we have too many break ups

June 22, 2010 5:33am CST
forst im new here :D and this is my first topic to disscus about .. well let me start i kind of have a huge problem with my boyfriend , well we are about the same age both are 16-- about to be 17. we've been together for a bout a year , we love each other i know he loves me but lately we had lots of problems , i love him so much , but it seems like he has problems with his parents and all and they get his mood all crapped up , then he comes and talks to me with this crappy mood and he searches for a reason to fight about , and when he finds the siliest reason , he starts fighting and telling me mean things , i got really broken , then he came and apologised. but it kinda happened again , i opened a fake account on facebook and flirted with him , when he gave me(the fake account) his e-mail and was excited about it , i told him about it and i claimed that i saw the comments and all , but he turned the whole thing and made it as if i am the one who is mistaken not him ! is it normal ? that guys turn things around , ? when they are mistaken they blame their partners and change the subject and bring old things that happened in the past ?!? and now we are not talking , will he come back ? and apologise for what he did ? i need the guys opinion too
2 people like this
8 responses
@JAYMAR777 (840)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
I think both of you needs some space. I think he just wants some diversion from all that he is going through. This does not mean that he doesn't love you, maybe all is just too familiar. Men has the tendency to do that but we don't mean to cheat or something but something that will divert our minds for the moment. Anyway, you both are still too young, so things can be quite a pressure even how small it could be. I just think there is too much familiarity to both of you.
• India
23 Jun 10
hey nissoo...very sorry to hear all that is happening with you...but you people are into a relationship for one year ..and you know dear we shout,laugh with,cry to,share with,be angry on the person whom we love the most and whom we consider the nearest one...in his case he used to vomit all the anger on you because he felt you are closest to him...sio in that case i should say your lucky but again to some extent it is his mistake also as when he is with you he should be completely with you...but sometimes in relationships this phase comes...so you have to take it in a positive way dear.. secondly creatig a fake acount and checking him was not a good idea...as it is he is messed up with his family problems and on top of that if you distrust him too ..whom will he consider as his support..so when none is there with him you definitely have to stay with him.. but yes i would say this is a very commoc characteristic of the maximum boys to not readily accept their mistake...they will turn around the words and make it somewhat a khichdi..but its not about who apologizes..but since you people are in a serious relationship i feel starting the conversation once again is very important and then you can sort out things...al the best nissoo things will be fine soon..:)
@baban88 (104)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
basically both of you are still young to focus on this craft, love is not like having things and keep it forever what i'm tryin to say is if you really love someone you should be more patient on things like what you said your BF is having probs with regards to his parents, now the thing you should do is to give him enough space to figure out whats he gonna do about his problem you should trust your BF and not pull something up like faking something just to know if hes cheating on you. generally men are strong, if we are having problems we figure it out ourselves and sometimes we dont ask help if its not really that big deal and we get offended every time someone makes doubt with us specially are GFs, its not everytime when guys don't tell something or sharing somethings with you gals out there doesn't mean we're cheating, there would be a chance that we are having a big problem, and there things that should not be shared to someone especially if its private even if your married there still privacy. as for you, you should talk to your BF and discus about the status of your relationship....and addition if you really wanna understand love, only look jesus and know him you'll see what love is, of course it'll depend on how you understand it. . .=]
@Krisaea (114)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
You are both kids and you need a lot of time adjusting to each other. A relationship is not simply having a bf or gf but rather it has many commitments . Know him well and let him know you fully , Time can determine until where will you do with your relationship. Try to be understanding to him and have patience enough to stay in that relationship.
@khoua3 (21)
• United States
22 Jun 10
ima guy myself and i think you should talk to him about this. but when you go to talk to him dont bring what happened up. talk to him and ask him why he needed to flirt with another women on facebook. because as a man myself i have flirted with another women on facebook and it was because my girlfriend was arousing me like she used to. so maybe try to go out on more dates. kiss him more and stuff. also after you have reunited. bring it up and ask if you can help him with it. men have a tendancy of turning things around because we dont like to be rong and we sure as hell dont like being yelled at and controlled by women so in the heat of the moment we want to degrade the women to get off the subject.
22 Jun 10
Hi Nissoo, Welcome to mylot! I'm very sorry that you are going through this with your boyfriend, especially after a year in the relationship. I myself did the whole fake account flirt thing before, but I never confronted the person about it, I just felt that if he wanted to he would tell me and if the information I got from the fake account was something I didn't like then I could leave him and so I did. Blaming each other wont solve anything. Seems that he is going through a lot with his family right now and he feels comfortable enough to share these problems with you, but not in the right way. By giving him some time off to settle his problems at home you and him might end up being happier very soon without the stress he is bringing to the relationship. Never bring up old fights to a new one, it just agrevates the situation. It is not just guys that turn things around, at some point we women do it too. Give him time, he will probably come back soon, but when he does tell him you need to take things slower with him since you are still hurt about how things have been (not how he has been with you, there's the blame thing again) and that you understand how hard things are for him right now. Hope this helps :)
• Philippines
22 Jun 10
i think, he will. you just have to understand him. he's currently in a bad situation. probably just too stressed, so he's not able to think before he speaks/act. and he's the same age with you, well, we all know that sometimes, girls' level of maturity is higher. i mean, if you're both 16 now, the girl's more mature than the boy. ;)
@Boyetski (989)
• Philippines
22 Jun 10
Im not saying this because im a MAN myself. But avoid the obvious spy kid stunt on your BF. Men get really offended with it. If you have done it to him dont tell him. Try to find a way on how you can say it to him like it's not you who did it to him. The mood swings are often ignited when he is pouring his grievances and then you try to correct him in that moment. Or try let him feel that it was his wrong doing. Even if it was his doing dont let him feel that. The reason hes telling you his pains is for you to listen and listen well and comment some other time. That is just my opinion