Be tough & move on... Its easier to say than done... BUt its a painful process..
July 17, 2010 5:06am CST
Had my broke ups just recently. As much as I want to move on its pains me alot having knowing he does not give a damn about me. Not even a single message saying everythings fine for me. I know I dont deserve him its just so painful knowing out of all the great things you`ve done for such relationships, I receive nothing. NO love, no concern, nothing. Just a learning that never give out everything if you know for sure the person you`re giving out to does`nt give a damn about you. How do I move on with lesser pain in my chest... Help guys!
3 people like this
17 Jul 10
I understand what you're feeling, I've been through this a lot of times. Me and my ex had been together for 3years when we broke up and he wasn't at all like he thought he was and it hurts. There is no good way to get rid of the pain you are feeling, you just need to give it time. As you said - he clearly doesn't deserve you when he is acting like this and you could find someone so much better. Try to keep your head up and let time heal your wounds. It's better to feel good alone than feel bad in a relationship. Good luck!
17 Jul 10
I have experienced what you are going through and I appreciate how painful it is to miss someone who once cared so much about you and now will not even show any concern to your well being but remember it may be too painful for him to approach you so his distance may just be self protection from more hurt. The pain in your chest will lessen along with that awful sinking anxiety that you wake up with every morning and one day you may surprise yourself by wanting to smile again! I bore the hurt and talked my feelings out with my best friend when I broke up. I nursed a broken heart for a while until the day came I began to feel better until I was able to fully move on. It’s different for every individual, hang in there, try to keep yourself busy with things you enjoy and know that it will get better...
18 Jul 10
Hi Joy. I'm sorry to hear about you're going through. I know that it may be a long process but for your healing, take it one day at a time. Expect nights and days of crying and expect some times of you still wanting him back in spite of you being aware that he's not really worth it. Someday, you will come to a point when you are now ready to accept that some things are not really meant for you and you have to move to another journey of your life till you find the one meant for you. You might go through another set of heartaches but make sure that you will keep on guarding and taking care of your heart no matter how heart-breaking things would be.
• United States
19 Jul 10
Hello joygracia, It does get easier. I was in relationship for 10 years and we broke up I am now i 40's. It took me roughly at least 1-1/2 to get over the pain and rejections and selfishness this person with me. I have learnde what is not a good relationship. I told myself not to fall for that again. I am in better relatinship now than I could hope for.. He takes me places and makes sure I am happy and content. He does my wash and gave me key to his house and told me to snoop around anywhere I want in his house that his house is my home... I never expected that from anyone. Yes we date off and on for 1 year before this happen and he knew I was dating other peoople but I kept coming back to him... to talk to as friend and discussed things. I was even going to walk away because I thought he wante friends with benefits.. I said I was not into that... I did not speak to him for over 3 weeks and then he calls me out of the blue and wanted to know if I was willing to with a walk with him... and I said yes.. that is when he gave me the key and asked me to be his girlfriend... boy I was surprised and very happy and told me that I can sleep over anytime and come go as I please... we are even doing the grocery shopping together. I never did that with any of my relationships. Just give yourself time to grieve... it is hard but you can do it and heal. I relaly thought I was doomed to lonliness.. for the rest of mylife because I kept picking the wrong ones... this one is very very differnt! Thanks and have a great day Sincerely unique16
• United States
19 Jul 10
I missed a word it took me 1-1/2 years to get over my ex and to feel like myself again. it does take time and each of is differnt. Do things right now that make you happy... join the club you always wanted too but never did because you were invloved with him... Go and reconnect with your girlfriends and take up a sport or hobby to keep you focus. We are always here to hear to listen to help you every step of they way. yes, you will not forget him or what he did remember God has final words with him. That was avery hard concept for me grasp and not fell angry or want revenge but once I relaised God has the final say I could finally move on and tell myself Gods loves me and that God will take of what needs to be done for me and make me a better heart and to love again. I am still a little hesitant to say things to my new guy but it it fianlly coming out and I feel safe saying them to him and that I am showing him that I care about him too. Thanks eileen
• United States
17 Jul 10
Hi Joygracia, I am sorry you are going thru such a painful time. It's true that breaking up is really painful and especially when the other one moves on quicker than you do. There is no magic way to move forward and get over him. Time...time helps believe it or not. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. In fact, I don't think most of them are. Still, it doesn't mean that he NEVER cared because obviously he did. You were right for each other while you were together and for whatever reason, it didn't work out. How do you move on? Spend more time with friends and doing things you enjoy. Don't Try so hard to move on because there is no shortcut. That ache in your chest will subside in time...it really will.
18 Jul 10
Be kind to yourself...that's the best thing that you can do. Moving on is something that no other person can give you, most especially if the person who caused you so much pain does not deserve the kind of love that you have given. Think about this, is it right to keep the pain while you know very well that the person who caused that pain never even care? But if you can't simply ignore the pain, then own it...accept the fact that you are in pain. But do the things that you love to do just so to tell yourself that there are better things to do than just sitting down and feeling the pain. The pain will not go away all at once, but slowly it will fade away. Love yourself more than you ever did and you'll wake one day happy, you'll remember the pain but you won't feel it anymore.
18 Jul 10
I've been in this situation before and I really love the guy so much. What hurt more was I asked him to give our relationship another chance but he never did. Before I left the town we were supposed to meet to talk and see if it's still going to work between us. He stood me up. I waited for two hours. I tried contacting him but he turned off his mobile phone. I cried all the way home. When I reached home I hurriedly went upstairs and told everybody I'm not hungry and locked my self inside my room til the next morning. I was so hurt because he was my first and greatest love. I treasured him for 9 years here in my heart and I can't believe our love story would just end like that. I though what we have way back then was different, pure and great. The next week I left the town and accepted the offer to be assigned to another town. I work as a Supervisor in our company. It took me more than two years to move on. I'm now happily married with two kids. Honestly, I think if I did not try to love again I would not be able to move on. As of now I still remember him sometimes. I guess I will never forget him. He's my greatest love. However, it does not mean that I don't love my husband. I love him so much and even if given a chance to be with my ex again I would never leave my husband for him. I still remember him sometimes and what we had before and I'm also curious what happened to him. However, thinking of what happened a long time ago no longer gives me pain. It's just like what the song says, "I remember the boy but I don't remember the feeling anymore." So don't expect for the pain to go away that easily. Don't expect and force your self to move on that easily. It will really be hard but you have to accept. That's the first phase. Acceptance will help you make it through. Everything else will follow.
• Garden Grove, California
18 Jul 10
joygracia Something you said bothers me a bit. You say you know you don't deserve him, for heavens sakes why not? You are literate and you wrote a fine discussion, what wrong with you that you do not' deserve him? Is he some sort of super man? You need to boost your self esteem and next time look for someone who will give you the kind of love and attention you deserve. YOu deserve, keep that in mind, You are somebody,you are unique,God made you, and you must love you so a real wonderful man can give you the love you really deserve.