Having a miscarriage

Hi, So sad to read about your post on what happened to your sister-in-law. I can understand her feeling,feel sad and depressed because she lost her baby. You can try to comfort her and talk to her nicely. She is still young and long way to go,she can try to have a baby again after she has a full-rest. Never too late to have a baby!! Is she at the doctor office alone or with her husband? Get your brother to accompany her for the time being. Or she can simply have a short holiday break with your brother to get some fresh air.

So did she actually have a miscarriage? I have heard of some women getting negative pregnancy tests and still having a healthy pregnancy. If she did I am so sorry to hear that this happened.

I think the best thing you could do for her is be there. If not in person, on the phone, but in person would be best. It is so sad when things like that happen.

dorannmwin, I just like to add a little perception of mine here when you said that you couldn't let your friend over as you have many things to do at your end. I do not know if God had anything to do with her think of you to call and may be she could actually get busy with you by involving herself to take her mind off her recent shock and loss. Being a counselor, I can understand how they feel and sometimes they just do not want to hear comforting words which I am sure has been administered without any discount. They probably need some other form of motivation to take their minds off things so that they can move on at their own pace. It is important to be sensitive and alert of this as a friend, sometimes people cannot keep still and besides the company which they can have in us, they need some activity which can distract them away from their grief. Hope you catch my drift here.

hi forannmwin that is just as hard as losing a child at 8 years, i have been through them both and the one thing that I know doesnot help is to have someone make you think you somehow caused a miscarriage, my hubby'sfirst reaction,totally unlike him, was I did something to cause it, and the docotor said no not at all, in fact I would be lucky if I could carry babies to term given my uterus was malformed.Sadly this happened when I was only 8 and my father, my own father, tried to rape me, he injuredme for life, yes, I hated him for many years then decided just for my own health, to forgive him.then my husband did apologize, he hurt too as we both wanted children, my first birth went wonderfully well, my second not so well, my little daughter was a black baby meaning she did not arrive breathing and they took too long reviving her, the lack of oxygen caused brain damage. she was one of the prettiest sweetest little girls anyone could want, she did not appear handicapped but she would always be about five y ears old. howeverwe only had her for eight years. So I would stress that this just happens when a child is not yet ready to be born, onlyfive months after the miscarriage I did get pregnant. so reassure her it can happen soon and you will be able to carry it to full term. God knows best.

i myself already had a miscarriage and was really depressing. what my husband and family did was they let me discuss my feelings towards my lost, they were just there to listen. they avoided giving me or showing me things that would remind me of my baby and pregnancy. we go to church and have me blessed. the best thing to do is stay with her, give her your time, time to listen and time to show that you emphatize with her.

All you can do is stand by and listen. This si such a bad thing because of the emotion combined with the hormones. When this happened to me I just kept telling myself it's natures way of getting rid of unhealthly things. I still was very upset but I knew it was for the best.

I had a friend who went through that last year. The thing is we don't live near each other - and we were communicating a lot through Facebook. She told me early on with her "good" news . . . and they had been trying for over 5 years. She kept giving me updates, being so hopeful, and telling me plans about how her "baby" and my son will be similar in age, etc etc. I was excited for her, but I let her do all the talking . . . I didn't want to get into it - just in case - I didn't let anyone know about my pregnancy until I was 3 months into it. Ultimately, though it was still early on, my friend did indeed lose it. As we were only writing, I could only comfort her in words - and I kept it brief. At the same time, I didn't want to say not to worry and that she will get pregnant again . . . I mean, what IF it didn't happen again? So I just stayed on the cautious side, and told her that my daughter and I would continue to do our baby dance for her in the livingroom everyday (like a raindance) . . . which is what I told her we would do when she was trying to get pregnant the first time. I think a bit of silliness comforted her, at least in our writings. She has that kind of personality, but I guess it depends on a person's sensitivity. Luckily, a few months down the road, she did get pregnant again - and her little guy was born just a couple weeks ago. Oh - I feel for your sister in law . . .

Yes. When you know that you are loosing a baby, the pain is too much to bear. No amount of consoling will help. I lost my second baby a year back. Even though it has been so long since it happened, it has the power to hurt. I am so sorry that your sister-in-law is going through that. Just be there for her when she needs you. She might be needing the company of someone who would just let her cry.