would pretend to like someone for anyone else ?

United States
May 2, 2010 9:52pm CST
some been following some of my older discussion about things been going on within my family on my wife side. its appear they think i should pretend to get along with everyone even though they hurt my daughter over and over. and if they speak to me i should want to sit there and talk with them. i told my wife i pretend once for her, and i refuse to pretend anymore for her or her parents that there isnt anything wrong. i just dont want to talk them or be around them. because i know there will be a few who always start the drama and crap. i wont sit there and listen to it i will speak up so if your spouce or anyone else want to pretend to like or act like nothing wrong with someone else would you ?
9 responses
• Philippines
3 May 10
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. At this point, your daughter needs the love, attention and support of her family, and by support I mean that they stay away from the guy who assaulted her. I cannot even begin to imagine what your daughter is going through right now. I never pretended to like someone I didn't. I don't want to waste my time pleasing people who aren't looking out for my best interests, but only for their own. And I suggest you do the same. That's your daughter we're talking about.
• United States
3 May 10
whats funny my wife side have a saying its not our place to say anything, and the kids can make thier own choices
• Philippines
4 May 10
And why not? You love her don't you, you want to protect her. That's enough reason for someone to say something. It's not always easy. You should put your foot down sometimes, you are after all the head of the family. It doesn't matter if she's an adult, and that "she's old enough to handle situations like this", we are human, we get hurt,too. They're right, kids can make their own choices, but it would be better if there were someone there to guide them, the duties and responsibilities of the parents don't really end once they reach the age of 18, if we want our kids to come out right, we should learn to be there for them, even if they don't say anything or sometimes we try to ignore their cry for help, I say, we should still be sensitive and aware, and not wait till it's too late for us to do anything. People kill themselves for reasons that are trivial compared to this. Your daughter is lucky, she has a father that cares for her.
• United States
3 May 10
I do all the time. I have many issues with my hubby's family and I pretend all the time for both his sake and my kids sake. I do find times that I cannot keep my mouth shut, but some times it just slip out.
• United States
3 May 10
ive done it for years, but over the years different things had happen not just with my daughter but with me and people in my wife's family. her sister accused me of something no man ever wanted to be accuse of. and she was really nasty about it, and still i went around everyone and i pretend to be happy and nothing was wrong. but i had to watch everything i said and did. and all my life i was always told to pretend things didnt bother or hurt me. get around those who did wrong and be nice to them so i wont hurt thier feelings. i told my wife ive done it all my life, ive done this for years after years with her family. and i am sick of her parnets making excuses up for the other kids, but when it comes to my own she is always wrong, and she need to try harder, but when it comes down to making up she's the one who always make the first move. now this was the last straw with them, my poor have to deal with her brother and others leaving her out of everything, and treating her like crap, and dealing with the fact not just almost raped by a friend but her brother and cousins even the nasty aunt is beliving the boy story over her as well. so i do have issues with them all of them. and i do have issue excepting the fact they hang out with this punk and beliving his lies, and my son even said well he have to work on the trust issues with us, but my son wont work on his issue with his own twin sister. so i am pretty done with my wife side of the family, because if someone start something i am not going to sit there and pretend for them no more, and i will not keep my mouth shut at all. i will speak my mind if they like it or not. and i even told my wife when the holidays comes and our daughter still dont want to go over, i will be at home with her, if they want to tell me im wrong for picky and choicing oh well they are right i wont leave my daughter alone
• United States
3 May 10
More power to you. i know what it's like my brother in law makes a lot of statements (usually when trying not to have everyone on him for his misdeeds) and has made accusations not only to me but to all the sister in laws ( I am the only one around he split up his other brothers first marriage and the new sis in law has made it clear she will sue him for defamation again so...). Their parents always believe he does no evil (even while cheating on his wife in their house with their knowledge) and we are always the wrong ones. I say more now then I used to because I can no longer deal with it and my husband has cut off most of our ties as he too is sickened and tired of the BS. It is hard when it splits the home up though and I wish you much luck and it's good that your girl has at least her Daddy to support her, I am sure that makes a very big difference to her.
@kaylachan (4776)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
3 May 10
I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm "pretending, but I will be civil to people I don't like. Even if I know how baddly things can go there is nothing wrong with being civil. I do speak my mind, but instead of turning it into an argument I quietly slip it in. And, I only stick around as little as possible.
• United States
4 May 10
ive done that before with my wife sister, and been doing it. over 25 yrs. always kept my mouth shut, walked away. tried to get along with people and they still do the same dumb stuff over and over. and dont know why it seem like my son and others have issues with my daughter and why they want to hang out with the dude who tried to rape her, and belive him over her
• Philippines
3 May 10
Hi there buddy... Of course no. I would never pretend for someone else. Especially if the person being put on the line is my own blood... in this case your daughter. You are the head of the family, stand up for your child. Trust me, when she grows up -- she'll be the one to stand up for you. Even to those people who are now giving you and her a hard time. You and I are one in that aspect. I, too hate all that drama. There really is no sense going thru that when the simplest solution is right there in your hands. To protect your family. They have to understand that it is natural for you to protect and defend your child because above all else -- that is your own blood. Keep me updated about this syankee525... Have a nice day.
• United States
4 May 10
thanks, ive hard that too she's 25 time for take up for herself, but she's always out number
@JenInTN (27564)
• United States
6 May 10
I don't know if I could. I might try but for the most part, I would just stay away as much as I could. I'm not good with that stuff.
@Andyvil (793)
• Philippines
3 May 10
I don't want to have to act in front of others. If I don't like the person I will never hang out with them. I don't want to waste my time pretending to like them when in fact I hate being with them.
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
3 May 10
The reason why you wife (I'm assuming its her that wants you to pretend) wants you to pretend is because she loves you, and loves the others as well. she's having a hard time making both ends of her life meet and it hurts her to see those she love get hurt. The only thing here is, she can't ask her other relatives to shut up and be nice. It's you who she could ask to be "good". Doing what she requests or not is totally your choice and it depends on the situation, if you think you are right, then by all means, do what you think is right. Say blatantly what's on your mind. In deciding about something, you should vision what will happen to the stakeholders, what would happen to you. Like, what would happen to your wife if you do this, what would this do to my daughter, to my in laws, and myself. Would I get good results or would I get the right results. Which is better, the good or the right? Answer these questions and I think you'll know what to do.
• Philippines
3 May 10
i can not probably do that... if i know that they are wrong why should i pretend that i still like them or not,,, it is better for me to be true than to be like for not being who i am... if they are really, and i know that they are, i should frankly tell them that i do not like them... they will surely abuse it if we still continue to pretend that we like them...
@redhotpogo (4422)
• United States
3 May 10
I would say sometimes you need to act like nothing happened, like everything is ok for the better good. But when you're talking about your daughter. Someone hurt your daughter. No. Don't act like nothing happened, and its no big deal. You should stay away from them, and keep your daughter away from them, and have a long talk with the wife about family.