Friends that Slip Away--Drinking problems--What would you do?
July 15, 2010 10:20pm CST
I have this friend of mine who has a problem. We (her other friends) thinks she drinks too much. She is still in college as a graduate student but she is 30 years old and about to graduate and become a professional. Every weekend just about, she goes out to a party of some sort and drinks until she basically passes out. Its a known fact in our social circle that she passes out at parties. When she gets drunk she is very pliable, going just about anywhere with anyone. Those of us who are her friends feel it necessary to watch over her which is basically no fun for us. I have gotten her out of boys' hotel rooms (she has a boyfriend whom she is exclusive with), waited for hours with her while she sobered up enough to drive home, kept boys from running off with her and other such events. Her problem is, she thinks she can hold her alcohol but she is drunk after one glass. My friends think we should talk to her but there is a problem with that. She is one of those people who doesn't let anything affect her. You get mad at her she doesn't care. She doesn't think of others much although when I got divorce she was supportive and even helped me move. But there are several occurrences that resemble what happened last weekend. I live an hour away from my friends and I not getting paid this summer (I teach) therefore I have to be stingy with my gas money. It takes a tank to drive to see my friends. I texted them last week and said I am coming down to see you either Saturday or Sunday, anyone have a preference? No one did so I ended up going on Saturday. After we all made plans my friend who gets drunk a lot said wait I have two parties to go to I won't be able to see you. I was mad cause I asked if she had plans earlier and she said no. So to finally end this question, I don't think talking to her about being drunk a lot will make a difference. I don't think she will care. So here are my questions, should we talk to her about her alcohol problem, she could get mad or she could not care. Should I continue to fight to be friends with her, as I am the one that calls and makes plans so that we see each other and are friends or should I just let her slip away? What do you think?
• Marion, Kansas
16 Jul 10
Even aside from a drinking problem, a friend who makes no effort is slipping away already. If all of you sat her down and talked about the issues she encounters when drunk, or maybe videotaped her in those situations, she might listen if she was ready to make a change. You should do what you can to sustain the friendship, but not feel guilty if it fails due to neglect on her part.