I'm being selfish.

@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
United States
May 4, 2010 8:14am CST
First of all i want to wish everyone a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. I am dreading mother's day this year. It hasn't been the same since my daughter-in-laws became mother's. The way it's been for the last few years the dil's are the ones to be taken out to eat etc. Just because they are mother's now does that make me less of one, seems like it does. I have never said a word about this to anyone but have had my feelings hurt. I don't understand why we all can't go out to eat together. This year neither one of my sons are speaking to me so know it's going to be a very sad day for me. Do y'all understand how i feel or do u think i'm being selfish to feel this way? I would love your opinions. thanks.
12 people like this
31 responses
@laglen (19783)
• United States
4 May 10
ok, I want to apologize in advance. I do not mean to be mean or hurtful. But why are your sons not speaking to you? Do you expect them to just stop and pamper you because it is a Hallmark holiday? I understand your feelings. I know the day I gave birth, I could no longer think only of myself. I no longer got birthday presents for me, I get functional gifts now. If I were in your shoes, on Mothers Day, I would get myself something very nice and pamper myself.
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
U do not have to apologize for your opinion. Do i expect them to pamper me, no , but it would be nice. I pampered them all their lives, always heard time about is fair play. I really don't know why my oldest son quit speaking to me, we had no words about anything. My youngest got mad at me when i wanted to take my grandson to a easter egg hunt & when he said no , i got my feelings hurt. Wasn't the first time i wasn't allowed to take him somewhere. I raised both the boys by myself & think they owe me some respect if nothing else. Have a nice day.
3 people like this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
5 May 10
Laglen, I have to defend Antique here. There is really more to her story. I'm pretty sure that if her sons treated her with more respect throughout the year that it would not matter if they chose to spend mothers day with their wives.
2 people like this
@laglen (19783)
• United States
5 May 10
Sid - thats why I asked. There always is. Antiquelady - I am very sorry that this is your situation this year. Like I said, you did your best, now atleast pamper yourself.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 10
No you are not being selfish but they are and the DL's too!!! They should be including you in there plans. I have not enjoyed Mother's day since my mother passed away in 1988! I have had some good ones and I have had some bad ones. Our church is having a mother/daughter banquet on the 15th and I am not excited about going and my granddaughter has already asked me about it!!!! I don't know if we are going or not, it is also the youngest granddaughters birthday....if I go I wish i could take you with me!!! My worst mothers day was in 2002. Our theme was "weddings" and I had volunteered to make a wedding cake for our dessert and was teaching some of the girls in our church how to decorate cakes. It was hard because my daughter and her husband had split up, then my husband announced he was leaving and had a girlfriend!!!!! The last thing I wanted to do was to make that wedding cake but I had promised!!! The last thing I wanted to do was to go to that banquet!!! I made it through...my husband and I got back together 3 weeks later! My daughter and her husband never did. We have a lot of older people in our church and for all the 'single senior mom's' my Sunday School and Wed night childrens class is making hanging flower baskets for them. I think I have about 20 this year to make, more if I have enough pails so I can do the older married ladies too.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (90157)
• Marion, Kansas
4 May 10
Christmas, you are so thoughtful and giving. I am glad you are helping make some people happier this year. You could always take your granddaughters to the dinner even if your daughter does not go. I am trying to make a point to get more involved in Women's Ministry now, never have been over the years.
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
bLESS YOUR HEART, u ARE SUCH A KIND & GIVING PERSON. iCAN TELL u are a very strong lady & i admire so so much. I'm sorry u don't enjoy mother's day anymore. I bet if your mother was the kind of lady u are she would want u to enjoy it. 2002 had to be a nightmare for u. Again i admire u for overcoming your husban's problem, u are a better lady that i am. I could not have been that forgiving. Thanks so much for your response & your sharing.Hope u have a good day sunday. hugs. jo
• United States
4 May 10
I guess I didn't make it clear about my granddaughters. The oldest one 16 asked about going, she is my oldest daughters girl, they live across the road from me. The youngest one that has the birthday,is my stepsons daughter, her mother isn't in the picture, we are all getting together and purchasing and putting up a swingset for her for her birthday, I just don't know when we are doing anything. My daughters would go to the banquet if I tell them I want to go. I love giving out the baskets and doing things for the people in our church. I do it through the kids and they just love doing it. They are so excited about it. They are making baskets for their mothers too. I don't know Jo if I am so strong as you say or just 'dumb stubborn blonde'!!!! Jo your son's & wifes sound just like my brother and his wife. My brother was 25 years older then me! My mother was always the last thought or excess baggage for them. She was accepting in how they treated her but I wasNOT so forgiving. She could make excuses for it..I couldn't. He told me once that caring for ma was my job that him and his wife had made their minds up on that a long time ago! He has passed on now too, and his wife I see once in awhile but no love lost there I spend more time being polite because I think I should, not that she deserves it. As for my husband, God has blessed me with the ability to "forgive and forget" It is never mentioned. I know that it is only God that could do that for me. I still remember and have to admit that I am not to trusting. It took a lot of prayer but the whole incident has changed both of us. I don't hold anything in now, if I get mad I am mad and he knows it!!! If I want to do something we do it, he doesn't give me the 'more important' excuses. Other then going to church Sunday I really don't know what we are doing. Noone has said anything and i haven't asked. I told all my kids that this year I want my swing set that I bought a couple years ago put up. I bought it but we have never gotten around to putting it up. It is one of hte large wooden ones with the tunnel slide on it. They always ask me what I want for mothers day, birthday, christmas and I tell them my car washed but they tell me it is to big and they would rather buy me something. I really would rather have my car washed...maybe the swing set will be to big this year and I'll get my car washed!!!!
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4807)
• United States
4 May 10
If your sons are not speaking to you, you certainly cannot expect anything from them. Are they your only children? Is your mother still living. If she is, I'd celebrate with her and forget about your children. If she isn't, I'd select a substitute, someone in your neighborhood or a nursing home whose children are inattentive or maybe deceased, and celebrate with her. It would be good for both of you.
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
Thanks for your kind response. My mother is deceased as is most of my immediate family. They are my only two children. I'm not expecting anything from them sunday & that makes me very sad. I like your idea of a substitute. thanks. Have a great tues.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
4 May 10
IF I was up to it which I aint right now but woulr plan a family get together they can give wives presents!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
I would prefer that to , Joan. I don't HAVE to be taken out , their wives do tho.I hope u have a good mother's day. Thanks for responding.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
5 May 10
There will only be me and daughter here as her hubby has gone to another town for 10 for his work!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
sometimes it's nice to have just some time with your child. i MISS THAT.
@ElicBxn (60046)
• United States
5 May 10
I think you have every right to feel betrayed by your sons. Still, until they see the error of their ways, things probably aren't going to change. I wish you could join us old single ladies around here and ignore the whole thing. We can have fun without kids - tho we do have to spend time with our moms... still you can treat yourself with out ungrateful children.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks Elic, for your kind response. I would love to join you ladies if it was possible. I know how good u are to your mom & i think that's wonderful. Have a good one. jo
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (60046)
• United States
5 May 10
just remember, my cats don't know Mother's day, they just love me like any other day And that's why cats (and dogs) are better than children!
2 people like this
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
5 May 10
I agree with you 100%, Elic! I never have had any children, myself, and I consider my animals my kids, lol! If you really think about it, they are like children in so many ways!
2 people like this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
4 May 10
You are not being selfish at all. Your son's should not ignore you just because their wives are mothers now. You are still their mother! I've followed some of your other stories and I get angry at how your sons treat you. It is so wrong. My daughter has two children. She's a great mom. I'm a mom and my 23 yr old just found out she was pregnant. It's a day to celebrate mothers. We usually all go out for breakfast together. This year we are talking about meeting at my place and the non-moms will cook breakfast for the mom's . I hope your sons realize how wrong they are and things turn around for you before that day.
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
I hope y'all have a wonderful day together, Sid. Being together is what it's all about. Congraulations to u & your daughter & to your other daughter for being a good mom. I have always thought i was a good mom to but undoubtedly i failed somewhere for my sons to both not be speaking to me. I never ever thought it would be like it is. Thanks so much for your kindness, it's greatly appreciated. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
5 May 10
Antique, did it ever occur to you that maybe your sons are failing as sons and maybe this is NOT your fault. I have heard a good part of your story and I really think your sons are expecting way too much from you as a person. You probably have always done way too much for them and they have come to expect that you as their mom owes them. You provide shelter for your son's dog and he treats you poorly. That is wrong. A shelter anywhere else would be costing him big money. I think that you need to stand up to him and protect your own heart. If he really feels as he does then he needs to find another home for the dog because his silent treatment and complete disregard for your feelings hurt you over and over. I have a daughter as I've told you that has been given to being mouthy and disrespectful. I just don't tolerate it. One time she called me and started yelling at me for something I did not do right in her mind. I'm not above messing up but I try and I don't deserve to be yelled at. I told her I had not even had a coffee and I did not need this first thing in the morning. She continued and I hung up on her telling her to call me when she could talk decent. Well I was in line getting my coffee when someone hugged me from behind. it was her. I'm telling you Antique, stand up to that boy. He'll come around.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks sid, for your understanding. U make me feel much better. I'm so glad your daughter realized she had been ugly to u & made up for it so quick. That shows u have done a good job of mothering. I just don't understand my sons acting the way they have. It is very hurtful. They bith need a boot up their buttes.U have a great wed. jo
@BarBaraPrz (17272)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
4 May 10
No, I don't think you're being selfish. You're still their mother. Why not take yourself out to eat?
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
Good morning Barb, thanks for your response. I have never liked to go out & eat by myself. do u? I don't evcen care whether i get to go out & eat sunday, it's not that. I would just like to be shown some love & respect. Have a great tues. jo
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
5 May 10
Nothing other than your sons giving you a big hug and letting you know how much they love you will help you, Antique. I know that because that's how I'd feel and how I do feel when my kids and I are on the outs. Maybe you should send your son a "thinking of you" card. Whatever you do ...don't apologize because you have nothing to apologize for. You could say that you miss him and being mothers day, you are remembering his birth . Maybe suggest you set up a time to talk. I'm really surprised the wives are not pushing them to include you in mothers day. When I was married if my husband was ever disrespectful towards his mother and he was, I pushed him to make amends with her.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks for your concern, sid. Hope u have a great mother's day.
@wolveren (1525)
• Philippines
4 May 10
If it makes ya feel better and if only I was your neighbor, I'd spend mother's day with you and treat ya out to dinner antiquelady. Though I don't want to intrude too much about your personal life, if I was your son Mother's day is the perfect day to make amends and get over whatever it is between us. Mother's are the most important to all sons and daughters. Simply put if it weren't for you mothers, none of us would be around making fools of ourselves. We owe our lives to you from top to bottom. For those who didn't have the gift of having mothers around that's a different story. But for most of us who did, we are supposed to show and give respect to our mothers. In the real world mother's may not always be right but they have been there for us since we were too small to run around and have taken care of us like no other. Happy mothers day to you in advance antiquelady. Hmmm. Is mother's day celebrated in your country on the second week (sunday) of May? If it is, then it's just like ours here in my country. Cheers!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
Thank you, Wolveren, u are very kind. I would take up on that invitation if i could. It would be a wonderful day to get things straightened out but i don't see it happening. Mother's day is this sunday, the 9th. Thanks again, your mom is lucky to have a son like u. hugs.
1 person likes this
@wolveren (1525)
• Philippines
6 May 10
The pleasure is all mine Antiquelady. A tribute to all Mothers! Happy Mother's Day to all you sweet mothers out there! Cheers!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
6 May 10
U are very kind. thanks.
@bunnybon7 (32526)
• Holiday, Florida
4 May 10
so sorry. its a shame that some dont realise the pain and sacrifice mothers went through. how we walked the floor with them and tended to them when they were sick, etc. you know my daughters are the only ones that have understood it. and one of my sons. the one i live with. i think he feels for me because he remembers so much i did for him growing up and he had taken care of his child many times after they split. again, i so wish i could be near you. we would go out to eat together and id bring my son here and he would keep us laughing as hes a big joker. yes ive spent some mothers days alone when boys were only concerned with their wives. i have 2 others. boys that is. had 3. this one has lived in other states, not near me at times.
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (32526)
• Holiday, Florida
4 May 10
ps, wish i could spank your sons as im sure you wish also. oh if only they were little again. as grandma used to say, when they are little they step on your toes, but when they are grown, they step on your heart.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Your grandmother had the right answer for sure. Thanks for responding, Bon. I hope u have a wonderful mother's day & i'm sure your children will see that u do. I hope for the best sunday but fear the worst. hugs.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 10
If your children are reading here, I just want to warn them of something... The Bible says to "honour your mother and father...that your days may be long in the land that the Lord thy God giveth thee." That is in the Ten Commandments. I wish I still had a Mom to pamper. My Mom made her Transition on June 12, 2009. It was unexpected by all of us. At times I still call her last phone # and get a message that the number "has been disconnected or is no longer in service." My mom is gone; I can't talk to her anymore. I regret not appreciating her more or not spending time with her anymore. Many of your moms are still alive. Honour them, reverence them, enjoy them. Make time for them this year on Mother's Day. Make time for them every day. A phone call would be nice. And whatever bone you have to pick with them, resolve it asap. You just don't know what tomorrow holds. Angus
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 10
I am sorry to hear of your mother passing. That first year after is the hardest. My thoughts and prayers to you. Do you have children? God bless you!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
What a sweet response, thank u very much. I am sorry u lost your mom. I know it's been hard on u, i can tell from your response. my sons are not on mylot. I wish they were so they could read what u wrote.Good wishes to u. Thanks for responding. Take care of yourself.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17268)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
5 May 10
hi Jo. i don't think you are being selfish my friend. it is just that we are humans and we always feel neglected sometimes by people we love and people whom we expect we are loved. happy mother's day to you Jo. i have no mom or MIL now so i give you my first mother's day greeting this year.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thank you, neil. I really appreciate your greeting. I'm sorry about your mom & mil. Hope u have a great wed.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
4 May 10
I can understand the hurt feelings....I hope somehow it turns into a Happy Mother's day for you....I know it's not my business but can't you resolve the issues you have with your sons? Hopefully you will soon!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks for responding, Jill. I hope it turns out to be a happy day to but i'm very afraid it want. I don't mind u asking me anything. I think my youngest owes me an apology for the ugly name he called me. As for my oldest i don't have a clue why he's acting the way he is. A year ago this month he had a birtday & was acting stange then but i went out to his house to wish him a happy day. That is the last time i have laid eyes on him.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
4 May 10
Oh my goodness I totally agree with you. Why can't you all go out together. How selfish are these daughter-in-laws. I can't believe your sons are not talking to you. That is just not right. What I can't believe is that two daughter-in-laws can't share this day with their mother-in-law. I know my daughters will share the day with me including my son-in-law. If my son-in-law's mom was living near we would all go out to eat or have a great meal at home. This is so wrong and I'm so sorry you are going through this at this time of year.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks for your kind words, Lelin. It is a day that should be shared but it hasn't been in a long time. There is an old saying, a daughter's a daughter all her life, a son's a son till he takes a wife. I have never wanted to blame mt dil's for my son's actions but u can't help it when it comes to mother's day. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90157)
• Marion, Kansas
4 May 10
Well, dear, it is what it is. If they are not going to recognize you in any way, so be it, you cannot change them. Resolve to be happy anyway. Several have suggested that you find someone who is in need and befriend them for the day. I do not agree with family members not talking to one another. I have DIL who is definitely on her way out, son lives with me, but I will be shocked if he does more than give me a hug, that is okay. I will be surprised if my daughter remembers to call. No hard feelings, just their personality.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
U are right, GG, IT is what it is but that n't make me like the way they are acting. I hope you have a great mother's day & hear from your daughter & get a big ol' hug from your son. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@elitess (5077)
• Ipswich, England
4 May 10
Hi there Antique Lady. Well i would be lying if i were to say i know what the differences between you and your sons are, but nevertheless, i think it would of been nice to let them aside and at least get together on mother's day, 1-2 days a year won't kill them, right ?
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
Hi dear, Thanks for responding. I don't believe one day a year would kill them or their wives. Hope things are going well w/u.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7756)
• Canada
4 May 10
My dearest friend...NO, there is NOT a selfish bone/nor a selfish thot in your beautiful head! THERE WOULD BE NONE of them...if it wasn't for YOU!!! (Except the DIL's~~~~???) I am soooooooo sorry this will be a painful day for you...and there is NO way, you can avoid the day...as your are bombarded, NO matter where you turn! I don't know what to say...or do...dearest JO, and can only hope and pray, that you will find some small solace, in your Church, this Sunday! YOU deserve to be treated with LOVE, KINDNESS...and with great respect! I truly wished I could be there...and take you out to dinner...it would NOT be the same! I pray these issues will all be over....and you will have their company MOther's Day! LUV & HUGZ!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 May 10
Thanks for your sweet respone, shirley.U are a sweetie. Wish u could be here to.I'm really dreading it & i know that's being silly but i can't help it. love ya! jo
2 people like this
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
5 May 10
Hi antiquelady! No, I don't think you're being selfish at all! That's not right for them to do you this way. No, just because your dils are mothers now doesn't make you less of a mother at all. I think you should all be able to get together and go out to eat. Both of your sons need to think about their mother. I just hope they will have a change of heart and decide to invite you.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60046)
• United States
5 May 10
Yeah, but they don't have to be potty trained, never borrow your car keys, or clothes. You don't have to worry about them coming home pregnant because you can spay them and fix the males so you don't have to worry about them getting the other girls pregnant. You don't have to worry about designer clothes (tho some strange folks do it anyway) and you don't have to save for college... on the other hand, they never really grow up and leave home - as a friend who had 2 that lived to 21 - had said.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks Kathy. I'll just be glad when sunday passes by. Happy days to u.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
U make some mighty good points, elic.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 10
You have the right to be angry. You gave birth to these guys. and you were close until their wives had children? that's bad. Mother's Day is about All Mothers , especially your own. you are not being selfish at all! Suggestion. Go out Anyway. or do something you Really like to do.You are a mother. Sunday is your day.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Hi, thanks for your response & kindness. Your suggestion is a good one, thanks, Hope u are having a great day.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 10
I did thanks . Let me be the first to wish you a Happy Mother's Day. Enjoy your day!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
6 May 10
Thank you very much. I HOPE U HAVE A HAPPY SUNDAY TO.
1 person likes this
• India
5 May 10
Hi, You are not being selfish at all. You are expecting what is rightfully yours, but you are expecting it from wrong persons. You know, no matter how we try to hide the reality with bombastic literature, human beings will always be imperfect, unstable and vulnerable. So if you expect a lot from them, it is only sorrows that you will get in the end. Love God instead. If you really want to expect something, expect it from God. Pray to the Lord so that He may shift your entire focus from mortal affairs to more divine happiness. Lets face the fact that no matter how we try to cling to the material things, they will always remain as futile as you see them. They will give you happiness which is only temporary. They will play with you as if you are a puppet. But there is happiness beyond all these, happiness that never ceases. Surrender to God as only He knows how to heal your wounds. You are His child, so you can even force him to give you what you want. He was, is and will be your only reality and its Him who took care of you all along. Don't expect anything from mortals. Believe me they have nothing left to give you. Love God as he always loved you. Cry to him, but not to complain, but to commune with him, to be with him, to see him and to feel him. I promise you, you will forget everything that is putting you into dilemma. God bless you
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
Thanks for your kind response. Love your avatar by the way. It's real cute. I appreciate all your advice. I have recently gone back to attending church. I hope that by doing so i will find the peace & faith that u seem to have.U are very fortunate to have such faith. Hope u have a great day.
• India
5 May 10
Then be my friend?
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 May 10
I would be honored to be your friend. thank u. I just noticed i have a friend's request i haven't looked at.Hope it is u. hugs.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 May 10
Hi Jo That is terrible they might want to remember who gave birth to them who brought them up who pointed them in the right Direction of Life and all the other things a Mum does I get annoyed at my Brothers for not sending my Mum a card or anything I get so angry at them You have every right to be hurt because I know I would be to Your Sons want to start appreciating their Mum Have they not heard 'you never know what is round the Corner' I hate it when People argue and then do not talk after because you never know what can happen Your Sons need to start thinking instead of behaving like Children Here is a big Hug for you from Gissi and me for Mothersday and if you where here we would spend the Day with you I am so sorry they are putting you through this Pain
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
6 May 10
U are a sweetie, Gabs. I appreciate your response soooo much. Would love to spend the day w/u & gissi. I know that would be a fun day. U tell gissi to give u a mother's day hug, u certainly deserve one from that young man. It is a very sad situation for me right noww/my boys. I never in a million years thought it would come to this. Have a great thurs. & thanks again. hugs .
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 May 10
Oh Sweetheart I wish I was closer I would be there and give you a big Hug If you ever want to talk just shout ok
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
6 May 10
Thanks Gabs, u are a sweetie,