Thinking about longevity or quality of life.

@marguicha (102231)
Chile
July 15, 2010 12:18pm CST
I was commenting an answer to a post I made to get some help for a pie I´ll make for my diabetic mother and this question came up. When my brother left for his vacations, he left me a detailed report on what to do with my mom in case that this or that happened. There were lots of phone numbers, doctors, everything. I recieved it and told my brother and sister that I knew how to handle situations but I was NOT going to stop my mother from living as she wanted, considering that she is 86 and with a sound mind. I believe in quality of life. I will make ap ie with Splenda as a late birthday present but she ate some things she shouldn´t for the occation and I said nothing. My brother would have taken the culprit food out of her mouth. I think that my mother apreciated what I did. What do you think? Do you think I should have taken away all salty things (bad for her heart and kidneys) and all sweet foods (bad for her diabetes)? Would you have her drink her no sugar tea with a no salt bread and butter instead on the good things we bought? Share. I have reached an age where I have to think what I want for myself too.
3 people like this
9 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
15 Jul 10
At 86 i think your mom should be able to do what she wants, eat what she likes w/in reason & not have your brother bossing her. I have never liked to be bossed by anybody, lol.
@marguicha (102231)
• Chile
15 Jul 10
I had a fight with my brother about 3 months ago and we barely say hi to each other. I don´t remember if I told you that he shouted to me that I should "change" because I´m not doing what I should according to him. I showed him the door, of course. It´s a pity he thinks he´s the owner of univeral truth. That makes him unbearable sometimes.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
15 Jul 10
I can believe that he thinks of himself like that. People's egoes get in the way some times. I believe that if most people would take care of their own buisness they would have a full time job.
@marguicha (102231)
• Chile
16 Jul 10
Yup! He´s not a bad guy if it wasn´t for that. As it is, I´m too old to stand abuse from anybody. My mom loves him and fears him. She will tell me not to tell him if she has a pain. Of course I won´t, unless I think it is serious. But he won´t let her have a tiny bit of icecream because she´s diabetic. So I take her to the super once in a while and we get ourselves a small but wonderful icecream. There´s this place where they have a chocolate-orange peel handmade chocolate...
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
15 Jul 10
I totally agree with you! Quality should always come before quantity. Always! My sister had muscular dystrophy from birth. Unless something unforeseen happened, we knew that she would not live to a ripe old age. She spent her last six years in a nursing facility, which was wonderful. She was treated like family, not like a patient. She was quite happy there, considering her circumstances. At one point, her doctor informed us that her cholesterol level was way up and she should be put on a strict diet. We knew she did not have long to live at that point and saw absolutely no need to deprive her of the foods she loved. The nursing facility had a special room we could reserve for private parties and we did that at least once a month. I would make a big pot of chicken and dumplings, my sister's favorite meal, and bring it to the nursing facility. We'd all get together as a family and totally enjoy our time together. My sister LOVED her chicken and dumplings, too! I didn't feel the least bit guilty of possibly causing her cholesterol level to go up or even stay the same. Her muscles at that point were almost totally useless. She could no longer get up out of her wheelchair on her own. The smiles and laughs we shared when we'd get together and have my sister's favorite meals was priceless, even if it did cut a year or so off of her life. She enjoyed her last years and that's what counts. I totally believe that you are doing the right thing by your mother. Let her enjoy the time she has left, even if by doing so it may cut some time off of her life. I'd much rather go young with a smile on my face than old and miserable.
@marguicha (102231)
• Chile
15 Jul 10
Your answer is a wonderful story os sisterly love. The pleasure she had with the meal you cooked for her was a lot better than living more with nothing to look forward to. A big HUG!!!
@marguicha (102231)
• Chile
16 Jul 10
I know what it is to lose people you love dearly. But sometimes, when you remember those beautiful memories, you feel they are so near you that they are more alive than many living peopel.
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
15 Jul 10
I think anyone over 16 knows what they are doing, and if they are doing harm to themselves, well, they know whats right and whats wrong... I have ADVISED people who are just learning to live with low salt or low sugar, not because I do it for health reasons (besides weight) but because I've lived with people who have. Still, no body will do anything but create resentment for doing what you say your brother is doing with your mom...
@marguicha (102231)
• Chile
16 Jul 10
Her head is much better than mine so I guess she knows what she´s doing. And she just did it on her birthday party. Normally she eats with no salt at all (which, by the way, can be very good if you know how to cook).
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
16 Jul 10
this is very true, not that I'm such a great cook, but since I don't salt much besides potato soup, pea soup and veggie soup... and, generally everyone else is adding more salt to them after I'm done - I'll admit I also end up adding more to pea soup... oh, and when I cook beans... on the whole, I don't salt or season much of anything - well besides those things...
• Philippines
15 Jul 10
eating in moderation does not affect her health. if her diabetes had worsened then all those forbidden food should not be allowed for your mother. she is allowed to eat such things as long as she's not eating it everyday. occasional eating of tasty food is okay, i guess.
@marguicha (102231)
• Chile
16 Jul 10
Eating anything in moderation does no harm to anyone. And if you don´t eat in moderation, it will cause you harm even if you are not ill to start with. I don´t have any reason to stop her from having a nice birthday party at 86. And, believe me, if she had wanted seconds on her cake, I´d have let her. But she had a very small piece.
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
15 Jul 10
As an older diabetic with a heart condition, I sympathize with you. You want what's best for your mom, but want her to be happy, to feel a little special. I can guarantee she appreciated a little taste of the "forbidden". I pretty much eat what I want. I love potato chips...couldn't live without 'em. She does have to watch what she eats, but a little of anything won't hurt her. The key is moderation. I feel that she is 86 and has lived a full life. Why can't she be comfortable in her old age? If it makes her happy, let her have it...in moderation. My son is like your siblings. He gets angry at me for eating things I should avoid, but he just doesn't understand. When you are a diabetic, with a heart condition, and disabled as I am, you give up a lot. I am tired of giving things up, and I bet your mom is, too. No one lives forever. The small pleasures in life can bring great joy.
• United Arab Emirates
15 Jul 10
I believe in quality of life. I want to live happy, helful and caring. If i fullful the duties of being a christian by helping one and all. I will definately live longer to serve mankind
• India
15 Jul 10
surely it is quality... just one stament says it al if yu cant live the moment die that very moment!!! haha :-)
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
15 Jul 10
I think what you did was right. Your mother is of a great age, that if the diabetes had not killed her before, it would not do it now. She would probably die of old age. Besides if someone is denied something for so long - as far as food and drink - then that person goes overboard. Thereby if your mother had been more agile and able to get around, she would have sneaked out of the house and bought donuts and cakes and eaten more then she should have. That is why that moderation is usually best in such cases. Let your mother have her piece of cake and her bread with real butter. For the short time she was with you, that did not do any harm.
@vijayanths (7878)
• India
15 Jul 10
Definitely quality life will be my preference marguicha. What is the use in just breathing every day, we need live every moment, right? Quality life with average life span is perfectly okay for me. Every one wants live long but I think quality of life is more important.