A problem with my bestfriends and her boyfriend... Please help me out

@eil_noz (963)
Philippines
May 18, 2010 10:20am CST
Hello mylotters! I just want to ask for your opinion about my best friend and her boyfriend. My best friend and I usually hang out almost everyday when were still in high school and when we graduated we entered in different colleges but the school was somehow near and even if we have conflict or busy schedules we always make sure that once in a while we can talk to each other and hang out but now that we're going to be on our last year in college and when she started to have her boyfriend things seems to change. I think it's really not good now because we've never seen each other in months already and we never had a good communication lately. Well, we never had an argument nor fight but it's been like she forgot me because of her boyfriend. whenever she had a problem I'm there for her but lately, she's not sharing anything with me when she and her BF are having problem and when I need her she's not there to comfort me. I felt really bad now but I can't tell her what I feel because I don't like to have an argument and I don't want to disturb her if she's busy with her boyfriend. What could I do?
3 people like this
20 responses
• Philippines
29 May 10
Pardon if i disagree to other's opinion here. I had a problem similar to you when I was High school. I was hurt and I brought out the issue to my friend but the result was not really good. She said she understand me but she needs to have time to his boyfriend. That life was changing and it was also time for me to have boyfriend. Before I didn't understand her. I felt she was selfish that she wanted to be her boyfriend and will just talk to me when she needs me. But when I had a boyfriend also, I realized that it was the same way. I lessen the time for other people and things. my advice is just let her to enjoy and let her know that you are her friend even she's not beside you. I have many friends and even we don't talk for years we still have the same relationship.
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
31 May 10
Very well said my friend. It's good that you shared this. I just realized that I somehow needs a boyfriend too. LOL... My best friend also told me to have one but well, Mr. right haven't searched for me I guess. haha... I will definitely treasure our friendship whatever happens. thanks again!
@emsxxx (75)
• Indonesia
31 May 10
"Mr. right haven't searched for me I guess" active participation is required from your side ^^
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
31 May 10
Haha... Yes I know but I'm not that type of person whose really that showy and I'm really shy type so I simply let destiny comes. lol
@sid556 (31019)
• United States
19 May 10
this tends to happen with friendships that are long term. We find other directions in life and it seems that we are growing apart and then you are back to spending time together and then off on another path again. These types of friendships never really end. My best friend has been my best friend for over 40 years and we've drifted apart and always come back and it is like we lost no time in between. Hang in there. She is still your best friend.
1 person likes this
@ann101 (519)
• China
19 May 10
I agree with sid556.I have lost touch with one of my best friends before and when I got her new phone numben from others and phone her,she was so excited on the other end of the line.When you grow up,you will find there are many things you have to do with,love,family,child,colleague relationships,or the relatives of couples.A true friend will be a friend at any time,maybe your friend is enjoying her love now and has forgotten the outside world,so don't try to disturb her and when she calms down from love she will contact you as before.You can try to find new friends or develpe new interests between this time.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31019)
• United States
19 May 10
Well, you could always give her a call and see if there is a time that you could meet for lunch or something??
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
20 May 10
yes I would. this week her summer classes will end hope we could see each other thanks again sid!
• India
18 May 10
Hey Hello There !!! I just want to ask you something ? did you always consider her as your best friend then you have no reason to hesitate to talk to her , come on speak up tell her let her know . how things are with you , what buggs u , she is your friend may be she is going through some problem so you have to be there find out and sort it out youself
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
I don't really understand things now. Everything seems to change a lot when we separated from the college were into. I feel out of place sometimes when I'm with her it's only now that I've realized it. I feel like she's not the best of my friends anymore, I don't feel like I'm still her best friend because of some instances but I still do my best to be understanding. Well,thanks for the help
• India
19 May 10
take my advice dear , i have been in somewhat same kinda problem in my life , so my opinion would be that you go speak 2 her , tell her how u feel and find out the real problem between you solve wish you all the best
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
thanks again mighty seed. I miss her badly and I want to talk to her. As in just me and her
• United States
18 May 10
It seems like you like her more then just a friend.....I see that your from the Philippines, so I don't think you guys are "Lesbian Lover". But That's is how life is. As you get older, your closes friends become more and more distance......And most guys don't really like their girlfriend spending to much time with her friends.....That's just how it is... What you should do, is call her up and ask her if she wants to go out on a double date. She brings her man and you bring you's......That way you get to see her..... My wife is from the Philippines.......she left her family and all her friends to to be with me. We live in New York City......but she's always talking to them on the web cam......She recently made friends with a fellow Filipino.....we double date all the time..... So give it a try........and good luck
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
were not lesbians or what, she's like my closest sister and I really do feel that she's so distant from me now although we live in the same city and I don't really know if her boyfriend don't want her to spend time with me. I mean it really seems to be like that or rather it was really my bestfriend who doesn't want to spend time with me. Actually when were still in High School we have agreed that when we would have our boyfriends or even suitors we would have a double date and test those guys but it never did happen since neither do I have a suitor nor a boyfriend. Well, I guess that it's the bad news.
• United States
19 May 10
Seem like you really care for her.......but that's how it is when your best friend finds the man of her dreams. The things that made you guys close, she more then likely found in him.....Put yourself in her shoes.....what if you were the one to find a good guy.....A guy that you feel is your soul-mate.....I'm sure you wouldn't have time for her either...... My advise to you, is wish her the best.....and let her know that you will always be there for her......and then, live your life..... Your beautiful and you have a good heart......I'm sure there are a lot of other people that would love to have you as a best friend.......
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
20 May 10
If I were in her shoes I will probably text her more at least and tell her what's up with us. I mean I just hope that at least if she had a problem with her boyfriend she could at least tell me so that I can somehow do something to help her out. Guess my role as a best friend to her wasn't too significant. anyway it's fine now, I realized that no matter what happen like even if she changed from better to worst I'm still be her best friend.
• United States
18 May 10
Since you guys haven't fought or had any arguments there's no reason you can't call her and just say "hey, what's up? Want to do something this weekend?" It can be as simple as that. And if she says she's busy this weekend, then ask her when a good time would be good for her. Invite her to lunch! Anything simple like that.
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
I actually did already. Previously, I had a fight with my little sister so I ended up going out and find my bestfriends company and when I texted her and she replied that she's at home I invited her to come over but I haven't received a reply from her after texting her and It's the best time that I need her. I always ask how was she and I felt unfair that I'm the only one who seems to care that much for her since she never even did ask me if how was I.
• United States
19 May 10
Ooo so you're always there to comfort her, but it's not the same for her. I'm sorry! I sure hope she text's back and visits you because that is definitely not a fair deal! I'm sorry you got in a fight with your little sister. I used to get SO upset when I fought with my little sister, the last time we did fight I cried (not when she was around lol)..we haven't really fought since then, thank goodness!
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
20 May 10
yes I'm always there if I know that she needs me. when me and my sister fought I ended up going out of the house going nowhere I never had the idea of doing it but I did. well, I felt that's she's unfair that's why I'm having this problem. hope I could talk to her soon
@emsxxx (75)
• Indonesia
31 May 10
you can always find another friend or family with whom you can share it (you're doing it right now at mylot, lol), especially if they have the same problem or experienced it before ^^
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
31 May 10
haha.. yes you're right but I still hope my friend's there though. lol. thanks for responding!
@emsxxx (75)
• Indonesia
3 Jun 10
you're welcome
@b3ginn3r (224)
• Philippines
19 May 10
Hi there, this happens most of the time. Most people tend to forget his/her friends when he/she is already in a relationship. I don't know why people tend to be like this. Then after he/she breaks up, they will come to you saying this and that, crying here and there. Since I value friendship so much, there's nothing else to do than to forgive and just wait for them to realize that they have a friend just around the corner. Try to make a conversation with your friend more often. You can try to meet her up from time to time too. I guess she is currently having the feeling of him being her world and all because of the so called "love" thing. But if she still shuns you away then just let her be. Mingle with other peers and create more circle of friends. Everyone changes through time, and we just need to deal with it no matter what.
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
I definitely agree with you b3ginn3r! I just wish that she will come back somehow. I mean when they had a fight with her boyfriend she would text me but instead of asking for a company or an advice she would tell me to give her a love book to know what to do, It seems like she don't see me as a friend who could actually advise nor comfort her.
@b3ginn3r (224)
• Philippines
21 May 10
Let's do hope to that. Just continue to help her during her down times, besides, you still consider her as a friend right? Unfair isn't it? You helping her when she needs you, but when you are the one in need, she doesn't help you. This just means that you are a true friend. And she's so engulfed in the status of "In a Relationship". I think this is her first time right? Most first timers are like this. That's why I strongly disagree on having a relationship in a young age. With regards to not asking for your advice, she might be thinking that you would not be able to give her an advice because of your lack of knowledge/experience on the problem. I'm just trying to give an explanation from her side here, but I don't really know what she's thinking.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
Let me share to you our story as best friends. We met when we were in the first grade as classmates. Had other friends then because a group during our High School time. There were 6 of us. We spent virtually everyday together. When we were in college we went to different schools, different courses and different fields. Had different friends and didn't spend time with each other anymore. It was okay because we had cellphones, we'd often write, or call each other. Met at least once a year during Christmas break and have our photos taken as a group. Further down the road we graduated, had our separate careers and still were very distant from each other. It was okay because we had different groups of friends as well. We no longer got the chance to meet up every year, but made sure than within 2years we could at least meet once. Soon people started going out of the country, had gotten married, or had relationships, had kids, got promoted, etc. Now, we no longer meet at all. But id our friendship over? Certainly not! You do not really need to be together all the time to actually be friends. The mere fact that we are able to give each other space to grow and have each own lives shows that our bond is tight. Whenever we do agree to meet up, we do meet up to the point of spending the whole day as a group. You have got to understand that people will have their own priorities - their own lives. You may not have a clear part of it, but you will be there in each other's heart. Perhaps you could try to call or send a message asking how is the person doing to make her feel that she is part of your life too. Who's to say that perhaps she is also waiting for you to drop a line as well? Perhaps it is she who's also thinking that perhaps you're busy so she doesn't want to disturb you.
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
That's a very nice story and it's good that both o you guys became friends even up to now. I hope we can also be like that. I would want her to give a lot of space for herself and letting her know that I'm always been here for her. Thanks again for that inspiring story with your friends. Happy mylotting!
@hanizah (256)
20 May 10
Hi..I have an opinion but don't feel bad..I think your bestfriend doesn't realize that you are there waiting for her..What if you go and tell your bestfriend about what you felt lately because of her boyfriend..She will never know if you don't open up the issue.Don't be afraid about arguments, as long as one of you calm down and be patient I'm sure that you can fix that problem.You just need to have all the courage to tell her and talk about the issue.
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
21 May 10
Yes I might do something like that but recently she's busy. Hope that We could find time to discuss things out. Thanks for responding hanizah
@lover93 (13)
• China
20 May 10
Things like that can always happen when one friend began a relationship. I experienced that before. I was just so excied with my bf so sometimes may forget my best friends but that doesn't mean i forgot her. So don't worry, if you truly care about her, just call her and ask her out for dinner or something interesing.
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
20 May 10
I definitely would follow your advice! I actually had a short chat with her last night and I somehow calm down. Although I wasn't able to say what I feel since she was busy. It's just fine as long as we still have each other. Thanks lover93!
@MsCYPRAH (398)
19 May 10
Unfortunately this is human nature, especially when we are the type who lack confidence and seek to please partners. People tend to become engrossed in their boyfriends/girlfriends, especially in new relationships, to the detriment of their other friends. It's a natural phase in life, which no one can do anything about. When they get used to their situation, and also feel more secure and mature, then they tend to let others back into their lives. There isn't much you can do about it except to perhaps write her an email, explain how you feel but also stress that you don't just wish to hear from her when things are not going well, because that is simply taking advantage of you. I would then seek new friends and completely give her a wide berth. One day she might then realise your value and come back in a mutually acceptable way. But if you just remain there for when she has a problem that is all you will get. We don't get what we want by waiting for others to change. We get it by changing ourselves.
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
well, there's really nothing permanent in this world but change. Guess, that I better do things the way I think was right. I mean whatever happens I'm still here for her and she'll always be my best friend. I will talk to her next time and enjoy each other's company. Thanks mscyprah
• India
19 May 10
A gap due to our friends love.. that really hurts. but wat u can do is u jus go and meet her. tell her that u miss her badly and u don want to miss her anymore. make her very clear that speaking with u will not create any problem in their relationship. don hesitate to speak
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
It really hurts a lot because I feel like i don't have anybody to ask for help anymore. Well, she's always been there for me but when the third person arrives then that's it. Once we get a chance to see each other I would definitely tell her that I missed her company. Thanks for that nottheleast!
@karen1969 (1788)
19 May 10
This is quite a common occurence. I am 40 and it happened to me many times when I was younger. As girls grow up, their priorities change. Sometimes, your girl friends are more important, then you find a boyfriend and everything is about him, so you kind of "forget" your friends for a while. If this relationship breaks up, I bet your friend will be in touch with you again, wanting to talk all about it! You can either try to ring her now and explain how you feel and see if she will make an effort to see you. But she is probably too wrapped up in her exciting boyfriend at the moment! You will lose some friends this way - I know I did - but some will come back. Good luck!
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
I had a short chat with her now and I wasn't able to tell her what I really feel since she's busy. I guess I will not disturb her for a while because I don't want her to think of so many things that can cause her problem. I think I'll better wait. Thanks karen for helping out
@rhodalyn (251)
• Philippines
19 May 10
uhm..if she's not there for you..you know im here for you..you know that!!we can't avoid that-taken for granted by someone..i dont want to say anything against her because she's so kind.. just be happy that me and whole of the b.o.f will be there for you..k?
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
Thanks for saying that dhang! i'm glad and blessed to have you guys. I really mean it. thanks for all
• China
19 May 10
Hi,eil. This case always happened when a friend meets her love , we all come from that time , never have enought time with our love , and seldom have time with friends. Believe me , when the man feel tired to be together all the time , your friend will remember you , and contact with you, and when she find actually sometimes friendship is much trustful than love , she will learn to cherish your kindness. Just give her some time , life will teach her how to arrange her life .
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
Hope It would really be like that. I just really feel very bad because there's a possibility that we can no longer hang out together for a long time because I might go abroad and since were graduating student we'll definitely see often because of work and then, her boyfriend comes into the picture like that, hope she can still remember i'm still me. Thanks for those words of wisdom 2040colorful
• Philippines
19 May 10
Just still be a friend to your friend. Although it is also time to have other friends around and consider to build friendship among others so that you won't feel so alone. Actually there are lots of things to focus your life. You also need to be around your family and help them. Just not think of being isolated or else you suffer. Cheer up and have friends around the neighborhood and get busy with life.
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
she'll definitely still be my friend whatever happens. I guess you have good point there. I'd better do as you say for me not to have this kind of feeling. Thanks a lot strawberry!
@joanick27 (142)
• Philippines
18 May 10
Things like this happen in a relationship. Maybe your best friend is just too excited with her boy friend. This is a common feeling a girl would have to a boy next door. Well, try to understand your friend's feeling but you have to talk to her. Tell her what you feel. Or if you think she will misunderstand you for that, try to ask her for some bonding moments and tell her that you miss the old times. I know that your friend still love. Maybe she's just too attached with her boyfriend right now but it doesn't mean that she already forgotten your long friendship.
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
yes maybe they're really attached to each other like as if they don't need me anymore. It's really hard to be in touch with her. we only communicate through our phone and sometimes in the internet. we live in a place that's far apart, she studied in other school, and we don't have shared anything anymore it's like were just the classmates in the past that simply talks to each other but it's like were not too special. well, I don't quite know I feel really depressed right now
@virgo9 (7)
• South Africa
18 May 10
Hi, I should think you have the right to contact her, as her friend, and chat with her about the situation. You know, some men tend to be control freaks and, I'm afraid, many girls tend to play right into their hand by allowing them to control them. This may be the case, but if not, it may be because this is a fairly 'new' relationship, which, in a few months from now, may wear down to a more 'normal' relationship and then she may look you up again. It often happens like that. Anyway, I'd call her if I were you and ask how she is doing. Then see where the conversation goes. Tell her that you called because you missed her. Cheers, Virgo9
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
It's been one year in her relationship with her bf and I don't really know if he actually control my best friend since my friend never did tell everything to me. I actually did the same thing I always text her every time I have time but I never did actually asked her about what I feel. I really miss her. I hope we can see each other personally
@cream97 (29176)
• United States
18 May 10
Hi, eli_noz. Well you could try writing her a letter to tell her that you would like to spend some time together so that you both can keep into touch with one another. And, tell her that you miss chilling with her. I am sure that if she is really a true friend, she will get back with you to enjoy your friendship together. Sometimes, when friends get involved into relationships, they may forget about the other friend. It should not be this way though. I hope that she will understand and become your friend as she was before she got into this relationship.
1 person likes this
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
19 May 10
I guess I can't write one for her since I don't know her exact address. I hope I have the guts to do that. Well, I don't want her to think that I feel so uncomfortable with the three of us. I think she never realized that I felt like being abandoned by her although she never really abandoned me totally
@med889 (5958)
18 May 10
You simply have to meet her once for all and tell her that you misses her a lot these days and that you wish somehow if you both can still see each other if not everyday but atleasts once a week or twice and if we can be like before a bit because I miss those moments spend like a best buddies with you.
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
18 May 10
I can definitely do that but when I tried to text her for us to see each other, she wasn't able to reply back to me. I don't know whether the reason was if her cellphone has a problem or she have a date with her Bf or she was just really busy. sometimes when we talk to each other we can't talk about ourselves but rather we talk about her bf.