Money matter is the number one relationship killer

@iwrite (5042)
Singapore
May 17, 2010 4:31am CST
I am listen to this new audio book by David Bach " smart couple finish rich" and I find it to be insightful. Do you know that in a survey conducted by Citibank, Money problems account for 57% of all the divorces in United States? I found it to be a little surprise and then I look at the people around me. Perhaps there is some truth in it.
9 people like this
61 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
17 May 10
Money is a very difficult thing to manage, I can believe that it'd be a big chunk of the reasons why people get divorced. My husband and I worry about money all the time but we have no fear of getting divorced because we both believe that it's not our money but God's, and deep down we also know that no matter what we have each other, and as long as we can scrape by that's all that really matters.
2 people like this
• Mexico
17 May 10
Hi some cow girl: I totally agree with you. Money should not be the first priority of a couple but love. If you love someone you'll fight and you two will solve the problems and difficulties. Unfortunetly, I think, when couples have to face economical problems, they don't think as a whole but in the ineterests of each one and that's what make people thinking about divorce in these cases. Thanks for your answer. ALVARO.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
17 May 10
starsailover, I think you're right that when economical problems go to the front, people start to think as one instead of two. I know that some couples go dutch all the time, splitting all the expenses, this might help for a little while if economical times are tough. My husband and I consider any money we get as ours, whether it be from working, from online, or from family. If I receive money from my side of the family, it's our's and not Mine, vice versa for if he receives money.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
SomeCowgirl and starsailover , I understand everyone have money problems, and by right we should not make it our priority. I hope in all our relationship it would not go down the divorce road. However we are not able to escape from money issues, at least if you are willing to talk about it then it is still a form of communication. However some people choose to avoid the topic all together and then when monster cannot be contain then it would be too late. I just hope that you do not put off talking about it, just because we want to avoid clashes. Iron it out and then turn it into opportunity to build a better relationship.
@redhotpogo (4398)
• United States
17 May 10
Its sad. So many gold diggers in the world. If money ruins your relationship, then you were never in love. If you really love someone you will be with them no matter what. For rich or for poor, in sickness, and in health.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
sadly I think you miss my point, I think for most part, majority of the people go into marriage with love and hope of a better life and future. They are not thinking about divorce and stuff like that. However, when it comes to money matters it could the beginning of a new battle between once loving couple. It is a testing time for which some make it by, other excel and some just cannot take the pressure and fall out.
• United States
18 May 10
I suppose you're right. I'm really not understanding your point. What are you trying to say? People run out of money, and they get divorced? It seems like what I was saying. Could you simplify it?
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
redhotpogo, I truly believe that there is true love, however problems compounded by money and other factors would push two loving couples apart. Most people think money are trivial matters. However do not realise how big these trivial matter can become big problems.
@med889 (5958)
17 May 10
Money becomes important when the needs start growing day by day and then to fulfill them the struggle begin to keep the paste. I am a law student and when I see clients in the office everyday seeking divorce it stuns me as their source of seeking divorce is money, either the other one is not fulfilling the needs or that they have found someone else more rich so this is absurds because money should never be between two people. They should be more understanding toward life to understand that though.
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
med889, so you can relate first hand what I am talking about. The issue however it that everyone could and would be able to get out of that situation, with a little communication and a little bit of planning. Everyone would be able to live a well deserve good life without much worries for money.
@med889 (5958)
18 May 10
With a little planning and communication everyone will be through their difficulties easily, maturity also will play a vital role. They just have to start thinking that they should be having a life without money too.
• Philippines
17 May 10
Hello iwrite, that's why am not having a relationship because it will and will always involved money. not just in the united states, even in this country, you don't have money, you're screwed. besides, why would i spent so much on some one who will practically leave me some day after she has sucked me(financially) dry. i got my own future and i will share it with some one who don't sucked my dry
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
Well it is not to point my friend, I believe we can overcome this issue and not just avoid it but avoiding love when you found on. Love would not suck you dry...
@aylim14 (501)
• Philippines
17 May 10
well, i have a different opinion. If i may, i don't see money as something that can get in the way once both of you thinks "maturely," at least in my case. It's really how you live together knowing that you have different opinions and beliefs..not the money. Because money can always be earned back, maybe that's why i think that way. I mean, money is different than trust, belief, love, and all the other intangible things in a relationship. Money is just something that people make an excuse of in how they fight in their relationships. Maybe it's more on pride and the love for money, but not the money itself.
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
The point is both parties are able to handle it maturely, they would have to talk about it able discuss it. I doubt many couples would be able to do so when it comes to money issues especially professionals. They believe know everything and why would they need someone to tell them about money, beside they are earning a lot of money now.
• India
17 May 10
Well, when I look around, I see nearly everybody running behind money. In that case, money is a big contender for being classified as one of the main reasons of breaking relationships. Well, I don`t know much about the western culture, coz, in India, relationships have very high values, especially, the marriage is considered to be something that can never be broken. But, in what you just said, even in a western scenario, the high percentage interference of money seems unrealistic. As husband-wife relationship is something of mutual understanding and it is generally the case that both husband and wife consider each one`s property as the other`s, the other factors like lack of mutual understanding seem to play a bigger part. However, the question of debate can be the percentage involved, but, there is no question in accepting that money plays a big role in breaking relationships in current scenario, even the marriages.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
I am from Singapore and very much in the traditional mode of marriage where divorce is still flown upon but it is becoming more common. However in most traditional marriage, one part actually suffers more usually the woman, where they are expected to support the man no matter what is the reason or outcome. I would not call that a relationship, it is a just an arrangement where one part just have to accept.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
17 May 10
financial burdens induce stress highly.. and stress causing tension and fighting. and usually.. the couple isnt fighting directly over the money itself.. but other things beacuse theyre stressed out so much over the money. so yeah.. it isnt surprising, sadly
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
well put tessah, While money is might be a trivial issue, however the trivial matters would show ball into a big monster. And if you do not take care of it, the monster would shallow your life up.
@momof3kids (1903)
• Singapore
17 May 10
I saw Oprah and the expert (whose name I have forgotten) featured says, 'Yes money is the number one cause of relationship problems'
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
so it is not myth momof3kids, The main thing is we are not taught how to handle money in school and therefore if we take some time to learn about money matters then it would actually help on the relationship if we all learn together.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
17 May 10
I think people’s attitude towards money may be a reflection of how they handle the rest of their lives and if two individuals don’t see eye to eye in regards to finances it can be very stressful especially when it is tough to make ends meet. I can see how it can cause many related problems in a relationship so I don’t find those statistics really surprising.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
19 May 10
paula27661, their attitude towards money would be the values and their believe in life. While many may claim that money is not important, however look what happens when money problem arise. If it is not important why is he affected so much?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 May 10
Aww.If a partner's relationship is that strong, money should never matter.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
I respect your decision, Saranggola However take my advice, do pay attention to the money details if you want to have a lasting and happy relationship. Money is not the problem is the couple that manage it that is the cause of it. I hope you would grow up never have to worry about that problem.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
17 May 10
I do think that money is a huge issue where relationships are concerned. Not so much because of the material things that it buys or doesn't buy, but the amount of stress that money can cause. Not having the money to pay the bills or buy groceries can put a huge strain on a family and stress can cause other issues that can be problematic in a relationship.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
JenInTN I think that is view of the enlighten. The first step to solve any problem is to realise that it is a problem and we need to work at it. rather then deny it as a problem and keep it buried under the carpet. The day you need to do spring cleaning, you would be in more trouble than you even imagine.
@grayxenon (1307)
• Philippines
17 May 10
i was not, because it is a basic need, i firmly believe in basic things, if you don't acquire happiness and peace on your basic needs then you will be having trouble finding in the higher needs of life such as as happy person, happy couple. when you don't feel secure with money then peace of mind is scarce. but of course some couple survive it if at first their relationship is base on love and understanding. but arguments is inevitable, money matters, it makes the world go round and round, it also makes a happy family fulfill satisfaction.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
Well then grayxenon, you would need to find a man with similar values as you, while what you have said seem simple, I can tell you achieving might not be easy. a lot of will power is required I guess.
@daliaj (5689)
• India
17 May 10
I support you on this. Money has the power to distroy any relationship, especially friendship. I have seen how this works with some of my friends. It is always good not to borrow or lend money between friends. I hate to borrow money from anybody. Even if I borrow, I always keep a reminder and give back the money on the very next moment. I don't like it whe people borrow money from me.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
Well the problem is that people view money more that friendship these days, daliaj. I have a number of friends and some of the very close ones. The secret is when I lend them the money when they are tight, I do not expect them to return them, however they would usually return the favor when I am in need, might not be in terms of money but something else. That is the same for family, however there is a limit to what I would be able to help them, if they are borrowing for food or necessities, then I would. however if they are going to buy some stuff that because they are vain, I am sorry.
@poohgal (6848)
• Singapore
17 May 10
Well, I am not surprised at all. Money matter can not only hurt relationship.. it can also hurt kinship. If you read the newspaper carefully, now and then you will read news about siblings fighting over parent's inheritance. Being too rich can indeed cause some problems. But then again, I don't mind being too rich.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
I think there is a difference between the rich and those who have money. The rich do not worry about money because they know when and how to make it back, just like Donald Trump. However, those who have money, do not know how to protect their money and worry about losing their money. I know the distinction is not easy, however the truly rich, they spend more time giving to the poor than go to court trying to battle out the few cents that are left. pooh, get really rich and then you would not have that problem anymore.
• Philippines
17 May 10
Maybe what the audio book was saying was money is one of the problems in a relationship but it's not the main problem. I think there are a lot of problems when you settle down and money is one of them but i doubt it could be the main reason.
1 person likes this
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
17 May 10
The audio file proclaim that it money is the underlining problems for most couples, however the survey show that more people divorce because of money. Which is two different situation.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
18 May 10
I can believe that. Money problems can put a big stress on a relationship. All you have to do is look around.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
17 May 10
Hi iwrite: That's sad but unfortunetly truth. Some families got divorce because there's no money on the house and they don't feel able to face this problem so they decide to stop being a couple. I think it's a selfish decition at some point. In my country people says that "When money leaves the house love disappears even quicker". Your book sounds interesting and as the title says, if the couple is smart they would find a way to solve their problem. Thanks for starting this discussion. ALVARO
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 May 10
Not in my case... Poor communication and possibly just being wrong for each other...
@markleob (1904)
• Philippines
18 May 10
yeah, ATTITUDE also is another BIG factor..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 May 10
now there's my problem... kidding... respect is important and once it's gone the love goes too.
@kar295rocks (2119)
• India
17 May 10
Materialistic characters are overshadowing human values, my friend. USA is more of a silly country where divorces happen like how a kid eats a candy. It is of no surprise that every American out of 14 is divorced.
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
18 May 10
kar295rocks, this is a surprise, I have over 20 responses in a day, so pardon me for taking my time to reply. I am not saying about material stuff, you would be surprise how many people are still living paycheck to paycheck. I think the problem lies deeper than that. I doubt people going into marriage thinking they would want a divorce. It is just problems start to arise after they live together, and with little money training. Many just cannot maintain a level head. Things lead to another and you have another divorce case.
• India
18 May 10
You are right. They just cannot cope up with one another.
• Philippines
18 May 10
i think that could be true in US as per survey but other country or places doesn't buy that. its mostly attitude towards life charrrrrrrrrrrrr.
@markleob (1904)
• Philippines
18 May 10
what is char? churva? haahha yeah, attitude problem is also another big factor in couples separation....