I am heartbroken right now

Philippines
May 16, 2010 8:55pm CST
I have been really depressed for over three days now. I have just broken off with my boyfriend of six years because he found someone else. It hurts like hell and I feel like ending my life. I feel betrayed and there is nothing I can do about it. I sometimes feel angry, and I am trying to control my anger because I might do something drastic. My friends and those who respond to my discussions know that I am taking care of my mother who has cancer for over three years now. Because of this, I am not as free as other people in terms of being able to go out on dates or spend more time with him. I make time online, through text, but I guess it wasn't enough. Especially when my internet was down. He found someone else to talk to and I feel so betrayed. It hurts because he could not wait for me. It hurts because I can't just leave my mother behind. I cannot even work because my mother needs assisted living, thats how bad her condition is right now. I feel so trapped and I feel worthless. I am trying to cope with the pain, but I can't. I am so hurt.
8 people like this
22 responses
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
17 May 10
anne25penn, I am sorry to learn of your plight and that you will not be overwhelmed. I can understand your disposition but I hope that you remember that you have your mother to care for, who really needs you by her side. Helen Keller once said: "Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost." Please understand that whatever you have heard and read - will not be of help if you do not take the time and step to evolve and move on. Time, unfortunately will not help to erase the memories and pain. What time does will be to make the memories comeback and coerce you to choose on how you would want to deal with it. Just remember that failures are not the end of things but are stepping stones for us to move forward. I do not know and would not want to know the reason or reasons for your relationship's failure but I hope that you will realize that it may not be your circumstances and/or doings. For unbeknown to you, this relationship or your boyfriend was never meant to be for you. In conclusion, I cannot help but share another of Helen Keller's wisdom which is just so apt: "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Take care and hope that you would be feeling better with each passing day.
• Philippines
18 May 10
I had to cry when I read your response. An aunt gave me a book by Rachel Naomi Remen when my mother was first diagnosed with cancer in 2007. One of the chapters in her book is about a group of women whose mothers had had cancer. I still cry up to now when I read the chapter "Back to Basics". "One of the physicians talked about caring for her dying mother when she was nineteen years old. She had expected a great deal less of herself then. At first she had driven her mother to her doctor's appointments, shopped for food, and run errands. As her mother grew weaker, she prepared tempting meals and cleaned the house. When her mother stopped eating, she had listened to her and read to her for hours. When her mother slipped into a coma, she had changed her sheets, bathed her, and rubbed her back with lotion. There always seemed to be something more to do. A way to care. These ways became simpler and simpler. "In the end," she told us, "I just held her hand and sang." I always cry when I read this because I have gone through all of this and we are near that stage where I may just have to hold her hand. But I have learned with this new hurt that no one is worth more than mother especially in these times. Thank you all for your responses. I cannot make individual responses, but my heartfelt thanks.
2 people like this
• Singapore
18 May 10
anne25penn, Thank you for the BR award here. I hope that you are coping well and I just want to encourage you that you are really doing the right thing especially when you are reading up. Anne, it is steps like this that will carry you and bring you forward. Believe me, you will achieve things you never believe is possible. Before I end, I'd like to share a quote by Charles R. Swindoll who I will always recall when I am faced with challenges, daunting moments, dire situations and times when I just do not see the light and I hope that it will do something meaningful for you here, too. He said: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” Take care and God be with you.
1 person likes this
@indahfth (11171)
• Indonesia
18 May 10
maybe it's better your heart broken right now. than after marriage. would be more painful if it happens after marriage. not much time together, is no excuse for looking the other. you are a good daughter, to care for your mother. I'm sure one day you will get a replacement who truly understands your situation. good people deserve the best.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12812)
• Philippines
18 May 10
Nothing is more hurting than being left with nothing to do about it. I feel your sentiments. I know that motivations don't work much this time but know that in the long-run (if you survive the short-run) you'd see that it wasn't really meant to be. Perhaps he was just lying about his love and you know. But I have one question though. Why can't he be there with you? You mentioned about not being online and texting, I have a feeling that it's an online love, is it?
1 person likes this
@Crizzack (43)
• United States
17 May 10
whoa. first of all! -hugs- thats some heavy stuff, you should never think of ending your life though, your mother needs you, and I think its great what your doing for her. and I hate to say it but after six years and he cant understand what your going through and doing for your mother, and he leaves you... maybe he wasnt worth your time at all. because you seem like a caring loving person and he seems like an idiot for throwing it away.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 May 10
Oh i feel sorry for you anne25penn about the break up...but saying something that you are trapped because of your mother is not really a good word to say... just for my part.. your mother has a cancer..she needs you more than you need your boyfriend..you might be lucky to spent time with her..just remember that your mother raise you to be that kind of a person right now..tell me, don't you love your self right now?.i dunno about how your mother grew you up..but still she's your mother..and about your boyfriend, he is a jerk! you don't need that kind of man to be there for you forever! and your lucky to found out that he is really a jerk! he don't deserved you anne25penn.. don't worry, .. breathing everyday means taking a chance for something that precious to happen.. . . good luck to you :D just smile :D
@gunter22 (35)
• Indonesia
17 May 10
I'm sorry to hear that... i'm feel pity with you i hoppe your can be strong to out this problems.. Never give up... Be Strong
1 person likes this
@geniustiger (1697)
• Philippines
17 May 10
It is so hurting to know your situation anne25penn. I'm sorry hear these pain of you. Please ask you Devine Guidance the Lord God to enlightened your mind whats the very good things to do. I salute on you that you did not left your mother alone having a great pain. It's a great sacrifice as a daughter to serve her mom after the long years he nurtured you. Just believed in God that you can face this and carry this situation. Talk to God and also to your very close friends that you think can help you take care of you and lean on you .I know it is not easy but the thing he did is unfair . He treated you unfairly might be one time carma will have to him. Why he did this thing for you.Don't worry as long as you showed loved to your mother , you are the best daughter I'ved known inspite of the fact you prefered your mom as you the one cared of. That husband does not deserved of your goodness. He is not good for you. Ask legal basis about this things to your lawyers and any reliable person . And you will be delighted upon it. Please be calm and speak out to the Lord what you have felt now. And I am sure you will be guided by the Holy spirit what to do .
• Philippines
17 May 10
its normal for you to feel that way. you were in love and breaking up with that kind of reason was not really acceptable. if he really loves you, he will understand, i mean, its your mom, the mom of his girlfriend, so basically, he have to understand, if he rally loves you, he will understand.
@maxyl12 (239)
• Philippines
17 May 10
I know how it feels. Being not liked. it hurts as if the world is on you. I had a brake up too. When you know what, its not bad at all I think. Because day by day it will fade. And the most beautiful part is, I feel the pain. Feeling pain makes me more human. After I overcome from broken hearted, I become strong, stronger as ever and even found a new love which am gonna marry this one. One day, you will understand what am saying. Just be you. Try lifting your heads up even your down. Dont let others know your in pain. Let the smiles always on you and soon you will just found out, that life is beautiful.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 May 10
Hi Anne25penn! I feel your pain, and am so sorry of this predicament you are into. I haven't been heartbroken from a relationship like yours, but I can still feel your pain. It is normal to feel the pain, but don't let your sadness and pain drown you. You need a pat on your back for taking good care of your mother. It means she mean more to you than your boyfriend. There are only few daughters in this world who can do that and I salute you for that. Take things slowly and feel comforted that you have been doing great things for your mom. After all, it is best that your relationship for six years has now ended, than waiting for more years together, and yet he'll leave you still. At least now you know, he was totally into you, because he failed to realize and appreciate your efforts for your mom. If he truly loved you, he'd love the things you love to do and the people you love. Anne, when everything else fails and we lose everything, one thing remains: our family. Best of health for your mom, and I hope you'll slowly recover from this broken relationship with your boyfriend. Life is beautiful and wonderful! There's alot more for you to discover and there is always a rainbow after the rain. Happy mylotting!
@kielogs (188)
• Philippines
17 May 10
Im sorry for your loss. However focus on taking care of your mother she needs you more in this time of her life. There was a reason this would happen. At least you were able to know the true colors of your ex. It's not the end of the world. You just felt this way because six years is six years. You went through a habit of being with someone for six years. Just keep yourself busy. Im telling you there are lot of people out there to meet. Take your time and he ain't worth your bloody time. Think of it as his loss not yours.
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3486)
• Philippines
17 May 10
I felt sorry for you Anne...the pain you feel right now must be very hard. You had a boyfriend for six years and he leaves you for no specific reason at all just because you can't go out freely with him. I think he is not really the person who is meant for you. He did not really love you the way you should be loved. Don't worry the right man will come along and hang on. As for your mother she is really grateful for your help,love and assistance. She is suffering cancer and she has no one to hold on to except you. It's about time you will be the one to take care of your mother and she really needed you. You are such a great daughter I admired you. Don't be depressed.
@mssnow (9493)
• United States
17 May 10
Anne, I know exactly how you feel. a few years ago my bf broke it off with me. It hurt, i cried i even got drunk (which i never do). It took a while to get over him But i did get over him. Now that i look back i realize what a jerk he was and that it was for the best. I know right now it is hard to even imagine. you probably want to tear the other woman apart. But it isnt just her fault it is his the most for betraying you, if you took your life, he would win. Show him how strong you are and that you could care less about him. Take care of your mom and let the jerk go. Time will heal. I promise you. if you feel sad come here to mylot and tell others . there are plenty of people here to listen and make you feel better. Good luck and god bless you. A big hug to you too.
1 person likes this
@JoaniZik (90)
• Philippines
17 May 10
Hi there! I just want to give you another perspective about what you are going through right now. You see, we have to go through the storm if we want to see the beauty of the rainbow. What I mean is your boyfriend leaving you is just an avenue for you to see the rainbow. Every child always hates the rain in the afternoon because they can't go to play, but they'll always love the rainbow after the rain. You'll forget everything when you see the rainbow soon. Man! you missed the rainbow for six long years! It's time for you to see it. Forgive, let go, and move on! You take care, ok.
1 person likes this
@Gany15k (1674)
• India
17 May 10
Well, I get how you feel..I know this pain.I won't say common life is like this , we have to accept certain things..This concept of people say just irritates me..I just say don't leave the hope.If you really care for him then a day will come..Wait till that.Be a good daughter for your mother.Help her.If you feel bad then cry out..It makes better.Whatever I say , you can't get it.I just tell wait and believe in GOD..everything will be fine.. Then don't do any wrong things..It is bad.Don't hurt your mother by doing some strange things..Take care of her health..
• Philippines
17 May 10
Sad to hear that my dear, but what you did is right. You can change your boyfriend, but never ever can you replace your mom. There will be a time for you to be happy in love. If today, you're on your downside, there will be a time for you to go on top also. Just think that your boyfriend is not worth it to spend eternity with. If that is the kind of husband you would be having, the relationship will not also last. God knows how much you care for your family. I am sure that if you did right to your parents, God will support you and your hearts desire to get also a job and support yourself but never feel to revenge over that worthless boyfriend who was not able to stand for you when you need help and understanding. Just be strong for your family and seek God first in your life. I am sure that He will take care of you and your family, just cast all your cares to Him who cares for you. The time to weep will only last for a day, but joy will come in the morning too.
@iwrite (5041)
• Singapore
17 May 10
anne25penn, I know you feel low now. However you must realise it is not the end of the world, now the guy is the jerk and you are better off without him. Now six year you are trap in a lousy relationship, now that you are free, you are able to free yourself to get a better guy. I am sure you will.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15639)
• Puerto Rico
17 May 10
Anne25penn do not do anything rash. Your mother needs you and the way I see it he was not for you. If he was he would have understood how much your mom needs you and understand that she comes before he does. I can't believe he through away 6 years but that tells you how much of idiot he is. You seem to have a heart of gold to take care of your mom like this. I just wonder how is his relationship with his own mom? That tells alot about a guy. If he is extremely close and always there for his mom and or parents then they are usually a good guy. If not, then they are the type of guys you run from. I think from what you have said you deserve better and better is out there. Just be there for your mom and everything will eventually work out for you. May God Bless both you and your mom.
1 person likes this
@rhodalyn (251)
• Philippines
17 May 10
Just be with your mother..time will come for you to heal the wounds in your heart..just always believe that everything happens for a reason..maybe there is someone whom you deserves most..i know its hard to accept what happen..but have faith and be strong to your mother..its certain that God will never leave you.. i hope you'll be fine soon..
1 person likes this
@ifa225 (11097)
• Indonesia
22 May 10
sorry to hear that anne. just don't let yourself alone. because alone makes your mind wants to do anything bad and it keeps you thinking the problems over and over. socialized with your friends and family might help.