In Relationship With A Non-Christian

Malaysia
May 30, 2010 2:15am CST
I need some advice. I've been dating a non-christian for 'bout 3 years now. 2+ years in our relationship, bible study taught me that dating a non-christian is a no-no. The group that I bible study with encouraged me to break up with him. Here's the dilemma. Although he is non-christian, I love him very much. I don't want to put him above God, but I don't want to just suddenly end this either. It will be a shock to both me and to him. I was thinking of introducing the gospel to my boyfriend. And hopefully in the long run, he would come to realise who God is and what God has done for us. Am I making the wrong decision and putting this relationship above God? If this type of relationship were to end, why do churches allow christian and non-christian marriages? Is there somehow a chance this can work out? The thought of ending the relationship just puts me on hold. It's a very, very difficult decision to make and definitely something that's just rushed at me, not giving me time to breathe about. I would really like some guidance and advice from some brothers and sisters. Thank you.
3 people like this
23 responses
@xeroeight (1061)
• Philippines
30 May 10
whoa have you read in the bible that you can't marry or have a relation with a non christian person? or it only came from your group, well if it is its not right when you love someone it doesn't matter if his not a christian but if it stated on the bible well its up to you if you follow it, try to ask your group if its written in the bible or search for your self if there's a law about having a non christian boyfriend.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
30 May 10
There is a passage talking about the difference between a non-christian and a christian in 1 Corinthians 2:14. Then, another one talking about not to be yoked with an unbeliever in 2 Corinthians6:14. Reasons can be found in Proverbs 12-14 and 1 Corinthians 15:33. I'm sure that there are a few other passages as well. But I feel so stuck right now. It's quite a big shock to me and I felt like I need to do something.
@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
1 Jun 10
There is some in 2nd Samuel or 1 kings as well, talking about why Solomon fell out of Gods favor. And you know what, that was then and this is now. I know they pull you away from God, and I believe you are strong enough to bring him unto God. It is not a hard thing to do, you have a Bible, ask him if he read it. Ask him to read it with you. Don't much matter, so very few people have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost or even Baptized by someone with the proper authority. That, it is lip service for the most part.
• Philippines
12 Jun 10
I'm not opposed in dating with non christian as long as christian is dominant in such relationship. Meaning you are dragging the non christian to become christian. Or else if you're not strong enough you will be the one who will be led astray. We must consider the risk.
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
31 May 10
You just concentrate on living the good Christian life before him. Show him, don't just tell him. You are not putting him above God. Never condemn him for not being a christian. He doesn't have the right to object to you being a Christian and you don't have the right to object to him not being a Christian. Many a good man has come to God for the simple reason he had a good Christian wife. You just follow God's lead in this and everything will work out for the best for both of you. Art
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
31 May 10
Thank you Art. I will keep your advice in mind =)
1 person likes this
• Mexico
31 May 10
Hi Arkie: I agree with you. You don't have the right to object to him not being a Christian. It's all about respect in your relationship and I'm sure that your love and dedication as a wife could make him become Christian. Thanks for your answer Arkie. Have a nice day. ALVARO.
@cupkitties (6702)
• United States
30 May 10
Ask God what he wants you to do. Its not up to them. It's up to what his plan is for you. Yeah I've heard that too in church about how we shouldn't marry outside our faith but then not too long ago we had a discussion about this man who was asked by God to take a non believer as his wife.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
31 May 10
That's interesting. How did God ask him? What happened to this man?
• United States
31 May 10
You can read about it in the book of Hosea. I don't know if you're familiar with the story of Hosea and Gomer but Gomer was an adulterous woman. He wanted Hosea to understand how we his children make him feel sometimes with our unfaithfulness and also in turn through Hosea because of his forgiveness, Gomer was led to God.
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
30 May 10
Unless he wants to know about Christ and is willing to have instruction from one of your elders or the pastor, i would say that the relationship will not work out. And even if he wants to learn about Christ and is willing to go to church with you, it might be that he is doing that to get you to marry him and after a while, will try to persuade you to join his religion or stop going to church altogether. Have you asked him to go to church with you? Has he said no, and you knew he was free to go? If he said yes, there is a good chance he is interested in becoming a Christian. Talk to your pastor or one of the elders about it and do a lot of praying. If your boyfriend is meant to be a Christian, God will open his eyes, but if it is not to be, then it is best to break it up. Even if he does become a Christian if you marry, it might be years and it might be when he is on his deathbed.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
31 May 10
I'm not really sure about his standing. It's because he still lives with his parents that he doesn't really try to get to know more about Christ (his mother told him to not become a Christian as long as he's living under her roof). I mean earlier in our relationship he used to, but then he fell off somehow. He still prays with me though when I asks him to. I'm still trying to see where he stands.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
31 May 10
It is hard when he wants to but his family is against it. If he is able to get a job, you could pray that not only would God open his heart, but that God would lead him to where he can find employment that would enable him to leave home. Or better still you could pray for his parents to not oppose his desire to be a Christian. It looks like he is on the edge, but he cannot break away from his parents and if he is a Muslim, it might be more dangerous for him. In fact, his parents may consider killing him for denying their beliefs.
• Philippines
31 May 10
You said that you don't want to put him above God but unknowingly we might be doing this thing. I know it might be a very tough situation for you. The best thing you can do and have done earlier is to share to your boyfriend the gospel. Answers for your questions: 1. Am I making the wrong decision and putting this relationship above God? I will boldly say to you, that you are missing something on this relationship. Above anything else our relationship with God will be the sole source of any other relationship that we will have or that we have. And remember that from Matthew 6:33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.". This verse speaks about how we should prioritize the areas of our life. 2. If this type of relationships were to end, why do churches allow christian and non-christian marriages? What church you are talking about? If this happen in christian churches, then something is wrong. Above anything else it is the bible that should be the final authority of our lives, if the Word of God commands not to yoke to unbeliever, that should stand. And this is the truth, we need to stand for it as a christian. 3. Is there somehow a chance this can work out? Just like what I have said, you share to your boyfriend the gospel with the right heart. Not because of you, but because of our Lord. I know that you know, God wants us to share His love to people. And I think that should be your motivation. Never win him because you just want to make the relationship work out but have the right heart that it's not about you but it's about God. That the Lord wants everyone to be saved. Let your faith stand whatever happens. If you choose following the Lord surely He will bless you. There's always a blessing in obedience and turmoil for disobedience. God knows your heart and knows you full well. I believe for every situation that we have in our lives specially the tough ones there's always a call to surrender. Surrender means God's lordship in our life. Surrender means trusting God fully. We might surrender our attitude, relationship, sins, actions.... As for my last word, in Proverbs 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give the desires of your heart." God bless. Lift your faith and trust God :)
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
31 May 10
I heard of Protestant churches and the Catholic church allows this type of marriage. I'm not sure about the Protestant church, but the Catholic church requires the couple to undergo a 6 month course before marriage.. I guess to see if marriage is proper.
1 person likes this
• China
31 May 10
May I suggest you invite him to church and your bible study . If he shows no interest in JESUS drop him like a stone.Studies have proven it never works out CHRISIAN being married to non-Chrisian.It will be hard to do,but with much prayer and by GODS grace you will succceed If he is interested in going to church with you and joining your bible study,good for you.Maybe these efforts will bring a new member to our family I will pray for you in this difficult situation May the sunshine of GODS love always bless you
• Malaysia
31 May 10
I do invite him, but as a non-christians, their priorities are set differently. It's either work or get some needed sleep. So far, not so sucessful, but he still prays with me. So I'm quite confused on where he stands.
1 person likes this
@max1950 (2313)
• United States
30 May 10
it's non of your groups business who or who you cant date, thats between you and god. ive never heard of such a thing, if he's a good man and faithful to you thats what counts. maybe god has a plan for him for you to bring him over to a christain life later on down the road, i dont question what god does, it's not for me to ask why he does what he does, just have love and faith in jesus christ his son and our savior and you'll find the right answer, follow your heart god will show you the way and him.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
30 May 10
I used to think in that way as well, until I saw the many bible passages that discourages a christian and non-christian relationship. Bible verses were written as a response to below. Please do check them out and tell me what you think.
1 person likes this
@debdut75 (65)
• India
30 May 10
First of all let clear that has been written in bible do you follow everything according to it or not. If you don't follow everything then you don't need to worry as just this one dont make any difference.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
31 May 10
What you're talking about is what I've heard called missionary dating. Dating a non Christian with the hope that you will be an example and that person will be saved. But that isn't the way it is supposed to be. You can still be an example to him, but if one wants to follow the Bible, your example shouldn't be as his girlfriend. I know it's hard, and when I say I know, believe me, I do know. But things happen you would never expect if you resolve to put God's Word above all else.
• United States
30 May 10
It seems to me that most of the advice you've gotten so far has come from non-faith based standpoint. Subtlesubmission and jajabugz both brought up really good points. The first thing you have to understand is that the Bible doesn't advise against dating and marrying non-christians to keep you from your one true love. There are legitimate reasons, ones that you should consider. Should your relationship progress into marriage, are you going to be able to look to him for spiritual advice? Are you going to be able to strengthen each other's faith in God and pray together? What will you teach your children if you have them? The best Christian marriages are between two Christians who can strengthen each other's faith. Can you find that in your boyfriend? I'm not saying break up with him. When my Mom met my Dad, he wasn't a Christian. When my Mom started dating my Dad, he still wasn't a Christian. And it bothered her the whole time, but she felt that God was telling her to wait and to see. My Mom eventually told my Dad that she really wanted a husband who could share her faith and as a result she wasn't sure if she could let their relationship continue. My Dad was shell-shocked at first, but he agreed to talk to her pastor and to break their relationship off for awhile. He spent several months learning about Christianity and talking with other Christians. He said the thing that really got to him was the teenage children of the pastor he was talking to. "I mean, they were good kids! How did these people get such good kids?" He told me once. He eventually became a Christian, they started seeing each other again, they got married and then had two kids. Now they've been married for twenty-five years. My Dad is a strong man of faith, and an elder at our church. So there is the chance that your boyfriend can become a Christian and the two of you will have long and happy lives together. But don't stake your heart on it! He could reject the gospel, and where would that leave you? My advice, don't just drop it all on him at once. Start by telling him how important your faith is to you. Invite him to Church or to your bible study. If he's open to learning and coming with you, then great! Take it one day at a time. If he rejects everything you tell him, then you should eventually head the advice of your friends and the Bible. Marriages should be equally yoked.
• Philippines
31 May 10
I agree with this advice... do all your best to bring him to the feet of Jesus with prayers in your heart. If he continually reject the gospel, you will suffer if you get marry him. perhaps you will win him over after how many years like what this sister testified about her husband... but it takes a very high price. You should think and pray for it over and over again
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
31 May 10
Thank you very much. I thought long and hard about it for about a day and came into conclusion that I will try my best to share the gospel with him. He doesn't show rejection to the gospel and he still prays when I ask him to. However, even when he listens, he doesn't voluntarily do anything either. Thank you so much for your testimony. Thank you for your advice too, winjayoma. I will keep praying.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 10
Your welcome, Kikotay. I really hope it all works for for you. I'll be praying for you and your boyfriend.
• United States
1 Jun 10
Since you love this man very much, don't you want him to have the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ whether or not the two of you stay together? Tell him about Jesus and your relationship with Him. We are admonished to share the hope that's in us with others. Also, pray for him that God's Holy Spirit will be able to reach him and he'll accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. If your boyfriend refuses to accept Jesus, you'd probably be better off without him. It's so easy to be lead astray.
@CJscott (4184)
• Canada
1 Jun 10
Wow. So you didn't find out too long ago about being with a Non-Christian. How long have you been studying the Bible for? It made me wonder, who in your Bible study group doesn't agree with your situation, so searched through, to choose the topic to bring it to your attention, and possibly cause strife? In all fairness though I am slightly paranoid like that. So many people are trying to tell us WHAT to think, and so few tell us HOW to think. The Bible has many different stories that relate differently. I am glad that most of your questions came from the NEW "TESTAMENT"..ever look that word up in a dictionary? By coming from the NEW Testament, it shows it is a Christian Value rather then a Jewish Value. Big difference there, it is good to know how each relates one to the other and that they are quite interconnected though. You have prayed with a broken heart and contrite spirit, asking God for Guidance, and from what I gathered you have chosen to introduce your Boyfriend more fully to the Gospel, and his parents refuse. What faction of Non-Christianity are they, if you don't mind my asking? God's guidance clears all paths. That is my best advice, fast and pray. Ask your boyfriend to Read the scriptures with you, choose the scriptures that show Gods Love for His people, and His Truth's and His Mercies. And when he asks why there wasn't any other way, then for Jesus to die for us, even though Jesus asked for the cup to be taken from him, what 4 times...Tell him, it is because if God were to break an agreement, then God would cease to exist, and God promised His children as Saviour even before the world was created. Best of Luck, I know you will be guided to do what is right in His sight, Amen.
@hagirl (1296)
• United States
31 May 10
First of all it is not the groups job to judge anyone or tell you what to do.... It is the groups job of discussing the Bible and what passages mean, not to point fingers.... I bet if you delve deep enough there may be some things they may not be doing according to Bible also.... Everyone has their faults even Christians.... Being judgemental of your relationship is a NONO on their part instead they should be having special prayers in their group with you to pray for your significant other....
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
31 May 10
I think if the non-christian is causing you to do bad things , or is a bad influence to you, then you should stop seeing him OTHERWISE don't. I don't see anything wrong loving a non-christian (and I am a christian myself) --- as long as the relationship is healthy, and it has positive effects on you and on him. If he's a good guy, then he deserves you, as long as he treats you right. Just keep on praying for him, and your relationship. :D
• Mexico
31 May 10
Hi Kikotay: I think that if you love him why should you stop your relationship with him? I mean, you are not doing anything against God because of your love to this person. God is love, so there's nothing wrong on your love to him and if he's a good man you can be a good couple. At the same time I think that if he respect your beleives you should do the same. Thanks for sharing with us your story. Have a nice day. ALVARO.
• United States
31 May 10
The Bible says Christian and non-Christian should not be yoked. The Bible also says gather His sheep when they are lost. I think introducing your boyfriend to God, before promoting him to husband, is an excellent idea. If we shun non-Christians, how are we supposed to get them to believe in God? I would tell my 'friends' to help me in my quest to tell my boyfriend about the Gospel. If they are unwilling, something is very wrong with them. When I was very young, we got a preacher in our church who preached stupidity. He said only 'good' sinners were allowed in his church. He also said if people of another race came into the church, everyone was to get up and leave quietly. First of all there ARE NO good sinners. They are all equal in God's sight. Second of all, I asked him, if we sing "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight," why wouldn't we welcome people of another color into our church? He called me an angel of Satan for my awful question. I was twelve years old. He didn't last long in our church. Try to introduce your boyfriend to God, but make certain the people know it is God's church you want him in, not theirs necessarily. God's church is made up of people, not buildings.
• Bahamas
31 May 10
Christ came not only to cleanse us but to have a personal relationship with us, so that in times such as this you could call on him. He understood that we must live with non believers and some of the laws passed down through men would have to be amended. I understand why the bible tells us not to be yoked with non believers, because I feel that if you do not know God then you have no idea what love is, for God is love. However once we are in this flesh our emotions will be drawn sometimes by these non believers and this is why we must pray every second of every day.You have been with this individual for three years now and I know at times you have done things that requires God's forgivness. He is faithfull and just to forgive you. The love you feel for this person will not soon fade and eventually you will find yourself going even more against the word of God. The bible states that it is better to marry than to burn. Even though he is a non believer God will honor your marriage because he sees your heart and knows you want to please him. You only put people above God when you allow them to persuade you to sin. Confessing your sin and asking God's forgivness is the way back to him. Even before you are married to him let him see God in your life and he will seek God for himself. Do not let him persuade you before you are married.
@winjayoma (187)
• Philippines
31 May 10
As far as the Bible is concern... it not advisable for a christian to have a relationship between non-believer. Many of the testimony I heard and even know of some couple with the same situation like you. They really had a hard time in their marriage life. They always end up to quarrel because they do not agree with each other faith. The girl got repented why married his husband. If only he can scape... then she will do it. It will be most struggling time for a christian when got marry with a non-christian. Think and pray about it
• United States
30 May 10
The best thing to do her is to communicate. Never mind the people from your church, it's common sense that they would tell you to end it. But they're not the ones who fell in love with your boyfriend. Why is he non-Christian? Is he in some different religion or is he Atheist? Be careful what you do here. After you have the conversation, if he is completely against becoming Christian, and you still love him, leave him be. If he does want to become a Christian, then great for you. If he is of another religion, respect it and leave him be. Don't pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do, because chances are, he'll only be doing it for you, not because he actually wants to. Hope this helps=)
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
30 May 10
Over 50 years ago, I got over the Christianity thing, and have been living Happily ever since. After I left the Church the Pastor came by and called me a "Heretic," which didn't really surprise me. I realize you will get along just fine (which ever way this thing works out,)But I am worried about your Boyfriend! I think you should tell him how you feel (about his dereliction) as soon as possible. He may not feel the need to make such a big adjustment in his life. For God's sake give the guy a chance to get safely away from your hegemony!