Pregnant with first child.

@befani (86)
United States
May 25, 2010 2:35pm CST
My boyfriend and I are pregnant with our first child. We are expecting in Nov. He got to talking about our family and mentioned to me that he wanted to be married after we have the baby. I'm not saying that I don't want to, I'm just wondering if it is because people expect that to happen in our family. His father already asked us if we were going to get married. I just don't feel like I need that title to stay with him for the rest of my life. Is it just me, or does marriage sometimes seem to ruin a relationship? If you feel so, why.
3 people like this
6 responses
@marianne87 (3526)
25 May 10
I like the idea of marriage, showing the world that you are making a lifelong commitment to your partner, and I would like to get married one day, but I don't think its really necessary if you don't want to. We're expecting our third child and have been engaged since our first was born, we just don't have a lot of money and it seems silly to think about splashing out on a wedding when we have more important things to do, like buy food and clothes for the kids.
1 person likes this
@befani (86)
• United States
25 May 10
Money isn't much of an issue for us at the moment. We've had an incredible stroke of luck when it comes to clothes and a beautiful place to live. But, we've never had a child. I'm sure that we'll both have some spoiling we'll want to do. I know he will be worse than me. He tries to spoil me right now.
@nixxi76 (3192)
• Canada
26 May 10
Well it's a sign that he really truely wants to be commited to you. To me marriage is just a piece of paper that tells you that under God you are to be with each other for sick or healthy, rich or poor and that's my understanding of it. If you are common law and have been living together for a year, then you are pretty much considered married anyway. Take care
@befani (86)
• United States
26 May 10
I've lived with him pretty much from the moment we started dating. We just seem to fit together so well. We know how to deal with each other. I just had issues with marriage before because basically everyone I knew that was married was miserable.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (27954)
• United Kingdom
26 May 10
Congratulations on your first pregnancy. I hope that you will have a lovely pregnancy. You have a dear little baby to look forward to come November this year. These days in a modern country there is no need to get married because the lady is pregnant. In a traditional country people expect a pregnant lady to get married. Marriage is a large commitment and pregnancy can be an emotional time. I think that a couple could decide after the baby is born if they want to get married. Divorce can happen and if so it tends to affect the children negatively. A girlfriend and a boyfriend can have a totally committed relationship without getting married. When a baby is born he or she will have the surname of the mother, the father or get a double barreled name. Like the mother might be called Anne Green and the father might be called Nick Speedy. So the baby girl might be called Lucy Green, Lucy Speedy or Lucy Green-Speedy. If the baby is named Lucy Speedy and the couple split up five years later Lucy will be stuck with that surname.
26 May 10
I have no boyfriend now but there's a boy in my heart.He's my exboyfriend.I don't know how to describe,but I believe that we would be together again someday.Some of my old classmates or friends have their babies now.Look at the photos of the babies on their blogs,I'm thinking about that I really want to marry him,my exboyfriend,and then give him a baby.
• United States
25 May 10
I definitely feel that marriage to the wrong person will ruin the relationship. The first time I was married, we did it because there was a baby on the way, and my family expected it of us. For five long years, I was a miserable wife. (Luckily, I was able to end it and find the love of my life.) Before we were married, we had the perfect relationship. The problem was, neither of us wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. With my current husband, it is like we have always been married to each other. The only thing that our marriage ceremony did was tell everyone else that we are committed to each other. There was no decision for us as to whether or not to "make it official".
@befani (86)
• United States
25 May 10
I'm not miserable with him at all. We planned our baby. He just really didn't feel like I didn't want to be married, so he never really talked about it. But now some family members are starting to ask if we're getting married. I don't need to be married to know that I love him. I guess just after a while I'm not going to want to call him my boyfriend because it just doesn't sound as serious as we really are.
• Philippines
26 May 10
if the two of you will going to get married just because your pregnant then i would say no coz most of the couple get married coz the girl get pregnant as they are thinking of the child sake and that both are still excited since they will going to have a baby soon, then after giving birth everything will change. but if your going to get married its because both of you wanted it whether your pregnant or not and it will tightened the relationship of a couple so its not really going to ruined.
• Philippines
26 May 10
hello befani, I know that is your choice, but of course, you may have to explain it to your family why you are not such in a hurry getting married since you planned to have a child in the first place. it's a common scenario and usual tradition if one is pregnant and they're together, then married is a common choice. but you have to explain it if you don't want to so that they can understand.they must have reasons too besides this tradition.