When is the time to force your child from home?
August 4, 2010 4:04am CST
Hey, I am wondering, as a parent. When do you think is the right time to force your child from home. I still have a son living home at age of 19. I do not feel it is right to force him form home yet, even if he would like to leave him self. He is not ready yet. And he has ADHD and Autism to consider when living buy his own. On the other hand when will be the right time for him. I kind of like having him home stil, as the mother I am. We have moved to a new flat. This is a flat rebuilt from two flats to one. This means he has his own room, his own outdoor, his own bathroom and a hall. So his friends do not have to go through my outdoor to see him, they actually can ring on his doorbell. And there is a door that can be shut between these two flats. He only need to come out when he need to eat. On the other hand, it is not like being on his own as I am always beside him, I know whats going on, I know who come to see him...it´s not like a private life is it?. What do you think? What is the right time to let your children leave home?
4 Aug 10
I think you have made a very good choice in this arrangement, considering his challenges. Normally, I'd say that 18 is a good age to move from home, maybe 16, if your home is not very good. But for a child with autism, time runs in a different way. Some parents try to take care of everything for their children, and when they finally move out, the children don't know anything about managing their own lives. I've met several 17 year olds who have never washed their clothes, never made dinner, never cleaned a floor, never read a bus table on their own. Their mothers did it for them. They don't even know how much money they spend, their mothers take care of that too. These youngsters get into problems when they move away from home. It sounds like you have a very good opportunity to slowly teach him the skills he needs, and prepare him for independence. But with a child with autism I guess this will take some time. You sound like a good and caring mother, and I wish you luck and much patience. :)
5 Aug 10
Thank YOU. I feel it has been and still are my obligation as his mother to actually be there and help. And when I say help I mean just what you say preper him for his challange the day he will be on his own. It is just awesome that we have this living arrangement. And when he shows me he can do some things, then I can let him be more on his own. He now has to clean his part of the appartment, and he do help out with grocery shopping. That gives him an opertunity to learn what important stuff he need cost and help him with his budget. Tomorrow he will have to help me washing clothes, so he will learn how to do this. I want to be able to stay away from home from time to time. So when I am not home, he has to do these things him self. And the more responsibility he take on, the more I can feel he will make it.
4 Aug 10
i think for your son with this kind of problemes is the best arrengment that you could do. you can overlook him ,but you can also give some privacy. i movied out of my parents home when i was 18 and i went to college. i can't say that i was independent because they supported me throughout college. after i got my first job i can say that i became so independent, and selfsupportive that i could move out from home permanently. i think everyone have to judge for themselfs when its time to move out.
4 Aug 10
I totally agree with you and it wa the reason I choosed this flat in the first place. My daughter moved from home in age of 17. She is 22 now step and constently tell her brother that if she knew what she know today she still would live with us. It is for sure a big step moving from home.
• United States
21 Aug 10
The right time to let your children leave home is when they are ready, both emotionally and financially. I still have very young children, but my mother had three children of her own and I was the first one to leave home. I moved into my own house when I was twenty eight years old although my husband and I bought the house when I was twenty-seven, there were a lot of things that needed to be done in our house before we were able to move it. She doesn't want to set her kids free and have them fail and that is the same feeling that I have for when my children are older.