Cyber-buddie or Cyber-phoney??? You tell me!
August 2, 2010 3:25pm CST
I am not sure what to think right now. I feel betrayed and I am confused. You see, it's like this: I had this long time cyberbuddie. Although we never met in person, we chatted quite a bit through IMing. We met on a website forum and then became friends in facebook. Now there is a bit of a serious problem in my life which I have been dealing with for a while. To make matters worse, as a very shy and insecure person in the real world, I do not have many offline friends. And the few offline friends I do have are either unable or unwilling to help with my problem. So anyway, I got to know this cyberbuddie really well, or so I thought. We have been cyber friends for a little over 3 years now. In the beginning I only spoke about the positive things in my life with this cyberbuddie. Eventually, however, on a particularly bad day, this problem that I mentioned, came up. My cyberbuddie seemed very concerned and sympathetic of this problem. My cyberbuddie offered help. At the time they didn't just offer up names of resources where I could possibly get help either, but they offered REAL help. My cyberbuddie made it sound as if they would be personally involved in this help. Well, I didn't accept this help right at that time, but I didn't turn it down either. I said that I would keep their offer in mind and let them know if I needed it. My cyberbuddie then told me that if and when I decided I was ready for the afore mentioned help, just let them know. "I'll make one phone call", they said, "and we will pick you up and you will receive all the help you need"....Those were the exact words of my cyberbuddie at the time. Now the reason I didn't accept this help right away had to do with some personal fears and anxieties over part of the method of this help, but that isn't the point. The first time my problem came up and my cyberbuddie offered to help was at least one year ago. Since that time the problem has come up several times and has been discussed in detail. Each time, my cyberbuddie reminded me of their offer to help. I always told my cyberbuddie that I would keep the offer in mind and my cyber friend always said, "remember, anytime, one phone call" Okay, well, as of last night my afore mentioned problem got far worse. I finally decided that I needed the afore mentioned help that was offered. I waited to see my cyberbuddie online. I didn't see them and after a while I was getting tired so I wrote and sent my buddie an email which said that I was ready to take them up on their offer to help. Today I received a reply back to that email which basically told me call a certain organization and ask them for help. Which is not the same as the original help offered, in fact, I am not sure that it is any "help" at all. Further more, this person went on to say that they had to "defriend" me on facebook as our friendship had crossed a line....... WTF?!!!! I don't understand.....what freaking line?! All we ever did was talk, we never even met in real life! And after more than 3 years, they suddenly decide that our friendship crosses a line right after I ask for this "help" that they have been offering for at least a year?! WHAT?! I am confused and I feel betrayed! I would send an email back to tell this person that, but really, what is the point? It seems they have made up their mind already. I am confused, hurt and feel much let down. Do you think I am over-reacting?
2 Aug 10
Well its normal to feel betrayed but don't dwell on it, you'll find new friends soon. When I have troubles I just look up to God with faith and he never fails me... God bless, I hope you'll get over it soon, and I pray that God will make you see the way to solve your problems. may God bless the works of your hands and may he always guide and protect your heart, and may his wisdom be your wisdom for a successful and happy journey in life.
• United States
2 Aug 10
This is horrible! I wonder if this person just likes to live in the cyber world and when it became reality, they just ran! Personally, I would send them a link to this discussion. You really described the situation quite well here and maybe they could see your side of things. As far as the friendship goes, I think this person is afraid of a REAL one.
2 Aug 10
No you aren't over-reacting... but it's only when push comes to shove that people show their true colors. I know of a couple that plays an online roleplaying game. They don't play together - they each have partners that are not their spouse. However, the woman found out her husband was planning to meet his online partner in real life for a "quickie". Turns out, he had no intention of meeting the online woman.. he was leading her on but didn't intend to show up at the meeting point! It would have certainly been wrong of him to have the affair but he was lying to BOTH women. I know of another situation where a couple met in a message board. They started a relationship and told everyone they were "in love." One day the woman made a long post about being abused by her spouse and said that the guy on the board was her "knight in shining armor" who was going to rescue her and give her a new life. They agreed to meet. She packed her bags as though she was never going back home. She got on a plane and flew to the message board guy and he met her at the airport. While he was picking her up, his WIFE showed up on the message board to "reassure everyone" that he was getting the woman at the airport. Everyone was stunned. There was never any mention of him being married. Anyway, it ended with the guy leaving the woman with friends at a party where they agreed to go. He just left her there, got in his vehicle and went to the airport and flew home. The abused woman thought she had a future with him and he had lied to her all along. He apparently thought he was being "a good guy" and "saving her". Instead, he ruined everything. She ended up going back home finally to the abusive husband because she felt she had nowhere to go. No job, no nothing. I've met only a small handful of online friends in person. In almost all cases, it's been a very good thing. A couple turned out to be not really who they had appeared to be. You can never be sure... but then again, we can never be sure people we meet offline are being true to us either, can we? I'm sorry that you trusted and invested so much of yourself and three years of your time in a false friendship. I understand how much you must be hurting. In my opinion, don't bother contact that person again, no matter how much you want to... nothing positive will come of it... and if you are approached by that buddy again, please have the strength to stay away. It's easy to fall back... but you've seen the truth now... you just have to remember how you feel right now and you'll have your answers. I wish you the very best of luck with everything and I do help you get the legitimate help that you need.