Trust issues & Issues with trust

United States
June 16, 2010 1:49pm CST
Okay, in a relationship it takes two to make it work.!. But how can yhu make something work when the other person isn't putting in enough but getting everythin out of the relationship?! Thats a major issue. Any body agree with me? Like how do you expect the relationship to work if you can;t let your past go and trust that the person you love now wil never hurt you?!
8 responses
@anneeliz (94)
• United States
17 Jun 10
I think I hear you being concerned about a few things: (1) you are talking about give and take in a relationship, (2) whether a person is trustworthy and (3)you are concerned about letting your past creep up on you and negatively affect the present. First, there will always be times in a relationship when the scales do not balance and it may seem that one is a giver more often than the other. Over time though things should balance out. If it is obvious that a person you are with does not respect you, care for you, or want what is best for you, then you might want to think about whether you should be with this person. Second, a person actions will show whether they are trustworthy or not. You will know the answer to this. This then leads into the third concern which is allowing your fears to sabotage the relationship. Something I learned was that yes I am entitled to my feelings, but I also have a responsibility to have control over them. You might want to find a good counselor to help you through this, read some books, get an understanding of why you are scared. You might want to ask yourself what is the worst thing that would happen if ___________ (fill in the blank) happened? what would you do if it did happen? what resources do you have to handle it? I believe you have to have the ability to trust and to be as secure with yourself as possible before entering into a long term relationship. Another thought about something that you didn't bring up. There may be a communication glitch or misunderstanding of what you want, need and expect and what the other person thinks you want, need or expect. In a calm moment, talk about that.
@laratri (254)
• India
17 Jun 10
hi... Yeah, I do agree with you. have a nice day... Thanks laratri
@besthope44 (12146)
• India
3 Aug 10
True love is trust without expectations
• Philippines
18 Jun 10
yeah it takes two to tango, that's what most people say when you are in a relationship. But it's true that's why it involves two person..just so sad that usually we put on so much effort to that when it's just starting but after awhile everything changes,like one takes the other for granted,thinking they will always be there no matter what or if even they don't exert that much effort..saying hey she/he is already committed to me...that's when the trust issue also starts to creep in.Trust takes a lot of hard work , you can't just say hey i trust you..
@ericpapasit (1276)
• Philippines
17 Jun 10
Talk over to your BF and make things seriously..... Renew your commitment!
@meirhu (367)
• Israel
17 Jun 10
And you know that if you DO trust you might find out later that you have been betrayed. I think that there is no getting around it. Yes, you have to trust each other for the PRESENT . AND to be ready for changes !! NEVER is TOO BIG of a word. Too long of a time.
@pkpb97 (28)
• United States
17 Jun 10
It's always hard to move on from a negative experience that you might have had in the past, especially one from a relationship where you might have been hurt or betrayed. If this is the case, try talking to your partner about your past. It might make you feel better if they know how you are feeling, and they might offer some words of comfort and loyalty. It might also give them an idea of things they might need to do differently to make you feel comfortable in the relationship. As far as the give and take issue is concerned... that can be really frustrating and damaging if you don't address it. You dont want to sound needy or whiney, but just casually mention that it would make you really happy if... for example... your partner brought you to the movies or to dinner every now and then. Or that you would really enjoy it if they set aside one night a week to spend with you, and only you.
@jlydsnr (122)
• United States
16 Jun 10
First of all you have to trust yourself that the past isn't going to repeat itself. You know what to look for and just don't stand for it again. Second you have to realize what you feel your worth and set that as a goal for meeting someone that will measure up. Don't just settle for anyone. Not even for looks or money. Always do what you feel is right for you and don't fall for any tricks. I been with my husband for 5 years now and I'm glad I never settled for anyone but him. But on the other hand guys got on my nerves alot trying to be something they weren't.:)
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
16 Jun 10
It does take two to tango aand then some! If you are in a relationship with someone, there must be trust on both sides. One can't be the giver and the other the taker. The relationship is doomed to suffer a bitter end. Trust has to go both ways.