What is a man to do?

@IBWISE (145)
United States
July 26, 2010 12:50pm CST
My wife and I were together for ten years and married for four, things have never been great but we got by. We always had a roof over our heads, food to eat and clothes on our back, financially our life was crap but emotionally and spiritually we have lived in harmony until my wife was pulled over for making a turn without a signal light, In the process our running her ID it came up that she had a warrant for driving without insurance twice and not appearing to court. While she was locked up ( she had never been in jail before )it came to light that she had been lying and sneaking out to meet this guy that she works with while telling me she was going out with a girlfriend.She was with this guy for over four months behind my back and that killed what love I had for her, I left because cheating is the one thing I will never ever stand for . We have a three year old daughter who she will not let me see and when she does tell me I can she calls the police while I am there, should I just stay away until I can get her in front of a judge or should I revert back to the strung out, heartless thug I was 15 years ago and kick her fanny til she does things my way?
2 people like this
6 responses
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
26 Jul 10
IBWISE, Her complication in love does not stem from the fact that she is helpless. In fact, she had made many choices in life; just that these choices are decisions that will almost set to plummet the condition of her love life into some karmic crisis in the future which is what she is facing after four years of marriage. One must understand that 'having no choice' is a choice. Having poor judgment is part of the reason for choice to be undertaken. I am not going to decide for you on your next course of action. However, should you decide to pursue this relationship; unless you take active steps to steer the relationship into a brighter path that could ensure better longevity, if not, you will probably perish in Relationship of Higher Complication because you are unable to assist your woman in eradicating her own karmic love ties. If you are unable to accept her history, then you might want to consider an exit because you CANNOT change your past. Acceptance is your only bridge to her foolish past. If you decide to love, then you have to walk the talk and learn to build a house of bricks - wisdom from 3 little pigs. If you already find no reasons to be in this relationship and hence, the last thing you ought to do is to put yourself in denial mode. If obligation is the only reason why you are in it, and before you decide that all is over, you might want to speak to her and trash everything. You might or might not learn that this relationship is truly over and if the outcome is not promising, as least you can work towards an amicable break-up, which is pretty much a mature way of handing issues, rather than opting to walk away. Relationship is never static - length of relationship does not guarantee everlasting fulfillment or marriage. Lastly, Love cannot be coerced and the truly problematic ones are the ones who end up concluding that they needed more force to curb their love ones from running away, one after another. Nobody has the prerogative to physically abuse anyone else. If your brand of love means beating, then you really unfit to love or be loved at all. Take care and have a nice day.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
26 Jul 10
In the ten years that we have been married I have 1. Never put my hands on her to hurt her 2. Never cheated or looked at another woman to give her any impression. My beleif is that when you take your vows to wed you cast aside your old life. Dedication is the key to a strong marriage
• Singapore
27 Jul 10
IBWISE, Time change and people change; therefore needs change. True Love might be a constant, but our needs change as our inner self develops. Love may stay, but needs change because our Self condition will not remain forever in the same state as it did ten or more years ago. Surely there are reasons why you two ended up together ten years back, but when we spiritually and emotionally start to evolve subconsciously - what that began the same, might one day diverge and grow differently. Because Love is truly not about looking at each other, but in one collective direction. The minute the relationship loses this vision, it loses its soul to function. Perhaps you might and right to claim that dedication is the key to a strong marriage, but if there isn't a common goal, then perhaps, it might be beneficial for the both of you to come to a mutual agreement to end this relationship and end this amicably. Why delay the inevitable? In the words of an old Chinese Proverb - Mundane to keep, but pity to throw, you decide. Take care.
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
26 Jul 10
Hi, IBWISE. I can see that you love your family and wife so much. Your wife should let you see your three year old daughter. It would be nice to see your child. You are a man and is dedicated to being faithful to your family, unlike some other no good men that are in this world. Why is she calling the police on you when you want to see your daughter? You are not there to hurt anyone. What is wrong with her? She was wrong to ever cheat on you,, you have been nothing but good to her. It is time that she stops the lying and the devious games. If you want to see your child, then take her to court. Don't stoop down to her level, that is what she wants you to do, just so she can have something bad to say about you. It is a shame that we have women like this in this world. And then some of the women want to holla about how there is no good men in the world.. It figures..
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
26 Jul 10
I will never understand her motive for calling the PO PO or any of the other games she wants to play. I have started the court process as of today. Thanks for the response
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
27 Jul 10
I don't blame you. You deserve to see your daughter. You are a loving father.. When I see men that are like you, I thank God for you. Because good men these days are very rare to come across of... I wished that your wife could see that for herself. Don't let her intimidate you from seeing your daughter. As this child's father, you have every right to see your daughter! Shame on your wife for putting you through so much of misery. I hope that everything works out for you. You have my blessings. May God always be with you.
@spalladino (17925)
• United States
26 Jul 10
You definitely don't want to revert back to anything that hurts you and your future...and ultimately your daughter, too. You need to get a visitation order from the court and have an arrangement other than the three of you at her place. You have the right to regular contact with your daughter...don't let this woman deprive both of you of that. In the meantime, is there someone who can go with you to visit your daughter who will cause your ex to stop playing games...one of your parents or another older relative?
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
26 Jul 10
What ever she has up her sleeve she is just wasting time because I have in my 55 years played every game playable with the best of em. She can't get under my skin anymore and yes I do still love her but because she is the mother of my child, as a person I don't like her.. Thats my story and im stickin with it.lol.lol.lmao
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Jul 10
ibwise one sentence there bothers me and also the fact that she called the police while you were there, could that be because when you left her you did a little punching out as you were angry and wanted to hit her? I mean we are hearing just one side of the story here. I do not condone her cheating on you or y our anger or hurt but women are still not for punching no matter how wrong they may be, and is kicking her fanny just a figure of speech or do you mean you do physcial harm to her? I do not, as a woman myself, condone mistreating her no matter what she did. YOu will not solve anything by violence u nless you wish to end up in jail. If you really are serious and you were a heartless thug, of course she will protect her child and herself. You had best not be banging on her when you get her in front of a judge as he or she might not smile favorably on that even if she did cheat on you.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
26 Jul 10
I think I did say if I was the man that I was 15 years ago I would wreck her fanny but, I am not living that life anymore. When you feel that you have to put your hands on a woman then it is time to go...
@flyinghi (130)
• Canada
27 Jul 10
It is hard to live with someone who cheats on you and if you have already left her you have made the decision that you can not accept her cheating. Accept the fact that she is the way she is and do not let her make you stoop to her level. If you want to see your daughter than take her to court for visitation. Make this as easy as you can on your daughter who is probably seeing you two fight and seeing these things is not going to make your daughter feel comforted. Good luck with this situation.
• Philippines
27 Jul 10
Its such a pain in the head to be in a situation where youre in. I feel for you because i have been cheated too. For me a third party is the ideal break up , Yes it hurts so much but at least the reason is very concrete that there is really someone else bettr thn me.That for me is easy to take.. anyway , you may be not religious but what's a man to do is pray and get legal advise... as in LEGAL ADVISE.. its the only way out not to compromise yourself too..