Single is lonely...

United States
July 7, 2010 7:41pm CST
Single is lonely, but doesn't seem so bad over time. I am going through a separation with my husband that has been on and off for the past two years. I am still not coping very well... going back to him at the drop of a dime... while nothing changes and our marriage gets worse and worse, so this time... I've seriously decided it was better if we spent some serious time apart. What are the best ways to cope with being single and loneliness especially when all I really want is the comforting arms of my husband and his love??
16 responses
@wolflvr (336)
• United States
8 Jul 10
You get used to having a person around you all the time. You should not think of being alone as a bad thing. You need to go out there and enjoy yourself. Do all the things you always wanted to do. Pamper yourself and have fun. You are holding on to an idea of a time with your husband when you guys were happy. You are not going to change him. You do not need a man to define who you are. You will be fine on your own. The only person you will have to answer to is yourself. Think of it as freedom. That the sky's the limit to what ever you want to accomplish in life. I have a cousin who went through a tough divorce. She tells everyone. If you do something nice for yourself then good things will follow. She goes out there and does what she wants and is very happy in her life now.
• United States
8 Jul 10
You know what...? Out of everyone's comments, yours is my favorite because it actually wasn't just a reiteration of things I've already heard. It actually sounded sincere. Whoever you are, if you were within arms reach, I would've given you a big hug... I thank you for that so much. You're right... I do reflect back to times when my husband and I were happy... then it leads to a bad thought of when we were arguing and I quickly disperse the thought completely from my mind. I don't need him to define me, you're right, but somewhere along the lines in the past few years, he became a part of me. We became one, so without him I feel like I don't have half of myself.. because I looked at him like my better half. I hope that I can be as strong as your cousin one day... and move on with my life grudge-free and stress-free. I know one day he will realize that he lost a good woman who loved him with everything she possessed... and when he realizes that woman was me... I will feel a lot better. Thanks so much for your comment... you really brightened my day!!
• United States
8 Jul 10
I really hope that I reach that point one day that you're speaking of. Acceptance. I am just so weary now from having been depressed for so long and trying to make things work. I even tried biting my tongue and tolerating things I wouldn't normally tolerate to try and keep the peace.. nothing works. I am really just beginning to feel that things aren't meant to be between me and him. But thanks again so much for your words of comfort. They mean way more than you know!
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
I am single but I can't say that I'm lonely. Isn't loneliness simply a state of mind? I think it dwells only on the idle mind so I always keep myself busy and try not to entertain negative thoughts. Contentment with what I have and positivity in everything I do -- that combination makes me enjoy life.
• United States
8 Jul 10
It takes a strong person to accept what's around them for what it is and just be content. I, on the other hand, can't do that because I'm not content with being single or what I have. I know that I deserve someone's love and that someone is just as deserving of the love that I have to offer because I have so much to give. Maybe my husband will come to his senses and we can work things out... if not... I will take some time to get over him and move on.... Thanks for your comment!!
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
I understand your sentiments, mrscallands22. Just like you, I also believe that I deserve someone's love, someone who also deserves so much love which I can give in return. Yet I'd rather not dwell on what is lacking in my life and I simply enjoy the unconditional love that my family has for me but that doesn't mean that I've already given up hope. :-) Anyway, I hope things between you and your husband go well soon. Good luck!
• United States
8 Jul 10
You're right. I do appreciate the love from my family to fill that empty void that I have been feeling. I try to embrace those type of things in my life but somehow I feel distracted. Thanks and I hope so too!!
@ifa225 (11097)
• Indonesia
8 Jul 10
oh...if u still need him and want him, why don't u tell him to be together again. after two years together, it is normal if u feel lonely now. needs time to feel as a single again.
• United States
8 Jul 10
I do still want to be with him and I know that inwardly he wants to be with me as well... but so much time has passed where we argued and didn't get along.. we don't really know each other anymore. Relationships or marriages don't always end as a result of cheating, sometimes the people just simply grow apart. We've been married since 2007 and separated for most of our marriage. Things seemed simpler when we were just dating. I think I will remain single for now and wait for what God has in store for me. Thanks for your comment!!
@ifa225 (11097)
• Indonesia
13 Jul 10
if u had make the decision to stay single, go on. i know u can cope it and i believe those smile in your face will rise again
• United States
13 Jul 10
Thanks and I hope so, too!!
@dsrp82 (678)
• Brazil
8 Jul 10
I'm feeling lonely too... I don't have a boyfriend and it's killing me. I miss comforting arms too, but sometimes whe must try to be happy with ourselves. It's hard, believe me, I know, but we must try at least. Wish you the best ^^
• United States
8 Jul 10
Thanks for your words of comfort. I hope that we both can reach a point of happiness one day.. whether that's alone or with someone else. Either way, we deserve happiness and bliss. Thanks for your comment and I wish you the best as well!!
@dsrp82 (678)
• Brazil
8 Jul 10
Thank you, dear. And amen to that! ^^
• Philippines
28 Jul 10
hi there mrs. callands! i am sorry but i really do not agree that being single is lonely. single is not lonely nor happiness does not mean being with a partner. there are so much about life that we can be happy rather than being lonely. i think its not your being single that makes you a lonely person today, it is your longings for your husband's comfort that makes you lonely. if it doesn't worked for the both of you on the first try then why not try again. maybe it'll work out this time. but still if it didn't i think it's time to accept and let go of it. it will hurt you more and will only cause you more loneliness. and if in that case, you can't be lonely forever. there are lot of reasons to be happy. the fact that you are still living a life is one good enough reason to be happy. being healthy is another reason. having a family and a career are reasons too. there are lot of things you can be happier and be thankful for. i hope you get over it soon. don't be lonely please? happy mylotting!
• United States
28 Jul 10
True, but I'm glad that I'm not single anymore... because for me it does suck. I was happy about the other aspects in my life that were good... but I feel like if you have no one to share them with... what's the point at the end of the day?? Me and hubby are back together!!!! YAY!!!
@JenInTN (27549)
• United States
11 Jul 10
I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through such a rough time. I hope that you guys can work things out because it sounds like you don't really want to give him up yet. If you do decide that it's over, I would suggest surrounding yourself with friends and keeping busy for a while. Pick up a new hobby or interest if you can. These things are not the loving arms of your husband but they can help to keep you from thinking about them so much. Take care and good luck.
• United States
13 Jul 10
I really don't want to leave him, Jen. But I can't wait around my whole life either. I am 22 years old and still young in my life. I don't want to waste my life and wait around only to find out that it still doesn't work. But, I will put it in God's hands and leave it where it be's. Thanks for your comment!!
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
Single is lonely...but in your case, I think you should have time for yourself. How can you say your husband loves you when your marriage gets worse and worse? I'm not telling that you shouldn't try again but think about it first. Maybe you should love yourself first. Maybe, in time, when your husband has thought about his mistakes, and has turned a new leaf, you should still try to reconcile, and if it still doesn't...you will be lonely again but not for long. Find someone or something to make you happy.
• United States
13 Jul 10
You're right.. I do love myself but do to what has happened.. I find myself needing to redo my preferences or rearrange my priorities again. I do love my husband with all that I possess... but I am getting to wit's end. I have waited so long that I doubt that I can wait for another 2 or 3 years. So it's coming to a point where I'm giving him an ultimatum which is now or never, I just hope we both make the right choice that's for us.. Thanks for your comment!!
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
8 Jul 10
Oh so sorry, he doesn't love you? Once I thought I was getting sick after a break up that I did it. Even as I had break up with him I was miserable, for 6 months. There were days that I wouldn't get up, never been like that before, but it was the first time I break up still loving the guy. So I threw everything away, erased his phone number, hide pictures and promised my self to never look again until I was over. I know a marriage might took longer, but if you feel that way and it's not going to work out, you better give up. It's good to take a time apart and when you are feeling better step one more step up and break it up. The beginning is always worse. I loved the single times after that, when I healed I went out, flirted, got new boyfriends, watched dvds, eated in bed if I wanted. When you have someone you can't do everything you just love sometimes. Give it time, it heals everything.
• Denmark
8 Jul 10
Try find some chokolate or other sweet, a movie and a good blanket. Jump on the couch and relax while thinking of something else. Or just try find something you really like to do, except if it´s with your husband, and then do it. M.S.A
• United States
8 Jul 10
I will definitely try that.. because I love chocolate and candy lol. That instantly heightens my spirits. Thanks for your comment!!
@satz0249 (125)
• India
8 Jul 10
My opinion is that you must find out a way to discover new things within you .This would really help you out and make you feel better in times of loniness.Try to fight back ,dont be scared of loniess....
• United States
8 Jul 10
I have always been scared of loneliness.... that's why I think it is having such a negative effect on me. I really wish there was another way... but I am going to perservere and keep on going. Thanks for your comment!!
@siaosong (165)
• United States
8 Jul 10
To travel, to do exercise, to talk to friends, you will find more fun and you will feel better. Good luck and happy every day.
• United States
8 Jul 10
I will definitely have to try some of those activities. Because sitting around dwelling isn't helping me any.. Thanks for your comment and good luck to you too!
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
For me I think you need to focus on your job to make you busy and not think to much of being alone. Spend some time with your friends and bond with each other. I;m sure this will help a lot. At the end of the day, when you come home pray a lot and seek for guidance to overcome whatever struggles your into. This prayer will help you a lot in recovering. Do it when you wake up in the morning and bed time. This ritual works for me whenever I'm sad or have problems. Hope it works for you too.
• United States
8 Jul 10
I'm not working right now.. so I have a lot of free time on my hands to just THINK... which is the worst thing for me to do. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do.. are very good ones and they help me all that they can. I do need to pray more... I can say that that is something that would help me a lot. But, a lot of times, it just slips my mind. I will definitely have to try harder though if I want to overcome this as a sane person. Thanks for your comment!!
@jonnah91 (63)
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
Perhaps, the fact of being alone gives you that solitude. Having been far away from the one you love is the hardest part. Moving on is not the best thing you should do. You need to go through a long process of facing your misery. It's not the same as a wink of an eye. You must take part for it step by step so that you will not feel bitter in the end.
• United States
8 Jul 10
I agree because right now I am really starting to feel bitter. I just wonder why I picked him versus the other billions of people in the world. I look at some of my friends, happy and prosperous in their marriage then I sit back and look at mine, misery, loneliness and depression and I scoff at it. I do one thing... I will never get married again under no circumstances. I don't wish heartbreak or anything remotely close on my WORST ENEMY.... Hopefully, with God's help, I can get over this. Thanks for your comment!!
• United Arab Emirates
8 Jul 10
i am also going through the same situation....my wife wants to chose her friend over me....she has aske me to give way for him....But he does not want to get tied into a relation...But now wife instists on staying alone...as she is guilty of the fact that she had a relation out of marriage.....i am ready toi accept her and forgive her...but she in double minds now...weahther to come back or not...i have given her some time....she should be fina and back in my arms in some time....
• United States
8 Jul 10
I really hope that works out for you. It sucks to be in love with someone and not be with that person, regardless of what the situation may be. All we can hope is that they realize that we love them unconditionally and realize our worth. I hope that is someday soon for the both of us... Thanks for your comment!!
• Australia
8 Jul 10
Being separated from your husband doesn't have to leave you alone. You could get your friends together and have a girls night out, get really drunk, make a fool of yourself, find some new interests that you enjoy where you can meet new people and have a laugh. I do know how you feel and I did all these things when I kicked my ex out and you know what, I found life didn't end after him. There are heaps of other people out there, you just have to go out and find them. If your husband is anything like my ex, he probably likes you to come running back but the problem is that if there is something wrong with your marriage now, it won't get any better until you find your own inner happiness and peace. Go out and enjoy life, it is meant to be lived. I wish you the best of luck with your problems but doing other things that are fun can help you to find what you really want.
• United States
8 Jul 10
I really don't have many female friends... as they are not trustworthy and always cause problems for me. I only tend to chill with my girl cousins and my best friend lives in a different city now, so it definitely has been hard coping. Also, my daughter looks just like my husband, so regardless of whether he's around or not, I see him everyday in her. I go out from time to time, only to come back and be accused of being with someone else, but I have long since stopped caring what he thinks I may be doing, especially when I know the truth. Yes, it is heart-wrenching to go through this, but I feel like I should be used to it by now being that this has been going on for over 2 years. I just want arms around me at night and to have a healthy relationship with a man who loves me for who I am, no more, no less. I guess after this marriage is over.. I will have to keep searching for that... in order to fill the void that I have since he's been gone. Thanks for your comment!!
@maiaman (97)
• Philippines
8 Jul 10
I think the key to happiness, as always) is to find it first in yourself. I think you better get in touch with you inner voice and listen to what makes you happy. I don't know why you are separated with your husband but there is definitely wrong with the relationship that you have. in order for you to have a clearer picture of things you must first have a clear perspective of what you want for yourself before you go look for it in somebody else.
• United States
8 Jul 10
I am currently trying to get my life together, headed in the direction where I want to go. My life isn't where I want it to be at this point, but I really am trying. I just can't keep attempting it alone. Thanks for your comment!!