How do you deal with people who talk too much?

@much2say (35425)
United States
May 8, 2010 6:52pm CST
I had this friend who could talk your ears off - literally. She wouldn't even breathe in between sentences, so you could never get a word in. If we were hanging out in the parking lot after a night out at the restaurant, we wouldn't leave til way late because she kept going on and on and on about oh woe is me. If we were on the phone, we could fall asleep and she probably wouldn't notice. The girl had a gift for gabbing non-stop that it's no wonder that two therapists let her go. How would you deal with a person like this? Do you make excuses that you have to leave to get out of the conversation? Or do you listen like a good friend should until your ears are falling off?
9 people like this
58 responses
@suni51 (1849)
2 Jul 12
You see I am good at this being a marketing professional I am trained to listen to people from every walk of life. I have my perfect way of handling them with a fied smile without answering to them. I can listen and keep nodding for hours and bear them out. I think that is one of the best ways to deal with them
1 person likes this
@much2say (35425)
• United States
2 Jul 12
Hee hee!! Well, for business, you do what you have to do to keep your clientele happy and thriving. But would you do this for a friend who has already talked everyone's ears off about her past and everyday problems and woes of life? We, as friends, have tried to help this friend, but she just does not LISTEN. Instead, she repeats herself constantly - and not just with one conversation - but with all conversations. Even with good friends, they can only tolerate so much. None of us had time (anymore) to listen to the same stories over and over. Staying out in the parking lot til 3am ALL the time to listen was getting OLD!!
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
9 May 10
Well, my Mum does talk a lot but she's never boring so I very rarely switch off. However, my Dad switches off quite regularly, much to Mum's dismay! I don't think men have the ability to listen for a long period of time. This isn't a sexist comment, it's just my experience in life so therefore, it's a FACT!
@much2say (35425)
• United States
9 May 10
Hee hee! Well at least she isn't boring! My friend wasn't boring, but she got extremely long winded and it was just hard to listen after 5 hours of me me me. And about men . . . well, I think some can listen and some cannot tolerate lengthy one sided conversations. My hubby was great when he was with us . . . he'd look at the time and say, well we gotta go now - hee hee - and that was my ticket to leave. Otherwise if it was just me and her, I'd get stuck and I'd dread those times.
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
9 May 10
You don't like offending people, am I right? I had a friend who would get lumbered with guys she wasn't really interested in (she would smile sweetly at everyone and some guys got the wrong idea lol) and it was left to me to get rid of them for her. The times she said, "thanks for that, I didn't want to get lumbered" to me is unbelievable. However, I got the reputation of being a cow whereas she was sweetness and light!
@much2say (35425)
• United States
9 May 10
You are so totally right! Well, I think I was moreso like that before . . . but with this aging thing, I am getting a lot tougher - hee hee. I'm not so tolerating of things - simply because I have other priorities now and can't/won't do it. I'm the cow now!
@phoenix8606 (4978)
9 May 10
well, first of all if they talk too umuch, but talk some interesting and knowledgeable things that I like, then I listen to them and never reject what they say or try to interrupt them, but of those people talk some foolishness, and just don't know when to stop I tell them right in the eyes, that they should "cahnge" the theme of the conversation, because no one is listening to what they are talking about. I have always been straight with others and never tell the things the "roundabout" way
@much2say (35425)
• United States
9 May 10
I wish you were there to save all of us when we were friends with her. We probably should have been more straight with her - but know her sensitivities as it was, we just let her keep talking. Her stuff was all about herself . . . yes, interesting at first, but when this goes on for hours, it's really quite a bore.
1 person likes this
9 May 10
yeah, I know what you mean. I know some people like that and very often when I see them I just have to avoid sitting next to them or even to reject them, because we have had quarrels so many times that I am already sick of them!
@much2say (35425)
• United States
9 May 10
Funny thing is, I knew "of" this girl before we were friends, but I thought she was the quiet type. So the one time that I did sit next to her and we chatted, we became instant friends . . . and then I guess she realized I could be another ear for her! Argh!
1 person likes this
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
10 May 10
It is really annoying when somebody keeps and keeps on talking without even giving you the chance to give your opinion.My cousin is such a chap so I recently stopped answering the phone when he calls.I cannot stay silent.I am also a person who loves talking and need some time and opportunity to say something.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Yes, it has to be an equal opportunity conversation - that would be fair. I stopped answering phone calls from such people too . . . at least that can be controlled. I don't particular like to converse, but it is nice when someone is at least thoughtful to give the other person the opportunity to say something!
@suni51 (1849)
2 Jul 12
Not for me, in fact I take the opportunity to learn from people like these. Most of them share a lots of vital information while trying to be over talkative. I always grab some thing or other from them.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
2 Jul 12
It's always possible to learn from people - no matter who they are. But there is no vital information when the same friend is talking on and on about themselves - same old things - every day - all the time. It eventually gets real OLD - and no one wants to hear it anymore . . . especially when they are not being courteous to give anyone else a chance to say a word.
@charylady (424)
• Philippines
9 May 10
(fortunately?) i have never had a friend who gabs non-stop, and probably never would develop a friendship with someone like that. for acquaintances i would most likely avoid them or if that is not possible then i would not give them the opportunity to start gabbing. i would probably make excuses about being late for an appointment or something. sorry :(
@much2say (35425)
• United States
9 May 10
You're lucky if you've never had a friend like this! Or maybe you are just smart enough to stay away from these type of people. Someone I am "lucky" to meet these type of people - the ones who talk too much!
• Philippines
9 May 10
i guess if they are talking sense then it's tolerable. i could not stand it if they kept talking and talking senselessly :P
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Well, my particular friend talked sense - but it was all about herself. THAT is NOT tolerable - me me me - on and on and on. Well, maybe it was senseless - ha ha.
@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
9 May 10
People tell me I talk to much, I just agree and keep on yapping. I tend to tune folks out, or just say, I really have to be up early, so I really have to get going, I am so sorry to cut this short, we can continue later okay. With Appreciation.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
9 May 10
Ha ha! As someone who talks too much, do you realize when you are losing your audience? I just couldn't understand how my friend could talk so long and not realize she was hogging up the conversation time. Yah, if I were smarter, I would have come up with an excuse and left!
1 person likes this
@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
9 May 10
Yeah, when the start nodding in absentmindedness, I notice this and usually say, oh, If I am talking to much you can just ignore me and keep on yapping. I have started to take lessons and work on my listening and asking value based questions, it is better I think to speak less and let them talk more, I learn more, and am a better conversationalist in their opinions when I apply my teachings. I still do talk to much, and I am working on it. If you ever need a good excuse, I have many times in my life been referred to as a walking excuse factory. With Appreciation.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Ha ha. Well, it's good that you are "aware" and are working on it - so kudos to you! People like good conversationalists, as long as they give equal opportunity to others to do the same. Excuses? You can always write the book on excuses - hee hee!
@dawnald (84157)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 May 10
There's my husband, my daughter and a few other people too.... I don't mind normally, but when I'm trying to read or watch a show or something it annoys the dickens out of me. If the conversation gets too long and I have to go, I guess I just break in and say I have to go...
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Hee hee!! How is it that with family it's so much easier to say "gotta go"? This friend is someone I knew at the rink. We (whether it's her and I alone or with other friends) would chat in the parking lot after skating, but man . . . if you didn't watch the time, I swear you would be in the parking all day or all night - whatever the case might be. She might as well have been one of my earrings - she sure clung on to my ear!!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84157)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 May 10
Klingons wear earrings?
• China
9 May 10
maybe you can just say:"oh,yes? and?...." just say some meanless words, and let her keep talking, you just hear without listen. so, you will not hurt your friend's feel and she cannot bother you anymore. i think this method will work well
• Mexico
9 May 10
Hi mercury yan: I think that's exactly what I do in these type of situations but there's the risk that the person finds that you are not really paying attention to what he/she is saying after a question you have no idea how to answer about the conversation. In this situation I think this friend will be probably angry. Thanks for your answer. ALVARO.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
mercury_yan Believe me, we ALL did that. And although it may hurt the person's feelings less, the problem is we'd have to do that hours upon hours with her - and I'm not kidding!! starsailover True that the person may catch you not paying attention, but this friend would probably have no clue about that. We'd never get a word in, so she would never have caught us (and seriously, our minds wandered - for hours upon hours!).
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
9 May 10
Im a very quiet person. If i come to know a person like this we usually do not become friends. I will always be tring to get away from them.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Smart move. I highly recommend that. I am older and wiser now, so now I know to get away from these types of people. It's not worth my time anymore to listen to these people go on and on about themselves.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
15 May 10
The other type of people i aviod is the type that complain about gifts they get.
@redhotpogo (3935)
• United States
9 May 10
ah usually I end up through the whole conversation because I'm thinking in my head what excuse to use to get out of it, and then arguing with myself. Like ok I should say I have to go somewhere. No they'll never believe that. hmmm I should say I need to use the bathroom, no they'll probably be waiting for me when I get back. Then I look around, and stare off into outerspace. I shift my weight alot. Right foot, then left foot. I fidget with my arms. I try to look them in the eye, but then I start going cross eyed. I try to end the conversation by saying something that hints them that I am a busy person, but that usually just reminds them of something else they want to tell me. Sometimes I try to slowly walk away, hoping they will stop, but usually they don't, and I don't want to be rude, so I end up walking back. I just try to remember who they are, and avoid them.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
redhotpogo, that's exactly how I felt when she was talking to me. I had the exact same thoughts in my head - not to mention the shifting weight thing and fidgeting. I swear I was falling asleep with my eyes "open" or wished that lightening would strike upon me!!! Like you, I'd end up listening to the whole darn conversation like a sucker and I nearly die when I look at the time after it's all over! Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Yep, best to avoid them (if you can . . . )!
• United States
15 May 10
Always make sure you spot them before they spot you, because if they spot you first, then its all over.
@fantabulus (4006)
• India
27 Aug 12
Ohhhh my God very danger question for me because I am also a talkative person hahha...and I have no experience of any who is talking more than me...I think I will feel annoying on him/her if such situation arise and say them how can you talk more than me haha...just kidding.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
29 Aug 12
Ha ha!! Ok, so as a talker, are you aware of other people and their reactions when you talk? Just wondering . . . because I know a lot of people who talk on and on and on and they don't seem to realize it! But ha ha if you know you talk more than other people who talk too much!
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
5 Jul 12
As a friend as far as possible i would try my level best to bear. Or if the whatever she is telling is meaningful and interesting,informative then i would listen patiently with a polite request to be precise and come to the point soon and if it is boring i may rudely say i am bored please let me go i have some urgent work.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
6 Jul 12
You must have a lot of patience! I normally do too, believe it or not. And I do listen to friends until I see that they do this ALL the time . . . then there is only so much tolerance I have . . . simply because it's the same one sided conversation over and over and over again!
@yanzalong (8889)
• Indonesia
3 Jul 12
I never get close to chatter boxes although they are friends. Most of the things they rattle about are how good they are, people they make friends with and so on. Anyway, I abhore such people. All I do is just stay away from them.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
6 Jul 12
And then there are the exact opposites - people who get down on themselves and just talk away about their problems. The negative ones really drag you down with them - not healthy at all. But you're right - the types that are show offs are not good either. Best to stay away from anyone who can't control their mouths!
• Philippines
2 Jul 12
Hi there much2say! I am not really comfortable around people who talk too much. But as they say, there is always an exemption to the rule. In this case, an exemption would be those who talk too much but talk about something interesting. And when I say interesting, it must be something about things I can use in my lectures. Or, those that I have never encountered but I believe I need to learn about. But if it's all about irrelevant issues or topics, nevermind! I'll try to look for a way to excuse myself and get out of the conversation.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
2 Jul 12
Definitely! Sure I can understand being intrigued by talks in length about an interesting topic - many of us could surely welcome that! But when I started this discussion 3 years back, I was talking about a particular friend who kept going on and on about her problems and all the other negative things that went on in her life . . . and as intriguing as the topic may be at first, after a while . . . when we hear the same things all the time we meet, ohhhhhhhhhh it's just an earful things we've heard all too many times before and don't want to hear anymore of!!
@dorannmwin (36696)
• United States
11 May 10
I have a friend that has this problem as well. I don't think that I would be able to fall asleep while we are on the phone without her noticing because unlike some people I know that talk all the time, she actually does leave space in the conversation for input and feedback. There are times that I will tell her that I am busy and have to get off the phone, but most of the time I will talk to her as long as she feels like she needs a listening ear.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Well, it's nice that your friend would leave space in the conversation . . . this friend left nothing, absolutely no room whatsoever . . . and if we didn't end the conversation ourselves, we would still have this one sided conversation til the cows came home. I am usually quite patient with people like this . . . but she really overstayed her welcome with my ears.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
10 May 10
Lol much2say Well I would listen for a while but then after a little while I would tell her I have to go If she does not hear me because she is still talking I would start walking away and if she asks why am I walking away I would tell if she had listened she would have heard me say that I have to go lol Maybe you need to gently point out to her that she is talking to much and she needs to slow down a bit I know I would do that
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
I did do that - and it ended the friendship. She was so darn sensitive that she thought I meant I hated her - and that was not the case. I think everyone avoided telling her the truth because they knew that would happen - but ultimate her ties with everyone withered away. I think if I were smarter, I would have walked away sooner.
@alottodo (3062)
• Australia
10 May 10
I have a friend like that she keeps on talking non stop... if I leave the room she keeps on talking any way I don't think she even notice Im not there...she is just so into it that audience or not she just keep going!...and on the phone? OMG I just keep doing my work and only say...hum,yeah,i know...there is no way to stop her really...I went to do my shopping last week and she came with me...I got that frustated I just turned around and said... look I really need to go I left my dog inside I will call you later and just left...don't take me wrong I love my friend...but she can be too much some times.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Oh my! Well, once I've figured out people's phone manners, I always screened the phone calls from then on and didn't pick up when it was one of those talkers. I'm not one to gab away on the phone as it is . . . and I don't like to be stuck with my ear on the phone. So I feel for you!! Isn't it funny how some long talkers have no clue about their audience?
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
10 May 10
It seems that most of my friends talk a lot. I am shy and don't talk much, but I couldn't if I wanted to. Even the woman that cuts my hair talks so much, she sometimes forgets what she is supposed to do. If I don't tell her right from the beggining what I want, she will just keep cutting. If I am on the phone with someone that talks a lot, I usually just say I have to go to the restroom. It is usually true, so I guess it's not really an excuse.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Hee hee - so I guess the key to facing such talkative friends is to drink plenty of water before jumping into this one sided conversation - hee hee!! I tend not to talk a lot myself . . . most of my friends like to yap on about themselves in length too. But this friend seriously would go on for hours - I have never known anyone like this!
• India
10 May 10
I try to avoid such peoples and If I have to face them for sure, I make it clear that there is very less time for me to talk to you. Also that is not always easy to say, may be in office I can say these lines but if a relative is of this kind, really tough to deal with. In this case I would make some execuse so that do not need to face.
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Now I avoid such people. I have too many things going on in my life right now that I seriously cannot make the time to get into anyone's problems anymore. Luckily this was not a relative of mine . . . but it's sad that it had to be a friend who could have potentially been a good one.
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
9 May 10
I can imagine this would be annoying most of the time. Have you ever told her or has anyone told her she talks too much? I know the truth hurts but that's life. You must be pretty patient if you can stand that. I end up just saying I have to go to get out of a conversation when I can't get a word in... or I'll just start talking louder. Take care
@much2say (35425)
• United States
15 May 10
Well, she is no longer friends with me or any of our mutual friends. I think all of us were very patient with her - for a long time - as she was ultra sensitive to begin with. But I did finally tell her - I thought I'd be the honest friend to do that - but it backfired because it ended the friendship. In a sense, it was good because I didn't have to deal with late night ear burns with her. Ha - I couldn't talk any louder - because she wouldn't let me talk - ha ha!