Spending too much time on the computer....

@Bellapop (1281)
July 17, 2010 5:16am CST
Maybe I shouldn't really ask on here, but this is actually for my sister. She's 20 and taking some time out from uni, she was supposed to use the time to get more work experience, look for a job, or do something that would help her develop and improve her prospects. But instead, she has spent most of her time doing not much except spend time on her computer. Everytime I see her, she is on the computer, on Facebook, playing computer games or on somekind of forum. She hardly ever goes out, and I keep saying to her that she can't keep doing this, ok, for short periods of time, fine, because it's her interest or hobby or whatever, but she shouldn't spending hours on there...and everytime I say so she gets very stroppy and starts shouting and saying that I should just mind my own business. I am actually getting very worried, because she this has gone on for a couple of years now and I really don't know what to do, because it's such a waste of youth for her to be doing this, I know I wasted a lot of time when I was younger and I don't want her to end up like me that's why I keep nagging her that she needs to go out, meet up with friends, experience the world...but she just says she doesn't want to and that I shouldn't force her to do things that she doesn't want...what can I do....?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
17 Jul 10
In my own opinion I probably spent a little too much time on the computer when I was younger. However, It didnt' really stunt my social life. I started hanging out with friends more, and then met my husband, and well now I'm back online but this time it's to earn. Maybe encourage your sister to venture online money making opportunities, kind of put her foot in the door for her, teach her what's good and bad, and then maybe have some sister bonding time away from the computer. Let her have time on her forums, but maybe one day just go up and say "hey let's get some ice cream" or "come with me to the movies? There's a film I wanna see" Well I hope this helps, I know your just worried for her, but I'm thinking maybe she just needs a little time to herself, and then a Puuuush out to social life.
@Bellapop (1281)
17 Jul 10
I've actually tried it already, suggesting that we go out to the movies and see a film, I really want to go to see Eclipse, and she wants to wait until Toy Story 3 comes out... :)
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
18 Jul 10
Well it is good that she does want to go out. All I can say is to keep trying, and hope for the best for her. She may just need a little time away from schooling and isn't thinking about getting a job to advance her career.
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
hmm, maybe you should just let her learn from her mistake. if she doesn't listen to you, don't bother tiring yourself from giving advice. or if you really wanna stop her, just steal her computer :)))) doing bad things for one's sake is not such an awful idea. well at least it's for her benefit :D
@Bellapop (1281)
17 Jul 10
I know, sometimes, I just think, right, I haven't even got myself sorted, might as well leave her to it and let her make her own mistakes, but sometimes, it's just so frustrating to see her waste her time like this...
@bieke81 (1069)
• Belgium
17 Jul 10
Guess I wouldn't be much of a help, seeing that I work online as internet marketeer. I'm always behind my computer during the day, and even after the kids have gone to bed. You have to remember that she is 20 years old and that she is legally an adult. You can't do more then talk to her about what worries and hope that she sees that you don't want to control her life, just make sure that she lives her life. But besides that there isn't much you can do. Maybe invite her to activities you have planned to get her out the house. Have a great day
@Bellapop (1281)
17 Jul 10
I've tried, oh, I've tried, whenever I go out, I get her to come, but she never wants to go.... :(
@incus99 (1086)
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
If you think she's developing addiction to the computer, be more creative and ask her to raise the money to pay for the electric and internet bills, maybe she would do something to keep the PC and the internet running.. My son usually had the problem before and I got him a smart bro.. he know saves his money to buy for the internet load.
@quangnhu (31)
• Vietnam
18 Jul 10
We only should online internet with free time. Maybe we can earn money with internet, but i think it's not enought with our life. Besides, we must do many and many problem in the life, not only internet. As me, Before i love online such an extent that my husband is angry my. We can love online internet, or computer, but don't forget ours blame. Dear!
@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
18 Jul 10
Well actually I spend a lot of time on the internet I just can't help it. Still though you know everyone makes their own decisions. Everyone lives their according to themselves it's up to us personally to make the choices we do and their aint nothing that can be done about that. And shes twenty so shes not a little kid she should be able to do whatever she wants according to herself they are her decisions.
• China
18 Jul 10
the most important is to let her see clearly, what is the reality, what is the virtual. perhaps,travelling is a good suggestion.
• Portugal
18 Jul 10
maybe she has a bf online no bella? why dont you try to find out? also maybe she feels lonely and the computer distracts her^^ i dont know but take her out with you go to some place invite your friends and tell her to go also that way for sure she goes out too right?^^ also in school why doesnt she go some place with her friends? arent they sweet to her? try to find out if they are sweet to her maybe her schoolmates are not very close to her so she prefers to be in the computer :( anyway try to find these things out and you can help her better^^ also you are a very nice sister worried with her^^
@hestylim (1211)
• Indonesia
17 Jul 10
Hi Bella, I have brother who is 20 also. Like you, I never can control what he wants to do. My sister and I also worry about our brother. But, we can do nothing. We can only give him advice. As the oldest in my siblings, I should say that.. We can't keep controlling our younger siblings. Moreover, the one who is 20 above. They have their own way of thinking. They have their own decision to make. I cannot help much, but what I can do is to tell you that, believe in her. Just tell her, you believe in her, that you know she knows what best for her, embrace her, I think sooner or later she will tell you what she is thinking and why she spends her time on computer most. Good luck!
@Elixiress (3893)
17 Jul 10
At the end of the day, it is her choice. She is old enough to balance out the pros and cons and if she is going to go to Uni then I am assuming she is intelligent enough to deduct these into a good decision. Maybe there is a reason she is spending her time online, maybe she doesn't have any friends? or she is having problems with her friends? It sounds as though she is trying to escape from something and you recommending that she "goes out and has a life" basically is making her think about what she is trying to avoid. I have always spent a lot of time online and I don't think it is unhealthy, I taught myself html and css for web designing, I taught myself how to use Adobe Photoshop, all of which came in useful in later life.
@Jace24 (7)
17 Jul 10
2 years ago I was just like your sister.. I mean I'm also a computer addict as if I'm with my computer all day.. i play games, chat and do some searching online.. I think the best way to do is to just be as she is today.. Time will come and she will lose her interest on computer and do something or even start to find her own job.
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
17 Jul 10
People at that age tend to have a "thing" about their appearance so, perhaps you could say that she'll get fat if she spends so much time on her computer. If she's not bothered about her appearance then she won't care but if she does then it might kick-start her into doing something i.e. going out with you or whatever. Do you know her friends on Facebook in person? Perhaps you could contact one of them and ask if he or she could take your sister out so she's not on the computer all day. They might not be aware of how much time she is spending in the house because - of course, you can take a laptop anywhere these days. If they knew she was in the house and not on a laptop "out and about" that might help too. I don't really know what else to say but good luck anyway.
@cristi12 (378)
• Romania
17 Jul 10
I think you can't really get away form the online world nowadays. I'm online at work, online at home and If I get a mail or something my phone rings and I check it out at the next stop light so, yeah, I'm online even in traffic. :) The best thing to do would be to let things to run it's course, let her get bored of whatever forum or site she spends time on. You do get bored eventually. Also you could suggest looking and applying for a job online. Most companies use online job offer websites to search for candidates and setup interviews.