IAM so Lonely

@bunnybon7 (36504)
Holiday, Florida
July 13, 2010 8:39am CST
in a house full of people I still get so lonely. ever since my hubby died and the kids moved out and now ive been living with some of them off and on, Im still unbelievabley lonely when my dog seems to prefer everyone elses company. Ive tried finding a partner on different sites. it never works out somehow. this morning, I let Coconut out of our room to go potty. i thought thats what she wanted. Usually my sons door is closed since his girlfriend has been here. this time he left it open, or else she opened it and it was 3am and coconut went in there and would not come out. the girlfriend had gotten up for a drink of water or something and promised to leave the door open. when its son and i only here coconut comes out and back to me. well, it seems the little boy got up, ran in her and sons room and closed the door. now coco is trapped in there and im not sure but what she wants to be. and now im just crazy from thinking why she prefers others company instead of mine. yes, i know im a crazy jealous person and dont know how to fix that Ive kept my cool about everything everyone wants and does around here so far but im just a nut when it comes to my dog. now im thinking, whats so bad about me that even my dog completely ignores me like everyone else? I know im being irrational and yet i cant stop this "sorry for myself" feelings. im seriously in need of help. mentally!! ive been like this about my dog ever since John died..and im just about sick enough of my own silliness to not be able to stand myself. so thats my rant. doesnt anyone know a nice man over 50 thats very lonely also? lol..just to make it a discussion. please, you all said you'd be here for me. let me rant. hugs, bon
5 people like this
13 responses
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
15 Jul 10
I know that I'm not over 50 and I also know that I'm not a very lonely man. However, I do think that I can somewhat understand how you feel because I've seen the same thing in my mother. She was widowed at a young age and spent the prime years of her life alone. It took almost 12 years for her to meet a decent man that can serve as a companion for her, but she is still single. If you really feel like you want someone to talk to, just let me know and we will connect online or on the phone sometime.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Jul 10
thank you dear. yes its a real problem to find any companionship here where i live. ive noticed that in ohio, my older aunts, cousins, etc. still find men interested. here im just hoping i will some day find a means to move back home. that would work.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14697)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Sounds to me like it would be a great time to find a hobby you love. I have so many hobbies that I rarely think about how alone I am. Before I got fibromyalgia, I was so much a 'people person' and was always on the go. Now, I rarely even want to go out BUT I have my hobbies. They keep my busy AND happy. I've found that gardening is the best therapy, for me, anyway. If something is preying on my mind, I'll get busy in the garden, even if it's just to pull some weeds. If the weather is against me, I do things with my houseplants, like re-pot them or rearrange them. I do things that I consider to be "pretty" and it always brightens my feelings. You're going to have to realize that you're a great person and learn to love yourself. It sounds like you had John to lean on, then you replaced him with your dog. From what I've learned about you, you're a pretty cool person. The sooner you realize that, the happier you'll be. Maybe, if you could get a ride to a church to speak to the minister/pastor/priest, they can set something up where a counselor will come to you instead of you having to go to him/her. It's worth a try! Start with looking at yourself and saying that you're a pretty okay gal instead of seeing all these issues you seem to believe you have.
• Grand Junction, Colorado
13 Jul 10
I completely agree with Mental, you need hobbies to keep you busy and on the positive. It's easy to focus on the negative stuff it's much harder to look at things on the positive side. I always say that things could be worse and then I find somethhing positive to focus on to get me through the tough time. I would also check through the yellowpages.com and find some organizations that maybe have gatherings for grief and I'm sure that someone would be willing to pick you up and take you to one on a weekly basis. I think that this would be a tremendous help to you. Loosing a spouse is very difficult, I have no idea how long ago this happened but we all need positive people in our lives to get us through the tough times, and you my friend are in a tough time. Try to find a bright spot and focus on that. Good luck and God bless you.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jul 10
thank you mentalward and beanie. those are some very cool suggestions. i do appreciate you friends being here for me oh i have tried to adjust by telling myself its just 2 months but i really believe at this point im going to have to consider it may be for good some day. so i need to continue with some alter plans. im just so tired of my kids opting for me to come stay with them, then doing nothing but take advantage of me. its just not right. ooopppss, there goes that "sorry for me " attitude again...
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 10
You fibromyalgia too?
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jul 10
hi bunnybon7 I am so sorry you are so lonely, cannot some of your children visit you more often, You have a small son that should help a bit if that's your son,or is that a son of the girlfriend? oh my dear Coconut will come back to you so don't wear yourself being jealous like that.Another thing why is your son and his girlfriend there and not in their own apartment? You need to go knock on the door and get your dog,it is your dog and you need it right now above all else. Oh yes I know a nice man of 51 but he willnot marry as he is a confirmed'bachelor that is my son so he would be no help at all.You just go ahead and rant all you want, we are all here for you Bunny.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Jul 10
thanks friend, you are the best. problem is, its sons house and i just pay part of mortgage and bills. but i need to figure a way to get MY own apartment. but each time i talk about needing to save on bills and stuff to get my own place he says he dont want me out and starts talking me out of it. plus, id need to save money aside and it cant be done as long as im paying my part here, so its catch 22 if you know what i mean....rock and a hard place
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Jul 10
oh yes coco wants to be with the little boy also. its her son. i finally figured that out last night.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jul 10
hi just back from having my eyes checked, they are dilated and everything seems too bright, this is going to be different trying to mylot lol I see yes that puts you in a tough position and darned apts are so expensive now days.I was just told I have cataracts in both eyes, and I did not even know but he said i have no diabetic damage in either eye but I am on the start of macular degeneration so nows the time to stop; that in itsw tracts, I need to get better control of my blood glucose and start taking some lutein to strengthen my eyes.I go back the tailend of July to have the vision test to get new galsses..
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
14 Jul 10
U rant all u need to. I'm always here for u , bon. I'm sorry u are feeling this way & i hope u feel better soon. I think we all have pity parties at times. Life can be hard. I do wish u could get to the point of being happy w/out depending on someone else . Being alone is also hard but all i have to do is think back to where i once was & i'm happy to be alone. I tell my two friends that have husbands that are a pain sometimes that they make me sooooo glad i don't have one, lol.Count your bessings, Bon. hugs.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Jul 10
i know its not as bad as i think sometimes but i think everyone gets feelings like this. i may be wrong. it may be im just a nut job but heres where i come to get them out. thanks for being here for me
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
15 Jul 10
Any time, my friend.
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Rant away, my friend. Nothing is better than this place for a good rant - if we don't want to hear it, we can always delete it, and you aren't going to "scare" your family.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Jul 10
thats how i felt about it to. i feel its easier to have people i dont know personally to shake their heads and say "what a nutball she is", then family. also, people here will say it like it is, nice or not...
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
14 Jul 10
you aren't a nut - you are lonely and isolated - at least here you have friends - friends that, believe me, do understand what it is like to be lonely and isolated - we may not be at the moment - we may be, but most of us have been at some point in our lives - honestly, I don't know if I can name on one hand the number of people who haven't been at some point in their lives
@celticeagle (118255)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jul 10
I can relate to what you are saying. Even the dog, huh? I have tried finding someone on several different sites also. The men weirded out on me. One I got right up to the meeting stage and he dropped out of site. Then another one lied to me and was seeing someone else and married her. Another one expected me to foot the entire bill for me to travel from one side of the US to the other. He refused to even meet me half way. I think animals can sense things. Perhaps the girlfriend is lovely to the dog and he likes that. I doubt there is really anything that the dog feels is better than you. You are just feeling overly needie right now. Aren't there any good counselors around your area. You might check into one. It sounds like you could use some help with self esteem issues, boundary and relationship issues. Did you ever really get over or work through John's passing? Sure I know several schmucks over 50. I firmly believe, however, that no relationship is going to work for you until you get yourself cleaned up, strong, and feeling better about things. I will wager that that dog loves ya, he is just being a dog.
@celticeagle (118255)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Jul 10
I think all the good guys are taken. All the ones I find have some glitch that isn't fixable. There are places that have 'intern's' which are students who are having to put in a certain amount of hours to become a full fledged counselor. If you call a counseling Agency and ask if they have any interns they may have. And, if you dont have the money you tell them your story and the trouble you are having and how miserable you are and if they won't do it pro bono then they aren't worth going to anyway. Check it out. And, if you need a friend ear PM me and we can chat sometime.
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
13 Jul 10
can you volunteer somewhere? join a church group? join a seniors group? visit the library and teach people how to read? there are lots of things to keep you busy and connected with people if you only try.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jul 10
nope. dont drive any more and would probably get lost in this crazy complex if i tried. plus i have copd and dont go much any more. guess im a lost cause
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
13 Jul 10
no i dont think so. you know, in my city, the library delivers books to shut ins. check that out.
@gharah (49)
• Philippines
6 Sep 10
Dogs are good company. Mayber your dog just wants some pampering. I live alone and tehre's really that moment when you feel left out and go on self-pity. But look around, there's lot of things to be busy about and before you knew it, you in a new day already.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Sep 10
oh yes. i know about that. it just seems one day runs into the other sometimes. i get busy online or watching tv, then its to bed, and the same thing next day its like nothing ever changes to good any more.
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 10
Rant away... Even the dog, huh? Well gosh, is there some hobby you can take up that will occupy your mind, some group you can join? Something? Let me look around in my bag here, hmmm, ok sending a nice man, 50+, no bad habits, kind, listener, looker, smart, does stuff around the house... Well I wish one for you anyway....
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Jul 10
thank you. good wishes always helps. i just really need to figure a way to get a place of my own. its just hard
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Oh bon! You are being silly now! You know that we love you and so does your kids and so does Coco! You said she just loves your son alot and gets upset when he leaves her, so she likes to stay with him when he's home. Alot of animals get upset when "their person" leaves them alot and gets clingy when they are around! Coco loves you too, but she is always with you! Now the rest of the stuff has got to stop! You don't need a man to complete you! You are not used to this and maybe you should try not depending a man and see that it isn't such a bad thing! You have to do things to make yourself happy. I spent alot of years just hanging out with my girlfriends, dating once in a great while and was perfectly happy and so where most of them. We found our lives to be alot less stressful and complicated that way. Now that I live with Lonnie, we still do things separately. He goes out more than I do. If you still want to talk we can talk in private~ Hugs, Les
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jul 10
i know im being silly. yes, but i would even live with another gal i guess as a roommate and friend. this is why i look for a man mostly is because its someone to care and you help each other. if i was able to just come and go as before i got disabled, believe me i wouldnt feel so desperate and lonely.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
13 Jul 10
It's natural to feel this way. It's always hard to live with other people and have people who don't know how things should be living in your home.
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jul 10
the thing is she knows how things should be as ive told her. over and over but no one listens to me. she is going to be the end of my and sons relationship.
13 Jul 10
Hi bunnybon7, You aren't been silly, its naturel to feel like this when you are lonely, don't worry too much about your dog, she does love you, its just that there are different people in the house and also there is a child, dogs loves company of a chid but I still think your silly son should have put his g/f and her son in a hotel or some place instead of bringing them to the house, I would have got really angry with him, your son is a very week man when its comes to women. Never mind they will be gone soon enough and you can have your dog to yourself again. Hugs. Tamara
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jul 10
thanks Tamara...my feelings exactly. ive tried so hard and time just drags on here with this. she seems determined to stay the whole 2 months i just dont want to be blamed for everything this time. im so mad at coco. i just feel like shes a trator..lol. anyway, it dont help that she freakin brought her dog to boot...EEEE!!!
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
were here. do we need to give our number this were i go when ever am lonely
@bunnybon7 (36504)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jul 10
thanks but sadly i cant hug my pc. sometimes i hug my fickle dog if shes with me but this morning she left. i need a hamster, so it will have to stay with me....thats just sad to right?