Is it bad to move forward slowly within a relationship?

@crackx (628)
Belgium
July 18, 2010 3:04pm CST
Hi there MyLotters, I have been with my girlfriend for a bit longer than one year now, and we actually both have experienced that we are rather slow in going further, to something new (you may interprete it as you wish yourself). It takes some time before we get towards something new (not that I really care, cause I always love doing anything with her). But my question actually is; does the speed a couple continues in going deeper towards each other matter much? Sometimes I'm afraid that she might be thinking that we go to slow and that one day we would fall apart only because of this... Talking with her surely would help, but I think it's hard to talk about it with her, if you would be as kind to try to understand me... You can help me here MyLotters?
2 people like this
11 responses
18 Jul 10
Well, like you said, the best person to talk about this with is your girlfriend. You need to find out how she feels about it and if she is happy with things just running their course naturally or if she want's to speed things up. You also need to think about how you want the relationship to go. Are you happy as you are? To answer your question, I don't think it is a bad thing to move slowly within a relationship and it does not mean that your girlfriend would finish the relationship with you because of the speed you are moving.
2 people like this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
18 Jul 10
Yes I thought she would be the best person to discuss this with, but it's quite hard to come up with the subject... I'm happy with the way it is all going, she doesn't seem to give any signs that she would like to fasten it up (or I just don't see them...), as I think she likes it as well. I hope you are correct onto your last sentence Beauty, thanks for the advice
• China
19 Jul 10
Frankly, I do not quite understanding what your meaning of "move slowly".Love is not your work, not your plan, which you can manage and keep it in the speed you must or you want . Love just go naturally, just do what you want to do, and share your feeling with your lover. If your lover does not feel the same way with you , talk and find a way out. In a realtionship, as my opinion , just need the concern your partner 's thinks . I am curious how you control your feeling and keep it moving slowly.
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
Yes I know it is not my work, nor my plan. But others can make you more unsure about your relationship than your work or your plans. Others made me doubt the pace of my relationship, but either way I'm the one within the relationship so I really shouldn't have been thinking about it. What my girlfriend thinks and says is important to me, I know I'll always think about this, so no need to worry^^ I'll be talking with her as soon as I feel uncomfortable with the situation, but for the moment I'm very happy with how it all is going, so I won't. I still feel somewhat happy that some people confirmed my thoughts in this discussion. Thanks for your response 2040
@Jaluke (679)
• United States
18 Jul 10
Yeah this is something that you should really discuss with your partner. When it comes to relationship concerns and everything, the best person to talk to is always your partner. Friends can offer some good advice, but it still may not apply to your situation or be good for your situation rather even if it generally would be good advice. You want to talk to your partner, express your concerns and see where you're both at. As long as you're both comfortable and okay with how things are going, that is what matters.
2 people like this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
18 Jul 10
Yea, but quite delicate for me to come up with it... I like talking with her (a lot), but we wouldn't naturally come up with that subject. Yea, I figured the same as well. I can be given advice, but still I'll have to make the move. I'll be talking about it when I start noticing abnormal behaviour (can't find the normal word for it at the moment), but for the moment she doesn't seem to show me any way that I should fasten up, so I'll keep it this way since I like how it is going, looks like she does as well. Thanks for the advice Jaluke, all the best.
• Australia
19 Jul 10
I don't think the speed with which a relationship progresses is really much of an issue unless you aren't happy yourself. If you are both happy with the way things are going it can only be good because you are taking your time and getting to know each other to the best of your ability. It is not always a good thing to rush a relationship as you could miss the important moments but if you continue to take your time it could possibly lead to a deep and lasting relationship. Talk to your girlfriend, ask her if she is happy and if she wants anything more from the relationship, it might help you to understand better what you both want.
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
Your response was actually everything that just came into my mind. If I'm happy with the situation, I shouldn't be thinking about it too much actually. Only if I would notice she wouldn't like the pace we are going. However since I might seem the one that could be faster than her (If you know what I mean), I don't think she would want it going faster than this, and actually neither do I want to change the pace, since I like the way it is going. However if I notice that she wants to change it, I will talk with her about it, because I don't really like talking about the situation, when highly possibly, there could be nothing wrong. As long as I see her smile appearing everytime I don't think I should be wondering if she liked it. She could be faking it though, but than I would have noticed after a year, that she had wanted to change anything (because we might not have reached 1 year). I know from when we talk, we both like each other. As I think she would tell me if she wanted a change. I thank you for your response Laurelle, I really enjoyed reading it since everything you wrote, just came in my mind, feels like someone ensuring me^^ Thanks again, I wish you all the best.
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
Gratitude** my bad (sorry for double post)
• Portugal
21 Jul 10
just talk with her^^ and say that you want things to go slow bcs you care so much for her and dont want to lose her so you never want to pressure her in nothing. but if you want to try something new just talk with her^^ be honest. if you are so patient and took things so slow and love her sure she wont be angry with what you say^^ she will understand. dont be afraid and always be honest^^ if she loves you sure she wont mind^^ also maybe she thinks the same way you do^^ also has been more than one year right now so your relation is serious already so you should tell her everything^^ without afraid^^
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
22 Jul 10
Wow. A total different reply. Thanks sweetlove Ahm, yes and no. It's true that I don't want to pressure anything and that I care alot about her. But I just can't talk about the subject I think. Just the thought^^ I think she might worry that she thinks she is going too slow for me or she would hold me down (I know her enough that she pushes herself down and blames herself oftenly... ) I don't think I can do this right now, perhaps within a few months when I can find some courage to come up with it You gave me a different kind of view upon the "situation" though, even though I stopped thinking about the pace, you could bring it up nicer than most in my opinion. I'll really do so when the time comes, perhaps she would do so before me though, we'll see ^^ Thanks sweet, reeeeaaaallly appreciated!!
• Philippines
20 Jul 10
I think it would always depend on the couple, they are those who want to go slow, those who seems to be taking big leaps forward.. It depends on the couple, their outlook, their maturity, and in the end, their plans. I mean, if you really are ready to settle down, then I think taking big leaps is the way to go, but if you're still not too sure, then taking it slow really is the best. Talk to her, or if you don't want you can always assess how she does with you taking it slow or faster.. you would always feel if she is okay with it or not.
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
20 Jul 10
Yes, I believe you are right. Even though we aren't the oldest ones around, we sure have plans for the future and what will come. But settling down isn't possible yet since we both live with our parents, I think the big leaps will be in 5 years (if we'd still be together^^) You're probably right on the last part as well. She can't hide how she feels about it even if she would say something else or so..^^ Thanks for the reply Ingking, really appreciated! =)
• United Arab Emirates
19 Jul 10
You are going pretty well mate. utill you 2 know what u2 are doing its always fine. There is no speed in love...You may hear people say what they did on the first meeting and second meeting and so on...Well, its always good to be slow. You will understand each other well.
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
I'm 100% agreed with what you just said, eventually it's best to know with who I'm actually sharing my feelings and thoughts with, this way I will never regret a thing for doing something intimate too fast with a person I hardly knew. Thanks edward, you approved what I was hoping for. All the best and have a nice day pal.
@twistzao (72)
• Portugal
19 Jul 10
Many people take it slow. It's best to both of you know each other, because in the future something you might have not known can cause a argument, and that's bad. So taking it slow, it's good. But guys,(I've seen that that's not a problem)most of them understand taking it slow, but don't like it a lot. For example, they don't like being stuck with hugs and kisses for 4 years. But if the other person likes you she should understand and agree. :) Good luck :)
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
I see, I thought the bigger part preferred to go fast, but perhaps that is just the biggest part of the people from my age though. I agree with you that I should know with who I am, what she feels inside as what she really likes as well. In this case I won't be having as much of such problems, such as you say. I agree with this as well, if I would go further within my relationship, I don't want to regret anything afterwards, so I don't have problems with the pace at all. At this moment I could live with waiting 3 years before going further, even though I wouldn't really be waiting. Everytime being with her is wonderful, I don't really think of going further each time I see her. I think about enjoying ourselves, even when we talk for a few hours, it's still fun^^ :) I think it should be a rare occasion for me, if I would tell her I couldn't wait much longer, since I probably won't be the one making a next move, as her best friend adviced me to wait and let it overcome me. Thanks for your kind of view Twist, seems like most people have the same opinion; going slow doesn't make sure that the relationship should last shorter, possibly last longer than others. I hope it sure is this way, thanks again and have a nice day!
• Malaysia
19 Jul 10
time matures each individuals. regardless I myself found that struggled in short term relationships in my whole life and now stopping myself to involve in another. by the way, it is best to have someone understands and connected to you for such a long time. you guys should discuss about having your relationship further. seriously, too long will make it sour and too short will end just like candies, melted right away before enjoying it taste.
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
I see. Somewhat I shouldn't be asking advice from you than^^ Since your relationships aren't long termed. Nono, I like your different kind of view :). Although I won't fasten it up since we both seem comfortable with the situation. I thank you for your response though cursoral, all the best.
@jerikjames (1045)
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
I don't think there's anything wrong if you're taking it slow with your relationship. It helps you learn absolutely everything about each other. You could discover you feelings more. I mean, if you really love each other and could stand by each other no matter what. Don't panic and don't push things to move faster if it's being slow all by itself. A lot of people today are always taking their relationships fast and they end up broken because they found out something about their partners which they didn't like or something. My advice would be to stop thinking about the pace of your relationship. You've only been together for more than a year. You should just enjoy each others company and believe me, your relationship would act on its own pace. =)
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@crackx (628)
• Belgium
19 Jul 10
I actually agree that there is nothing wrong with our pace when I think about it, even when I shouldn't. But since many people in my environment go faster, it made me think about it wether I wanted or not. I like taking it slower since, as you said, going slower makes you know the other person more. I wouldn't want to do things with a person I don't really know, since I could regret doing such things afterwards. However at the pace we would be going, I kind of know a lot about her, and I really like her outside and her inside (if you know what I mean, quite hard for a direct translation). I'll do what you tell me, however I didn't really want to think about it myself. I shouldn't fasten it up since we both (I assume, perhaps I should talk about it when I see she doesn't get comfortable with it anymore) like it. I thank you a lot jerik, thanks for your kind of view. It got quite time I stopped thinking about everything, however, when I'm with her, I can't think of anything at all, those things come afterwards when I enjoyed being with her a lot, but actually wondering if she would, as if there would be another time seeing her. Thanks again, all the best to you man.
@malihat (216)
18 Jul 10
I think that as long as both of you are comfortable with the pace at which your relationship is moving forward, it is not a problem. The only way you can find that out is by talking to your girlfriend. My relationship with my boyfriend has moved very fast but we are both comfortable with it, so it is not a problem. The important thing is that the two of you are happy with the way things are going.
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
18 Jul 10
It definetly seems that we are both comfortable with the situation, but I can't really always figure out what my girlfriend feels within, cause she can tell she is happy with it, but (no offense) girls can be difficult in certain situations. As long as we both are happy, I don't think I'll come up with the subject, until something would happen. Only discussing this out of precautions for what might come^^
@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
18 Jul 10
Well I do not think that it is bad to go slowly with in a relationship because you two will experience a deeper connection. When you start to move quicker in a relationship it can really ruin things really quick and be over too. Depends on both of you though if shes happy with you right now then I dont see why you have to speed things up people are different and like to take it at their own paces. That's how many feel comfortable so go at your own pace remember that.
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