear the way and the path for you. If this is his will then all will work out guickly and soon. If it is not his will then you will see that, and know he has something much better in mind for you and for her. Tell God how much you desire and ache to be with this woman and she you. And pour your heart out to him then stand back wait and let God take over. Trust him and you win.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Hello friend.. Thanks for your support and advice... I'll try to follow your advice. Actually, I don't know how much I should rely upon God! I mean, I am going to have to work out plans and things to get to her.. Things won't happen just like that, would they?
@edorms36 (267)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Apr 10
If you really want to be with her and wanted to start a family now, why do both of you have to wait for long and be miserable in the process? Why can't you come to her and be with her, so that you can start planning the future. What's keeping both of you from saying your I do's? If there's a will, there's a way...
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
I agree with you... And trust me, I would have got married to her long back. But the financial problem has held me here.. It takes a lot of money to fly from India to USA. Unless and until, I collect that much money, I can't go to her... Had I had enough money, I'd have been happily married by now.. :) I know one thing that I will be able to go to her, this year... Thanks for sharing, my frined... Have a good time!
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
I've been away from my loved one before. I used the phone to communicate with her. It was the best day ever.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Yes, I agree... Phone and also e-mail, are the best ways to stay in touch with her... I am in touch with her all the time through phone calls and e-mails... Thanks a lot for sharing... Have fun!
• China
28 Apr 10
my bf and i planned to marry before 2010.becasue 2011 is my year of birth considered in relation to the 12 Terrestrial Braches. and now he can walk to my home for 10 minutes.yes,you must say i am lucky and it sounds as if it were the nearest distance in the world. so he will be blamed for not dating with me if i can't touch his face everyday.if i were you,i would always chat with other girls.please let nature take its course.after all ,we have to keep ourselves alive.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Yes, you are lucky Miss.. Thanks a lot for sharing here.. Yes, I am in touch with other girls in my office and I have known a few girls from the college days... But they are just friends. I mean, none of them can take place of my girl friend, right?
• Philippines
28 Apr 10
Not yet mr pearl but i feel you;) i think you better extend your patience beacuse there is a right time for everything, you have to wait for the right time to come, eventhough your far from each other the good thing is that the feeling is mutual and i think you better hold on unto that for now.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
29 Apr 10
Hello Jeff... Thank you for sharing.. I think that you're absolutely right.. I need to accept it that it is going to be a little more late, before we finally see each other... I am in touch with her, regularly, through e-mails and phone calls... 'I miss you madly', is her usual statement... Before the end of 2010, we'll be married... This feeling gives such a relaxation... Have a good time and thank you again, for your support...
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
28 Apr 10
A broken heart and deteriorating relationship is not the easiest thing to overcome. So much of your soul and spirit has now bben interrupted. Time heals all wounds but we are discouraged at the length this time of healing takes. The best thing we can do for our broken hearts is to try to find something to fill the void. it makes the pain easier to bear.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
28 Apr 10
Hello Sender... Thanks for your reply. My heart isn't broken... There is no break up between my girl friend and I. We love each other passionately. It is only the distance between us, that has brought so much depression to me... The depression brings many other things too.. Have a nice time!
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
30 Apr 10
Patience is what you need my friend, and lots of it. You know what they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" I had a long-distance relationship with my current hubby and I would commute (in total) 200 milese a week on the train to be with him. Eventually that took its toll so I made the momentous decision to come and live with him. That was in 2005 and we married in 2008, so I did something right! You will too.
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
29 Apr 10
Everyone has needs and I am not talking about just s*x; When this relationship starts to interfere with ones health you two need to consider a friendship status.... It is hard enough to keep a once a month meeting relationship let along not seeing each other for over a year..... I am not talking about our service men and women because that is a special circumstance that can not be helped
• United States
29 Apr 10
I totally understand what you are going through. my heart aches everyday, especially if i dont hear from my sweetie. we live 900 miles apart and though we havent even said the L word... but I know the feeling is there. I am considering moving back, as that is where I am from, but I need to have a job, a place to live, etc. i used to work with him years ago and we are friends, but we started "dating" online in Feb and I saw him in early April. I know, I know-- its not much time but it feels like forever. just to talk to him is wonderful, and i wish i was in his arms right now...
@edorms36 (267)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Apr 10
If you really want to start a family with her and be with her, and the feeling is the same with her, then why do you have for long? Is there really a need to wait that much before you both say your I do's? Why can't you follow her and be with her now? If there's a will, there's a way...