It's really hard to be just a friend to somebody you desperately love

Philippines
June 22, 2010 1:06am CST
I have a friend whom I met in our boarding house. At the first time that we met I never thought that he would be the one who would wake my innocent heart. After a few weeks I started to feel that I don't want to be just friends with him. But at that time I know that he already love somebody else. I never got the chance to tell him how much I really love him. Until now we are still friends and he got a new girl again. It's not that I don't have confidence in myself that he won't like me if ever I would confess what I really felt for him at that time, it's just that I was really sure that I wasn't his type. It still hurts a bit but I like it to stay that way because I think that would be the only way for me to be with more as long as I want because there are very rare breakups in friendship.
3 people like this
14 responses
@roxyoo7 (246)
• India
22 Jun 10
Yeah this thing sucks like anything.Things get more worse when your friend,the one you love keep telling you about the one she loves.You feel like some razor is cutting right through you.When we spend time with them we are like," I know we are just friends and all but i just want to kiss you right now".She talks to me about the one she loves and how desperately she wants to be with him.She never knew how i felt about her.All of sudden everything stops making sense.It seems like something is sucking out the happiness out of you.You can neither have her nor tell her.Instead you have to help her in building up her relationship with some other guy.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
that's what i do most of the time, i keep on helping him get a maintain relationship with his girl although it really stabs! that is weird and kinda stupid but only people who experienced this things before could understand..
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Friendship and passion can't always mesh together. One seems rto suffer for the other one. Passions fizzle and burn out. Friendships can last a lifetime.
@sublime03 (1811)
• Philippines
22 Jun 10
Most certainly it would be hard to see the person you love talk about somebody else. But of course if you value friendship more than being together with him then yes, you got to live with the fact that you'll always be up to a certain point. But if you choose to know what is behind the line and risk yourself being known of liking him or even loving him then take the challenge. Tell him how you feel because at the end of the day you'll only have yourself to blame for not even trying. Many times people just watch the person they love from a far when they could have done something that would change their lives. Risk is something not everybody is willing to try. But then again, I congratulate you for staying that way. I can only make out from it that you value your friendship more so make it last.
1 person likes this
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
22 Jun 10
I know the feeling. How sure are you that you're not his type? Are you really sure of that, or you're just escaping the reality that he probably is. You know, people tend to be friends with people who they are attracted to. Some really start as friends. No other intentions but friendship, but the reason you are friends with somebody is because, somehow you are attracted to the person. Are you getting me on this? anyway, What I'm pointing at is probably, he digs you too, but respects your decision not to engage a relationship from him. You'll be amazed at how much a guy can assume when he likes a girl, and how little he assumes when you're already his girl, but that aside, why not hint that you like him? I'm guessing he already knows. feelings really have a way of manifesting themselves. Hint that you like him and see where it leads :)
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
5 Jul 10
You are selling yourself short. In your attempt to hold on to him as a friend so that you will always be with him means there can be no other for you. If you walked away from this relationship and begin looking again you may find you were very right in the beginning. Before you do that however you should really tell him how you feel. He may have those feelings for you also but has no way of knowing you do. Telling him will finalize it for you one way or the other. You really do need to do this.
@hushi22 (4940)
28 Jun 10
i agree. i've experienced the same thing before. but it's better to have that someone as a friend than losing at all.
• Philippines
25 Jun 10
how long can you stand for your position as his friend? maybe you can stay being just his friend for now...but not forever. i have a great belief that we cannot hide anything forever. the truth always comes out in anyway even if we did not intent to. if you will not do anything, or if you don't even try you wouldn't know for sure what lies ahead for the both of you. but don't mistaken me, of course you can't just tell him your feelings and ask him to love you back. what i advise you to do is to maybe it'll be better to make him feel your love for him. show him the care and concern he deserves. who knows? one day he'll wake up realizing you're the one he loves truly. the one who has always been there for him. but you know, when you get your relationship with him into the next level... the closer the possibility of little bad things to happen unlike when you were still friends. don't worry... god always bless people like you...god knows your good heart and he will give you what you really deserve. who knows also maybe he's not the one for you, maybe someone better than him awaits you somewhere! happy mylotting!
24 Jun 10
You definitely have a healthy outlook, so you are streets ahead of some people who fall into a trap of thinking that they can't just be friends. All relationships are based upon friendships first and foremost and even though you said that he has got another new girlfriend, sounds like someone who doesn't spend a great deal of time getting to know them unless they are mutual friends anyway? - Your unconditional heart will make him realize that all along there has been the right woman there all the time, but too blind to see it, but could take a really long time before this happens. Some people don't like being in love with someone they know so well and maybe because they think they know everything about them? Perhaps one way around this situation is to get interested in other things, he will take more notice of you but never do something just to impress him as men are very good at picking up on what it real and what isn't. If his current relationship is likely to be short term, then i'd start getting your skates on and joining some groups of interest soon. If you are happier being his friend, then that's great too, but spend more time being with others and doing other stuff anyway as it will help take your mind of the situation.
@jamed28 (1909)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
Of course it is hard. But it would be harder if when he/she found out the love and it ends you friendship.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
I understand how you feel it must be really hard to see your love interest everyday and in the arms of someone. And the worst thing is that he is your best friend which complicate the relationship more. You can't actually forget what you feel for him if you keep on seeing him everyday. The best thing to do is distance yourself a bit. Learn to forget your feelings for him slowly until such time that you are strong enough to forget it. But then you can always tell him your feelings and maybe if you are lucky he just be harboring the same feeling as yours. Who knows?
@Krisaea (114)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
It just happened perhaps that there is nobody around you to spend your time with and you focused to this guy alone. Open yourself to thoe around you . You develop a certain feeling though you know very well he is already commited to somebody. On the otherhand if you think you really loved him why don't oyu show it off. Just be ready for the consequences. Personally, i do not like a relationship because i am afraid get hurt so i just want friendsip. I hope this helps.
22 Jun 10
If only we all had the confidence to just 'come out with it' and tell the person we desire the most how much we want them, I wonder how many of us would live happily ever/never after? It is always a risk confessing to them, you want them more than a friend, but you would rather have them as just a friend than not at all. It is in your hands to gamble. You may not lose nothing and gain everything, or vice versa. The one thing you don't know also is, the person whom you love, may be in the same boat as you, and hoping that you want them as much as they want you. One of you have to make a move to find out...
• India
22 Jun 10
Damn true. It is really such a difficult situation for one.. and I am aware of it very well. I have experienced how it feels when the one you love see you like just a friend. It kinda kill you, it totally sucks.
@pooja30 (203)
• India
22 Jun 10
Oh how well I know this feeling. It really does suck, especially if you're around him so much that your mind just fills up with thoughts of him everytime he's somewhere else. I do agree with you about keeping your feelings in the dark though, because I made the mistake of telling my friend how I felt, and he did reciprocate the feelings, but he was a player by nature and the only constants in his life were his best friends. So I had a few weeks of being his flavour of the month, and then when the next girl came, I was devastated. And of course, our friendship was ruined, so if I could do it all over again, I'd keep my mouth shut this time around. I'm really sorry that you have to go through it though, this is just something that shouldn't happen to people. :(