Who will be blame if break up happened?

Philippines
June 15, 2010 11:00pm CST
They say, things happen for a reason..but, who will you blame for the break up of a relationship between two lovers..? Is it the third party who forces your love one to leave you? Is it yourself because you let your love leave you? Or is it your love one who let herself/himself to fall in love with another person? Which is which?
3 people like this
19 responses
• United States
16 Jun 10
With the scenerio you have given, I would say everyone is at fault. The third party is at fault for starting such a situation. Your own fault for not keeping a closer eye and letting you love one slowly slip away from you. Also your loved one's fault because they were swayed by another (makes you wonder if they really did love you).
1 person likes this
• Mexico
17 Jun 10
Hi yoko ichigo: I agree with you in almost all of your statement. In general I think that love is lost in many relationships because of the faults of all of its members that commits mistake and forget their responsabilities as a couple. Thanks for your answer. Have a nice day. ALVARO
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Jun 10
When things do not work out well we are fast to look around for scapegoats to blame on, at least in my limited view. But when things do work, do we ever take the time to reflect on the people who helped to make that possible. We have no one to blame but ourselves. I'm reminding myself this as much. When things do not work I would rather look into the 'whys' learn from and try to mend them. And if love is somehow broken beyond repairs it is best to move on.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
..but moving on is the hardest thing to do... :(
@tomitomi (5441)
• Singapore
16 Jun 10
I Understand how difficult things are here. I hate it that I speak like a robot sometimes. I really have no answer for that. It's not the best answer perhaps but that's the only answer I have right now.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
No. It's okay my dear...at least you can able to share your ideas. :)
• China
16 Jun 10
I think if two lovers who love each other , nothing can break them up. and they will feel happy any time. It is my opinion.
• China
16 Jun 10
I agree with you though I am not so fortune
@xeroeight (1061)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
Well for me its depends on the situations and I think it is simple, the one who should be blame for a break up of a relationship is the one who cause it in the first place. If the girl fell in love with the other guy then its the girl who should blame it because she let her self fell in love with other there is no other explanation in that even if the guy is not giving more attention or something, the thing in that situation is the girl demand for something which is not right because if you truly love a person you should sacrifice and don't ever expect something in return from what you are doing and also its same for the guy. If there are 3rd party it is still depend on the situation if that 3rd party force to leave you then both 3rd party and your love one should be blame on your break up. If you let your love one leave you there is no reason for you to be blame because setting your love one free is one of the romantic way to express how truly you love that person. And I think if break up happen we should just let it happen and don't give importance to it because if someone left you there will be new person coming to your life is it just both of you are not meant together because your relationship is broken and no one can stand a relation if both person don't love each other or either one of them don't feel the same way. A true relation is both person love each other, if there is only one person who feel in love in a relation it cannot be called true relationship its fake for me well this is my opinion. enjoy mylotting.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
thanks for your comment..nice one! I really learned a lot.. ;p Mark best response! hehe.. :)
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
My answer would be it depends. A person involve in a realtionship that has recently ended has issues and stories that we do not know. Unless these stories are opened up to us, then we can start analyzing on whose to be blame for the break up and whose not to be blamed. There is always two sides in a story, so hearing both sides is important before going into conclusions. But at a point wherein we cannot decide whether who really is deseving to be blame, I guess the safest thing to say or to conclude is that the relationship was really not meant to be.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
Yes you're right..we can't blame anyone of them unless we know the whole story.. thanks for your nice answer. happy mylotting ;p
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
For me, no one should be blamed. It happens. Maybe not to everybody but a breakup is bound to happen because there's someone out there who is really meant for you and fate just does its duty to put you together.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
hmmm...yah you have a point.. :) but sometimes..things happen not because it's our destiny..but it's happen because of our wrongful actions.. :)
@ada8may21 (2419)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
I could not say whose at fault because certain relationship breaks up for a reason and we could not say that those reasons you mentioned would be the factors of breaking up. But although one way or another those factors could be also the reason for breaking up for some relationship but it actually depends on the couple and the relationship why they fall apart.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
yupz..you have a point my dear...but what if those reasons are what I mentioned above? who will you blame..?
• Mexico
17 Jun 10
Hi mhekhies: I think that one of the first things we always think when a couple break up is that there must be someone that was guilty, one of both parts is the bad guy or girl and the other, the victim. But it's not always that way. I would think that in most of the cases both have made mistakes and they basically have forgotten about love. That's sad. And I won't blame the third part, because, even if this person would be evil, he or she has no responsabilities with the couple and I assume that this third part didn't force your love to do something. Thanks for starting this interesting discussion. Have a nice day. ALVARO
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
17 Jun 10
Hi mhekhies, When you are in a committed relationship in order to make it work then you have to be committed to the person you are with and also the relationship itself. Being honest and trustworthy is a big part of that commitment. When one or the other turns to someone else outside of the relationship regardless of the problems within the relationship then they are to blame. You can't blame the 3rd party who tempted you because there will always be temptations. You can't blame the arguing and misunderstandings that you are having with your partner. When you are frustrated or bored with your partner that is where the comittment to the relationship comes into play. That is when you step up and try to figure out what you can do to make it a better relationship. Both of you are responsible for that. The one that turns elsewhere rather than trying to work on the relationship is to blame for the break up. The only time that would not be true would be in cases of domestic violence or other severe situations.
• United States
16 Jun 10
How can anyone answer this without being given a scenario? It sounds as though you are talking about one person cheating on another and then leaving them, but it isn't clear. If that's what you mean, it is the cheater's fault. The other man/woman is not at fault for the cheating unless they knew the person was in a relationship. Most times when a person cheats, they don't tell the "new" person about their current relationship.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
16 Jun 10
No one to blame if this happens they wasnt really yours in the first place it wasnt meant to be. when it is every thing will fll into place
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
Actually, there's no exact answer to that question because we have to consider a lot of matters. There are people who feel like they need somebody else because their lover no longer has time for them. There are people who's not really into serious commitment that's they find it easier to cheat. There were those who can't find the qualities that they need for their lover. mhekhies16, no offense but your discussion is too broad.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
Blame noone, because all of you really made a mistake. You cannot just blame the third party, because it was the other partner's fault because even if he was seduced, if he really loved his partner then it wouldn't have any effect. But I think, that if there is really nothing wrong, or nothing the other partner is missing then seduction wouldn't be an issue at all. Maybe it really wasn't just meant to be, and blaming doesn't really help anybody in the end.
@derek_a (10902)
16 Jun 10
Sometimes I think that relationships break up because they are meant to do that. To blame either partner or a third party will only cause problems from the person extending that blame, because what has come to pass, has come to pass. It is the way it is, and blaming or hating is only adding more and more pain. If my partner fell in love with somebody else, then how can I blame her. Our relationship was obviously not fulfilling enough for her or she wouldn't have been attracted to someone else. There is no reason for this happening, it just does because it seems we don't get to choose who we are attracted to. We just fall for a person without reason, really. When love happens it is great, but in reality, we cannot cling or possess the other person, as they may have different ideas. It is sad, and will probably hurt, but that is just another of life's lessons. That is what I feel anyway. _Derek
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
I can relate with the topic. I once need to break up with my fiancee over a new guy who came into my life. Before breaking up though, I had to think of the reasons why I needed to and weigh things. My ex fiancee is blaming my new boyfriend for reason that he already knew that I was committed and still pursued me. On the other hand, I am blaming my ex fiancee because he no longer have time with me, prioritized his work and etc. In that situation, I think as you said, breaking up has to happen for reasons. But who has to blame for that to happen? I think, each party has a contribution for the break up. It is wrong, but sometimes that is the irony of loving and relationships. We tend to find things which your partner could no longer give. Even though we know we can hurt someone, still we take courage to take the risk. Besides, we look for happiness with someone other than our present partners. Again, who has to be blamed? Nothing can pinpoint who has to blame or who is at fault because breaking up should be mutual. However, if one does not want a break up, then perhaps he has to accept and learn to let go because a healthy relationship takes two individuals to make t work.
@vikas_711 (106)
• India
16 Jun 10
It depands on the circumstances in which breakup has been happened. One can not decide what is wrong or right. Somebody was asked a lover "who has left one other". reply was "love left us". Some times there are third parties which forces u to do so, but binding between two is strong, third party will no be succeded.
• United States
16 Jun 10
In my humble opinion the one to "blame" is the one who left. No one can be "forced" to leave a relationship with someone they love. You can not blame the other person (unless they were a close friend or a relative to you) because they really have nothing to do with you and owe you nothing. The person who left you is the one that owed you the courtesy of either ending the relationship with you before getting into this other relationship or stopping it before it even started. Dont blame yourself, that is for sure! You deserve better then being with a person who was capable of doing this to you and should realize that nothing you could have done, or didnt do could cause a person to do this to you. They are the piece of crap and consider yourself lucky that they are someone else's problem now. If they will do it to you, they will do it to them. Just remember this when they come crawling back to you! LOL
• India
16 Jun 10
Hi, Human mind have an outward inclination. When it comes to blaming someone this feature takes a big role. In order to survive a break up, one needs to find a better, a more permanent solution, and that doesn't come from blaming others. Once you take all the responsibilities for whatever happened to you, you are gifted with a new realization. There is no need to blame yourself for your entire life. Mistakes are made by every one of us. No third party can actually influence a relationship, unless that relationship is based on weak and unstable ground. If I am being sorry, its I who have brought it to myself. We shouldn't blame others, not even the other person in the relationship. Though this may serve well as a quick fix, it actually harms more in the long run. Some of the mistakes you've made remains hidden, till they are exposed in a form of greater blunder. Every break up should be followed by a stage of self-realization. Until this phase is complete, one shouldn't look for another relationship. Thanks God bless you
• United States
16 Jun 10
I will have to say several factors are associated with it. I had to write an article at Bukisa on this to let people know everything in details. Anyways, the first thing is incompatibily. If two people can't find common grounds then their relationship won't last. Mentality also plays an important role. Some people feel relationships suffocate them. They breath again by breaking up. Next is unusual circumstances which happened with me. My boyfriends had to leave the country for working in different countries. And of course, like you mentioned here, third party can cause a lot of trouble between two lovers. My friend's brother created misunderstanding between her and the boyfriend just because he did not want them to be in a relationship. Also in many cases, parents try to control two people's relationship. Such thing can make the couple feel helpless. So things head towards breakup. Friends sometimes influence also with their kind of lifestyles.