What would You Do in This Case?...Will you be Hurt?

all bout it - all about it... can't decide...
Philippines
May 1, 2010 1:28pm CST
Hi Everyone, What would you do if your boyfriend just disappeared in 3days, he is not answering all your call.. and then you've found out he is out of town with friends and sleeping in a friend girls' room but in separate bed... still he hide from you and did not even told you anything about it... Will these hurt you?.. what would you do?..
7 people like this
28 responses
• United States
1 May 10
First red flag is he hasn't been answering your calls to let you know what and where he is. Second, then you find he is with friends and staying in a woman's room as well. If I had the time and away to get where he is, I would go. Find out for myself what is going on and why I wasn't invited to go with, or even told that he was going. That's the third flag by the way, that he didn't tell you that he was going in the first place. Yes it would hurt, thing is, you need to see the reality of this and figure out if there is honesty in this relationship you are in. If not then you need to recheck the relationship for yourself, figure out if he is worth you or not.
3 people like this
• Philippines
1 May 10
... oh you made me think a lot.. thank you... first he explained that he was invited by a guy friend, but he was thinking that I will not allowed him to go because there are girls in it.. so he decided to hide it from me.. he really wants to of out of town that time... I was looking for him for 3 days.. he is not answering me... he don't want me to let know that he is with friends... then lucky for me, with my instinct.. I was able to drop by to some lodging house not far from the city and ask if his name was in the check in list... the front desk clerk told me he is in this room.. I found him sleeping in a separate bed in one room.. with two girls in the another bed... when he saw me.. he explained and we both leave the place.. we left their friends... he cried and told me he is really sorry... I really don't know what to do...
2 people like this
• United States
1 May 10
I would truly think about all of this through, the all of it from start to end. If he has to hide things he wants to do from you because you don't agree and can't discuss it and decide together, why is he with you in the first place? He would leave with you, because he was already gone for 3 days.. Did he explain what they all did for those three days? Did he admit to maybe some other extra activities to you, or side step the whole issue. Or maybe blame you because of how you felt about it all in the first place? How long have you been with him? Can you trust what he says? Do you watch his face when answering your questions or does he look away when answering? All these things you need to take into consideration. Is he worth keeping, even if he makes mistakes. Thing is does he change to not make those same mistakes again. Oh one more thing, make sure he understands how upset you were, worried, and hurt with his actions. Comes right down to it, he made the choice, you did not.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 10
Are you sure he hasn't done this before and you never found out? That question came up while reading the rest of the comments and responses here. Hun, you really need to look at him when your talking about these things. Watch his reactions, physical reactions, you should know him well enough by now when he isn't telling the truth just by watching his physical reaction. Don't get hurt anymore, you deserve better than that.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
1 May 10
UUMM, let me see. I would pack his bags for him and show him the door. For such things is not forgiven at all. TATA.
3 people like this
• Philippines
1 May 10
that's what I want too.. but we are not living together.. we are just boyfriend and girlfriend.. the story goes this way.. he was invited by a guy friend for out of town... he did not tell me coz he's thinking I will not allowed him coz there are some girl friends.. fortunately, I found him sleeping in a lodging house in one bed and two girls in another bed of the same room.. when they saw me, they all explained that it was nothing... he cried and explained... we both left their friends... until now it makes me think how can he never told me all about this after all we are in a relationship for over 7 years... do you think he is still into me?...
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
1 May 10
Sweetie, if you have been in this relationship for seven years and he still cannot tell you these things, then i am baffled. The most important things in any relationship is trust and respect. If you do not have that, then i would let him go. No excuses will ever be able to beat those two. If he still loves you, you have to talk about this. TATA.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 10
Agree's, if there isn't trust or respect after that long of a relationship, then there either has to be a huge change in him or find someone that will. After seven years he already knew how you would react, is that maybe why he went anyway knowing these things? You truly need to think about what you truly have in this relationship, is it one sided more than not?
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
1 May 10
Oh that isn't right, he'd no longer be my boyfriend. and to answer your question, yes I'd be hurt, but also very angry.
• Philippines
1 May 10
..and yes it freaks me out... this is the first time he do it to me for 7 years we are in a relationship... the whole story is that.. he do it because he really wants to go out of town, but afraid to tell me coz he's thinking that I would not allowed him coz there will be some girls.. so he kept it from me... fortunately, I found him in a lodging house sleeping in one bed, and two girls in another bed of the same room.. As they saw me.. he explained and the girls explained too that it was a group friends out of town... he cried and told me that he was just afraid to tell me... we both leave the place and we left his friends... so what about this?.. if you are in my place.. what would you say my friend?..
3 people like this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
1 May 10
If his explanations are acceptable to you, then give him another chance.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 10
This is my opinion krystal, but this can only be the beginning. If he can't be truthful with you out of fear, then there are going to continue to be problems. For example, would you have been ok if you knew about the girls? If you are like me and would not liked it, it only opens your relationship up for more lies. If you don't mind, I would caution you that one time it may not be as innocent..
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
1 May 10
Anybody would be hurt if there is no news from their love ones for a period of time. Just tell him that it hurts you when he doesn't tell you his whereabout. But you can't always control his movement as men usually do not like to be queen controlled.
3 people like this
• Philippines
1 May 10
Yes, I was really hurt... It breaks my heart... Have you ever experienced something like this situation?... he was invited by a guy friend, he did not tell me coz he is afraid that I will not allowed him to go coz there are girls in it... fortunately, I found him sleeping in a lodging house's room in a bed and two girls in another bed of the same room... It freaks me out... they all explained that it was nothing, he cried and told me he will never hide anything again from me... do you think he deserves to be forgiven?.. what would you do if this happens to you?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120447)
• Boise, Idaho
1 May 10
I would freak! Yes, it would hurt. Had you only known him for 3 days? Ugh! What a terrible thing to have happen. I would be glad I hadn't known him any longer. Some men are just horrible. Alot of people only care about themselves and do not take into concideration your feelings. I would be clear on my boundaries and what I would and would not put up with.
• Philippines
1 May 10
Hi.. I freak.. I really do.. anyway.. we are in a relationship for 7 years.. this is the first time he do it for me.. to just disappeared for three days without answering my call or letting me know where he is... luckly, I found him in a lodging house with friends... sleeping in one bed and two girls in another bed of the same room.. When he saw me. he explained and the girls too... and we both leave the place.. He cried and explained that he just want to go out with friends, but afraid to tell me because he is thinking that I will not allowed him coz he will be with some girl friends... so what do you think about it?
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120447)
• Boise, Idaho
1 May 10
I would be glad he told me the truth. I think it is time for you two to have a very serious discussion. If he is affraid to tell you for fear you would not let him go then it sounds like he has some issues regarding your leadership in the relationship. And, perhaps he still needs time to be singular. But you two need to talk and come to some conclusions about what to expect in the future.
2 people like this
• United States
1 May 10
Absolutely, at this point you both need to sit down and set the rules for both of you. No excuses are acceptable after that.
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
1 May 10
hurt? he wouldn't be my boyfriend any more
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 May 10
even if he explained to you that he's just afraid to tell you because he think you'll get angry?... he just do it for friends bonding.. hmmp.. but I guess.. that was just a very stupid reason from a man like him, I guess you're right friend.. better off without him...
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
1 May 10
I would probably say - far better to tell me the truth than to lie or hide. You might be testing to see how much I love you - trust me, I won't test you by kicking you out if you don't test me by hiding or lying. I guess there are some gals more desperate for a boyfriend than I am... probably why I'm still single at my age!
2 people like this
@angelajoy (1839)
• Philippines
2 May 10
@krystalheart: If he tells me that he didn't tell me because I'll get angry I will be angrier than before. That's the dumbest reason guys have ever invented. I don't know about you, but I really think there's something fishy going on. If he doesn't have anything to hide he won't be so afraid to tell you. @ElicBxn: I so totally agree with you. If that would happen to me I would immediately dump my boyfriend. I do have a boyfriend right now, and thank god he's not like all the other idiots in the world.
1 person likes this
@cip116 (1011)
• Romania
1 May 10
If after 7 years is the first time...must be for you a sign He needs somethings else besides you 3 days will be next time...4days... I think that he will have repeating this thing and will not good for you There is an expression "not pull a sleigh without snow"
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 May 10
hi there friend, have you read my whole story in previous comments above you?... I just want to know if you are in my situation.. will you still give him another chance?.. will you still trust him?... I ask him if he need some space.. he said no... as of now... he's making up with me... but still don't know what to do sometimes, still there is pain everytime I think that he prefer his friends than me for those days...
• China
1 May 10
First 3 days i will really feel tense for him. After 3 days if he couldn't prove himself honest then i will say good bye. And yes i will be hurt as he is my bf.
• Philippines
1 May 10
Hi there, he was invited by a guy friend for out of town, he told me he is just afraid to tell me coz he is thinking that I will be angry if he is with friends with some girls in the group.. fortunately, I found him sleeping in a lodging house in a bed with two girls in another bed of the same room.. It freaks me out, they both explained there is nothing in it... he cried and told me that he would never hide anything from me again... we then both left their friends... It hurts me coz I was thinking how come he was able to take it...without answering my call for 3 days... how come he prefer to come with his friends and hide from me for 3 days... do you think he deserves to be forgiven if you are in my place?..
1 person likes this
@mommaj (22894)
• United States
1 May 10
I read some of the responses, but all I can tell you if after seven years you are only boyfriend and girlfriend and not living together is this really a relationship that is going anywhere? If you only want a casual relationship than this one is good for you, but if you are looking for someone who is committed to you, you need to move on. I agree that the only reason he didn't tell you is he knew your reaction. If he already knew your reaction why did he do it? Is his friends more important than you?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 May 10
...and yes.. that's the question I am always asking... hope I could make the right decision... thank you for reminding me all of these.
@mommaj (22894)
• United States
2 May 10
Just hope you will do what is best for you, whether you want to be in a casual relationship or if you want to get married someday. That is definitely your decision.
@Hatley (164471)
• Garden Grove, California
1 May 10
krystalheart I would be furious and he would have a throbbing butt from being kicked to the curb really fast. That would be my x boyfriend by the way and I would not buy one word of him sleeping in a separate bed in a friend's girl's rom what hooey, what lies!!!!!! hurt does not really describe my emotions if I were you. furious is a b etter word.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 May 10
Hi Hatley, I was too really angry that time... honestly I slapped him several times.. I give him a lot of hard punches in front of those girls.. It looks like I there was a big typhoon in that room because of me... He then explained that he just want to go out of town with friends coz he was invited by a guy friend but afraid to tell me coz there are some girls in it... the girls explained too but there is really nothing in it... He cried and told me that it was really his mistakes and will never do such thing again... we then left their friends... so do you think I should give him a second chance if you are in my place?
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
2 May 10
My boyfriend knows better than not to tell me where he's been. Because if the same situation ever happened to me, I would do the same thing to him. I'd go out with friends and not tell him where I am. Sometimes we don't always have to tell our partners where we are or what we're doing. I prefer to do what I want, and he can do the same. But if he is seeing someone else, he'd better be honest and tell me right away rather than having the best of both worlds. It will hurt as hell if we break up, but I'd rather be hurt than made a fool of.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 May 10
yes this will hurt me deeply. Why is he hiding his activities to me, is that for a reason that I will not allow him to do it or I will insist I'll be going too since he will be going with friends with girls. I will ask him why he did not inform me and what is the reason, I will feel the validity of the reason but what he done is not okay since he have me as a girlfriend and he will leave me worrying, to think that 3 days is very long day. Maybe he had amnesia, which is impossible I believe.
• United States
7 May 10
I would be hurt and upset but I would leave him!!!!!!!! For sure!!!!!! He sounds like no good and a liar why put up with that like my mama always said the world is like a big sea and there are plenty of fish in it!!! Good Luck to you!!!
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
5 May 10
yup wpuld hurt and he wouldnt be my boyfriend any more
• New Zealand
2 May 10
Yes, of course it would! I would most likely be jealous and angry, and unwilling to listen to any explanation he's got (if he eventually decides that he wants to share the reason why he's been avoiding me). However, the mature thing to do would be to talk to him (somehow), hear his story and break up with him. Even if he did have a legit reason for avoiding me (eg severe emotional breakdown), I don't think I'd want to continue a relationship with someone who deals with stress in this way.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
2 May 10
I'll be more than hurt. What he did was just very irresponsible. Being in a relationship means that you have responsibilities to your partner. Not telling you his whereabouts for three days is not acceptable, especially if you were looking for him. Hiding from you is another story. If I were you, I'll leave him in peace.... Goodluck...
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
2 May 10
Hurt? I would be angry! Anyone who could allow you to worry, desert you for fun, breaking your trust isn't someone who's 'I love you' is meant.
@leinrix (489)
• Philippines
2 May 10
if your boyfriend really loves you he will be faithful and honest to you and respect you and listen to you because if he just disappear not answering your call and you found out that happened and he knows it will hurt your feeling then why did she still do that for me in this case i need to know what really happened and investigate because if he really loves you he will trust you and wont hide it from you
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
2 May 10
Most certainly, it is going to hurt anyone if one's partner is away for days and is found sleeping in some other girl's rooms- separate beds! Separate beds thing was discovered when he was found.. Are you sure that for 3 days, they slept separately? Who can be sure? and how??? If you want to go out of town, you must inform your dear ones, the people who are going to miss you a lot, must be informed earlier... That is how I think!
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
2 May 10
Yes it would hurt; it would hurt as I packed all his things that were at my house and threw them out of the door and it would hurt when I told him I never want to see him again! I would not forgive a man disappearing on me and not wanting to tell me the truth not to mention that he slept in another girl’s room! I would like to think that I deserved better than that and so do you!