Stop thinking!

Thinking too much about someone who does not care  - I cannot stop think no matter what I do and I even cry when I think of the person who is sleeping peacefully and not even bothering to know this.
@med889 (5958)
June 20, 2010 10:55pm CST
Whenever something bad happens I just cannot stop thinking and I do not sleep the whole nights, I cry a lot. I want to really be like people who does not care at all and sleep well and even stop thinking about things that bothers too much. This is amazing how people can sleep very peacefully when their partner is crying the whole night. And they even have the dare to say that they did not know about what is bothering their partner! I do not expect too much but being in a relationship and being after all a human being I do expect a little.
3 people like this
15 responses
@shibham (17025)
• India
21 Jun 10
Hi med, honesly i cant cry and have forgotten the last time when i cried. Anything that happens to me at day time, i dont like to carry it at night so that i cant sleep. If the matter of my partner arises, i would not sleep finding her with tears. I am ready to console her at any cost even i have a heart full of love and support. Waiting to find that girl who will ready to accept my love.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jun 10
Wow! You sound like one in a million. Hope you find your lady soon. Happiness to you!
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
Thank you Shibham for being so nice. I loved him a lot and now after five years it is difficult not to feel the pain and the cries of the nights. I thought about it the whole night while he could have been sleeping peacefully, but I could not because I was thinking of everything. I gave him everything I had and I do not even regret about it, I do not even blame someone. But I am a human being afterall and human beings are never too strong to fight with everything and everyone though we can have a lot of confidence, but what is the use of having a lot of confidence when you have your own standing in front of you.
@shibham (17025)
• India
21 Jun 10
@alaskanray. Thanks for your compliments friend. I am pretty sure that i am able to make her happy but she also must have to be polite, kind heartend and supportive. @med. No need to be worry. Let them go as past is always past. I dont know why some persons behave so to their partners? Dont know why they tend to apply their braveness and strength in front of girl. Its too harsh. I am too positive, not braging but she must have to be positive and loveable to me. Hope your sorrows are all over now. Take care.
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
21 Jun 10
the key is persistence and a lot of praying to God. When I'm sad or too much thinking about the problem, I try to convince my heart that the problem will disappear by itself when I turn it over to God
2 people like this
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
sometimes i would do that but it's not easy as I thought it would be. but it's better than thinking and thinking something a like. but i must say i don't do this all the time, i also think, think and think until i got tired of thinking of it.
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
When something like this happens, we just cannot stop thinking of the how and the why. And what we get in return is hurt and pains, why are we so human? with limited powers to control our thinking and feeling! I just need to be strong again to be back to the normal.
@alaskanray (4642)
• United States
21 Jun 10
I think this is common among women. We can get pretty obsessive about problems as we struggle to find a solution. Men, on the other hand, tend to think in compartments so when they hit the bed, they leave the world behind. Women on the other hand see everything as integrated in a whole and if there is anything out of place, they can't stop worrying about it until it is resolved. I can't tell you what to do about it, but you do need your sleep, kiddo. And I know from first hand experience that if you don't get a handle on your sleep patterns now, you will ultimately pay when you get older. Now I am old and have chronic insomnia. I have to take Melatonin to get any sleep at night, otherwise I will be up all night until the sun rises, then I get tired enough to sleep. Bummer! If you need help to sleep, try a meditation CD or some melatonin. You can get melatonin at a health food store as it is herbal. If you want your partner to be more responsive, cut him some slack and talk to him. He can't read minds and sometimes when he asks you what's wrong, you say, "Nothing." He will believe you. That's just how men are. Explain to him what you're upset about and why but don't blame him or he will just get defensive. Don't assume he doesn't care just because he doesn't understand. Tell him what you need from him. Say, "Please just hold me when I cry." or "Please reassure me that it's going to be alright." The guys just don't come by these things naturally. I pray that you will be able to resolve this problem. Take care, med, and let me know how it goes. I care.
1 person likes this
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
I told him everything and everytime I do, But why can't be remember and try not to repeat it, There have been many women who have tried to separate us, they are his friends only and I never suspected him to an extend of leaving him but now it is paining inside, and it hurts, I have spend many nights without sleep and yesterday I did the same till the sun rise. I feel strange inside. How come someone be so indifferent towards love, care and affection? I gave him everything, really everything, I even accepted to leave everyone for him if the matter comes to such an extend but now I want to be "me" and forget about everything, I know it is very difficult because once I close my eyes, they turn wet and I cannot sleep.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jun 10
Okay, here is what I'm hearing. He has female friends who are not your friends. That is wrong. If he is going to have friends and you are a couple, you need to be included with those friends. If they are not your friends, too, he should not keep that friendship. You are a couple. If he doesn't see that, then he is not ready for a committed relationship. You need to take care of yourself, first, kiddo. If he doesn't care enough to take your side if his friends don't befriend you, then he's not the one for you. Please don't take this too much to heart. I don't know everything about your problem so this is just generality. Only you can know what is right for you...and I agree with the others here. PRAY. God will help you to know what is right for you. Don't cry too long. You are a precious lady and deserve to be happy. Hugs.
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
I always introduce him to all my friends but even if a friend is talking to him and I am next then my boyfriend will never ever bother to introduce me to his friend. I do not mind because this is triviality for me. I also told him that since we are in a couple we have to choose our family friends who are both his and my friend. And instead of getting emails, messages that he is flirting with someone else! I trusted him completely but as a human being I have the little right to expect something in a relationship too, I am not asking him to make me the top priority of his but atleast do not tell me things which hurts like I am forbidding him from enjoying with cousins or families which is totally wrong. I have always treated his family as mine. I do not know what else I could do. I am in a terrible juncture of life and thankfully I love writing a lot which is helping me release some of the pains.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Jun 10
Hi, Being in a relationship and then not expecting anything from your parter is impossible. In other words, if you are expecting something from someone, that proves that you have already established some kinda relationship with that person. The key of being happy is to get rid of those expectations. Let me explain to you the consequences. When we expect something from someone, that 'someone' may or may not be aware of our expectations. This increases a possibility that our expectations may not be fulfilled. If we are dissatisfied, we grow a certain kind of irritation and pain. This is not sorrow, not anger, but a mixture of all of these negative feelings. This is actually a very confused feelings. As the confusion grows you get more and more unsure about your relationships. Then the delicate threads of our relationship loosens. What might be a possible solution for this? The only possible solution is to be independent minded. That is, be happy without no external reason. Learn to be happy with yourself. Don't mourn what you don't have, rather, celebrate what you already have. Appreciate Lord each and every moment for granting you all the beautiful things. If you can successfully do this, you will never have to worry about what others doing to you. That is what I call true freedom, psychological independence. Thanks God bless you
1 person likes this
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
I should be happy but I think it is not possible for so soon. I think I have a right to expect a little in return. Everyone is tired when returning from the office to home but why I should always be waiting the "moment" to have a talk, else he might vent his anger on me when saying that he is already tired from the office and do not irritate him, my conversations irritate him and as far as I know communication is very important in a relationship but if we fail to communicate then I also know the consequences. I wish I could have controlled my feelings but after five years of being together I cannot.
• India
21 Jun 10
okay. Then go ahead communicate.
@kqara0 (28)
• Canada
21 Jun 10
I hope this doesn't sound harsh or insensitive, but, after reading some of your comments to other people's responses, I can't but think that you are in the wrong relationship. It sounds like your partner is unwilling / cannot fulfil what you expect from this relationship. It doesn't really matter if you expect too much or too little, but it seems that your expectations and priorities are not compatible. I think this is a common factor behind many unsatisfying relationships. Two very good people, who would maybe never willingly hurt somebody, who possibly care a lot and love each other, sometimes have their priorities and values different. This should be a sign of lack of compatibility, because even if one of the two partners tried to change, s/he would have to do a very taxing effort and I really don't think they'd succeed ultimately. Now, when feelings get in the way, it's very easy to think that, since you love him, you just have to try and either accept or change him. However, I have found that this is frequently a wrong approach. You give a burden to yourself, you allow to get your feelings hurt and, possibly, he gets hurt too. I think, after having tried a calm conversation, explain clearly what annoys you (nobody can read minds), if the situation doesn't change, then maybe your best next move is to leave the relationship. I am really sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think that sometimes, people would gain a lot by taking a step behind, calmly examining a situation and then, try to ignore their feelings of the moment and think of their long-term feelings. Maybe sometimes leaving a relationship is the only way to improve your quality of life. Just my two cents.
1 person likes this
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
22 Jun 10
Very good explanation kqara0. I totally agree with you.
@Ruby722 (798)
• China
21 Jun 10
So am I, I am a sensitive girl in emotion.Whenever i get hurt i feel terrible i dont want to eat,dont want to sleep keep khinking and thinking,why life could be this way,that feeling is very killing me.I try to realx but and moving on.it is just to hard for me.But others like one of my friends.She doesnt care about anything.always says it is ok,gonna be ok,will be just fine.How could people can so optimistic.
1 person likes this
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
I also do not know how it is possible. No matter how much we can say to forget things but I cannot because I constantly think about it and it won't let me sleep properly and then I would cry for the terrible moments I have been living. I hate when he says that I am forbidding him to enjoy with his families and friends while this is completely wrong and false. I never intended to do it and now after he said that I am feeling terribly guilty as If I was really to be blame.
@smiley83 (1535)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
thinking about someone who doesn't care is terribly common among so many heartless people!!! my eyes got painfully red from crying nights and he didn't give a damn about me! It is so harsh to fall in love for someone who doesn't bother to care!! I didn't expect much from except little of cares but he didn't!! I would advise you as well myself to pray for the time to heal up our wounds soon!!
1 person likes this
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
I will always be praying for both of us now smiley to get time to heal the inner pain and to start life afresh with new thoughts, new ideas and new circle of good ones.
@reploid (1241)
• France
21 Jun 10
The same thing is happening to my girlfriend and I start to realise that I did some mistakes of not taking care of her. I am willing to quit everything for her. Because I have so much things to do and so much troubles to live with and no time to think, sometimes I don't even think about myself or a member of my own family. There's so much trouble and fatigue in my life that I will die sooner than expected if I don't quit everything. I am planning to quit my job, which is somekind of too "mental" and difficult for the type of life I live, I cannot concentrate as others do because they do not have as much troubles as me. I don't know what to say. Sometimes I wonder why things are this way for me. maybe the problem is me. Goodluck. I think your boyfriend really loves you, and that his problem might be the same as mine.
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
What has made me had sleepless nights are the guilty feelings I had because of something I never did or wished for. I never ever intended to deprive him of any enjoyments in life even in families. How could he say such a big thing to me and not once but many times. I am patient in love matters but not always and why should I be? To let the other continue to blame me? No I am not that type of person to fall so low to deprive someone of happiness. Personal life and professional life are two different things, I wished he could have dealt with them. He works the whole week, okay I do not either ask him to go out every week, and even if I wish to then I should see if he is too tired to ask. But I do not mind as I understand him. When he is too tired I have to wait for an appropriate moment to say something, and if ever I have not waited then he vent his anger on me saying that I do not understand him at all and he is already too tired to discuss that. What should I do then?? I wait for the whole day to talk to him in the evening, and again I have to see if he is angry or not, tired or not. He is not a bad person but I am a human being too and I need affection from someone whom I love. If asking him to send something romantic is too much asking then why I never see that myself? It is always me to bring new ideas for the relationship to grow, always me sharing new jokes, riddles, small poems, songs everything for the relationship to be alive! A relationship needs many ingredients to survive and I am tired of being the provider of most of the ingredients. I do not hold a blame for him. I never will. He should work too, I understand, and he works for both of us in the mean time afterall. I appreciate that. There is something called management in life and even if I will ask him to do that he will say he is not someone to plan things but to live with them like they are. But if we have a planning of what we have to do then it makes life easier in a couple.
@reploid (1241)
• France
21 Jun 10
I understand you and I'm sure my girlfriend thinks the same way as you. I am happy you told me this because I know how she might be feeling. I work too. and a lot. It just gets me tired. I want to buy a car, do things that will make us feel more comfortable in the future. And I hope that she understands that my tiredness and fatigue is the price to pay. I never wanted to hurt her. and I hate it when people hurt her. But I am not conscious when it is me hurting her. I hope she understand this because she's the one I love the most in my life. It's true. I realise it only when I think about it. I know it's not good to always blame a person. I think it's a bad habit of mine of in my nature to always blame the other. I admit it. I want my girlfriend to slap me everytime I do this kind of thing. It will be a reminder to this conversation. I really hope that she understands me. If I do not do little romantic things it's just because my work is draining so much energy and I also have to take the bus two times in one day to go more than half of the country's distance everyday. and I also walk 40 minutes to go to work. Anyway. I love her and right now I'm missing her, and realising my mistakes.
@rexrevol (328)
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
Every people deals a certain problem in their own unique way. Some people may not seem to care but they really do. But again many still do not. What I'm trying to point out is that every one of us are special. And when it comes to relationships, we have to face it head on. Why cry for it when you could actually do something and when you've what you're supposed to do and what you did was the right thing, you may leave the rest to God. At least you can say that you have done your part. And whatever the results may be, you can finally accept it whole-heartedly.
@med889 (5958)
21 Jun 10
I need to get a very good sleep tonight to be able to think of myself tomorrow. The previous night have been spend in tears and when I closed the eyes I could only see negative things around. Thank you for the response.
@rose005 (254)
• India
23 Jul 10
Yes that is what I expect from my man too but he really doesn't care. I think we are having same life so we should not think about all those things and try to relax ourselves.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
22 Jun 10
Oh, you are so sensitive. I was like you before. Now I am a cynic and stop expecting something from others. Relationship? If I can no longer bear it then I will let go and try to forget it. It hurts at the beginning but I will feel free from the pains.
@jemaries (322)
• Saudi Arabia
21 Jun 10
well if your thinking too much to someone who doesnt care to you is worthless, just wasting of time and makes you stress, chill out,if its worth it maybe i will think for him.Makes something or do something that transfer your attention to something like going out,watched a movie,i guess your partner doesnt care to you, he doesnt bother or asked why you are crying the whole night, what kind of partner that one?
@qisyaz (40)
• Singapore
21 Jun 10
i understand how you feel. i sometime feel that way too. i am too sad and none of my family member bother to ask why or comfort me...some people are just clueless.. the lesson is not to expect to much from your partner...just cry it out, shout out your frustration or indulge in a big tube of ice cream to make yourself feel better.. than explain to your partner what's your feeling and how he/she can help you feel even better.
@jeffrynov (130)
• Indonesia
21 Jun 10
I think of the same think as you are but a little effort may be a little good solution for the problems we have, think that you have to try harder to make something good happen but in the other case you might probably don't have what necessary to make your plan success all you have to do is just leave them alone and think for the next course of action believe me there is nothing perfect "a man is not a sea"
• Philippines
21 Jun 10
Hello med, I remember the time where i used to think of my cousin a lot and consider her as a friend but i realized that she doesn't give a damn at all about how i think. i thought she was the best cousin in the world, but i was wrong, i stop thinking about her from year end that she left, i don't talk to her unless there is needed stuff and i don't expect anything.