I have not been to my mother's gravesite in many years.

@cream97 (29166)
United States
July 3, 2010 9:01am CST
I have not placed an flower onto my mother's grave in many years. I did it when I was about 16 years old, I think. Her birthday will be on July 5th. I miss her so much. My husband does not believe in visiting grave sites. I wished that I could go and place a flower on her grave. But I know that he will not take me there. I can't wait until I get my driver's license. I will take me and my kids to her grave. I want to tell my mother how much I love and miss her.
4 people like this
15 responses
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jul 10
My mother was cremated, so I don't have a grave to go to. This poem helped me a lot at the time: Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am in a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow. I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain. I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush Of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am the starshine of the night. I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room. I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I do not die. But I do hope that you get to go there and visit, since it means so much to you.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
7 Jul 10
That is a beautiful poem Dawn thanks for sharing, I hope it helps Cream too. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@ench815 (465)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
I think you should talk to your husband about how you feel. Make him understand that this is not an issue about beliefs but rather, an emotional release for you. It is not believing that your mother is still there but it is the closest thing you can have of her. Tell him that you know that every person has their own set of personal beliefs that has to be respected then assure him that you do respect his. I am not sure if your communication lines with your husband is open but I think you have to settle this even before you get your driver's license. For if his conviction about this issue is so strong, do you think he will allow you and your children to do what you want to do? PS. July 5th is just around the corner. Is it possible to ask him if he can drive for you and just stay in the car? Just make your visit short. Well, it's just a suggestion. That is, if your husband won't mind. :) But in case he still wouldn't agree, I sincerely hope that you can find solace by talking to your mom through prayers. Good luck to you and I'm wishing you the best.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
3 Jul 10
Hi, ench815. I agree with you. This needs to be settled before I get my driver's license. I know that he does not love going to grave sites. But I wanted to put a flower on her grave. I don't understand why he just does not want to take me. He does not have to agree with me. He thinks that it is very far from our home. And, he does not like to go. But he should be nice enough to take me.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27564)
• United States
3 Jul 10
It's been a longtime since I went to my family graveyard too. I have actually thought about going pretty often for the past couple of years. I think I will try to go during my time off work during the next two weeks. My grandfather used to take me to my grandmother's grave almost every weekend to clean around it and leave flowers. I kind of feel bad that I haven't continued the trips. I have just moved around so much that getting there was very hard. Even now it will be a two hour trip there.
2 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
3 Jul 10
Even if he doesnt believe in it he should take you because yu do. I am sorry for your loss.I lost my daddy 6 years ago,and I miss him so much. i have been to his grave just 2 times in the lst 6 years.I would go more often but the lack of transportation prevent it.He is buried about 2 hours from here,so it is a long drive. But the 2 times Erik and I had a car the first things I did was go to his grave. I feel it is the last bit of respect I can give to himm,and it will be the first place i go when i get a car again. I hope you are able to go visit her grave soon cream.
2 people like this
@lulu1220 (1010)
• United States
6 Aug 10
Even though he does not believe in visiting graves, he should respect your wishes and take you. He does not have to go visit the actual grave, but can wait in the car. He needs to be supportive with this even if it makes him uncomfortable. If not see if a friend could take you.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
12 Jul 10
it's almost 3 years that my mom left this world and since her burial, i never been able to come back to our place again and so i can visit her in the park. well, i live far away from my homeland and can only visit the place only when there is much money in my pocket. but even though i don't believe in visiting grave sites, like your husband, this is a different story for me, she's my mother and the only mother that i have. miss her so much too.
1 person likes this
@dsrp82 (678)
• Brazil
11 Jul 10
I'm so sorry! But please, talk to your husband, explain how you feel to him, I'm pretty sure he'll understand. He doesnt need to agree with you, just support you! =)
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
7 Jul 10
Hi Cream, You can tell your mum how much you love and miss her without visiting her graveside, I have never been back since to where my nana is butI know she is all around so I have never felt the need to. If you feel the need that much speak openly to your husband if he loves and cares for you he should respect your wishes and take you anyway whether he believes it right or not. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jul 10
Do you have public transportation that you can take to see her? My mother passed away 10 months ago, and up until I moved I went out at least every weekend. More often when possible. Although, with my fiance and I both working 60+ hrs a week. My mother was an amazing person and I would do whatever I could to go out to visit her and let her know how dearly she was missed. I was 13 weeks pregnant when she passed, and was very crushed. I even walked out to her grave until I was 6 months preggo, and it was over 10 miles. I am so sorry that you can not visit her as much as you would like to. I talk to my mother now that I am 1200 miles away and can not visit her. Just talk to her, I believe that she can hear you if your heart is true.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50438)
• United States
5 Jul 10
That's terrible. Is there someon else you can ask? Because that's just cruel for him not to let you do that.
1 person likes this
@smartjack (521)
• India
4 Jul 10
really sad for you. Hope that you get to visit the grave of your mother soon. Please try and convince your husband to visit your mother's grave. Though it is just a grave but it reminds you of your mother. Do go there soon and place flowers. She must be watching you and must be sad that you don't visit her often. Please try and go on her birthday. I pray that her soul rests in peace.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
3 Jul 10
I feel sad that your Mum was taken away from you when you were only 16 years old. I get on very well with my Mum, even though we are now 100 miles apart. I try not to think about the day when she will no longer be around and, as far as I know she wants to be cremated, something I respect totally. As for you, it will be great when you acquire your driving licence so you can drive to your Mum's grave and I pray for the day that is reality for you.
1 person likes this
@rajaiv0810 (1013)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
Hi Cream! I think you really have to tell your husband about how you feel and how important is this to you to visit your mother. If he doesn't believe in those things he can remain that way. I'm sure you are not imposing so much on him about believing. But at least he can respect your feelings about visiting your mother. For a couple you don't have to be on the same thoughts and beliefs all the time. It's just a matter of understanding, compromising, and respecting each differences. I hope you can visit your mother soon. For the mean time you can light a candle and offer her prayers or you can also offer a mass for her. Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@jinjer168 (1599)
• Philippines
3 Jul 10
Hello cream97! Im sad for you because that's a long time already since your last visit to your mother's grave. My mother was already gone for eight years now. But im thankful that i got to visit her to the cemetery as often as i wanted especially when there's a special occasions like her birthday, christmas, new year, mother's day etc. It creates a simple joy in me knowing that im still there for her, offered something like flowers and most importantly, my prayers for her soul even though she's gone and left us all, there's still a connection between us though she have a new home now. Talk to your husband and explain to him why you needed to visit your mother, its just a matter of conveying to him your innermost feeling about this important issue and let's just hope that he will understand. Happy birthday to your mom, im gonna pray for her...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Jul 10
hi cream Its odd how people are about visiting graves. My husband did not believe in that either but he , bless him, never hesitated to take me if I wished to go. We used to every year plant fresh flowers on our family graves on Decoration day whenever that was, I just do not remember now. I will be glad for you to when you get your driver's license.Good luck and God bless.
1 person likes this