Getting along with your parent....how long?

@missybear (11396)
United States
June 18, 2010 4:28pm CST
My mom's been here 1 week now and I think we made it 2days before we had our first little argument. It didn't last long but still that's about normal for us. We love each other but don't see eye to eye about a lot of things. Usually after the 2 week visit we had about 4-5 argumentsand that's about a good time to part ways till next time. Any longer and we just start bickering about everything.. Do you see eye to eye with your parents and can you last without arguing while you spend time together?
5 people like this
13 responses
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
19 Jun 10
Welcome to my world of "visiting mommie dearest"! If we make it two days that is pretty damn good! I got to Florida last year on Wednesday night and by Saturday she was telling me to leave Sunday! And I was supposed to stay 9 days! I dread the trip because we can't even talk on the phone without an argument! My mother is a skitzo! I never know which personality she is going to have and she drinks alot too so that makes it even more fun! Want to trade?
1 person likes this
@meowcow (943)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
Lols I love people who can make light of things like you do. I'm the same. But in my case it's backwards I'm the one who has to drink. Cheers to our moms Opal!
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
19 Jun 10
Hi meowcow and missy! Us too! When we are drinking together we have a blast, well at least most of the time! Sometimes my Mom gets depressed! Either that or she passes out! Here's to all us "daughters" who have to drink to be with with our Moms!
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
19 Jun 10
Hi missybear, I never felt close to my mom. We argued from the time I was a little girl until I reached a point where I didn't care what she thought about me. I stopped arguing with her and that was a good thing. Eventually, she stopped putting me down as well. I loved her and while for the longest time I thought she didn't love me and I accepted that, I now think that she really did. We just never had that close bond that you hear many moms and daughter's share. I was always here for her as she got older. I played the part but never really felt it. With my own daughters, I swore to form a closer bond. The teen years were rough but I think..I hope...they KNEW that I loved them. Now that they are older, they are like my best friends. I really can't imagine arguing with them about much of anything at this point. I'm not disciplining them anymore which was our main source of disagreement. Now we just respect each other as individuals.
1 person likes this
@meowcow (943)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
Thanks for sharing this, sid. I can really relate. Sometimes parents have a hard time learning how to be more expressive, but deep down we all know we all really love each other. How can we not, when we're all what we have, right? But we learn through generations and generations of making mistakes and not repeating them. I am glad to hear that you have raised well adjusted kids now who you can talk to as adults. I bet that's a whole new brand of fun right there. And I bet that through you changing the course of your family's emotional bond standards, I know your children will be even better parents to their kids. Well, as much as they can try to be at least. For me, no matter how much mistakes the parents make and the kids correct them, kids can never be better parents than their parents for it is they who made us into what we are. Thanks again for sharing that with us! ++!
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
I am a much better grown up than I was a teenager. My mom had her hands full with me that's for sure....now we get along as good as can be expected I guess. All and all we're closer now then we ever were when I was a youngster
• Boston, Massachusetts
20 Jun 10
Hi missybear, for as long as they live and for as long as i live i will get along well with them. THey are my parents, they're the reason for me to live. They may have their own traits that we are not in conbformity but we can always communicate with them and settle things over. i just love my parents the same thing that they love me. I understand where you are coming from but just extend some patience to them. I know you can make it. The break is a good means to build the longingness for both of you but issues must be settle to avoid any pint up and burst of negative emotions!
@missybear (11396)
• United States
20 Jun 10
We do have more good times than bad so We're really happy but there are things we just don't see eye to eye and it's always the same things.
1 person likes this
• Boston, Massachusetts
20 Jun 10
...as long as love is present, nothing is impossible. everything will be settled. as long as communication is open you will be heared and understood. love, love, love!
@karen1969 (1788)
19 Jun 10
Well, I am now 40 and my Mum is 64, but if we go to stay at her house, we will argue after a few days. I think it is hard for a parent and child to live together once the child is an adult. I love my parents very much and talk to them on the phone most days. We enjoy being together for a day or two as well. I think it is better to enjoy a short time together, than to have a longer stay which ends in an argument.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
I agree...we used to visit for 3 to 4 weeks...now we realized that 2 weeks are perfect.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
I think it's normal to really have tensions with family members since we live with them far longer than anyone else. Further, it's indeed true to say "Familiarity bridges contempt". I don't see eye-to-eye with my father most of the times, but we don't bicker or argue. Instead we just mostly steer clear of topics that cause tension. I also learn to keep my mouth shut in order not to provoke him into an argument. On the other hand, I'm really close with my mom, we're best buds without losing respect for authority. I could definitely say that my relationship with my parents and siblings are very good as compared to most of my friends.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
Lucky laydee...all and all we get along great. It's really the little things that we argue about, like "I think I gained 2 pounds" and she says "Don't eat so much then" but I'm hungry and so I eat and then we go on and on.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
20 Jun 10
Now that you have mentioned that, perhaps the arguments come because of being too close with each other. It's all good.
@meowcow (943)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
I think it's common for parents and their kids to not see eye to eye, most times at least. I don't know why this is. Maybe it's just in the type of family. My family's almost the same the kids and grandparents are the who get along best. I'll definitely argue with my parents or anyone in my family equal to my parents (all in the name of good fun and productivity of course) But when it comes to the generation above them, even when I disagree, I shut up. I think we do it just because it's fun and it's legal (for both). Nice topic thanks for sharing ++!
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
It's fun for a little while but then it's time to put the argument aside and get along...you never know how much time you have together.
@meowcow (943)
• Philippines
1 Jul 10
Yes I completely agree with you it is important to cherish our moments with our families as much as we can and as as long as we can. In our case that's arguing well, not really arguing but just getting on each others' nerves just as a sign of love we communicate better that way. We all just love annoying one another to kill boredom and to show love for each other too of course. It makes reunions a lot more fun that way. +!
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
18 Jun 10
I think the parent-child relationship had once been prone to clashes. It was usually the grandparent-grandchild that blended well. But I think the generation gap had been remedied a long time ago. The babyboomers had realized that the generation gap was detrimental to family and society. Many studies had been conducted and parenting had taken a large dose of rehabilitation and transformation. Parents and their children have become confidantes/friends in the past two decades. Still, my mom and I sometimes don't share the same opinion. But I allow her to get the upper hand. She is my mother. With my daughter, she also tried to assert her superiority. That didn't work. I am the mother and I know best. She had realized that. We all understand each other now.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
18 Jun 10
I also back down and at the end I just agree with her to quit the argument. We both always think we're right so it's a no win situation.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
missy, I believe that that is just our terms of endearment. We just probably have strong personalities, quick minds, and intense passion about life. That is why we express verbally how we perceive life. And we can speak our mind out to people we love. There are times that our words are too hurting. But our loved ones easily forgive. Just think that you and your mom are two vibrant people.
• United States
18 Jun 10
You know, I sure miss the good and bad time that I spent with my mom because 5 years ago she went to a better place. Now I look back at those little upsets and I began to laugh because they were silly. Now, please don't get me wrong we had a few arguments that were very serious, but somehow we manage to get though them. Mom was my best friend. Take care Snow
@missybear (11396)
• United States
18 Jun 10
I love my mom and wish we weren't so far apart. We only see each other every 2 or 3 years and now that she's in her seventies I get worried and so I try to avoid arguing as much as possible. You never know if there will be a next time
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 10
I know you Love her with all of your heart and she loves you and that is what memorizers are made of. . Thanks for responding back to me and I enjoyed our little chat. Take care Snow
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
19 Jun 10
For me where very much understand with each other I'm happy that i meet my parents because I love them.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
I love mine too but we just look at life different and sometimes don't agree on things...but that's life
@altaircho (130)
• Bulgaria
19 Jun 10
Whenever either i visit my parents or they come to visit me we get along just fine.The visits usually last 3-4 days so we have no problems :)
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
We visit for 2 weeks and that's just perfect. She used to come for 3 to 4 weeks and then it was too long and we really ran out of things to do.
@lekkipen (14)
19 Jun 10
t the moment no, especially my mum. but, you know what? it does not matter. life goes on.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
It does but it's so much nicer when everybody gets along
• China
19 Jun 10
Once some habit is got, it is really a habit, difficult to mop up. The relationship among persons is just like it. Since my childhood, I hardly argued with my parents. So today, I really don't know how to begin argumentation with them. What's the most, we are separated now because I left them for another city. Every year maybe we can spend a short time together. And, how can you quarrel with a guest?! Thus to some degree, argumentation or even quarreling is a kind of happiness.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
We live far apart too but we talk every week on the phone. we don't argue then just when we spend some time together that's more than a few days but that's be course she has a different view of things than me.
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
19 Jun 10
i see my parents every day, we don't really have that many disagreements.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
19 Jun 10
That's really nice that you get along so good.