is nick clegg a vampire?

@jb78000 (15173)
May 3, 2010 4:06am CST
contrary to popular belief the dailydrivel does not just run high quality stories about the obama and palin siblings. it also uncovers disturbing ones from this country. we have been watching* the televised debates with a growing sense of unease, why, when cameron and brown were getting flustered, did clegg not? and we know why. he is clearly a vampire. here is the evidence: he remained unnaturally calm during the debates he can't pronounce the letter 'w'. this means he is either a vampire or a furriner** he says he does not drink wine photoshop caught him turning into a bat he uses factor 8000 suncream and is never seen out without sunglasses our boss does not want him to get votes so what do YOU think? are you convinced? we are. also what imaginary monsters do you think brown and cameron actually are? *no we haven't. we just looked at what our competition said. **tomorrow our headline is 'send clegg home'
1 person likes this
5 responses
@Torunn (2810)
• Norway
3 May 10
No, he's a horse-fly. Klegg means horse-fly in Norwegian, and he's doing a very poor job of hiding it with spelling it with c instead of k. Of course, being a horse-fly doesn't say he can't be a vampire at the same time. They both bite and suck blood, so he could be a horse-fly vampire, he doesn't turn himself into a bat but into an annoying insect (with a brightly coloured tie)
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@owlwings (39875)
• Cambridge, England
3 May 10
In Scotland it is, indeed, spelled with a 'c' (but usually with one 'g'). I think that, in Scotland, it refers to any biting fly which is a nuisance. A horse-fly is obviously related to a vampire. As clegs (of the British persuasion) are particularly Scottish, they are a particular nuisance to Scotsmen (which, in one way or another) both Brown and Cameron are.
@jb78000 (15173)
3 May 10
see - the dailydrivel is ALWAYS* right in one way or another
@Torunn (2810)
• Norway
3 May 10
So, what's the chances that you'll end up with a vampiric horse-fly as prime minister? Wouldn't the poor instect starve if he had to feed on only politicians?
@laglen (19782)
• United States
3 May 10
If Clegg is a vampire and Palin and Obama are siblings, doesnt that mean that ahmadinijad is a werewolf? (I love conspiracy theories)
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@owlwings (39875)
• Cambridge, England
3 May 10
Ahmadinijad's father's name (which he changed when Ahmadinijad was four years old) meant 'Thread painter' meaning that his ancestors worked in the carpet industry. Perhaps they were involved in the manufacture of Flying Carpets and other magical items. These days, that may include nuclear weapons.
2 people like this
@laglen (19782)
• United States
3 May 10
That seems an obvious assumption!
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@jb78000 (15173)
3 May 10
you can't argue with it
@owlwings (39875)
• Cambridge, England
3 May 10
Maybe Gordon Brown is a Strangler. There was a rumour that these lyrics (or something like them) were to be used for one of the election campaigns: "[i]Gordon Brown knows where the sun Shines out from his behind. He runs Throughout the night No need to fight Never a frown with Gordon Brown Every time just like the last On his ship tied to the mast To distant lands Binds both my hands Never a frown with Gordon Brown Gordon Brown wears a string vest Through the ages he's going West From far away Stays for a day Never a frown with Gordon Brown Never a frown With Gordon Brown Never a frown With Gordon Brown[/i]" I find (from Wikipedia) that "Cameron is a cyborg from the apocalyptic future described in the timeline of the Terminator universe, in which a self-aware computer program, Skynet, launches a nuclear holocaust and wages war against a rebellion led by John Connor." Never mind that the character appears to be female. Cyborgs are actually sexless.
@owlwings (39875)
• Cambridge, England
3 May 10
A cleg is also an irritating little fly which emerges with the warmer weather and irritates Scotsmen (such as Brown and Cameron).
3 May 10
Camerons a scotsman as well! we've been colonised! If Scotland becomes independant, can we send all these scots back across the border?? Incidentally, the Cameron cyborg was played by the actress Summer Glau whi is certainly not sexless
@jb78000 (15173)
3 May 10
you are certainly not sending him up here, you can keep him.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 May 10
I say he's a furriner. Y'all should demand to see his birth certificate and other papers!
@Torunn (2810)
• Norway
4 May 10
He could still be a vampire, don't they come from Transylvania or something? They are probably shipped into the UK in coffins so there's be customs papers on him somewhere. Imported on vampiric horse-fly/horse-flyish vampire from Transylvania. Handle with care. Will start telling you to vote for him if it comes in touch with air".
1 person likes this
@jb78000 (15173)
4 May 10
the daily mail (or a similar burble) did report that he was married to some furriner and his great grand parents came from wales or something and finished with the question 'how british is clegg?!!!!' unfortunately he was born in england and went to schools etc nearly as posh as cameron's. it will take days to prove* otherwise.
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@Torunn (2810)
• Norway
5 May 10
His great grand parents were whales? If you want to get rid of him, I know where you should send him .... Or did you say that his grand parents were Welsh Great Danes but born in England and with secret wish to be the queens corgies? I'm sure photoshop can prove that.
2 people like this
@jwfarrimond (4474)
3 May 10
I think that they are all blood suckers and they'll have a pound of flesh off you as well given half a chance!
@jb78000 (15173)
3 May 10
yep
@owlwings (39875)
• Cambridge, England
4 May 10
If they took pounds of flesh from the fat cats, wouldn't that solve the growing obesity problem?