My Fair Weather Friend

Philippines
May 24, 2010 1:02pm CST
I had this friend since I was a in grade school. We were neighbors, she used to live across me. Then about 6 years ago she migrated abroad. I tried keeping in touch with her and her sister who is also a friend of mine. Through chat, and by that time friendster was still in. But to my dismay they never for once even bothered to say hi even when they were online. Even just leave a message. I remember back then we were so close. She always asked me to help her out with her homework and with other stuff. I was always glad to help. In fact one time they had no food in the house and no money because their parents works abroad and the got delayed in sending them their allowance. I came by and brought food fresh from our own kitchen enough to last them for a week. We were good friends back then but they have now changed. It hurts because I treasured their friendship and thought of them like my sisters but I guess somehow we have to let go at certain point in time. I guess we came to the end of the road. Just yesterday out of the blue my friend emailed me said she would be coming home because she would be getting married. Said she needs my help to set up her wedding and prepare stuff. I felt so mad because she only remembers me when she needs something. For 6 years I heard nothing from her, she didn't even reply to any of my emails or replied to me in the chatroom. So I feel like why the hell do I have to bother with her now? I am just fine without her. I honestly have not replied to her email because I do not feel like helping put at all. What about you what would you do in this situation? How would you feel?
2 people like this
7 responses
manleyjoe
@manleyjoe (1597)
• United States
25 May 10
Your friend sounds like a user. If you like here and want to remain friends then help her if you feel that you have done your part and want to make her feel bad then don't help her. Clue she won't feel bad she will only think you are a bad person cause you don't help. She will not understand that you are trying to teach her. This is the kind of decision that I never liked to make but have made a few times. I go ahead and help when I can and know that they will never change. However I never have considered them to be friends only acquaintances.
candyfairy21
@candyfairy21 (2039)
• Philippines
25 May 10
Hi Manley, It hurts so much though because we have known each other for so long. But I was wrong in believing that she will never do that to me. Well she actually had that before but I tried to believe the best in her. I feel bad but I guess I won't ever help out or come to her wedding. Her cousins too are not coming. We have all been let down by her in 6 years we tried reaching out to her she never wrote back or even answered our sms.
dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
26 May 10
Honestly, I believe that I would feel the exact same way that you feel. I don't need friends in my life that only want something out of me. I've many friends from the earlier years in my life that I've lost contact with and yes there are times that I miss them, but I also realize that the things that we once had in common aren't necessarily there any more. I will sometimes think about the friendship in a nostalgic sort of way, but it really doesn't go any further than that.
sid556
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 May 10
Hi Candyfairy, I think that I would go with i and not worry about what I got in return and see where it went. I tend to go with my own feelings and not worry about what the other person thinks until it is clear to me that this really was not a real friendship. I do know that friendships from childhood often veer off in different directions and the real friendships always stand that test. Your friend looked you up and needed you to be at this very special point in her life. It has been 6 years which tells me she has probably grown up and met all sorts of people that she might want to share this day with and she thought of YOU! I'd give your friendship the benefit of the doubt. It sounds to me as if she has a special spot in her heart for you. I can tell that you really care about your friend. I think you should give your friend a chance to show that she cares about you.
Kashmeresmycat
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
24 May 10
HaH! After six years??? Oh no, that would be out of the question to me, that is NO friend at all. And to think she emailed you to tell you to go to work for her, HAH! Oh my goodness, I really am just sitting here shaking my head, and she didn't even reply to your previous emails, or in the chatroom. No Way would I help out, I'd politely refuse, and don't let her talk you into it. She only wants you for your extra hands, that's it. Tell her you have a life right now and cannot make any type of commitments to do anything. Gee, are you sure you want to even email her back? Maybe you should let her keep emailing you and not talk to her in any chat rooms, let her know how it feels, haha. Take care hon.
Bella75
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
25 May 10
I've gone through this a few times with people who I thought were my friends since I was in grade school too. So they are not people who I've only just met but have known for at least twenty years. One of those girls were getting married and of course being close with them I got an invitation and decided to go to her wedding social. I don't know why I even bothered as I was running my butt off doing arrands for her at her last minute of getting the reception prepared. After she got married she wouldn't call me anymore. I felt used and finally decided to accept this. One night a year after this another friend of mine and I decided to go out to the town bar and have some drinks. Well turns out I had a little too much and that girl that was married now, came up to me and said we should hang out again and why I never called her? I told her that she was nothing but a user and I'm just sorry it took me over twenty years to realize this and that I don't associate myself with those types. It sure felt good to get that off my chest. Take care
hotsummer
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
24 May 10
yeah, you are doing the right thing. you have a fair weather friend. don't bother helping her. she only needs your favor only. and does not really want to treat you as a friend specially you have helped her a lot even before. i have some friends who are there only because they know that you can help them. but they will not be around when you need their help. and so i think that better stop communicating with this kind of people. they are not really worth our time. they will just asks too many favors when they need and will be out of touch when they are doing okay. we end up feeling used and not worth anything. and so before they totally hurt my ego and confidence, i would rather see them ask favor to other people if they will find good people who will bother to help them at all. i doubt it if they can find those kind of people aroundd nowadays.
zralte
@zralte (4178)
• India
24 May 10
What would I do if I were in your situation? Hard to say......I'd probably reply her email and tell her very politely that I am very busy with my own life and if she would tell me what help she needed from me, I would be able to let her know if I am able to help her or not. She does not deserve you, in my opinion.