Is this the right thing to do?

@dhangski (3194)
Philippines
June 12, 2010 2:06pm CST
[b][/b]Hello there my mylot friends. I've been away for so long here and my friends keeps asking me to come back and told me that they miss my posts. I told them, that I will do a comeback but will on my comeback post I want it to be a happy one. But I just can't help it. I've had a lot of problems for the months or a year that I've been away here that gave hindrance for me to post my own discussion or even comment. But honestly, I'm here everyday and I read all your discussions. I've kept this problem for over a year but I just can't help it, I have no one to talk too and feels so alone with each passing day. See, my husband and I had some serious problems in our marriage which leads us to talk about separation. It's been a year now and until now, we are still husband and wife. My hubby is working in another country, and he met this girl. I learned about their affair through a site in the internet. And until now he denies it. One day, the girl found a way to talk to me (through facebook) I treated her in a civil manner, I was polite. And I was shocked that she ask me "do you think your husband still loves you?" and so on and so forth with that conversation. Last April, my husband came home for vacation, he spent 1 1/2 months with us. I was really happy that he stayed with me with our kids which I thought he will never do because he told me before that he will never stay with us when he comes home. And so the days go on, we still treat each other the same as before, we still sleep together and we do what a married couple does. Then he returned to Canada again to work. I expected that all the problems have been solved but when he arrived there, until now, he didn't communicate with us. I've been investigating since then, been talking to his co-workers and learned that the girl fetched him from the airport and stayed in his house for days. My friends told me to give warning to them and if they won't stop I should take some actions. I'm planning to let the girl's family of her activities and her affair with my husband and I'm planning to consult my lawyer of what should I do with my situation. So my question is, Is this the right thing that I should do? I've been calling and sending messages to my husband but he won't reply to any of them. What are other actions should I take. Should I report them for the girl to be deported? Is it possible? I'm really confused right now and really hurting inside. I want to solve this right away not just for me but for my kids too. They're still young [b][/b][i][/i]
5 people like this
11 responses
@mobhomeir (7565)
• Philippines
13 Jun 10
Hello dhangski am one of friends of julyteen and through his post that me to your posted family problem. I was curious to know who knows I could give some ideas of might be the best thing you could do. Firs of all I felt sorry for what had happen in your marriage. Actually you never mentioned what might be the cause why you're hubby suddenly got cold on your relation because i believe in the saying "it takes two to tango". Based on your statement alone, I would say, you can whatever legal method you think the right thing to as long as you're legally married. You can report this case to our embassy. If you think you would do action towards him for the sake of your marriage, I think it would be useless because if you're hubby doesn't love you anymore you can't force him to be back to you. No matter what. In spite of whatever ways you did just to save your marriage and still he didn't cooperate it means he doesn't loves you anymore. This is what I mean, If you would succeed in filing suit just to get hold back on him to you but lost his love to you I think set him free. But if you will do some legal means for the sake of your children, I would say fight for it. You're decision on filing suit and let his mistress be deported I think that's one of the good idea. Ask support from your hubby in nurturing your children but don't insist to stay with you again without his love to you anymore. You never mentioned how old are your children, but I think your children could understand at their right age should your marriage would worsen that would go into separation. That's only my opinion dhangski you can ask some other opinion with your friends or the best is to your attorney in terms of legal matters. I am hoping this problems of yours would never worsen.. Just be cool, our life is like a stage drama...we have different roles that if we could carry them best we succeed that would put us into "best actress and actor" God BLess my friend.. Cheer up.. Mobhomeir here...
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Jun 10
It's very clear that what her husband did was ADULTERY and he can face imprisonment here if he doesn't settle it down to stop. she could go to canadian embassy to take care of this problem of hers, this is one dilemna that couldn't handle by herself. Have strong faith dhangski, the kids are a lot more important now.
2 people like this
@mobhomeir (7565)
• Philippines
13 Jun 10
Yes dhangski letran is right...
1 person likes this
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Jun 10
First and foremost, I would like to welcome you again here in mylot for so long that I never found any new post from you. I understand now what is the reason behind although you told me some overview about it in our last communication through chat. Anyway, it's really hard your situation now and me also can't imagine how your feelings going on day by day bringing that very difficult situation. I can't blame you lately why you are not always on your mode. I am not expert about this situation but I will advised you to make your move to stop the tough situation. Atleast at early time you will knew where you belong with regards to your husbands feelings. If you allow him doing what they did right it will develop and very destructive reality in the future. Stop it or you make a decision to divorce him and enjoy your life after all, not just seating and wait for nothing. Thank you for sharing! Hope your problem will be solve as soon as possible friend.
2 people like this
7 Jul 10
u know how much it is hurting me to listen that , this man never ever deserve a woman like u but now we only looking for the kids future so i advice u to keep your patient and try to find the more suitable solution and the more suitable for kids wish u every happy thing in this life dear
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
Thank you so much for always being there for me. You taught me how to be strong and I really appreciate that. HUGZ to you dear.
13 Jun 10
Hi dhangski, I am so pleased to see you back, I have missed you so much, and you know, some friends here on mylot had been through what you are going through and its good to ask advice for help here, in my opinon, you should get rid of your husband for good asw he is not good treating you like that and you should report his girlfriend too to be deported, I always said, long dostance relationships never works, if he thought enoug of you, he would have been working to get you and your children to join him or come back home for good, he can always find another job, what is more importand? his family or his job? then he is now spending money on his girlfriend that he could have save for you, no!! get rid of him, no chances now. Hugs. Tamara
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi tamara, I missed you too and all my friends here. That's what I'm thinking, to let go of him so I can start a new life again. I'm planning to file charges for custody and support. I hope that he would understand that I will be doing this not just for myself also for my kids. HUGZ tamara, and thanks for always being there to support me.
@aijal1 (7)
• India
13 Jun 10
Oh my GOD!!!! Don't wait any longer. Tell him that you know what he has been doing - that is cheating on you. I can not believe that you can still be civil to him. I am not sure if I could be civil to my husband, let alone live with him, if I found out that he has been cheating on me. My advice would be to take legal action and to divorce him. Make sure that he pays alimony. After all, he needs to contribute for his children. Personally, I think it is better to get divorced rather than stay unhappy. I do understand that you have to think of the children. But in my opinion, children needs happy parent more than parents who stay married and unhappy. Just my opinion though.
1 person likes this
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
I had a chance to talk to him yesterday and I told him that I already know about everything that he is doing while he is away. He keeps on denying it. I told him that I have proofs (i.e exchange of messages of me and his co-worker/housemate, chat messages and pictures of them together). I told him that I will be seeking legal actions about this, and both of us will have to decide whether to stay or let go. Thanks for the advice. I know my kids will understand. Happy myLotting.
• Philippines
13 Jun 10
Hello dhangski, that's horrible, i understand now why you're not that around much here, as i recall from a former mylot friend, you gave birth to a child. What an ungrateful man! one of those guys who couldn't keep the marriage for good and then tries to do something else. I believe this problem is way beyond for you to handle, i agree consult with the lawyer, file a case, or better yet call XXX to have these people expose. I never told any one this, but my grandma busted my dad for having an affair with a mexican a few months ago. but before that my eldest brother got a strange respond from a woman on my dad's phone, which made my bro depressed for days. He made a terrible choice, sue him, and divorce him if you have to, don't let him treat you like this.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
14 Jun 10
Hi there knight. I missed you. Correction, I didn't gave birth I had a serious medical condition. I was diagnosed with enlargement of the heart and some complications on my liver. Back to the topic. I seek advice from my father about this, told him everything showed him proofs of what I discovered from him. And he told me, that I should take legal actions and ask for custody of my kids and for support. I am so tired of being a martyr wife and tired of keeping my feelings all by myself. I guess it's time to let go.
• United States
12 Jun 10
Well I live in the states, and I for one, would have thrown the bum out on his butt immediately. I wouldn't waste my time with the girl at all. It's YOUR HUSBAND who is doing all the damage to your marriage. It was up to HIM to say NO THANKS, so it is HIS FAULT because he is married to YOU! She's not worth your time to even bother with. PLUS, he's not even answering your calls! He will always do this to you. If it's not this girl, it'll be another one. I would keep all text messages, emails, any correspondence you have with people, print it and copy it, and take it to your lawyer. Get out while you can and enjoy your life with your kids. He's not worth holding onto. Yes, talk with your lawyer, and please make sure you have a good one. I'm sorry if I sound so harsh but this makes me sick and I find him disgusting to do this to you with your children. Take care and I hope you find a much better life soon!
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
Hi, I did keep all emails, chat messages, pictures etc. for proofs. My decision is final, I want out of this marriage for I had enough. Can't keep silent about this anymore for it's really hard for me to go on with my life. I want peace of mind. I told him that I want the separation to be legal. I have the right to be happy my friend. And I really have to thank you for your advice which led to my final decision. Take care too. HUGZ
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
1 Feb 11
Wow dhangski, this is very hard and I admire you for being tough... I have no idea if this situation is resolved now, I hope and wish it is! I am sorry to say but your husband is not a real man, it's like he has no idea what he wants in his life. I do know him well but correct me if I am wrong. Just base my judgment through the story! Hope you were able to take actions and everything is fine now!Be strong as you are and HE is always there to help you handle your problems!
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 10
I'm sorry for your situation. Well,from what I understand, your husband is cheating on you as well as living with you. He isn't accepting the affair and is still doing what ever he wants to do. You should definitely try and get in contact with him by all means, however you can. You should clear up what exactly he wants to do, if he wants a family with you or wants to go his own way? Talk to your lawyer regarding this. Regarding the girl, even if you deport her or tell her family, she will do what she wants, coz you don't have a right on her, you have a right on your husband. Even if that girl is outta ur husband's life, whats the guarantee he wont do it again with some other girl? You have to be strong and get a clear picture of what is in his mind!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Jun 10
it the right things to do since you are the legal wife. But before doing all the legal action against your husband and his mistress better to come out with lot of evidence and then better talk with him before you proceed. If things still unwell. It is the right decision you could do. If you try to communicate with your husband and he does not response then have a friend or any relatives who know your husband to ask them to contact him. In terms of the manner of deportation it is best to have advices with your lawyer they know best..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Jun 10
Welcome back. I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time with your marriage. Perhaps your husband came back and spent time with you so he could figure out what he wanted. And it sounds like he did figure it out. Too bad that he couldn't be honest with you and that he isn't taking your children into consideration here. I know it's painful, but to me it sounds pretty simple. He's made his choice. I would divorce him and be done with it.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
Good to see you again my dear friend. I am planning to divorce him and ask for child support for my kids. He will face the consequences for what he has done to our family. It's really painful for me to do that but I will be doing this not just for me but also for the kids.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Jun 10
Good luck!