How do a Tom-Boy and a Girlie-Girl get along?

United States
August 2, 2010 11:00am CST
I am a true Tom-Boy. I never got into barbies and tea parties. I was the girl who hung out with all boys and spent my days outside collecting frogs and snakes. I still refuse to wear make-up and wear dresses. I prefer baggy sweat shirts and getting dirty in the garage. My daughter is a genuine girlie-girl. She has a collection of barbies and she always wants to wear make-up and paint her nails. Her idea of a fun day is shopping and a trip to the salon. She is only 7 and I can't help but wonder what we will talk about when she gets older. I have tried to enjoy these very feminine activities with her and it usually turns out badly. She can tell that I'm not having any fun and that ruins it for her. I am desperate for some ideas to help me relate to my little girl. I love her and I want to establish a bond with her while she is still young. What can I do with her that doesn't make one, or both of us miserable?
3 people like this
8 responses
• United States
2 Aug 10
You have to try to compromise a little. I am a tom-boy all the way through too! I let my daughter do things like paint my toenails (while I read runner's world); or I let her experiment with her hair (since I didn't have a clue!). You can always have a "tea party" with her. That lets her be the girlie girl without sucking you in! So there are a lot of things you can figure out how to do with her that allows her to be her and you to be yourself! (without losing your sanity!)
• United States
2 Aug 10
Thanks...this is a great response. I may be clueless when it comes to the girlie stuff, but that doesn't mean I can't hang out with her while she does it. It wouldn't be that difficult to sit on the bathroom counter reading while she tries to figure out how to tease her hair. Thanks for the input.
• United States
2 Aug 10
Yep, that's what it is all about: learning to enjoy each other along with our differences!
• Canada
2 Aug 10
A tom boy and a girly girl will get along the same way a girl gets along with a boy. I'm very girly and my best friend was a tom boy. I have also had a best friend who was a guy, and it's really no different. Everyone has atleast something in common, there must be something you guys both like that you can talk about in the future. Maybe you guys will like the same music, or the same tv shows, or you guys will have similar careers. There will always be something, it doesn't matter if her personality is different than yours.
• United States
2 Aug 10
I guess it is more difficult for me since I have never had a girlie friend. In fact I can't recall ever having a female friend at all. Being a self-admitted girlie girl...what do you and your less feminine friends do together? It might give me some ideas.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Aug 10
I do basically the same things with my less feminine friends, lol. I try to talk less about my clothes and makeup, and I don't go on crazy shopping sprees, but I'm the same. We usually go out to eat, go to a party now and then. Actually I don't mind sports, I'm surprisingly good at them even though I'm extremely girly. So playing some basketball, tennis, badminton, etc are somewhat fun for me. Just think of your hobbies and things you like to do, then out of those try to pick things that anyone would like to do. (girl or boy) She is your daughter so no matter what you will have some bond with her. It doesn't matter if you have ever had a girl friend before, the mother-daughter connection is very different. Me and my mom are complete opposites, and somehow we find things to do together.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
3 Aug 10
I think a t0m boy and a girlie girl can get along very well. We are all individuals. if we all behaved in the same ways, life would be very boring. You can't choose what your friends will like to do. you can't choose their lifestyle. All you can do is be there for each other. it doesn't matter if you are a tom boy or a little princess.
• United States
4 Aug 10
She is definitely my little princess. If she and I were the same we wouldn't ever have anything to talk about. I'm thinking I will let her teach me to do my hair and I can teach her how to cook. If she doesn't like that then I'm sure we will think of something else. Thanks for the perspective.
• Indonesia
3 Aug 10
If she get's older and be a teenager, no mom will actually gets to understand them, believe me. They will think of us parents as an outsiders. But of course in many cases, kids can still be close with their parents. But for your problem, in time, you will find things that both of you likes. for examples movie, music, food, maybe arts....Or at least you could start to like the music/idols that she will love one day, and keep on being a good listener for her. Cheers,,,
• United States
4 Aug 10
Thanks, I hadn't thought of music as common ground. She has just started getting into it so maybe I should explore her tastes and see if we can find some commonalities there.
@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
3 Aug 10
I'm pretty sure that a tom boy can easily get along with a girly girl because their opposites even though they may not share the same interests they can get along pretty easy.Girly girls love to hang out with tom boys because their out there and fun I'm a girly girl and I love to hang out with tom boys because they know how to have fun. Good luck in this. I know that you will make it work somehow.
• United States
4 Aug 10
Thanks...it's good to hear things from someone who understands my daughter's perspective.
• Canada
3 Aug 10
It's really all about finding a common interest between the two of you. Fidn that adn the 'tom-boy' , 'girlie-girl' labels with slide away and you two will just become people - become just mom and daughter turned friends over this common bond. Sure, maybe you lieks ports and such and she like makeup but that dosnt mean you dont have a similar hobbie or a topic of interest for the two of you to discuss. Youc an larn new tungs about yourself through your interaction with her (not only as she is your daughter but the opposite of you). and vice versa. Since she is so young now it is pretty important that you build some sort of a foundation for conversationw ith her now...not that you wont be able to later but it's probalkly goingt o make future endeavers much easier if the two of you see eye to eye on at least one thing. But dont stress it. If you try to hard and force these things to ahppen it will most likely backfire on you. Just let it ahppen and be on the lookout. There isnt too much you can share in common with a seven year oldt o start with so pace yourself and just do it. :) Try talkignt o her, whuile she is young and may not be thinking in the same way as you when approaching this ask her what her interests are adn try to explore new things with her. For all you know you both may need to be intorduced to soemthing new. Also, try to take some interest in the things she likes. Not neccessarily just amkeup (there is usually more to a girl wo likes that stuff, you know), but as she grows try to understand her point of view and her interests in televisiona dn music and tryto share some bond in a sport (if she ever gets interested in a sport...or it's players :P) or a game of some sort. You can bond over anything really. Good luck and I hope everythign works out with you and your daughter.
• United States
4 Aug 10
You have an excellent perspective. I am definitely trying to establish open communication now because I know it will make a lot of things easier in the future. You have given me some great ideas and insight. I guess what scares me is the fact that when her brother was this age he and I had so much in common...we still do. I just want her to know that I love her just as much as I love him. It bothers her that Brian and I do so much more together. I really appreciate your input and I will keep everything you have said in mind. Thank You
@AutumnGold (1062)
2 Aug 10
Hello Anobel. I'm a true tomboy too. I never played with dolls when I was a kid, people used to buy me dolls and other girly things but I preferred my brother's toys. I used to play football in the street with my brother and his friends. I've never liked girly music, always bands who have a mostly male following. I get on really well with the more "girly" women, I've never had a problem with that and I'm not boyish looking, I just have male interests so to speak. Maybe you could both meet half way, involve yourself in here girly activities and also try to add some of your tomboy character to them, maybe invent a game called Barbie Collects Frogs
• United States
2 Aug 10
Collecting frogs would be awesome if she didn't think they were so gross. Right now barbie collects frogs is her following me through the woods and swamp while I chase the darn things and catch them. She does like to look at them and she gets mad when I let them go. I told her if she wants to keep one she has to catch it. The ones I catch are mine and I choose what happens to them. I have tried a few of her girlie activities. I have found that the games on my phone are a great way to keep myself entertained while she is shopping. I'm hoping that as she gets older we will be able to find more common ground.
• United States
2 Aug 10
well, although you see these differences in your daughter, perhaps trying to be a patient listener is the key in this situation. Your daughter is at the stage of discovering her likes and dislikes, and your approval is very important to her. So, just letting her know that, although makeup and salons are not exactly your cup of tea, you still support her in her pursuits. Plus, one is never too old to try new things. If you havent already, take the time to just step out of your comfort level and do activities she likes. Whether it be painting nails, going to the hair salon, or even getting a spa treatment, take this as a new experience and a new lesson to learn. Never hurts to try, right?
• United States
2 Aug 10
That is a really great perspective on everything. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, and I think that you are right. I have always been a patient person and my daughter is teaching me new levels of patience right now. I stepped out of my comfort zone the other day and we did a mother-daughter cut and color at the salon. She had a great time and I tried to be okay with my new hair. The next trick is going to be convincing her to try something I like to do...she is only 7 so that is easier said than done.