Am I a racist? I don't think so...

United States
November 16, 2006 11:45am CST
My older daughter want to marry someone from another nationality. She ask me for her blessing and I told her I would not giver her my blessing because I felt it was not right to marry someone outside of her race. I have many friends that are from different nationalities and they are good friends. I just don't think people should marry outside of there own nationality. Am I a racist for thinking this way? What do u think???
5 people like this
55 responses
@crofter9 (150)
16 Nov 06
We can not control who we fall in love with. Are you going to loose a daughter by taking this stance? Live & let live and let your daughter be happy. Not giving your blessing just because of nationality is racist. Think of it another way would you rather she married somone from the same nationality that beat her and made her life a nighmare?
3 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Thanks, I still don't think I am a racist. If I do not wish to accept someone of another race into my family that is my choice. Does that mean I am a racist no. Do other people from other nationalities feel the same way u bet. Especially from the Hispanic population. They prefer that the marry the same people of the there and culture. That why we live in America. Its called freedom. We have certain freedoms and rights. This the government can not take away from us. As, I stated before I have many friends from many nationalities and they are good friends. They are welcome in my home anytime. They are not welcome to become part of my family by marriage.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Nov 06
here here crofter9. maybe clark should look up the definition of 'friend'. if a true friend of yours of another nationality fell in luv w/your daughter, u wouldnt accept them n2 your family, rite? then how can u honestly call that person a friend?
3 people like this
@Jusred (1579)
• United States
17 Nov 06
Thank you, croftor, Excellent points made & so Agreed~!
1 person likes this
@OneZiggy (79)
• United States
16 Nov 06
who cares if u feel u r racist or not. why ask?..u're not marrying the guy, so it shouldnt be any of your concern unless he is abusive 2 your daughter. all that should matter 2 u is whether or not she's happy. isnt that what every parent wants. (God forbid your daughter had become a lesbian - i can only imagine - can u say disown?) what does your husband/daughter's father feel? (4give the question if he isnt living). i just have 1 question 4 u. how will u deal w/the grandchildren? r they gonna be outcasts just b/c u've chosen not 2 accept their father?
• United States
17 Nov 06
Thanks. That's why we call them disfunctional families because families can't get United on the same page. We all choose a path and how we choose to live that path is what determines are moral character. If that is the path she choose and if I don't change my ways then the grandchildren will become outcast.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 06
Thanks. That's why we call them disfunctional families because families can't get United on the same page. We all choose a path and how we choose to live that path is what determines are moral character. If that is the path she choose and if I don't change my ways then the grandchildren will become outcast.
1 person likes this
@Jusred (1579)
• United States
17 Nov 06
...So in effect, you would cast away your own grandchildren of this marriage..They would mean NOTHING to you~?? You are definately RACIST beyond a shadow of a doubt...Do you think your friendships with other Nationalities make you feel better about yourself and better in the eyes of your God?? ~I believe you originally posted this question out of the guilt and doubt about your own morals and ethics, hoping for some 'smoothing over' to make you feel better...Read the majority of your responses...I know I have, and the Facts are pretty clear~
2 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Agreeing with crofter9, true love has no color.
@crofter9 (150)
16 Nov 06
Thank you
2 people like this
@ladysun (636)
• United States
17 Nov 06
I have been in churches before where someone was asked to leave, strictly because of the color of their skin...would the congregation there be justified in such a thing because "we don't want to share our church with someone of a different race".. I mean many church congregations consider themselves a family and it's their choice..right? To deny your child your blessing in her marriage, based on his being a different race is racist any way you want to look at it and to me...arguing it with "yes but I have friends of all different nationalities, so see I'm not a racist" is tantamount to justifing slavery saying...well yes we owned slaves...but we were good owners and didnt beat our slaves and treated them well....still doesn't change the fact that it was slavery.
3 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
I can't say whether you are a racist or not, that's not my place. But what I will do is give you some insightful information. I myself am of mixed race. Where I grew up, almost everyone is mixed race, except for those who came directly from another country. What made where I live so beautiful and friendly is that all these different cultures got along, and everyone got along with each other. What I think you're afraid of is your daughter losing her sense of culture, or the way your grandchildren will be raised. Most children of mixed races are beautiful, and they can adapt to both cultures. It is what will make them who they are. I seriously think you need to rethink about your daughter getting married to a guy of another race because love is blind to color. Now if he wasn't a good person, then that's an acceptable excuse. And it doesn't matter if you have friends of different nationalities, because that's different, that's friendship, not accepting them into your family. And even if the Hispanic culture only accepts marrying another hispanic person, it needs to change. That's why America is the Melting Pot of the world, because all these cultures come together.
3 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
No to sound rude but i believe in a respect for peoples fealings. Even though you may not feal that is right you should not stand in the way of love. Your daughter can not help who she has fallen inlove with...You may not be racist exactly but you are defininantly selfish for not letting your daughter have your blessing for her happiness, just becuse the person that make her happy is a different nationality.
3 people like this
@Kelian (768)
• Trinidad And Tobago
16 Nov 06
Yes, I think you are racist for thinking like this. If you really believed people of al nationalites and races are equal, then you would have no problem with nationality of the person your daughter wants to marry. I’d understand if you didn’t give your blessing because you do not like the way he treats her, or because he has no respect for women, or even if he couldn’t afford to support her. Would you refuse to give her your blessing if he had green eyes instead of blue eyes? Of course not! But when you think of it, this isn’t much different. It’s just a difference of pigmentation, eyes, skin, hair, none if it changes the quality if the person within. And the person within is who your daughter loves and wants to marry. So, I repeat my answer. YES. In spite of what you’d like to think, YOU ARE RACIST. I’m glad your daughter didn’t pick up that trait from you, otherwise she may have missed out on the love of her life.
@rdhick00 (75)
• United States
16 Nov 06
Do I think your a racist, who knows, I don't know you personally, but that is pretty closed minded to say that to your daughter. I am white and married a Philipina. If my parents would have told me what you said to your daughter I would have told them to kiss my butt and left. You should be a little more open minded about such things. We are one race! Humans! Just because we are different colors does not make us different.
3 people like this
@caribe (2465)
• United States
16 Nov 06
Give her your blessings. There are a lot worse choices she could make than that. If they loves each other and he is a good person in every other way what is wrong with that? How many nationalities are in your heritage?
@brckoba (795)
• United States
16 Nov 06
I don't think you are racist. My parents went through the same thing with me. You see I am bosnian and my wife is mexican. When we told our parents we wanted to get married they were very mad. It is only INSECURITY WHAT YOU FEEL. We've been married for 2 and a half years and everything is going great. I think if you really love your daughter you will trust her to make this decision as an adult. Who knows maybe your new in-law will be the amazing!
2 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Thanks, I am glad to hear it is working out for u and ur family. Yes, u maybe right he might turn out to be amazing..It won't happen if I have anything to do with. And I will..
1 person likes this
@Jusred (1579)
• United States
17 Nov 06
..Ok.."He may turn out to be amazing, but not if I had anything to do with it!" Do you not see the Hypocrisy and Contridictions you made in that one sentence~??
1 person likes this
@Jusred (1579)
• United States
17 Nov 06
Ok...You stated "He may turn out to be amazing..But not if I have anything to do with it".. ~Do you not see the Hypocrisy and Contradictions you made in just that one sentence~?
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Sorry but I think that is a racist view. When someone says I have friends that are such and such race/nationality BUT I don't want my child marrying said race/nationality...that's a red flag.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
That's a very good point! I know a ton of people like that.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Thanks, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, I have shared this with friend and they share the same feeling that I do. They are still my friends and I accept them for who they are and they accept me for who I am. They totally support me and understand my feelings.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 06
I beg to differ. I guess we must agree to disagree on this.
2 people like this
@wildguy2 (1349)
• Canada
16 Nov 06
People that hide behind the color barrier.....the life they miss, how boring would this planet be if it was all the same color.... Do you paint your house white...be kinda plain and boring if you did...not much to talk about now would it just a plain white house.... I HATE RACIST PEOPLE...I HATE EVEN MORE THE ONES THAT ARE SO IGNORANT THAT CAN'T EVEN SEE THEY ARE.
• United States
17 Nov 06
Thanks, Wow how did u know that I paint my house white. Good Guess. How can u say u hate someone when u don't even know them. Who made u Judge and Juror. I never said I hated anyone or held anything against them. I just stated that I wouldn't give my daughter my blessing to her to whom she is choosing to marry.
1 person likes this
@Jusred (1579)
• United States
17 Nov 06
I think he is trying to say he hates Racism...Especially when people are so ignorant, they do not even realize that they are racist.. ~HAVE 2 AGREE!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Here is the definition of racism: 1. animosity toward other races: prejudice or animosity against people who belong to other races 2. belief in racial superiority: the belief that people of different races have different qualities and abilities, and that some races are inherently superior or inferior so you need to ask yourself why you dont think people should marry outside of their own race? and keep the definition in mind when you answer. i would say that you are being racist if you believe that they are inferior because they arent of the same race as you, but i do understand what you mean. i dont think there is anything wrong with trying to carry on your heritage. trying to preserve your family history by marrying someone of the same heritage isn't necessarily racist, but if you think its because they arent good enough, then you are being racist. personally, i would give my daughter my blessing. she is an adult and is going to make decisions in her life that you dont agree with, but its her life. you need to be secure enough in yourself to know that you did the best you could raising her to be a loving, responsible adult. and you certainly wouldnt want to lose her completely just because you dont approve of her choices.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Thank you, Very powerful statement. I would have to say u hit the nail on the hammer and slammed it right in. I have to agree with u about the heritage part. That is all I am trying to do is preserve family heritage and history. Once again thanks for your deep thoughts and understanding and clarity.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Nov 06
Thank you, Very powerful statement. I would have to say u hit the nail on the hammer and slammed it right in. I have to agree with u about the heritage part. That is all I am trying to do is preserve family heritage and history. Once again thanks for your deep thoughts and understanding and clarity.
1 person likes this
@kaspyv (1011)
• United States
16 Nov 06
Its unfortunate that you feel this way because it only hurts your daughter....it doesn't necessarily make you a racist but it does prove that you are a very selfish man!I say this because you put what you want before the wants and needs of your child. BTW...my oldest daughter is white and married to a black man for about 14 yrs now and I am proud to call him my son-in-law!!!
• United States
17 Nov 06
Thanks, I am glad that to hear that things worked out for your family and that you have a wonderful son-in-law.
2 people like this
@desideria (371)
• Romania
16 Nov 06
yup you are. from another rce? i hope she does not want to marry a monkey. because we are all the same race. people. and have you ever put yourself in her position? what would have you done if you were her and your parents didn't allow you to marry who you love? think about this
@KrauseHome (34982)
• United States
17 Nov 06
Excellent comment, and people do need to think this way.
2 people like this
@flte74 (878)
• United States
16 Nov 06
I don't think you are necessarily a racist but the color of one's skin should not matter, it is what is inside that truly counts. If you were blind and did not know the color of this person's skin and your daughter described him as loving, caring, faithful and compassionate wouldn't you want here to be with such a wonderful man? I think this is the problem with society today, focused on the superficial elements instead of the deeper ones. I believe one day we will all be one color, one beautiful color :)
2 people like this
@Jusred (1579)
• United States
17 Nov 06
Excellent Point! This discussion is superficial~ Skin is only skin-deep, and what is in his heart and if his intentions towards your daughter are true and out of Love...Then what really IS your Beef?? What, in actuality, are you afraid of/against here~??
1 person likes this
@tsamcq (457)
• United States
16 Nov 06
Yes, you are racist. You are seeing people for their race and not themselves. I am white. My best friend is black and my boyfriend is hispanic. Had I not associated with them because of their race I would have missed out on knowing some great people!
2 people like this
@crofter9 (150)
16 Nov 06
Thank you, Makes you wonder why the question is asked if the answers are to be ignored
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 06
As quite a few people have said... True love knows no color; your daughter did not, persay, choose to fall in love with someone you would not like. I do find what you are doing racist and I hope you find it in your heart to give your blessings to the new couple - it may take you a while to get used to it, but do at least give them a chance =)
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
17 Nov 06
Yes, you are being racist. And if you do not give her your blessing, she may just do it to spite you. Give her your blessing, cause if she has kids with him, you will have to change your mind to see them....and by then, it may be too late.
2 people like this
@Pmcbride (1082)
17 Nov 06
Everyone has their own beliefs, personally i believe that love is nothing to do with race or nationality i think you should have given your blessing (i would say it hurt your daughter that you didn't) but that is my belief and each to their own, all races are beautiful and different and love is a common denominator.
2 people like this