A year of changes.

@saundyl (9693)
Canada
June 29, 2010 3:43pm CST
This past year I've felt like everything in my life is changing. I was just a trucking along with my normal everyday life...happy with it and all of a sudden a change pops up. A big one. (or so it seemed at the time) That being my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me. I was sad and such but...accepted that it was time to move on. Two months later We are celebrating my Father's 50th birthday party. Its fun. 5 days after that party hes gone back to work and we get a call that hes in the ER and almost dead due to internal bleeding. I move in to my parents place to stay with my family for 2 weeks. And things get back to almost normal but dad doesnt seem...totally healthy yet and theyre doing all sorts of tests and hes keeping a secret. Christmas rolls around and for the first year in years...my dad has to work christmas day. I missed him alot that day...no What'd i get you as we opened gifts from him and mom. I started feeling more and more grumpy about my job...someone (the owner) isnt paying suppliers so theres no stock...less work etc. I take 2 weeks vacation to go to hawaii and just as im leaving i get a text message... I'M GONNA BE AN AUNTIE. Come home from hawaii - enjoy some time with my family (they went to mexico - i couldn't because of severe shellfish allergies) The first week of March we are told my dad for sure has cancer. A week later we are rushing him to the ER as his vital organs are shutting down. He was in the hospital 5 days...and never woke up again. We buried him a week later. I swear I never expected the hall to be so full of people for the funeral that people were listening from the parking lot. (theere was well over 500 people in the building there to say good bye to him). I'm slowly getting used to not seeing him or hearing him...but i still miss him very very much and i definitly have my weepy days. I never used to let people see me cry. At the end of may...my boss told us he was trying to sell the business (hes offered it to me before but i didnt want to take on the debt the company had) and its to a company i dont want to work for ever. He asks us to promise we'll stay for atleast 3 years if he sells. This makes me VERY mad because i know full well that if i quit - i do all the service work - there svery little income left. Retail sales dont bring in much... and i brought it more than enough to pay the two wages he was paying. So i decided to leave...and open my own business for the end of summer. I tell my boss my intentions to leave at the end of july middle of august and open my business and He says "we'll be closing at the end of june" So I'm now opening my business....very excited about that. I'm finding it very hard these days to deal with the changes in my life. I dont know if i'm really happy or just faking it. I definitely feel in respect to my family that someone took a picture frame shattered the glass...left it laying around to hurt you and ripped someone very important from the picture. I avoid being home alone or bored because it makes me think,....and thinking makes me cry. But...i admit i havent been spending near as much of my time at my parents house. I think that hurts my mom and my sisters that im not around as much...like in loosing dad we've lost our family. I find things all the time that make me sad and miss my dad...like I'd never gone to the dump without dad before. It was always me and dad that went to dump the garbage wagon. I had to do it with a friend last weekend and it may sound odd but the dump...was hard for me. Mowing the lawn makes me miss him. He used to come over and help me....id push mow the trees and hed be whipping around on the ride on mower or whippersniping. In someways i just want to hide from the world and things that make me miss him more and more. I know i cant but...i want to. How do you deal with changes in your life? Have you had any really big ones this year?
3 responses
@debsgw (256)
30 Jun 10
I'm so sad to read your story, what a shock for your whole family that your dad became ill so fast and you had no time to prepare yourselves for such a huge hurt.. If you push yourself to do the things that hurt so much because they remind you of time with your dad, it will help to release some of those lovely memories that you guys shared and that's what eventually helps to cope with the hurt. You will eventually find yourself smiling about a good memory and although that's bitter sweet it's what can help you to move forward, you and your family have so much of your dad to share with each other, please don't let yourself lose out on that because it hurts so much right now.. I wish you much success with your business and so hope that having something so positive to focus on will help you to come to terms with your loss.
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9693)
• Canada
16 Jul 10
Thank you. :) I'll try not to miss out on things because i miss him.
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
30 Jun 10
Oh saundyl~ My heart hurts for you so much. I didn't have a dad that loved me or a close family so I didn't ever have that luxury. But, you should be thankful for every minute you had of your dad's love and the time you got to spend with him. I know that it hurts and it will for a long time and doing the things that you did together will be very difficult and memories will bring back pain and tears that are hard to deal with. But, for your mom and your siblings sake you can't turn your back or stay away from them just because it hurts and is hard for you! Think about them, especially your mom! You need to be there for her, no matter how hard it is~ She needs you now more than ever. And as hard as it is to be starting a new business, this is your choice and in order to make it work you need to be strong! Your dad is with you in spirit and is watching and guiding you and would be so very proud of what you are doing. I have gone through so many changes in my life, the biggest losing my own brother on his 32nd birthday, almost 24 years ago. Life must go on, no matter what. You just learn to deal! The pain is there, but it gets easier to cope with. Those that you love and lost are there with you always, in spirit and in your heart. If you need to talk I am here for you. You have been a good friend to me for along time now. Let me be there for you too~Love, Leslie
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9693)
• Canada
30 Jun 10
Thank you. :) You have been a good friend to me too. Wow you lost him at such a young age. :( thats very sad. I'm noticing these days that...loss changes people.
@rosie230 (1674)
29 Jun 10
Wow, you really have had to deal with some big issues this year. Sorry about your Dad, that must be hard to deal with. I really hate change, it's one of those things that I take so long to get used to. I think that is because I am a pretty routined person. I think the biggest thing this year that I have had to deal with is the fact that my boyfriend cheated on me.. but there have been other things too, but nothing quite as big. The next big thing this year would be my Mothers Hip replacement operation, and then my parents celebrate their 40th Wedding Anniversary. But unless something else happens in between this time, there are no big changes. I am just getting on with life best I can, and try to adjust to anything that comes my way.
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9693)
• Canada
30 Jun 10
That would be very upsetting! thank you...I hate change too.