What Can You Say About Lending Money To Friends and Relatives?

Philippines
July 6, 2010 11:40pm CST
Hi fellow lotters, I have been constantly plagued by people wanting to borrow money from me. Be it my friends or relatives. I am an easy person when I have extra cash I'd easily lend them but over the years I have been quite stingy on the borrowing thing because I have bad experiences of being borrowed from and then people do not return the money. There were also times when I needed the money and they just won;t pay and it's like I have to beg them for it and I hate that. Then there were some that spread bad rumors about me just because I am asking them to pay and that severed the relationship forever. So guys what can you say about lending money? Have you ever had this kind of problem before? How did you handle it? Please share.
7 people like this
33 responses
@lelin1123 (15647)
• Puerto Rico
7 Jul 10
I have had many family members borrow money from me and thinks its ok not to pay me back. I don't understand people who ask to borrow and promise to pay back and nothing comes back to you. Now I refuse to lend out money under any circumstances. Its just not fair to me especially if I come into a situation that I need the money. In your case for them to talk about you asking for the money back that is crazy. Hello its your money that you worked hard for. Its like people think we are the banks and they don't have to pay us back. So if you want a relationship to continue never let money come into it or you will lose the money and the friendship in most cases.
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
Yup I heard someone say never let money and relationship mix because that won't work. Aghh hope that was easy, its always easier said than done especially when it's relatives you are talking about. Especially when their children gets sick and they need this amount to get treated and you just say yes. But when you need it they tell you how selfish you are that you were not understanding their situation. I have learned my lesson and as much as possible I would learn to say no, because in the end I will still be the bad guy.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
7 Jul 10
This is a lesson we have all learned at one time or another. Don't expect to get your money back when it is loaned to a friend or relative. You may be disappointed.
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
lol very very disappointed! It's like throwing your money on nothing!
• United Kingdom
7 Jul 10
I wouldn't advise it personally but that's just me! I think that if you start lending money to family members then there's a good chance that this will happen on a regular basis and there is the danger that you could be looked upon as a soft touch! It's nice to help others out, particularly family members but not when it comes down to money. There are people in the world that really do try and take advantage and you have to be weary of them! I'm not as hard as I sound though! I think that it's nice to help others and I do believe in the law of karma that what you give out will return to you! Do good and good is coming back to you and by the same token, do bad and bad is coming back at you. I think that there are other ways that you can help family members depending on what kind of help they need, it's not always financial! Anyway, money can be a very uncomfortable subject to discuss! Andrew
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
Hi Andrew! In fact is very uncomfortable to discuss money with anyone unless when you are purchasing but when it comes to borrowing and asking for payment it's such a pain in the neck. I never really cared about lending especially when someone is in the hospital but I do expect as agreed that they pay me just as they promised. But from this experience I am now going to be wary of lending.
@marguicha (59865)
• Chile
7 Jul 10
I will lend money only to people that are more important for me than the lost money, if I lose it by lending it. I have not had any problems. I have only lent money to my daughters and to my closest friend (a sister to me). All of them reapaid me on time and even gave me a bit extra, less than what the Bank would have asked of them but more than what I would have gotten from the Bank if I have placed it on interest. For the rest of the world I just do not have money. And it is true in a sense. I live frugally to make ends meet and to pamper me once in a while. Why should I throw away that money lending it? I never carry too much money, I pay most of what I buy with my credit card but pay the card the same month so it doesn´t cost me extra. The rest of my money I put in interest, even if the Bank gives me cents for it, until I need it. So there´s no money to lend. EVER. When I was at the university as a student, there were a couple of fellow students who were always asking me to lend them some money. It was little but it added up. One day I had enough and I told them I´d never "lend" them a cent. That day I learned. Happy posting friend!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
I am learning my lesson now too. I never had the habit of putting money in the bank and that is why I guess that it comes in pretty handy when someone wants to borrow from me but now I am thinking of that option that you mentioned. I have trouble understanding baking terms that is why I never bother to.
@reco13 (605)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
Nice discussion! I also have a problem with lending money. I am pleased easily and when someone really close to me borrows money from me, I usually do not ask them to pay me back. I believe that they borrow money from me so they should have the initiative to pay me even if I won't ask for their payment,. Many times, I am even the one feeling ashamed and shy to ask for their payment. I think among all those I have lent money, only once I have been repaid. So now, I try to look for allibis so I won't lend money anymore,. Because I always end up needing money and I don't want to borrow money from others.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
yup it is better that we keep our money to ourselves not that we are being selfish but we have money saved up for the rainy days. For me lately it seems like there are more rainy days than not so I need to have my money when I need it and where I need it. Like you I do not want to be such a b*tch to ask them to pay me but sometimes I am forced to act like one because of them not paying up.
@ajadon10 (48)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
We have a similar experience and I'm also having a hard time getting my own money. Since I usually use simple clothing and don't add any expensive flashy things they thought I'm near to broke and that help me overcome that situation and instead they pay me at once and never ask help from me financially.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
That is a good trick lol. Maybe I will try it out too just so I will get my money back and also would get less "let me borrow" requests. agghhhh....
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I experienced it to when some of my relatives would ask for some financial help. I lend money to those I know who knows how to pay. But for some that I know who seem to have amnesia after borrowing, I tried to avoid lending them money already. If they tried to borrow, I will just give some excuses, which are valid also. It so hard to earn money, and some people will just borrow and will not even pay it back.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
selected amnesia I think lol... some people are just like that. They keep telling you they can't pay back now because they are still financially not okay but then you bump into them at the a pricey restaurant dining out! lol and then acts as if they never saw you! lol it's funny but sickening lol.... I salute you for being brave in saying no all the way I am practicing that myself.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
7 Jul 10
"Neither a lender nor a borrower be"-Shakespeare. THere si also a standard phrase in our language where it says that lending money ruins relationships.Your own example is there to prove this. It is difficult to get back money unless you know the person's level of integrity like what you would know your own.And once the money leaves your hand, you would deifnitely be called a bad person if you ask for it. Be ruthless in denying.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I guess I have to practice hard being a denial queen lol. I am getting the hang of it but at first it feel so awkward. But guess you have to do what you have to do. The worst thing I have ever heard when I did not lend someone money was that I was so selfish lol. But geez that's fine lol.
@spalladino (17929)
• United States
7 Jul 10
Whenever you lend money to friends and family, don't expect to get it back. For that reason, don't lend it if you're going to need to be repaid. Nothing harms a relationship more than money issues and, as you have seen, you wind up looking like the bad person when the only thing you were guilty of was helping someone out. A long time ago I lost a friend over money and that's when I stopped lending and started giving. If I can't afford to give I tell whoever it is that I don't have it and let them go elsewhere.
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I guess that's how it goes. Yes I am guilty of lending them money because I do feel pity when they are in a sticky financial situation. I was younger and very naive and they took advantage of that. Just makes me wonder why can't people appreciate people who help them and try to stick to the end of the bargain? the only friend I really trust is my bestfriend, through the years she has proven to me that I can trust her and depend on her but the rest and sadly even some relatives I can no longer trust. You are right it would be better to give them if there was extra so I would not have to think of asking for it.
@mspitot (3834)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I have experienced having friends borrowing some money. I have 2 of those experiences that i wasn't paid. The other cases were okay and I got paid. The first one is when I was in high school and the second one is when I was in my last job. I don't really talk to them about it because they know that they owe me money so I didn't have problems having bad rumors.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jul 10
When my mother asks me for money, I always felt obligated to lend it to her. Because of her gambling, she is in heavy debt sometimes and would ask me for money. When I wouldn't give it to her, she would remind me of how much money she spent raising me. I know she worked hard to raise me and my brother but it still makes me angry that she would use that fact to get money out of me. I don't mind giving her money if she needs it but I wish she would stop gambling.
@faisai (1141)
• Hong Kong
7 Jul 10
I do lend money to very good friends and very close relatives. But when I do lend money to them, I didn't expect them to pay me back soon and I do make sure they money I lend them is my extra cash. My believe is that if it is possible, avoid lending money to others if possible because it is just too difficult to ask them pay you back.
1 person likes this
@wowcvg (14)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I've had issues like that before and what I did was I stopped lending money to those people that abused my generosity. I never had issues like that with families and relatives but with friends, I've had a few. Well, now I don't consider them friends since they're hiding from me because they still don't wanna pay me up, the nerves!
1 person likes this
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
Im sad to hear your story. It's too bad the people whom you helped treated you like that in return. In my case, I am usually the one who borrows money from my relatives and friends, but I have always remained and will always be thankful for the help they have given me. If time comes and they will be the ones who will be needing financial help from me, I would gladly help them too if I can. I hope I would never experience the same thing you did when it comes to lending money.
@eil_noz (963)
• Philippines
7 Jul 10
I was actually the same as you. They see me as a person who is so rich but the truth is that I'm just thrifty enough that people always see me as a money lender and I usually can't refuse to such request because they were my friends and being their friend I must help them in what they need because when time comes that I would also need money at least I can ask them for it in return but it usually takes time. When a friend asks for money to be borrowed I see to it that they'll pay like they must give me an IOU and that I must know their parents that I can ask them to let them pay. I had experienced recently that two of my friends borrowed a large amount of money from me and they were not able to pay me for 9months. Good thing they were honest people who are willing to give back what they borrowed. well, good luck to you. Try threatening them so that they'll pay you.lol
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
Good for you. No need to threaten if they won't pay up then it's their loss because there will be no more next time.
• United States
12 Jul 10
i usually dont loan money out to anyone.. if i have it and they ask for a loan i will be ok with it but i try to not expect the money back because if i do i will think of it all the time and if they dont pay it back i will be upset and feel used.. so on my end i just think of it as im giving it to them and i wouldnt give it to just anyone so it would have to be some one i trust to begin with and they would think its a loan and hopefully they will surprise me in a good way and pay me back
@gabs8513 (48816)
• United Kingdom
11 Jul 10
I will end to my Children and my Mum who never asked to borrow Money but if she did I would lend it to her Then there are certain Friends I would lend to as well as I know I would get it back and they would do the same for me You need to tell the ones who never pay back no and do not lend them any more, it is bad that Relatives can do this to you I have only ever had the Problem once a few Years ago in the end I just told them to forget when I was being told all the time that did not have yet after 2 years of waiting I told them not to worry about it and left it at that as I knew I would not get the rest back, they had payed some of it back but not much After that I did not lend any more
@dorannmwin (36609)
• United States
10 Jul 10
The main thing that I can say about lending money to people is that you should never do it. It is fine to give money to people if you can afford to do so, but if you can't afford to lose the money then it is okay to give money to someone but you should never loan money to someone because expecting to get it back often times means that relationships can be fractured of worse broken to the point that they will come to an end.
@KMaroon (269)
• India
9 Jul 10
Hi candyfairy I personally think that it would be better if you don't lend money if you cannot take the money back. First thing I don't give money because I cannot ask them back, and I feel very bad to ask the money. Especially in friends and relatives they take the help from you and spread rumours against you and they don't feel that you have helped them in their tough time.
• Ethiopia
8 Jul 10
I don't think it is good to borrow money to friends and relatves because if they didn't return it back you may become enemies.