It's a one-way street for the breadwinner of the family...
May 3, 2010 9:18pm CST
I have noticed these past several days that being the breadwinner of the family, I have not been getting the support that I need especially from my wife and kids. I wake up in the morning and go to work without taking breakfast or even a cup of coffee. Worse, it seems I should be the one who's supposed to do the laundry myself because my clothes are left in the laundry bin unwashed over the weekend. I don't want to expect much from my wife because being a spouse and a mother rolled into one is no laughing matter. But I have this feeling that it's not anymore a give-and-take situation, that I am being taken for granted and I don't know why. Do I have a valid reason to feel like this?
2 people like this
• Garden Grove, California
4 May 10
hi bananarepublica why not try to communicate with wife and children as there should be an open line at least between you and your wife. Perhaps there are extenuating circumstances that you were not aware of before you just jump all over your wife.for pity'ssakes'why do you men always think a woman should be in the kitchen 24/7 cannot you make some breakfast like even a bowl of dry cereal and milk maybe she was tired or had something else she had to do. married'life should be a two way street with open communication.Does your wife also work or is she a stay at home mom. and how many children do you have? Is the son old enough to throw a breakfast together for dad? do talk to your wife and kids and straighten out things as maybe they did not know how you felt.good luck and God bless.
4 May 10
Hi hatley! My wife and I make it a point to talk about almost everything under the sun, especially before going to sleep. But there really are things that we don't get to agree at sometimes. Anyway, I believe no problem is big enough it cannot be resolved through a heart-to-heart talk. Thanks for sharing and have a good day!
4 May 10
I understand your sentiments. Things like your situation do happen in all families. I think what you need is a break. Perhaps you are working too much and you feel tired every day when you get home so you are feeling down. Take a long day off and have fun doing things you love doing. That will perhaps help you to recharge. Sometimes if we are too tired we look at things the negative way but if you look at the positive side of things and tell yourself that things aren't that bad, you will feel better. Sometimes, we just have to look at the better side of things for us to be able to feel better. Perhaps your wife is always tired and kids today are far different than when we were kids. if your children are still young and you didn't teach them to be responsible, then that's the bad effect of it. I often experienced that myself from my only son but perhaps this is because I didn't teach him to be responsible. I did everything for him because he was my only child and I was a single mom. Now that he is already 19, it is hard to tell him to do this and do that so I just have to accept that kids nowadays are different. They are too busy with other things that they don't care to do their responsibilities at home. It is sad but I often meet parents who have the same sentiments. Perhaps the best thing to handle your situation is to talk to your wife and kids about the matter. Explain to them that perhaps they could help you one way or another because you are working hard. Good luck and happy mylotting.
4 May 10
Please understand that your wife is also having a lot of work at home like cleaning the house, cooking, doing the dishes, and taking care of the children. I think the thought that you are the bread-winner of the family made you think that you should get more co-operation from your family. Please talk to your openly saying that you expect more co-operation or support from her to complete the household taks. Please don't tell her that you deserve the support and help in your personal work because you are the bread-winner of the family. No woman including me will like that. So, talk about this to your wife in a nice way so that she won't feel bad. I am going to be a homemaker for a few months from July. I am shifting to a different country where my husband works. It will take somm time for me to find a job in the new place. The, my husband will be the only bread-winner and I don't like it when he expects me to do all work because he is the bread-winner.
4 May 10
How many children do you have? Even if i'm mad at my husband i still wake up earlier than him and prepare him breakfast and coffee. I appreciate how much hard the nature of his work and the willingness to provide everything for his family, for us. I guess the key is communication. Ask her what's happening? what's goin on? There could be a big reason why she's taking you for granted.
• United States
4 May 10
I think that maybe you are feeling a little stressed out from work and just need some time to relax. I do think it's kind of odd that your clothes are left for you to wash, but maybe your wife has a valid reason for this. Could it be that she doesn't want to wash something of yours that you were planning to wear again, or that wasn't really dirty? Or maybe she herself feels a little worn down and this is her way of asking you for a little bit of help?