I'll Call Everyday At 6...

@erikmama (12934)
United States
June 30, 2010 10:51am CST
This is what my baby daddy told me three days ago,and sure enough,he has been calling like clockwork at 6pm to talk to our son.This is afgter a little over 2 months of calling just once or twice. Well,thing is,he doesn't even want to talk to him on the phone!! I told him that he didn't like him and I wasn't going to make him come see him.He then began to tell me how it is my fault our son feels this way and he is only 5 so he has no choice in the matter,that he is going to take me to court for visitation!! Ya'll,I WISH HE WOULD!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would not be pretty at all.Luckily,I know he was just talking sh!t... I tried to tell him he needs to realize what he has put the child through and I told him I tell our son(and I do)it is still his daddy he needs to talk to him.He did say hi yesterday.He is even asking me to try to talk Erik into talking to him! It upsets me that he says it is my fault and that he has done nothing because I have seen what he has done. So what do you guys think? Why is he all of a sudden calling? Should I encourage my son to talk to his father? Shouldn't I weigh my childs feelings into it since he has been through so much?
3 people like this
9 responses
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
2 Jul 10
As a parent, I don't think that you should force Erik to talk to his father. The situation that he has already had to deal with in his life is far too much for a small child like him to have to bear. That said, I also believe that his father has some kind of ulterior motive for wanting to talk to Erik and that is the reason that I don't think that you should force him to talk to his daddy. The main question that I'd ask myself is what does he want?
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
2 Jul 10
I think he's trying to impress the girlfriend. He is making erikmama look like a crazy woman. He is giving her the impression that he is a great dad and she is turning his son against him etc etc. By putting her down, he is building himself up in her eyes and she will feel sorry for him and see him as the victim rather than the jerk he really is.
1 person likes this
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
2 Jul 10
I dont think he wanted to talk to his son either.I told him atleast 2 or 3 times every time he called what he needed to do.I was willing to try to help him without forcing my son to go up there because he is his daddy regardless.Well, all he wanted to do was blame me as usual.He went 2 months without calling, and during none of the conversations has he once asked if he was ok.It has been yelling at me.He is trying to make himself look good,like usual.No matter what he did to me or Erik it was someone elses fault and he was real,he was a good man, blah blah blah...Even his mother wont associate with him.Nor his son.None of his kids.He should wake up and see it is him that makes all these people hate him.He can laugh and live it up now,laugh because of what he done to me.In the end my baby will be ok and so will I,with or without him! sid-making me think it was my fault and that I was crazy was the reason I stayed.The man did drive me crazy. But guess what? I'm me again.My mind is clear,and I am so above him now. You are exactly right.He want to try to make me out to be the bad guy once again(like I said,it is like de ja vu from 6 years ago).As long as it is someone elses fault then he doesnt have to take the blame for it and he is not at fault. I could care less what either of them think.Because now it is more than what he says.I am ok now,and I see it all.I know what I have done and what he has done,and I know how bad it is that a 5 year old doesnt like his daddy.So he can say/do whatever it is he needs to make himself feel better.Erik is good and Erik is always gonna be good. She will to learn one day.And she will be sitting just like me.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
3 Jul 10
I know it feels humiliating and all when it is happening but I'm glad you are able to kick back and see it for what it is. Anyone on the outside of the situation can clearly see what a jerk he is. Does this woman have kids? I ask because I can't imagine being a mother and even being part of treating another kid's mom in such a rude and disrespectful way. If I were with a man that was treating his ex the way your ex is treating you, I would really have to wonder about what I was getting into. Lets just say even IF you were the one that was the cause of the breakup and IF you were being ridiculous (and I know you aren't) that is such a childish and disrespectful way for him to handle it. It's going to be bumpy but I can tell you are strong...you and Erik will be ok.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
1 Jul 10
Hi Erikmama, Sounds like daddy is having a case of the guilts maybe?? Considering all that he has pulled in the past, I would not force my child to talk. I would maybe gently encourage but if he did not want to or wasn't ready to then I would not push it on him. If his dad continues and is patient enough then Erik may come around. Kids are not dumb. He may fear getting too close again and having daddy disappear again. Your ex created this gap between himself and his son. It did not happen overnight and it won't be fixed overnite. In the meantime, don't listen to him when he blames you for this. You know it is not your fault.
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@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
Well,sid after tonight I am not worrying about it.He called and I managed to get WErik to come to the phone, but all he would say is hi.I got back on the phone and he began tellin me all the same things he has been-he didnt do anything,hes just 5,etc.He said since we are no longer together there isnt anymore arguing.I told him that isnt what it was.I had listened to Erik talk and tell me things.As I was telling him he and his girlfriend began to laugh in the background.I guess he had me on speakerphone. But there was nothing funny about what I was saying.And I will be damn if after I got ot of it he will call my phone and be disrespectful and laugh when I am telling him the things I was telling him. Maybe this is a game for him,I dont know.If he wants to see Erik I will let him know he can take me to court, or if Erik wants him I will have him call. He doesn't realize what he done, and he doesnt care.He refuses to understand he abused us.And I am not letting my son get hurt anymore.if he is a changed man,he needs to prove it,and what he is doing isnt proving anything to me but the things I already know.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
2 Jul 10
Oh I would have been so furious! What you and your ex are going thru and matters with your son are none of his girlfriends business!! She has no clue as to what you have gone thru other than what he has told her. The fact that he put you on speaker and laughed with her at something so serious says a whole lot about both of them. I hope you document this one in case you need it in court. So why would Erik want to be around his father and some strange woman that laughs at his mom? My ex was at one point calling the house to talk to the girls and he was so rude and disrespectful toward me that I told him..."Look, I don't have to provide this phone for you. If you call me one more time and talk to me like that, I'll have my number changed and you'll have to provide cell phones or write letters or wait until they are with you." He did not believe me and so I did...had my # changed. He finally got it out of one of the girls but it took a while. It worked anyway. You don't HAVE to provide him with your number just so he can call and make your life miserable.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
2 Jul 10
Well,he didn't vcall tonight, and I was going to tell him exactly what I said here. I was furious.I wrote this post right after we hung up. It is almost like de ja vu though,sid.I remember 6 years ago his ex girlfriend telling me I didnt know him I would see.I laughed at her.Well,I saw alright.And so will the new girlfriend.What offends me the most is that I was talking about our son and she has no idea what we went through,especially my son.She can believe him if she wants to,its her problem.But I will be damn if he is going to call my phone and be disrepsectful to me.I had enugh of that. All this has made me stronger, if nothing else.I feel so bad for my son.But I a mnot going to be disrespected and I am not going to listen to him tell me it is my fault.I have no way to document it other than what I have posted on here. And on top of everything, why does he think I want my child to go somewhere that I am vbeing disrespected? It is a game to him and I am not going to play it.I probably wont hear from him again for 2 months though,but if I do I willtel lhim not to call. He isnt going to keep trying to make me miserable. He hurt me with what he did.But I left.I was fone.He was disrespectful then and it hurt.Its never been about us getting back together and he i so obseesed that I am pety and trying to keep Erik away because he doesnt want me...MEN!!!!!!!!!! I am just going to keep doing what I have been.So far I am doing good and my son great, so obviuosally something is right.He aint goin to bring me down ever again,nor my son.It isnt my child loss by any means.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
30 Jun 10
Hi erikmama. I know I don't have any rights to ask questions in your situation, but I just gotta ask... Where does he get off blaming you for this!!! They say kids are very impressionable. So if this abusive relationship (in the past) was what your son grew to realize about his dad, I don't expect him to change his feelings just because dad is now calling regularly at 6.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
You can ask anything you want,bounce!! After all you guys are my shrinks here!! it is my fault because I am telling our son all these mean and horrible things about him because i am mad that he doesnt want me anymore. remember,we are dealing with a crazy man with some screws loose.he thinks and says he has done nothing at all to our son or to me.i want pity.i am holding his son against him. no such thing.ive tried to get him to talk to him.tried to get his daddy to come see him and talk to him and listen to what he wants to say to him.he wont aeven listen because he is to busy yelling at me for being pety for doing this! I dont understand that after 2 months he is calling like clockwork now... Like that was nothing.His feelings dont change just because his dads do.His dad can hide behind the lies, but Erik cant. ah,joy.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
1 Jul 10
I guess you'd have to continue to be an unwilling participant to all this drama, or whatever this is. Or until he tires out. Strengthen your resolve, and don't let it get to you. I'm sure Erik is smart enough to figure it out, on where the fault really lies.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
Personally I wish he would just leave us alone, but...I get to play with him soe more.Lucky me. That is what is on my mind.He can say whatever, but my son says it all.It is pretty bad when your own child wont talk to you.Something had to happen. I hate that my son feels like this, nbut I am not sure what he wants me to do to encourage my son.I dont like him.I hear mt son talk.
• United States
30 Jun 10
Maybe it is a situation were talking is not going to work. If dad has already done so much damage he is going to have to be the man and correct his mistakes. Dad is going to have to correct the wrongs that have been done by doing more than just calling at 6, he will have to spend time in a neutral setting playing with his child to build back that trust and respect since right now he is a villian and the only way to change that is by devillianizing himself in the eyes of his child and that take time. Do not get me wrong the act of sticking to the 6pm schedual is a step in the right direction but as the old saying goes, "talk is cheap". As long as he is still the villian it will avail naught for him to goto court as at best they will give Supervised Visitation which is what I am talking about here to return to a loving relationship in the child's time not the father's. I am sorry that this is all one paragraph but I am responding from a phone so it has a mind of it's own,lol! So poor punctuation I am sorry for. I hope that this helps a little, have a great day!
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
Yes, he needs to correct his mistakes.But he wants it on his terms, and it aint on his terms anymore.He isnt liking it to well. He went more than 2 months without calling at all.Now he decided to call and his son is suppose to be open arms.He refuses to believe he has caused any hurt to his son.And his son is a lot like him.He knows whats going on and will tell uou in a heartbeat why he doesnt like his daddy.Ive even questioned him on thigs to make sure he just wasnt repeating things I am sure he has heard. His daddy should understand and want what is best for his son.If he can't understanf that I am looking out for the best of my child,then phuck him 100x over...I didnt protect my son for the longest. His calls are not going to have an impact at all on our son.He knows that.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 10
That is it, it CANNOT be on HIS terms weather he likes it or not unless he makes the child's terms as his own. It sounds as if you are making up for your wrongs of the past and father will eventually have to do the same or else he will loose his child completely. See, right now your child is young enough to simply understand that someone has offended them, not to hold a real grudge, but as time go on that growing intellect will do one of two things, justify or grow bitter, either way it is not good and thank god you are there as a positive influence, please always remain a positive influence. But please try to instill a forgiving nature as you do not want your child to grow up resentful twords anyone, "To err is human but to forgive is divine" Something my dad taught me, "Always Forgive, never Forget" If your child does hang on to this, non forgiving, it will lead to many future issues, anger, hostility, violence, etc... But nomatter what a person may do to you, you can ALWAYS FORGIVE and let go or else you will continue to be the victom. I am not talking about the forgivness that many preach about, (yet never do), but rather the forgivness that says, "you did this to me, it is in the past! BUT, I will never allow you to do it to me again!" Forgive not forget! so if he does not want to become a man then you will have to be that guiding light that your child needs to avoid future issues. It is truely on HIS terms as he is the only one that can GROW UP!! Not his selfish terms but rather his personal terms In closing, shower your child with love and have a great day today with a better tomorrow!!
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
2 Jul 10
I am trying to make up for them.I can't, but I won't let my child be hurt in that kind of way again,from anyone,including his father. If he doesn't like the way I am handling the situation,he can alwyas file a petition and take me to court.I dont think there is a judge in the world who would force Erik to go with his daddy... I was trying to talk to him about some of the things my son had said to me and he and his girfriend began to laugh.I didn't see anything funny about what I was telling him, and if he calls again,I will not answer. He thinks he has done nothing, and if he keeps the attitude he will bever have a relationship with our son.And frankly,I could care less. I tried to be cicil, but I wont stand for being disrespectful. I tried to forgive him.My son isnt ready to do that,and personally,we are dong much better without him in our life!
1 person likes this
@med889 (5958)
1 Jul 10
I think he has realized that he should be talking to his son as he is the father after all and no matter what happens he will always be remaining as the father and as a father he has many responsibilities it is good if he comes to understand them all.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
He is his father,but he has a lot of making up to do that he is unwilling to do!
@zralte (4186)
• India
1 Jul 10
I meant to post a response when you first put this up for discussion, but I have been unable to form into words what I am feeling. Now that there has been other response and your comments, I think I am much clearer now. First, I agree with everyone when they say 'Daddy' has to take responsibility for his actions and make amends. And he is not going to be redeemed in Erik's eyes with just everyday phone call. I understand from your comments that you are willing to make sacrifices for your son. You will have to. Yes, as his father, I think he should be given a chance (AGAIN). Talking on the phone will not help very much. He will have to come round and spend a bit of time with Erik and show him that he has changed and he is not going to abuse him anymore. But do not force Erik into it. Just let him come round regularly, and if Erik wants to spend sometime with him, let him. If not, just let him be. With my children, it takes time for them to go to any one. So, 'Daddy' needs to build up his trusting quotient with Erik. If he sees that Daddy is a nice man who comes round and have a cup of coffee with mommy without shouting or harsh words exchanged, and brought him little presents, like it could just be candy in the beginning, it does not have to be costly, something that Erik like. Then only he can start to build a relationship with his son. I strongly believe that he is not going to be able to do anything from a distance. The wounds are still raw in Erik's mind. Poor thing. Your son is more important than your ex's feeling. So, whatever he does, don't force Erik to do anything he does not want to. Let your ex know that if he wants to have a normal relationship with his son, he will have to do a lot better than just a phone call. Love and prayer....and well, hugs.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I do want my son to have a father.I consider the fact that maybe since we are not around he will be ok.But in the 2 weeks it has been since this discussion was started I see that that end is not mature enough to do this. He finally saw his son.Erik wanted to see him and was very happy to do so. Then a bunch of other cra[ happeened with the new girlfriend,sp we are worse now thatn when I started this. I am going to protect my child no matter what and am not willing to deal with all of the drama,especially with a girl who he has known 3 months. My son wanrs a man in his life.He needs it and he needs his daddy.What he doesnt need is someone who is going to keep doing the same things and allow a girl to dictate this relationship.I am not going to be disrespected either. Anyways,just ranting a little I guess,and thanks for reading. I do not know where the relationship with my child and his father is going to go. As soon as my son decides he want s to talk to him she steps in...Not saying he cant see him,but other ways. I am ready to not even pick up my phone.I do not have time or energy fot the drama. Thanks for the great advice and wors.!
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jul 10
hi erikmama I really think from the way your ex sounds that you may well have to take him to court in order to prove that this man has abused your son and the only way you would countenance him seeing your son is in front of a referee so to speak and for only a very short time. I agree you need to take your son's feelings into the manner very surely. I dont think forcing him to be with a man who abused him is going to do your son any good at all. In fact I imagine a judge would rule that he cannot see his son at all after all he did to him.good luck and God bless.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
i don't think it will get to that.I mean, how concerned can you really be with yor son when you live a mile down the road and have made no attempts to see him? Calling on the phone isnt gonna do it.And I won't make him go up there when he tells me the things he tells me,and if his daddy loved him as much as he claims, he would understand and respect my babies wishes rather than accusse me of it.I am sure he is just bored right now and needs to start with me.He'll quit calling in a few days and his justification will be that I wont let him talk to him or see him. Ive been playing his games for 5 years.But the good thing is now I am free and dont care!! He knows better to take me to court.He knows deep in his heart what he done and how he treated us and he knows I would make him look like a fool.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
30 Jun 10
Oh erikmama this is a hard one. Why is he all of sudden wants to talk or for that matter been in Erik's life? He can't blame you for nothing children are very smart and see what is going on. A child knows what the father has done to the mother. So for him to blame you its ridiulous. Have you questioned why he wants to be in his life now. As for your son talking to him he will probably come around eventually because that is how kids are. Especially if he is call everyday. I wouldn't force him to talk to him but each day when he calls you ask Erik if he wishes to talk. Some days he will probably say yes and other days no. His Father has to accept what Erik's decision is each day. My granddaughter is 4 years old and loves everyone in our family but there are some days she doesn't want to talk to anyone on the phone and other days you can't get the phone away from her. Good luck to you and Erik.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
1 Jul 10
I have no idea. He says because of me.Because when I found out what he had done to me(all of which I could not disclose on here)he asked the next day if Erik could come up there.I told him he!! no...of course,that wasnt the appropriate time.So he didnt call for two months. He says it is my fault because he has done nothing to anyone of us, Erik's problem is that I am telling him bad things about him because I am mad he doesnt want me anymore!! This couldnt be farther from the truth.In fact,I offered to meet him and he could have time alone with Erik at a resturant.Thats not good enough for him.And Erik doesnt even wanna do that! I told him he needs to realize what he did instead of trying to make excuses all the time.I got pissed tonight and hung up so he may not call again.And I dont care. I allowed my son to be hurt for so long, and I am not going to allow it anymore.He doesnt wanna go and he isnt willing to try to rebuild or create a relationship.Erik has never liked him.He acts like it is new!! Yep, the last 3 days he has called at exactly 6pm.Has me puzzled too. I do ask Erik if he wants to talk, then he and I argue because I wont make Erik talk.I did make him say hi daddy yesterday and he had the worst face ever cause I made him. I have tried, a lot more than I should.I sit there and seen what he did to him,lelin,and he is trying to cover it up.He aint gonna do it no more.Ive listened to my baby, heard him cry because his daddy sadi he hated him.He can kick rocks.If I am wrong, strike me down. I have asked him that,lelin!! He says he is 5 he has no opinion about anything!!I told him he should really thingk long and hard why a 5 year old boy doesnt like him.noone could have the influence on a kid and his father like he is trying to put on me. He hasnt wanted to talk to him, to see him, or even asked about him sice we been gone lelin.he says he was to mean to us.i told him today he look just like his daddy(cause he does)and he said well thats ok as long as I aint mean like him.
• United States
30 Jun 10
If your really want your son to have a realtionship with his father you would encourage him to visit daily and spend time with his. Have the father take him to his favorite place to eat or to the park with a ball or flying saucer. Time heal all wounds. he could just not like talking on the phone he would not be the first person not to like phones. I feel bad for the child 5 years old and having to go through this. His father should be given the option to even put his child to bed at night. You two can put aside all your diferrences for the sake of this boy. He gets only one father in life. try to make it the beat you can for his. forget the past.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
30 Jun 10
Wow...I guess you haven't read any of my many other discussions. I have no problem with my son having a relationship with his father.But as the mother of this child it is my duty to protect him,and for many years i didn't do to good at that. You see, my son has never liked his father, even when we he was a baby.If his daddy tried to pick him up he would scream bloody murder. Now,you see, my son is much more advanced than his age.Why is this? Because of all of the abuse he has suffered through. His daddy was mean to him.He never wanted to play with him.He said mean things to him(including telling him he hated him).Everything he did he was getting yelled at for and made to get in the corner.It has only been since leaving him i have seen my child act like a child.My son is happy now.Finally.And I will be damn if anyone,including a court,is going to tell me my child has to go through all that hurt and pain again, especially when he doesnt want to. At the same time I dont want to deny my child anything.It is really a complicated situation.If I didn't want them to have a relationship I wouldnt answer the phone. He had every opportunity to put his child to bed everynight and he chose to be a prick. You cant forget the past when it is in your face everyday.Abuse isnt something you can forget, and a child that still doesnt want anything to do with him,you know somethig has been done. On top of all that it tears me up that this little boy feels like this about his own daddy.
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