if you are very sick, would you tell ur family or loved one?
By deriellevc73
@deriellevc73 (982)
Philippines
June 26, 2010 11:06pm CST
hello my fellow mylotters!
i decided to post this discussion after knowing from a friend that another friend is very sick which requires him to go to a far city for his monthly check up every month to monitor how he's coping with his disease, without his famiy knowing about it. I asked my friend why he's not telling and she replied that her friend is the type of person who doesn't want to be pitied. that's why keep his disease from his family for almost 2 years now.
how about you? if you happen to have a very serious disease, would you keep it from your family or loved one? what if your disease is so serious that it will take your life away after some time, would you still keep it a secret that you are dying?
if ever that will happen to me, i would probably tell my family, not because i want to be pitied or pampered but because i want them to be ready if and when my disease would get serious. Not telling them is tantamount to telling them that you don't care about their feelings. People who loves you would want to take care of you, especially if you can't do it anymore for yourself. being sick would also require you to constantly go to the hospital or doctor and would need money too. not telling your family about it would pose some misunderstanding and lies since they would probably ask why you are away or where's your money going and the likes. to avoid all that, it is best for me to be honest about it. if they can't accept it, that would be the problem that they have to face.
20 responses
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
I would not tell my family about it. I would rather keep things to myself and do as your friend is doing. I can always claim that I am off vacationing and my family would never notice. But its not because I don't want to be pitied, rather I don't want the fuss and knowing my family and my mother they will only think that I have become a liability with a chronic illness. So I would rather have the company of strangers and be at peace while trying to cope and heal, rather than be hurt knowing that those that should be supporting you are hurting you instead.
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
I am speaking from experience because a month ago, I was having a nervous breakdown and my mother whom I am caring for single handedly for three years suddenly gave a comment that I was becoming a problem because I was breaking down. This was the time where I needed all the love and support, and she tells me I have become a problem. So it makes me really question what I am I doing taking care of her all this time?
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
hello anne25penn!
my heart bleeds for you, i sense the pain in your words, it is very hurting to know that the very people whom you're counting on for support would comment like that, after all what you've done for her. Maybe she didn't meant it, but it she should have never said that. It's very painful to hear coming out from one's very own mother.
i understand why you don't want to tell your family should you be in a situation like my friend. yeah, it would be much easier for you to suffer on your own than to add insult to your injury.it would be too much facing your ailment and coupled with the hurtful words that family members may say, or lack of support for your condition, it is understandable to carry the burden alone than be subjected to more pain.
thanks for sharing anne..i hope that your mother will realize her mistake and will make amends to you.
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Yes I'd definitely tell my family and loved ones about my condition. Just like you, I don't wanna be pitied or anything but I guess I just don't want to feel what they'll feel if ever I won't tell them about my condition and I suddenly fell ill and eventually die. If your in their position, doesn't it make you feel unfair for you not telling them about it? They're family. They deserve to know no matter how. At least like you said, they can accept it sooner.
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
yeah, that's right meemingNew.. it would be unfair for the family members not to be informed of a family member's disease or condition. if your love and respect them, then give them the benefit of the doubt as how they will cope up with the information you relay. that's what's family is all about, isn't it?
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
yeah, that's right meemingNew.. it would be unfair for the family members not to be informed of a family member's disease or condition. if your love and respect them, then give them the benefit of the doubt as how they will cope up with the information you relay. that's what's family is all about, isn't it?
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
15 Sep 10
I think i will let them know. they are a bit reliant on my salary for our budget and our day to day expenses and if i know sooner or later i won't be able to provide anymore, i think they ought to know about that.. they will have to know what to expect soon and help me help them get their chance to earn money too...
And of course, they are family - they should know.. it would be less painful if they are prepared to see what's going to come to me... :D
@jojorv (201)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
our family especially our parents should know serious things like that. it is not expected that they can heal your disease but they brought you to this world, they are the ones who took care of you when you were young and they deserve to know what happening to their children.
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
you're right of course jojorv. the parents of all people, should know about their children's ailments, be it terminal or not. they have the right to know, since they brought their children into this world. keeping a terminal ailment from parents, is simply unfair. they took care of their children since birth, and they should have the right to know what's going on in their children's lives, even if they are already married, when it comes to terminal diseases.
@incus99 (1083)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Actually, I already have 2 chronic diseases,I told my wife and kids immediately about this, she would know (she's a doctor), in that way they would be more prepared and equipped for the future when its time for me to leave their side. They would help remind me of the don't's of my disease.. like avoidance of excessive eating and salt in my diet... In my end, Its already easier to impart knowledge, cause they are already conscious that the intention is bequeathing knowledge before I depart... I just feel people should be truthful on their present medical condition. 
@deriellevc73 (982)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
hello incus99!
yeah, i do believe that people should be truthful about their medical condition and that they should give their loved ones the choice whether to help them out with the condition or to leave them behind (that would be cruel) but there are people who can't stand being near sick people. But anyway, it is perhaps easier for the partner with the disease to come to terms with his/her condition when their are family members or loved ones who will support them, and this means letting them know of your condition, firsthand.
thanks for sharing your thoughts incus99. happy posting!
@thebassdude (342)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
I would definitely tell my family, but I admit, I'd probably have reservations at first. My folks are hypertensive and news as life changing as a serious illness may not be good for them. I'd probably inform them slowly... perhaps seek medical help first... so they would be re-assured that I'm taking steps and seeking help. That would lessen the impact a bit. But yeah, I would definitely tell them.
@lbbaby (489)
• China
28 Jun 10
Yes, I will surely tell them. Actually, I'm a person who wants to share things with family and friends, no matter good or bad. If I'm sick, I'll be very sad and I want to tell them to make me feel better. And that is a good way to ease your emotion. At least I think so.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
27 Jun 10
well i couldnt keep it from my wife and my daughter since they live with me, i might tell some family but others its like no i wont. just because i dont or wouldnt want pitty then for some it might be well i need to show respect just because of that.
but its like when they thought i had a brain tumor and asked my daughter in law and daughter to get along. well my daughter was up for that, but my daughter in law started crap the next day. so i wouldnt tell my son or her
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
28 Jun 10
This would all depend on the nature and prognosis of my illness. If it was life threatening, I would probably tell the ones closest to me. If I knew approximately how long I had to live, I may not be as forthcoming with that information. It can be difficult under any circumstances to give loved bad news of your health.
@umabharti (3972)
• India
28 Jun 10
hi,when we are really not in good health or ill its good to tell who can really share our pain and suffering.A Good friend,an understanding lover,a caring family,or a good human being can take off the sufferings.Sharing the problem with such persons would relieve us from the pain and sufferings.
@PB1990 (13)
• United States
28 Jun 10
it is important to tell your family members or loved one so they could help you. like my mother have this disease name LUPUS and well she sat me down and told me all about it. so i was aware of wat was going to happen later in the future because i researched it like all the time and there was no cure. i was very disappointed. so it is important to tell ur friend or family. Especially family because you grew up with them and know you can count on them. so yeah...
@ourspaceship (2)
• United States
28 Jun 10
I think that telling your friends and family will give them time to prepare for it, and not so that they are then hit with it very quickly and deal with it a bit harder than others.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
For me I want to tell because they know much what is the medicine to cure the pain in you.
@smilepleeeaz (784)
• India
27 Jun 10
Well for me , my family is first priority. And they deserve it because they have took care of me since last 20 years. So I cant ignore them for someone whom I just know for about just 20 months. Indeed that someone is my love but my family has a greater share over me and my love. So, I'll surely tell my family about anything that will happen to me.
@kenneth101383 (908)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Yes, of course, I would tell them because they will surely help us. Nobody in this world can help us other than our family. A family is always a family and they will take the initiative of helping us.
@juggerogre (1653)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Yes I will tell them. They have the right to know. And they will know it sooner or later so I'll just tell them anyway. Its also not to be pitied. I also want them to be ready no matter what happened. And moral support really work. Their prayers and support will really help me to cope up with any sickness that I may get. 
@xeroeight (1060)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
well I also tell my family and love one when I have some disease so we can make a move to cure it and more time to study it by doctors.
For those who have disease you can check my profile I have my link there Health is wealth It might help those people who knew that has disease
@christiana81 (717)
• Romania
27 Jun 10
I think all the peple loved must know. That they will know how to act, to deal with that. Sacially, the parents, the lover or husband. And,you know our parents know if have problems even we move in another city... I feel that I can never hide them nothing...Sometime you need to protect them for all the bad things that happend... and they call you: i have a feeling... tell me the truth ....what happend to my baby?
