would you give your child/children the choice?

May 26, 2010 9:18am CST
hell0 my friends! After I asked you, would you change your religionif you find another better one, now I want to ask you would you give your child/children the choice to choose its/their religion by their own, and not force them to choose your own religion? don't you think it's fair!?
3 people like this
32 responses
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
27 May 10
Our preacher just talked about this in church recently. He said it was an immature and irresponsible thing to tell your child they could choose their religion. Well I sure felt like he was speaking directly to me because I'd told my kids that and you can bet I would do the same thing. I mean maybe I've been thinking wrong all these years but I was always under the impression that God wanted us to come to him of our own free will and not because someone scared us into it. He wants us to love him..well forced love isn't love at all.
2 people like this
27 May 10
well, you have thought it right and you should not change your believes because of some guy who pretends to be a preacher, because real love to God, the real religion is the one that we have chosen by our own, the one that we feel satisfied with and the one we think is the best decision for us! and as you say the forced love is not love at all
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
28 May 10
The heart of a child is bound in foolishness. No I would not give them a choice. Once they move out of my house, they have complete control over their own lives. But until then, I pay for their food, I pay for their home, I pay for their heat, electricity, clothes, education, and everything they have. Therefore, they are going to whatever church I go to. That's how it works.
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@Galena (9110)
29 May 10
Satanists don't sacrifice children. I think it's important to get facts straight with other peoples religions, and that's factually incorrect. and yes, it's fair to take your children to your church, but they won't necessarily believe in it just because they go there. and you can't make someone believe anything that they don't
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@andy77e (5156)
• United States
29 May 10
Are we talking about Satanism, where we sacrifice children or something? In my house, we take off our shoes at the door. My children take off their shoes at the door. We clean our rooms every weekend. My children clean their rooms every weekend. We have a limit on how much TV we watch. They have a limit on how much they watch. We go to church. They go to church. At which point did it become 'dangerous'?
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28 May 10
well, how can you say that- I understand that they must do the most if the things you tell them just because they are your own kids, but don't you think it is a bit overdone to force them do sucha serious thing, because for one small child it can be really dangerous to follow somerthing like the religion by the will of the parents!
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
28 May 10
First I am assuming your are talking about children old enough to know their won minds, There is an age of accountability. Very young children as a general rule attend a place of worship or church with their parents. However somewhere around 12 or 13 most children start making choices and decisions and one of them should be religion. As parents we should be ready to answer questions and help them, as they grow mature we should respect their choice. Most often children do stay in a faith or belief. However through out history some churches and organized religious orders have split off and made their own group and set of beliefs. Though there is only one true church and many profess they are the one and only true church. The bible tells you what things his true church believes and teaches and does. Pretty much there is not any longer ONE true church. Even Revelations 2-3 shows there were seven attitudes or behaviors and as a result seven differing doctrines. God knows who is people are and pretty much I personally think many churches have true believers doing their best and many false hypocrites who go to a fellowship more to please men and self than God. Children see this and know it so many often opt to not be in their parents church when they see this. Reading the bible is the best you can do and not let some priest, minister, preacher, pastor etc tell you want the bible says. God gave us all a mind to think with and use. As to beyond Christianity again that would be an older childs choice and parents might not like it, be against it but need to respect it.
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@Galena (9110)
28 May 10
I have to ask, as it seems very much that you percieve the idea of exploring different religions as trying out different branches of Christianity... what if the religion that your children realise is their truth is not a branch of Christianity? just curious.
29 May 10
are you asking me Galena? Powered by Phoenix8606
28 May 10
hell0! well, maybe you are right- but don't you think that there are some very religious families which force their kids to go to church and that way they just disgust them from that religion. i guess that only children of parents who are not so religious can try to change it!
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 May 10
Hello there! GREAT discussion!!! Okay, I am Pagan. The father of my children (we are not together) is a Christian. My children are 8 and 6 and we have many discussions on religion/faith. I explain some of my beliefs and the beliefs of many other religions. I do this so that they understand that their classmates and people on the street all have different viewpoints when it comes to religion and that it is perfectly fine. I would hate for my children to grow up intolerant of faiths other than their own. I allow them to freely express their thoughts and beliefs (which of course - for 8 and 6 year olds - it is fairly simple stuff). Some things fall in life with my beliefs and others do not. They thrive in an environment knowing that they have the freedom to chose and they are much more interested in religion and history now that we have an open dialogue about it. I think that it may be natural for some parents to just automatically take their kid to their church and teach them just their beliefs. I don't think it's wrong - but I don't think that it is the best option. And I would NEVER be angry at my children for not believing what I believe. This is their life. It is their path to walk. I am simply there to help them along the way when needed.
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@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
29 May 10
Good question...If I was a hard core Christian - probably not since MOST Christians believe that ONLY their religion is the right religion...However, before I became Pagan I sort of considered myself a Christian. I believed in Jesus (somewhat) but I think that I believed only because that was what I was told to believe. I never really fit in with the Christian church so even then, I knew that I would allow my children to follow whatever religion they wanted, since I myself didn't seem to "fit in" anywhere then..... But yeah, if I was a hard core Christian, believing the bible as complete truth, then I guess I probably would try to keep my kids as Christians....sad, but probably true....Thank goddess I'm pagan ;)
1 person likes this
29 May 10
Guess so too! BTW in which Gods do you believe in? Pagans believe in many Gods right? Powered by Phoenix8606Powered by Phoenix8606
29 May 10
hell0! well, i guess that you do it the right way, and I am really curious would you do the same, if you weren't a pagan? But yes, it is really important to let the children know about other people's religions and believes, just because it is right so, we must not involve them into the religion that we like, we must show them all the possibilities and not like some of the members here who say that children have to go only in the church they( the parents) go, just because they think it is the best church/religion that they can get into. it is comletely wrong to me/ I also will never be angry to my children if they choose another religion maybe also because I am not so religious person at all! Powered by Phoenix8606
• United States
28 May 10
If a person is convinced that his beliefs are the way to God, wouldn't it be reasonable that he'd make sure that his children were reared in that faith? I would teach my children what I believe and would make sure that they were educated in the faith I follow. However, I would not force them to accept my faith just because it's the faith I follow.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 10
I respectively disagree with you. I believe a parent must train up a child in the way he should go, particularly in that child's most impressionable years.
1 person likes this
28 May 10
well, I think it wouldn't just because the religion that is good and even the best for you, can be the worst one for someone else, even for your children and that's exactyl what I am talking about because when we think that something is good that doesn't mean at all that it is really good or that it can be good for all of us-we must always ask the other what do they think and not make some "fast" decisions, for which we will sorry later. that's why I think that we must leave the kids out of religion for the first 10 years maybe so that they can learn something about ti by their own, of course if they want to do that, if not we can just let them know something about it when they are readyand not to force them to do something aaginst their will, which can be something really bad for them!
29 May 10
well, but what if the way that the parent has chosen is a wrong one? what are we going to do then?
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
27 May 10
Religion is one of the most hottest debate of all time. I changed my religion for _nth time seeking for the truth. So,if in any case my kids will ever follow or changed their religion,i will not oppose. They had their own freewill to choose and decide for themselves. Unless,it is very clear that,the religion is using their members or doing wrong,of course,i will talk to my child. As of now,my kids are worshiping with me (in my religion) This is very timely,coz,tomorrow,my eldest daughter will receive baptism. Have a good day always
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@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
28 May 10
precisely,the very reason why i had changed my religion is,questions and doubts. i am glad i found the right one...
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28 May 10
well good for you, but if you continue searching you may found even a better one :)
28 May 10
hell0 there! I guess that parents like you will understand their kids the ebst way they can, because they have been gone that weay and know what difficulties or what else can tehy meet then. it is really nice knowing that there are still people like that, who experiment every day with things like religion just to find the best one or at least to find some answers on their questions!
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
28 May 10
I did change my religion (so to speak) many yrs ago...and as for my kids..they have been given the freedom to choose. All I did, when they started to ask was give them resources on various paths etc and answered any questions as best as i could..Now they are both teens and my son is Atheist and my daughter is leaning towards Buddhism...
1 person likes this
28 May 10
well, as I see your kids have chosen some completely different paths to go from each other and there is nothing wrong in it. the onl;y thing you have to do now is to support them and try to help them, because the way they have chosen will be a hard one among people from some other religion1
• United States
27 May 10
Religion is a personal choice. Every child by the time they reach 13, they Should choose their religion or no religion. It Has to be the child's choice , That way his/her heart will be into it . and it won't be just a habit they do because their parents told them to.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 10
It is sad, but true. So the child learns religion is a chore and not something you feel from the heart. I was so lucky to have my mom. she let me choose.
1 person likes this
27 May 10
hell0 there! yes, I also think so, but many parents try to force their children- voluntary or not, to follow their own religions and the kids just don't have any other choice, or they've got already "brain-washed" and think that the religion their parents have is the best one and they should take it!
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@Galena (9110)
26 May 10
I think the thing is, whether you give them a choice or not, they still have a choice. lets say you say to them. your favourite colour is yellow. end of. no discussion, no argument, THAT's your favourite colour, and I forbid you to like another colour better. will that STOP them from having purple as a favourite colour? no. just as telling them that whether they like it or not, they follow x religion, if they don't believe x religion is true, but think that y religion rings more true to them, you can't make them change that belief. because belief doesn't work like that. so there is no do you give them the choice or not. think of it more as WILL YOU support them in the choice they will make. because you can't make that choice for them, even if the path they take is very different to your own.
1 person likes this
27 May 10
well, it wont stop me to have my own color the one that i like and not the one that you like, but think about this- you are about 3-4 years old and I talk you about my religion, about that how good and right it is, and there is no other better religion than mine. I don't tell you that you must not have any other religions, but only that talking to the little kid about something it still can't understand washes its brain and after some period it will choose the erligion you believe in, just because you have "washed" its brain with the thoughts about your religion. Yes, you have done it involuntarily, but it's already done and there is no way back.
@Galena (9110)
27 May 10
it goes a long way, but it's not irreversable or even definite. despite not going to a church affiliated school, in the assemblies they would talk about God and Jesus as if it was definitely true. in the same way they taught maths or spelling. and I just knew that it wasn't truth. it was my first experience of Christianity, and it felt like a story. the same as Greek mythology feels like stories. at that point I was sort of a part of my family religion, but only in the sense that I was raised to believe that nature and the Earth were sacred. but I told a teacher that God had antlers. and nowehere had I been exposed to even an image. and I know a lot of people that were raised in very strict religious households that turned their back on the brainwashing because they didn't feel truth in it. I do think the best way is to allow space for exploration and learning.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 May 10
Hi Phoenix, I was raised Catholic but thankfully my dad was very open minded and exposed my brothers and I to lots of various religions and belief systems....even those that opposed the Catholic belief. When I got older, I opted to not partake in any organized religion and that is not to say that any of them are wrong or anything. Not slotting myself into any one belief system leaves my options open to check out all possibilities. I raised my children to choose for themselves. I wanted them to explore and choose what is best for them even if it is no religion. Whatever they choose, it has to be right for them or it isn't right at all. I would never ever choose something like a persons belief system for them and certainly not my own childs. That would be as presumptuous as piercing their ears or choosing a tattoo for them.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 May 10
Hi Phoenix, No, not Sid from Ice Age. I'm way older than that. Yes, My father was wonderful and very very open minded. I was so so lucky for that. My mother was very much the opposite and followed the Catholic teachings pretty strictly. Would I be the same if my father had been different? I have to say that I really don't know but I would imagine I would be different. I mean our upbringing is a big chunk of what makes us who we are as adults I think. right?
1 person likes this
27 May 10
yeah, I guess it's so!
27 May 10
Hell0 Sid( Sid from Ace Age!?) You can be proud with your dad, because there are really not many fathers/parents like yours and the mst of them never do things like that. I just wonder would you do the same if your father wasn't like that, and was some straight follower of some religion? I guess it would be different to you, right?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 10
i was born and raised catholic and almost all the members of my family are but i am now a born again christian. i know my parents are not happy with my choice but i made a stand that i want to be renewed with my relationship with God. what is important is where one will grow and make a better relationship with God. when my unborn son grows up and if he choices another belief than i am i will give him the choice as long as the choice will make him a better person and where he can develop and grow his faith to our Lord and Savior.
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@bestboy19 (5478)
• United States
28 May 10
If children are brought up in a certain religion, what would lead them to another? Their thinking and reasoning abilities are those of a child. Can they understand even their own religion well enough to make a choice one way or the other? As a parent or guardian, I would take the children to the church where I worship (because children shouldn't be left alone) to learn what I believe. Whether they learn and believe is up to them and how well they have been taught. I can not force them to accept any religion, I can only lead them where I think they should go.
28 May 10
yes, it is all up to them and we must not try to force them- no way, because it can be very bad and negative to them, if we try to push them into religion that we think is the best and they think that it isn't!
• India
10 Jun 10
hello friend i think that god is one and teachings are also same of every god they got the basic teachings as well as since as in the case of one book that is written in different languages but the contents if read in it will be same so hat is in the case of religion we believe that there are many gods but the basic teachings of all of them are same they got the same teaching of being human and healing humanity it is something everyone does we should only work hard and be a great human being
1 person likes this
11 Jun 10
hell0 there! yes, you are right- in all the religion teachings are almost the same only with some little differences :) Powered by Phoenix8606
18 Jun 10
hell0 there! yes, you are right- in all the religion teachings are almost the some onlu with some little diferences :)
@xeroeight (1060)
• Philippines
27 May 10
For me he need to be in right mature age to make a decision, since he/she is a too young to decide then its up to the parent to decide for their children.
1 person likes this
27 May 10
well, I also think children must be at a proper age in order to decide what religion they belong to and should they change it or not, but I disagree with that, that they should be "guide" by the parents on their way to religion till they get old enough, just becaues parents will confuse them!
@xeroeight (1060)
• Philippines
28 May 10
sorry but I respectfully don't agree with that , well that's why they are old and their children is not, because parent are destined to guide their children, I don't know if a child when in the right age get confuse about it First of all I experience it, my family is roman catholic, but me I am a christian when I get older and in mature age I decided which religion I follow, and now we are all christian. Well This is only my point of view since I experience it the only thing you can do is guide your children to the right, because as of now you are the one who knows the right, they are to young they have to be guided, there's a lot of teenager I know that never experience to be guided by their parent, one my friend got pregnant and some also fall in a bad world, but I can't blame them they all have same experience there's no parent beside them to guide when they are young.
@efc872 (1077)
• Jamaica
27 May 10
The only thing you can and should give your child/children or anyone is you love. You can't dictate what they must do. In the case of your child/children under your immediate care, they don't have a choice but to obey because they have eat, sleep and need care at their tender age. Once reaching adult age and can care for themselves an have the ability to think for themselves you lose all dominance and control over them. It is only dumb ones that will cling to everything you taught them.
1 person likes this
27 May 10
yes, maybe we must really not let children into religion till they get some age of 14-16 maybe, when they are grown enough so that they can choose and know what's right and wrong and what is better for them and what is not. loving and supporting them is really the most important thing not only while they are kids but also through all their life!
@mapuang (612)
• Philippines
27 May 10
Hi, there's lot of religion that encourage me to change but i will stay on what religion i belong right now. beside we only have 1 god and all this religion has the same God. for me i will let my children choose what religion they want, i will not force them because i change religion, its not fair.
1 person likes this
27 May 10
hell0 there! yes, we should not force our children to choose some religion, but there are so many parents who do this- parents who force their own children to go into their religion and have their believes, because they think it si right. and as you say- there is only one God, but he has different names in the different religions!
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
27 May 10
I don't want to change my religion. Because the gist of all religions are almost the same.I shall not force my children to follow their ancestors religion. When the will be adult they can choose any religion. It is personal matter.
27 May 10
yes, its' right- it is a personal matter and we should not force the children to follow some religion which we think is good.
@med889 (5941)
27 May 10
My boyfriend is a Jew and I am a Christian but we have already talked about this and we both came to a conclusion that we will never force our children to choose a religion, when they will be mature enough they can decide for themselves who they want to be and what to follow, we believe that the greatest religion is humanity which they should follow.
27 May 10
well, I really apreciate the opinion of a couple from different religions, because it is erally important to know how exactly people like that act in situations like this :) i also think you should not force you kids to choosesome religion till they get old enough, so that they can do it by their own!
• United States
27 May 10
I want my son to learn about the religions and then he can choose what he believes by whats in his heart and mind
1 person likes this
27 May 10
yes, maybe it will be the best way for your son, because knowing about all the religions before knowing about your own one, we make him see "true"- to see the best among them all!
@Rysonia (310)
• United States
27 May 10
That depends on the age and maturity of the child. If the child was a mature 16 year old with a history of thinking things through and making good decisions for him/herself then of course he or she should be allowed to and I would support that right. Now when the child is still young and/or immature they do not get that option. Religion is a family affair at that point and they go to service with the family, never with friends or random third parties.
1 person likes this
27 May 10
hell0 Rysonia! well, guess you are partly right- because kids are still unable to choose their on religion will they get a bit older and their thinking becomes proper, but I disagree that religion should be a family affair till that point of their life, because if we force them or tell them to be part of our religion, they will think it si the best one, knowing much about it and nothing about the other religoons!